by Holly Hood
Elle’s mom walked up to them as soon as they made it through the doors of the church. Hart studied the pews, so many people and he wasn’t sure who anyone was. But he was there for her and that was all that mattered to him.
“I’m going to go speak with the Ingram’s and then I’ll be back to sit with you,” she said in his ear. He could feel how shaky her hands were when she touched him. He watched her head off with her mom and he took a seat in the pews.
Elle’s brother took a spot next to him. “This is going to be something.”
Hart studied the bible and songbooks on the shelf on the back of the pew. “She’s nervous.”
Nick nodded in agreement. “That she is. But I think it will be good for her. It’s about time she gets some kind of relief for this accident.”
Hart looked over at him. “You know she really thinks everyone hates her.” If he wanted to use the word accident maybe he should treat it as one.
Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “Nobody hates Elle. She made a mistake and she knows that.”
“Does she?” Hart watched as someone familiar came into view. Elle’s douchebag ex-boyfriend. “Because the time she spent in rehab I’m pretty sure she was convinced everyone hated her.”
Nick leaned back in the pews, for such an upstanding guy he sure acted like he owned the place Hart thought. “She killed someone. Did she tell you I called her that night to give her a ride? She never picked up.”
Hart swallows. “I think we all have missed phone calls. She’s a good person. I would think you guys know that more than me. She’s beating herself up over this.”
Pauly sat down beside Nick. “Hey there, fellas, looks like everyone is here to see the big show.”
Hart gritted his teeth. Nick blew Pauly off with nothing more than a shrug of the shoulders. “How goes it, Pauly?”
“Couldn’t be better.” He looked at Hart. “Not carrying around someone else’s baggage tends to do that for a person.”
“Man, I bet girls are just lining up to date you,” Hart said, he watched the church fill. He wished he could pull down the giant cross and impale Pauly with it.
“You would be shocked,” Pauly said back. “You probably don’t have much time for dating, I hear scoring drugs can be time consuming.”
Her brother looked at him. So did the lady in front of him. He reminded himself where he was and held it together. “Most people stay away from that part of town. I’m surprised you saw me.”
Nick cut Pauly off. “I thought Elle told my parents you were clean.”
Hart sighed. “Not that I need to explain myself to anyone, but just because Pauly knows where I hang out doesn’t mean I am doing drugs. I didn’t do anything.”
“This guy is in and out of rehab every couple of months. I heard this from you sister myself.” Pauly pretended to be more interested in the stage than talking to Hart. “That’s why she is going to fail. She’s involving herself with the wrong kind of people. Like this guy who overdoses in the middle of the road at college house parties.”
Hart swallowed the rage down for the second time. “The guy who has never been to college a day in his life. That was so high and drunk that he almost died after crashing a party. Yeah, I heard all about you. I may have broken up with Elle but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.”
Hart rubbed the back of his neck catching sight of Elle. She waved at him completely oblivious to what just happened.
“Those kids you were hanging out with have all kind of stories about you on campus. I heard all about you and you’re infamous near death experience.” Pauly wouldn’t let up, he tried to do whatever he could to break him in front of god and everyone. “His parents even gave up on him. What a piece of work you have to be to have your own parent’s give up on you.”
Nick glared at Pauly. “Enough. Leave the guy alone.”
“Or what?”
“Or I hand you your own ass here in front of this entire church. I know all about you and my sister. You treated her like shit, and you’re lucky I never gave you what was coming to you,” Nick said. He hated the guy. He only put up with him for the sake of his sister and his family.
Chapter 37
It was time. She was thankful her mom’s arm was around her as she approached Stephy’s parents. She held her breath and waited for those first words.
“Elle,” Stephy’s mom said. She opened her arms and welcomed her into them. “How are you, sweetie?”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It’s wasn’t hate, it was love and comfort. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m doing much better,” she told her. She touched her face. “You look wonderful. You look healthy. Why don’t I see that wonderful Elle smile I remember? This is a day for celebration.”
Elle searched her eyes. “This is all very overwhelming, I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since we saw each other. I just wanted to say that I am sorry before I go out there. Being able to tell you how sorry I am is more important than anything.”
Stephy’s dad joined them and puts an arm around his wife. “And being able to see you and know that you’re okay is what is most important to us. We asked your mother if she thought us visiting you in rehab was okay and she told us you needed your space. We’re just glad you finally agreed to speak to us.”
Stephy’s mother agreed. “Stephy wouldn’t want you beating yourself up for the rest of your life about this. She loved you.”
Her own mother squeezed her shoulder. She was hardly able to produce words to show how grateful she was that they weren’t angry. “And I loved her.”
“You go out there and you share you story with everyone. If we can change one life it’s all worth it,” Stephy’s mom told her. “That’s all we want.”
She took a deep breath. “I think I can do that. Thank you so much for talking to me. I’m glad I got to see you.” They hug again. And she leaves to take her seat. Soon she would be front and center about to explain what her mistake did to her life.
Chapter 38
She was glad to have Hart’s hand in hers as she listened to each speaker. Every one that finished pushed her closer to the goal—to admit what she had done to the entire town.
He stroked her arm and whispered in her ear. “You’re going to do just fine. Take a breath.”
She did like he said. She hoped she was. This was a big step, she just hoped she didn’t make a fool out of herself.
The audience clapped and her stomach sunk a little more. She heard her name and rose to her feet. The crowd went silent as she approached the stage praying she didn’t make a mistake and hit one of the religious statues or drag the white tablecloth down.
“Thank you,” she mouthed to Stephy’s mom taking the mic. All eyes were on her. She pushed her hair from her eyes and took a deep breath. It was time.
She looked around the church, so many somber expressions bore holes into her and made her feel paper thin. But she pushed on. Pauly sat with his family arms crossed and stared her down just like everyone else.
She searched for Hart and found a way to calm her racing heart.
“I came here today to share my story in hopes that I can help even one person not make the same mistake that I did.” She gripped the microphone even tighter. “On April 16th I got behind the wheel of my car with my best friend Stephy Ingram. I was drinking.” She closed her eyes, her hands shook, she was sure she was about to drop the microphone. “I thought that I was okay to drive. I was wrong. That night became the worst day of my life. And for over a year I have been trying to figure out why I did what I did.” In a flash it was like her life came into focus, that night replaced everything that existed. It was like she was there back behind the wheel. “But now I know. I know that I made the wrong decision. I did the wrong thing and I took Stephy away from her family, her friends, and her life. There will never be anything that I can say to make this okay or better. She’s not coming back.”
She could see Stephy’s face, her
smile, she could hear her laugh. She could even remember the last thing she said to her before starting the car.
The microphone thudded against the floor of the church. Her mother stood up ready to rush the stage to get Elle. But her father stopped her. Elle forced herself to look at Hart, only this time something else stared back at her. Something she never thought she would remember something she wished she didn’t.
“Please, if any of you could learn one thing from what happened, it’s that doing the wrong things and living a bad life are not going to save you. You will end up going down the same road if you continue to be careless. So don’t be.” She picked up the microphone pulling it together. “Thank you.”
They all clapped for her. She hurried down the center aisle and out the front of the church able to breathe finally. She knew in a matter of seconds Hart would come out of the church to see if she was okay.
“You did great,” he said, his arms around her. “I bet that was a big relief.”
But she didn’t say anything.
“Elle.” He forced his image into her dazed view. “Everything okay?”
“You were there,” she said. “I remember the hat because you were wearing it that night. The night that I crashed. How did I not know that?”
Hart shook his head, he didn’t believe her. “What are you talking about?”
Chapter 39
What was she trying to say?
She hadn’t spoken since they started driving back to his apartment. She said she didn’t want to go home. That was the only thing she said since she accused him of being there the night she crashed. How was that even possible?
He looked over at her. “You remember my hat. So that means I was there that night. I don’t understand.”
He goes back to the road trying to make sense in his own mind. Anxiety gripped his core. He looked over at her again but this time he didn’t say anything. He waited until the came to a stop at the light and pulled his phone from his pocket.
He texted Jesse. What day was the incident?
His response was almost instant. Why? I thought we were trying not to talk about that anymore.
Just give me some idea. I’m driving I can’t look at my journal right now.
April 16.
How can you be so sure?
I remember because that also happens to be two days before my wedding anniversary. The one that had to be cancelled because we were sitting up in the hospital with you after you almost killed yourself that night. A person doesn’t forget that kind of thing.
“The light is green,” she told him.
He dropped his phone in his lap. This new revelation, it didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t believe it could be possible. But at the same time he barely remembered that night.
She noticed he wasn’t getting out of the car. She shut her door and made it around to his side. “Hart, let’s go inside.”
He wanted a beer. But he forced himself out of the car for her sake.
“Are you okay?” she asked. His hand hovered over the door but he wasn’t opening it. She took his key and opened it herself.
She sets his keys on the table and turned on the lights. “Are you hungry?” She knew it was a bit strange to think they both were at the same place that night. It caught her off guard but Hart’s reaction was a bit much.
“That was the night that I overdosed.”
“I don’t remember a lot. I just know that I saw you there. In the crowd at the party when Stephy and I decided to leave.” She took a seat on his couch and took her shoes off. “That’s when everything got crazy and we decided to leave.”
“I didn’t even know those people,” he told her. “I just wanted to keep partying.”
“Did you see me?”
He shook his head. “I don’t remember much of anything, Elle. I told you I woke up in the hospital.”
She patted the spot next to her. “Lay with me. Tonight was exhausting. I just want to close my eyes and forget it.” She did what they wanted, a little piece of her felt better but a whole lot of her felt like nothing changed. Even after doing the right thing it didn’t change the fact that Stephy wasn’t coming back.
She still felt bad. Maybe that wasn’t ever going to go away. Where did she go from there?
Hart held her close and let her drift off to sleep. He studied her breathing, for once she seemed less agitated and more relaxed. His phone buzzed in his pocket.
He rifled it free from beneath the two of them and stared at the screen.
I’m outside.
He moved off the couch taking off down the stairs. Jesse was getting out of his car in the parking lot and he never came to his apartment unless he needed to.
And he knew why he was there. He was there because he realized the same thing that he had.
“You look like shit,” Jesse told him. “What the hell is the matter?”
He drug a hand through his hair and then shoved both deep in his pockets. “I don’t know how this is even possible. But the day I overdosed is the same day Elle had her accident.”
Jesse looked at him. “The one where her friend died right?”
“Yeah.” He leaned against Jesse car. “How screwed up is that?” They both stared at the pavement. And finally Jesse spoke.
“That night at the hospital your mother said something. I never put much thought into it until now.” He hated to have to say it, but at least he was there in case things got bad. “Your mom told me and Angie that police told her you were laying in the middle of the street and several cars had to swerve to avoid hitting you.”
Hart tugged at his hair as Jesse explained “But one car wasn’t so lucky and hit a pole. Your mom was so upset about you I never thought twice about it. I think I even saw them bring the two of them in that night. The hall was filled with people, people screaming, some of them were really pissed off.”
Hart dropped to his knees, he felt like someone just punched him in the stomach.
“Hart, this is as shocking to me as it is you.” He kneeled down rubbing circles into his friends back. “I swear I never would have known if you hadn’t brought it up tonight.”
“I’m not upset with you,” he told him. “I didn’t expect you to know about this. I didn’t even know about this.”
“Let’s get you upstairs.” Jesse waited for him to stand back up.
“She’s upstairs. I can’t go upstairs right now.” He dug in his pocket for his keys. “Shit.”
“What?” Jesse looked him over.
“My keys are up there.” He wanted to go, to get as far away as he could possibly get and his keys were up stairs.
“Hart. Go upstairs and get them. Or better yet go upstairs and stay put. You don’t need to be driving right now.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. “Just go upstairs and sleep it off.”
He was referring to the breakdown Hart was about to have now that he realized what he had done. He needed to cope in a healthy way not the way he knew he was about to.
“Do you know what this means?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m the reason she killed her best friend.” His heart sank. “If it weren’t for me being there, her friend wouldn’t be dead. And she wouldn’t be living her life in misery thinking she killed her best friend.”
Jesse watched him walk across the parking lot. “Hart!”
But he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t going to listen to anyone. He was going to do what he did best—mess things up even more than they already were.
Chapter 40
He could smell the old carpet beneath his feet of the old hotel room. He rubbed his temples looking around the room for his shoes. The room was a mix of beer cans and drug residue on the end tables.
Not to mention a couple of druggies he used to party with sprawled out on the beds and floor. Along with a couple girls they asked to party with all of them.
Hart barely knew what time it was as he dug into his jeans for his keys so when he found a way home he could get into his apartment.
“What time is it?” One of the girls asked looking around the room for a clock. She was topless, her makeup smeared and her eyes red rimmed from the partying.
“It’s noon,” Hart responded dragging a hand through his hair.
“Did we?” She didn’t finish her sentence just eyed him. Of course they didn’t have sex. Hart was repulsed by girls like her. The last time he was in a relationship was with one just like her. He knew enough to stay away from the party type. They only wanted one thing. And they were willing to do anything to get it.
“No we didn’t. Tell them I had to go.” He dropped money on the table for his friends so they didn’t end up in a heap of trouble for skirting out on the bill, although odds were they would just use it to buy more drugs.
Before he could get out of there she asked him questions he really didn’t want to answer. “Do you think everything is going to be alright?”
He shoved his wallet into his pocket and raised his chin. “What is everything?” He didn’t have the faintest idea what he could have said.
“The girl. The one you said you were in love with.” She located her shirt and pulled it over her head. “Do you think she will forgive you? Do you think you are going to tell her?”
God did he have a big mouth when he was trashed. “I think the best thing for me to do is leave her alone.”
“That’s the stupidest thing you could do.”
“And how would you know? You don’t even know her.” He prepared to leave but he was curious to hear what she had to say.
“Because if she cares about you it would mean more to hear it come from you. Sometimes if you’re honest it doesn’t matter how bad you messed up.”
