by Holly Hood
My mind was aware of what was happening. I knew it wasn’t right, but I physically couldn’t do anything about it. My body was too tired to fight against what was happening.
His lips were on my face, grazing my cheek, my neck, my lips. Every minute or so he was saying my name to gauge how conscious I was.
I pressed my knees together it was all I could do to keep him off of me. And I wasn’t angry or frightened. Stupid things happened to stupid people.
“Hey, Kendall,” Renee called from inside the house.
Shifty jumped and started to dress me. “Shh,” he said shushing me as he did his best to throw my shirt back over my head.
“Oh, hell no.” Renee exclaimed. “Shifty get away from her. What are you doing?”
“Is she out here passed out?” Mason laughed coming out of the apartment. I opened my eyes as soon as I heard Mason’s voice. His expression fell fast at what he saw. Rage filled his eyes, he jumped over the patio chairs, grabbing hold of Shifty’s t-shirt.
“I wasn’t doing anything,” Shifty stammered. Mason shoved Shifty toward the edge of the balcony. Renee screamed as Mason’s shoved Shifty over the balcony, both of them close to falling over.
I did my best to get to my feet trying to stop Mason from doing something he was going to regret when he was sober.
“I swear I didn’t do anything. I just took her clothes off,” Shifty said, his hand holding onto Mason’s for dear life. Mason wasn’t budging.
“You must not value your life to much, trying to take advantage of a girl like that,” he said.
“Mason stop right now. You’re going to kill him. Put him down before your drop him off my balcony!” Renee screamed. She clutched her chest in a panic to end the standoff.
I pulled at my clothes pulling it together in a hurry to stop Mason myself. I knew I was the only one who could.
“Do you think I care, Renee?” Mason asked, he released one hand from Shifty’s shirt sending him farther over the railing. Shifty screamed and begged for his life. He curled his legs around the metal of the railing holding on for dear life.
“Kendall did he touch you?” Renee asked me.
Mason was ready to drop Shifty to his death. I could see it in his eyes.
“No. He didn’t do anything to me. Mason just set him back down. God Mason, were all messed up.” I pulled at my hair in frustration.
Renee and I waited. The thought of Shifty’s broken body at the bottom of Renee’s apartment scared me to death. It was the last thing we needed.
Mason grabbed a hold of Shifty’s shirt and pulled him to his feet and away from the railing.
“She just saved your ass,” Mason told him. Mason walked over to me, I slapped him in his head at how stupid he was.
“You had no right to do that. I can take care of myself,” I snapped.
Renee agreed with me and slapped Mason herself on the other side of his head. He was bewildered by our reactions. To him he was a hero.
“He was trying to have sex with you. And you’re okay with that?” he asked me.
“This is not anyone’s fault. Just drop it, you’re no better than Shifty, Mason. Don’t think I didn’t see you,” I said. Shifty hurried past us. I was sure he probably went to change his underwear after a scare like that.
“You two can sleep here for the night for obviouos reasons. But Mason, you’re a psycho,” she sid giving him one final look. It was obvious she was upset by Mason’s actions.
Mason shook his head and sighed. “I’m the psycho.” He scoffed.
I shrugged my shoulders. “That we are.”
July 5th
When I thought back on my childhood I knew it was the furthest thing from being a child at all. I didn’t have favorite toys or television shows. I never even went to the zoo.
I had no grandparents that kept me on the weekends or even for just the day. I had two uncles. Uncle Ronnie aka “Snake”, he was in his mid-twenties and spent the majority of his youth in jail. Uncle Ronnie was blonde with light blue eyes. He was as stunning man with all the looks a man could need or want.
And then there was Uncle Piper, yes that was his name. He was a truck driver with the rage of a rabid bull. He finally was taken down in a violent standoff with the police. Road rage won out in the end for Uncle Piper. He was serving twenty years in prison in South Carolina.
A small part of me liked Uncle Piper, he always made a point to talk to me when he came over. He wanted to know about me. And he would make sure to tell me a little about himself. Not many people ever did that much in my family. Uncle Piper loved hot rods. His dream was to own every single one he drooled over in those car magazines.
He was tall as an oak tree, with muscles that I never seen on another person in my whole life. He was strong and it was obvious just by looking at him. He had the same awkward movement that flowed through my veins. Green eyes and the darkest set of eyelashes, with those eyes he drew you in like a snake charmer. His hair was sandy blonde, but it was graying. He was the oldest.
He had enormous hands that made me feel so tiny in comparison and he always wore black boots—always. I wished he were my dad sometimes. Just because he looked so powerful even when he was silent, and one time he told my mother she was the most awful person he ever met. It made my heart ache in a way I never felt before. My stomach filled with happy butterflies that someone told her the truth for once.
Uncle Ronnie had one son. Born to an Asian woman he met out in Vegas. She moved back with him and left just as fast. His name was Benny. I only met him once and never again. He was around my age.
And then there was Uncle Piper’s kids, he had two daughters with the strangest names and mother. Tiger Jade and Maxton, they were beautiful fair skinned girls with a sprinkle of freckles across their cheeks.
And despite their screwed up parents they completed school and went on to college. Maxton and Tiger came around when I was younger. And they would talk to me. They even took me out for ice cream a couple times and I could tell they were good people.
Aunt Wanda was the only one in the family that never wanted kids. She had several abortions and miscarriages which left not a single person in the world the burden of having to rely on her. And that was perfect because who would want to rely on someone like her? I thought it was the way the world wanted it. She was no way a motherly type.
Remembering where I came from reminded me where I was. And as I sat on the edge of the bed watching Mason I wondered if he was the one person I could count on. Maybe he was everything that was good and right. Maybe he was what it felt like to feel wanted and needed. To feel relied on.
I wasn’t sure I knew what love was, but maybe it was whatever I wanted it to be.
“Renee is a nice girl. She seems nice anyways,” I said with a shrug. Mason pulled his shirt over his head and shook his hair back in place. He stared at me, not understanding what I meant—it was obvious.
“I don’t know. I never pegged her for a druggie though,” Mason said.
“She’s really pretty too,” I said. I watched him closely trying to see a change, there was nothing.
“She’s alright. I don’t like girls with short hair.” He shrugged.
I chewed on my thumbnail nervously. It was hard to come out and ask what I wanted to know. I wanted an answer to something; I just wasn’t sure what it was.
“Do you think you will see her anymore while we are here?” I looked at the floor, dropping my hands. My heart was pounding in my ears from the embarrassment.
“Uh, I don’t think she is interested in seeing me after I almost killed Shifty,” Mason laughed at the thought of it.
“What if she wanted to see you again?” I carefully worked my shoes on my feet. I took extra-long tying them. I knew Mason was staring at me as if I was crazy for asking so many dumb questions. He knew me, when I asked a lot of question it was a bad sign.
“You’re mad at me for sleeping with her,” he said in more a statement then a question. He sat down on
the bed next to me and rubbed his forehead.
“I didn’t say that, I just…” I trailed off out of words.
“Kendall, I’m an idiot. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I don’t know what I was doing.” Mason sighed and looked over at me. I looked away fiddling with the lace of my shoe.
“It’s hard to figure these things out. It’s hard to do anything when you don’t let me in.” Everything went silent.
“Was it the same as when we have sex?” I asked. I tugged at my hair. I couldn’t look away from him as he stumbled for the right words.
“I don’t know, Kendall. I was high.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, even if I wasn’t it would have been some stupid girl.” He seemed almost agitated that I put him on the spot.
“Ok, Mason,” I said. It wasn’t okay at all. I wanted to know more. I wanted to hear more. I suddenly wanted to know everything he was thinking.
We made our way outside. The hallway was empty. The bright severely contrasted my mood. Mason pulled the door shut and shoved the key card in his front pocket.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to ask me, Kendall,” he said.
I crossed my arms as we made it down the hallway. My skin felt itchy the day after my encounter with those nasty drugs.
“I don’t know either. I guess I just wanted an answer,” I snapped the rubber band on my wrist the pain soothed my aching mind.
“An answer to what? Maybe if I knew the question I could answer.”
Payton opened her hotel room door as we passed by. Her hair was wet. She looked straight to Mason. I could see it in her eye she had something important to say.
“What?” Mason asked his attitude apparent.
“I need a favor from you,” she said calmly, she even shot me a glance which was odd because most of the time she never bothered to act like I existed.
Mason and I sat patiently waiting to hear what it was Payton wanted from us. She motioned us into her room and shut the door before she went any further. Mason plopped down on the bed. I stood; I didn’t want to tread on Payton’s personal space.
“There’s this man who has something for me. I just need you to pick it up,” she said.
I bit my tongue. Why did it have to be Mason? Why did she want him taking off for who knows what? Payton had barely stepped a toe out of her room since we had got to Virginia.
Mason stretched, his arms rising above his head. He looked to be really pondering what Payton wanted from him. Payton lit up a cigarette in the obviously nonsmoking room. She leaned against the dresser. All she needed to get what she wanted was her looks and wit most times. But I wasn’t sure if it was the same way with Mason.
“What’s wrong with you going?” Mason asked, staring her down.
“You and Kendall are always out and about. I thought it wasn’t a big deal,” she said, still calm. She flicked her ashes into a cup, and blew out a large cloud of smoke.
“Kendall, you don’t mind do you?” She asked me, she searched my expression for a moment and I swore it was the longest I looked at her in my whole life. Something felt off. From the top of her head to the tips of her toes—something wasn’t right. I wanted to tell Mason to forget it, but I held off.
“No, I don’t care. We were just going to get something to eat,” I said, quickly looking away.
Mason stood up and took the cigarette from her. He held it in one hand and ran the other hand through his hair. Payton seemed to back off a bit.
Mason took a long drag from the cigarette; the red ember ate away at it.
“Write down the address, Mom. I’d hate to think it’s anything other than what you’re saying it is,” Mason said, smoke escaping as he spoke
Payton turned away, she grabbed the brush off the dresser and began brushing her hair. I watched her expression in the mirror as she roughly brushed her hair out. It was back to normal. And normal for Payton was angst and agitation. Suddenly, she spun back around.
“Do it, don’t do it, I don’t give a shit. Is that what you want me to say, Mason?” She asked. She stopped brushing her hair and glared at Mason. I stared at him as well, not sure what was to come next.
“What’s that?” Mason asked, he took another drag of her cigarette.
“This bullshit defiance, whatever you want to call it,” she snapped.
“I’m a grown man. You’re lucky I’ve hung around this long,” he tossed back. He was calm as he talked back to her.
“You’re grown huh?” she asked, laughing. I knew it wasn’t because she was amused, it was because she was pissed.
“Yep,” he said.,the P coming out a lot louder than usual.
Seconds later Payton whipped her hairbrush at him. Mason blocked it with his forearm, sending it to the floor.
I flinched, shocked at what I just saw happen. Payton wasn’t backing down. She balled her fist going after Mason now. Mason grabbed her and shoved her, she fell backward onto her bed. His body hovered over her, his breathing hard. It was obvious he was upset now. The cigarette somehow was still in between his fingers as he grabbed a hold of Payton’s shirt.
I stopped myself from getting in the middle.
“That’s the last time you’re going to do that to me!” Mason yelled. He shoved her as soon as she tried to sit up. Payton was outraged. She grabbed a hold of his shirt, a million insults flying from her lips.
Mason pried her hands off of him.
“You’re as worthless as your father!” She screamed at him.
Mason stood up, he seemed to be taking in the words he never wanted to hear from anyone. He stepped back putting some distance between him and his so called mother and whipped the cigarette at her. He grabbed the next thing he saw, ripping the lamp’s cord out of the wall.
“Mason!” I screamed, I had to do something now as I watched him raise the lamp above his head. Payton raised her hands in defense. He threw it at her and didn’t stick around. He was out the door seconds later.
I gave Payton a quick glance to make sure she was alright and stepped over the lamp and ran for the door.
“That’s it!” Payton screamed from the bed, scrambling for what I wasn’t sure.
“I hope it is, Bitch!” He screamed from the hallway, startling a woman passing by us. I looked away embarrassed. And then suddenly I was scared that the cops were going to be called.
“Mason, calm down someone is going to call the cops,” I warned him, grabbing a hold of him. He was like a wild dog ready to attack. His body was angry and rigid.
“Let them. I don’t give a shit.” He pulled away from me and stomped down the hallway.
“I want you to give a shit, Mason.” I yelled at him, trying to catch up with him. My nerves could not handle much more.
“You and the world, Kendall,” he said. The elevator door opened. I stepped inside and leaned against the wall staring at Mason. I wanted to smack him for acting so ridiculous. Sure, she might have deserved it, but this wasn’t the time or place. I wished he would have given in and just did her dirty work.
He sighed. “Let’s eat. I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he said taking my hand.
I kept quiet, a million thoughts running through my mind as we headed downtown. My head ached and my body didn’t want to walk or do much of anything but sleep. I had to push myself to keep moving. I felt sicker now.
“Mason, I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like crap,” I said, clutching my stomach. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. The people behind us moved around us. Mason took my arm returning to his normal self at the mention that I didn’t feel good.
“What do you think it is?” he asked, rubbing my back gently trying to make me feel better.
“That crap,” I muttered. I stood up straight and forced myself to walk. I now knew why people stuck with things like drugs. It was easier to stay then feel the ache afterward.
We headed into the diner. The one Renee worked at. Mason held onto me as we waited to be seated.
“Hola,” Renee said,
coming to us. She had a smirk on her face as she took the two of us in. She looked fine, as healthy as a horse even. I wished I could say the same for myself, but I couldn’t.
I wondered how long she used drugs and perfected this image that she was fine on the outside.
“Hey,” Mason and I said in unison. We followed her to a back booth. Renee noticed Mason’s hands on me. Her expression changed a bit. It was clear she was confused not upset with Mason’s touchiness.
“What can I get you to drink?” she asked, shooting us a warm smile. I admired her perfect plum eye shadow and light pink lip gloss. She looked fresh and new, while I looked like death warmed over I was sure of it.
“Two cokes,” Mason said, grabbing a menu. “That should help with what ails you.” He shot me a look.
I nodded, grabbing my own menu. I sighed. Food did not sound like the best idea.
“Just some French fries and the coke,” I told her.
“I think Renee is weirded out by you,” Mason pointed out after Renee left to fill our order. He nudged me.
“Why would you think that?” I challenged, thinking the same thing myself. It was nice to see we were both on the same page.
“I know girls. And I can tell when they are weirded out by other girls,” he said. “Some get weird after they sleep with someone.”
I laughed out loud at Mason’s theory on woman.
“That’s funny, because I have slept with you for years and it hasn’t affected me at all.” I grinned, amused by him. Even as sick as I felt it was sure funny.
“Believe me I know it hasn’t.” Everything fell silent. Mason’s expression showed me he was bothered. He jumped out of the booth and climbed in across from me.
“Mason, what are you doing?” I asked. He took my hand. I pulled away looking for Renee or anyone else that would mistake us for star crossed lovers.
“Back at the hotel we never finished our conversation. I think you wanted to know if I care about you. I don’t think you believe that I do,” he said. He grabbed my hand again. My eyes drifted from Mason’s hard stare to his grip on my hands and then to all the people in the diner.
