by Holly Hood
“That’s where I disagree. Take care of yourself,” he said, he pulled the door shut behind him. Telling Elle would only do one thing. It would ruin anything that was slowly building between them.
He wasn’t going to tell her. He was just going to say his goodbyes and put distance between the two of them. He’d say he fell off the wagon and he didn’t think it was a good idea for the two of them to be around each other anymore.
She would accept it, he was pretty sure she didn’t want to deal with a drug addict. She was a sweet girl but that wasn’t something she would put up with. So it was the easiest thing to do to break away.
And as he checked his phone he knew it wasn’t going to be long before he was going to have the perfect opportunity to do so. There were three missed calls from Elle, and about a dozen from Jesse.
Chapter 41
She sipped her iced coffee doing her best to highlight flashcards for her big test coming up. She needed to focus. But the only thing on her mind was Hart and why he hadn’t called her in two days.
She dropped her chin to her palm and sighed. Ky and Gretchen both noticed the change in her mood. Ky leaned forward licking some whip cream off his fingertips. “Whatever is the matter my dear, Elle?”
“Boy drama.” She raised an eyebrow.
“I know all about that,” Ky said. He leaned back. “So dish.” He set his own flashcards down and was all ears.
But before she could answer him he interrupted. “Is this about that self-righteous snob Pauly?”
She shook her head. “Oh no, that’s been over for a little while now.”
Gretchen nodded in agreement. “I got the phone call the night it happened. This is about the hunk that came into school for the haircut, the one capable of making girls orgasm on sight.”
Elle laughed. “We were getting along really well and then he just flaked. He hasn’t called me in days. I’m starting to wonder if it has something to do with me and this benefit for Stephy.”
Ever since she spoke at the benefit Hart had changed.
Both her friends frowned. “Maybe he is busy with work.”
“He’s never busy with work.” He was avoiding her. It made her feel like she did something wrong. “He’s the sweetest, kindest, most honest guy I ever met and he doesn’t even know it.”
Gretchen touched her arm. “He’ll come around.”
“But what if he doesn’t?” She ran a hand through her hair. “What if he just forgets about me?”
“Who could forget about you?” Ky said with a smile he tried to cheer her up. “You’re smart, beautiful, and understanding.”
She knew the last one was far from the truth but she always strived towards that goal. Especially since everything that happened in her own life. She wanted to give Hart the benefit of the doubt but it was hard when he wouldn’t always communicate with her.
Ky slapped a hand down on the table. “This is what you do. You call him right now and tell him that he either man’s up and talks to you or he can kiss your sweet behind goodbye. Men like to be told what to do.”
She bit at her lip and dialed his number right there in front of her friends. After the third ring he picked up. She didn’t let him speak. “I don’t know what I did. But you are clearly avoiding me. And if you don’t care about me then say so. But if by chance you do say so because I can’t do this back and forth, Hart.” She releases a breath of air. “I just want to know that everything is alright. And that you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay,” he says. It wasn’t the answer she expected out of him. “I haven’t been okay in days. And I don’t know what to say to you to make you understand where I’m coming from.”
She struggled for words. “You say anything. That’s better than this.” She got out of the booth and hurried outside. “Do you care?”
“I care a lot.”
“So what’s the problem?” She took a seat on the bench outside. “That should make it easy.”
“Where are you right now?” What he had to say he wanted to say it in person not over the phone. He owed her that much. “We really need to talk.”
She bit at her nail. “I’m at the coffee shop by my house. Do you want me to come to your place?”
“No. I’ll come to you. Give me ten minutes.”
Chapter 42
It hurt to look at her. To know that in minutes he would shatter another part of her life. But maybe just maybe he would bring some kind of relief. That was the only reason he decided to come.
As much as he enjoyed Elle being a part of his every day the idea he might be able to provide relief was enough to push him out the door. He was going to admit to something horrible in hopes of helping her. Because nobody ever did that for him, nobody ever owned up to their part in ruining his life. And he wanted to allow her to feel normal again.
He sat down, and placed his hands on top of the table. “It took longer to get here than I thought it would.”
She pushed a coffee towards him she knew he liked his coffee—black. But he didn’t take it, instead his fingers tapped the tabletop. “Did you get all your studying done for your boards?”
She furrowed her brows. “We don’t talk about school. What is wrong?” Sure he knew that she was attending and how much it meant to her most days, but it wasn’t something they ever pushed and made small talk about.
“Look.” He sighed. “I thought I could be something that I’m not. I wanted to be something that I’m not.”
She searched his eyes for the truth. He was skirting around it. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. And if this is your way of breaking things off between us then just be a man and say so. I’m a big girl I can deal with someone not wanting to be with me.”
The ice grating in the blender was really getting on his nerves. He wanted to get up and throw all the blenders across the room. “Don’t do that. This isn’t anything to do with you. And I know that sounds like bullshit but honestly it’s not.”
“So let me guess it’s because you don’t think you are worthy of being cared for by anyone?” She stood up, and knocked over the stir sticks on the table as she tried to get the hell out of there. She didn’t want to be mad at Hart but she was.
He dug in his pocket and pulled out his last ten dollars and hurried for the door before she got away. She was stubborn. “I have something to say to you that is going to put this all into perspective.”
Instead of moving further away from him she closed in on him. She shook her head refusing to let him speak and took him by the hands. “Before you say anything, I just want you to kiss me and tell me why anything you have to say matters. Tell me you don’t feel as amazing as I do when our lips touch.”
He captured her lips in a breathtakingly perfect kiss giving her what she asked for, sliding his hands from her face to the back of her head. “I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to be away from you.” His heart ached inside his chest. “But you will even if you don’t think so right now.”
She rubbed at her cheek. “Why will I?” Why if he felt the same way that she did did he think there would ever be anything that could ruin everything that was growing between them?
“I was there that night of the accident. You said so yourself.” He squeezed her hand against his chest making her feel the thunderous beating of his heart as he explained. “That was the night I almost died and went to rehab before you got there. You crashed the car that night because of me.”
He wouldn’t let her pull her hand away.
“I was lying in the middle of the road dying and several cars nearly ran me over, including yours,” he said fighting to hold on to her quickly finished what he was trying to tell her. “You swerved, you missed me and you crashed. I’m the reason your best friend is dead.”
He finally released his grip on her. And she backed away so she could really get a look at him.
“I have to go.” She turned and walked away, leaving him there alone, just like he expected.
And
he didn’t blame her, he couldn’t.
Chapter 43
Her mother tapped on her bedroom door for the fifth time that day. She hadn’t stepped out of her room for a solid day. She trudged to the door and unlocked it and went back to her bed and back under the covers.
She was worried about her she knew she was.
“Are you hungry?” Her mother asked. “We bought Chinese on the way home.”
“I guess I could eat.” She sat up, and let her mom smooth her hair back on her head. She really wanted to tell her what was wrong. But she didn’t know what to say.
“Everything alright?”
“Did you ever think that something couldn’t get any worse and then it did?” This was how she felt now that Hart told her what he told her. “That’s how I feel.”
Her mother squeezed her arm. “How so, honey?”
“I know you and Dad don’t like him.” She sighed. “But I did. I still do. But there are just some things about him that I don’t know how to handle.”
“The addiction?”
Elle shook her head. “No. I understand we all make mistakes. I’m talking about his self-sabotaging. He stands in the way of his own happiness.” Hart refused to allow himself to be happy. “He thinks he ruined my life.”
Her mother’s eye grew big. She brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh, Elle, you’re not pregnant are you?”
“No, I’m not pregnant.” She ran a hand through her hair. “What I did that night at the party that was my fault. And I don’t think it would matter what was the cause of the accident it was still me behind the wheel. It was still me who decided to drink.” It wasn’t Hart’s fault that she crashed. If she hadn’t decided to go to the party to begin with none of it would have ever happened.
Maybe a year ago she would have gladly blamed him, but not anymore.
If she didn’t drink she might have reacted differently when she saw Hart in the street. If she would have answered the phone and let Nick pick her up Stephy would have survived.
Nothing was Hart’s fault. He was just as much to blame as Stephy. They both did something wrong but it was Elle who made the disaster culminate into what it was.
“I’m not sure I understand but you are right. I’m just glad you are willing to talk about this now and see that it was a mistake. A really bad one but it was a mistake all the same.” Her mother lifted the picture next to her bed of Elle in happier times. “Your dad was just saying the first time he saw your eyes light up like this again was when Hart gave you those earrings.”
Elle touched her ear. She couldn’t believe her dad admitted he saw her happiness. “Dad said that?”
“He sees what you see in Hart. He knows Hart made mistakes but he sees the true gentleman and good person underneath. He said that too. He’s just too much of a hard ass to admit it to you.” Her mother smiled. “And I can see just how obnoxiously handsome he is. What girl wouldn’t like looking at the likes of him?”
Elle smiled. “So handsome, it’s almost sickening.” They both laughed.
Her mother stood up glad she could make her daughter smile. “When I was younger I met a guy who was so caught up in life he didn’t realize what was right in front of him.”
“What did you do?”
“I kicked him in the ass. I told him to get it together because my love might be everlasting but my patient was another story.” She pursed her lips. “And that’s when he proposed. And we have been head over heels ever since. Even the days I want to kill him.”
Chapter 44
“I unloaded the truck and mopped the floors,” Hart told Jesse.
Jesse flipped on the lights of his lounge, he was right he did all his work in a matter of a couple of hours.
“Impressive,” he said. “Thanks for all you do. You know it means a lot to us.” He watched his little girl dash from one end of the lounge to another.
“Keeps me busy,” Hart said. “Anything else you need done?”
Jesse checked his phone. “Run Isabella to her play group. Angela is running late. She’s getting her hair done. It’s right by the salon.”
“I don’t even know the first thing about handling a kid.” He shook his head. “I don’t feel comfortable. What if she needs her diaper changed or something?”
Jesse slapped him on the back. “She’s potty trained. You take her backpack, you drive ten minutes down the road and you wait at the class until Angela arrives. It’s easy.”
Hart sized up the little girl that seemed to steal Jesse’s heart. It wasn’t that big of a deal. If he could manage for three years without breaking the kid he didn’t see why he couldn’t do the same for ten minutes.
“Fine. But if they make me play patty cake I’m out of there and Isabella’s going to have to fend for herself.” He took the backpack and shook hands with his best friend.
“You’re a lifesaver,” he said. “I owe you one.”
Hart agreed. It wasn’t something he would do for just anyone.
“Bella,” Jesse said. “Uncle Hart is going to take you to play group. Mommy will meet you there after she fixes her hair okay?”
She shook her little head yes and followed Hart outside to the parking lot. After ten minutes of struggling to get her car seat in place he cursed himself for not taking Jesse car. But finally they were on their way.
He played some silly kids music he found on the radio and made sure to assure her that he was competent and knew what he was doing.
And as they pulled into the parking lot of the shopping mall a little part of him felt silly for even being there. He helped her out of her seat and held her hand all the way up to the door.
“You know,” he told her. “For three years old you behave pretty well. I guess your dad did something right for once.”
She simply smiled and slipped through the doors igniting smiles on every adult’s face that she passed.
“And play group. When I was a kid I played outside in the backyard. This sort of thing was unheard of. Be grateful you have parent’s that care so much about you.” He scooped her up and walked through the door of the play group.
“Well hello, Miss Isabella. Did you come to play with us again today?” A tall blonde gushed oohing and ahhing all over the little girl. She looked up at Hart. “And I’m not sure if we ever met. I am Stacy.”
“I’m just a fill in until Isabella’s mother gets here.” He lifted a magazine and took a seat.
“Alright,” she said, clasping her hands together. “Did you want to join us in a few songs? The children love when adults participate.”
He pointed at the magazine. “I’m fine right here.”
She accepted his refusal and lead Isabella back to the group. And as Hart mindlessly read old cooking recipes out of the corner of his eye he saw her. She was coming out of the same salon Angie was at.
A gravitational pull kept him watching her every move. It had been almost a week since they spoke and he wasn’t doing a good job of keeping her off of his mind.
She did a double take and stopped before passing. “I would never expect to see you here.” She brushed some hair behind her ear and moved a little closer.
“Jesse was busy and Angie is getting her hair done.” He set the magazine down. “Speaking of hair, yours looks amazing.”
She touched her hair. “Gretchen passed boards and is working at the salon. I promised I would be her first customer.”
He nodded. “What about you?” He knew her boards were coming up the last time he talked to her.
“I am officially a certified cosmetologist.” She gave a small smile. It wasn’t what she wanted to talk about with him.
“That’s great, Elle. That’s really great.” He looked down at his feet and sighed. “I’m sure salons everywhere will be pounding your door down soon.”
“I was thinking California.”
Hart’s head shot up. “What? That’s clear across the United States.”
“I know where it is,” she said. “It’s a new s
tart. And stylist are always wanted out there. Besides, there’s no reason to stick around.”
“There’s always a reason.”
“Like what?” Was he going to admit he wanted her to stay?
“This town wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“I think this town will be just fine. Besides, if this town cared this town would say so before it’s too late.” She touched his arm. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t blame you for anything that happened that night of the accident. It wasn’t your fault. So stop beating yourself up over it.”
She said her goodbye and headed through the mall eager to find some clothes for a night out. Gretchen and Ky were dying to get her out of her drab mess of a wardrobe and into a club to celebrate all of their victories. And she was willing. She wanted something to take the sting of Hart’s rejection away. And a night of dancing with her free spirited friends could do that.
Chapter 45
“You look fabulous,” Ky said downing another red bull. “I hear this place is bananas.”
Gretchen sprayed hairspray teasing her hair. “Bananas eh, Ky?”
“Girl, you know what I mean. It’s the place to be on Saturday nights. We are going to have a blast. And maybe even find Elle here a hot hook-up for the night.” Ky eyed Elle sitting on Gretchen’s bed staring at her phone. “Right, Elle?”
“Right.” She pocketed her phone and smoothed out her blouse and eyed her rear in the mirror. Her skinny jeans were fabulous. She felt like a goddess of the 80’s variety. “Tonight we let our hair down.” She tickled Ky’s scruff on his chin and let him twirl her in a circle in front of the mirror.
“Do you think you will ever drink again?” He toyed with his jewelry. “I know I know it’s not something I should be talking about. But I think you have more self-control than any of us.”
Gretchen pinned her bangs back and shook her head at Ky. “People can have fun without drinking. Don’t pressure her into anything.”
