The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run

by Holly Hood

  He smiled down at me. I smiled back, closing my eyes at the feel of him so close and gentle. This was what making love was all about—another first.

  We collapsed falling back on the bed. I rubbed a tender spot on my lower back, I regretted letting him pin me against the wall as things went from gentle to out of control.

  “You thirsty? I have whiskey,” Mason said handing me the bottle. I scrunched my nose and checked the time. Hours had passed quickly without either of us even noticing. We had been too busy humping like wild animals all day, animals in love.

  “I need water before I die of dehydration. And so do you, you can’t survive on booze,” I said kissing his shoulder as he stared at the bottle in his hands.

  “I think there’s water somewhere in here.” He laughed, shaking the whiskey around in the bottle. I smiled, enjoying his gorgeous eyes, even when they were bloodshot they were still amazing. Even his hair and the way it was going in five different directions was appealing. He was better looking than I had ever given him credit for.

  “There is not any water in that whiskey,” I sat up looking for my shirt.

  “One more time?” he asked, touching my breast with his warm hands, he did his best to coax me back under the covers.

  “Mason, have you lost your mind?” I asked, I was shocked by his never ending stamina.

  “I don’t want to miss an opportunity to be with you,” Mason said, he planted a gentle kiss on my lips giving up. “I’ll run to the store and get you some Gatorade and water. Maybe even a powerbar. But when I get back, I want you naked and ready for round two.” He jumped into his pants.

  “Try round four,” I corrected him, crawling under the covers alone.

  Mason threw on his shirt. “The only place in Gusby that got a face lift was the bank, pretty fancy for a bunch of hillbillies that hide their money in their mattresses, right?” He stared off, lost in thought.

  “Mason you’re a nut. Now go get me some water please,” I said, shooing him away.

  “Yeah sure, I love you,” he said, the words came out so naturally like he had been saying it his whole life.

  I didn’t waste any time falling asleep after Mason left. My last memory was his smiling face. I avoided thinking about Mason’s breakdown. I didn’t want to think about it, it scared me to think he was crumbling.

  I woke up to the alarm clock on the nightstand beside the bed. I sat up turning it off. The previous guest had probably set it when they were staying in the room. Or maybe the hotel staff liked to annoy everyone that came to stay at the hotel.

  I threw the covers off of me and dropped my feet to the floor. I slowly froze in a panic when I realized what time it was.

  It was well past midnight. I lifted the clock in awe, there was no way it was right. That would have meant Mason had been gone for hours now.

  “Where the hell are you, Mason Vaughn?” I said out loud, running around the room collecting my clothes from various spots on the floor.

  This wasn’t good. This could have meant so many things. The first being he could have been caught. I couldn’t breathe, I stuffed my shoes in my sneakers and grabbed the key running out the door, hoping I wasn’t too late.

  “I am going to kill him,” I muttered walking the sidewalk. I passed by the small clothing store next to the motel we were staying in. The only clothing store in Gusby that offered anything even close to fashionable.

  I hurried, quickly scanning my surroundings trying to find Mason and his wild hair.

  “Oh. My. God.” Someone said from behind me. I froze, my shoulders drawing up in terror. I didn’t want to be recognized. It didn’t seem possible. I spun around in horror, hoping for the best.

  There stood my cousins, Maxton and Tiger Jade. They were no different than the last time I seen them, just older.

  I didn’t know what to say. They stared at me amazed, like they had seen a ghost. I held onto hope they didn’t know who I was. Tiger pushed her hair from her shoulder.

  “Kendall?” she asked.

  She touched my shoulder looking me over. Maxton followed suit confused herself as she stared at me. “I can’t believe it,” she said.

  “I’d never forget your face,” Tiger said, offering a smile. “I still remember the last time I saw you. We went for ice cream, remember?” She raised an eyebrow, I still hadn’t said anything.

  They looked at each other at a loss. We were never that close, I was shocked that they remembered me after all these years.

  “It’s me, hello,” I stumbled, letting out a defeated sigh. It was only a matter of time before someone knew who I was.

  “You came back. That’s amazing. Are you here to see her?” she asked, eyeing me.

  Where had they thought I had gone. I wished I could ask them but I didn’t have the time. I shrugged, not sure who she was referring to. I had a guess though—my mother.

  “I’d love to catch up, but I’m trying to find someone,” I said apologetically.

  Tiger slapped me in the arm, her eyes wide. “You’re trying to find Mason right? We knew that was him.”

  Maxton agreed, letting out an easygoing giggle. It was a relief someone knew where he was.

  “Do you remember where you seen him?” I asked in a hurry to find him.

  “Down at the Shed. I wanted to have a drink, but Maxton didn’t. I convinced her though. So we went in and there he was. I was like holy shitballs is that guy in the corner Mason Vaughn? Maxton told me I was crazy, but I knew it. I don’t think I ever forget a face,” Tiger said, going on and on excitedly like we were old pals.

  Maxton shot me an all knowing look. She hit Tiger with her purse making her shutup.

  “She just said she was looking for him, Tiger. Now shut it and let’s go see Gran. Bye, Kendall. Stop by and see us again before you leave.” Maxton and Tiger waved. I waved back before I took off for the Shed, the local bar in our small town.

  I plowed through the doors and passed a drunken couple walking out of the bar. The Shed was busy. I knew that most of these people in the bar probably knew me. But at this point it didn’t matter. I just needed to find Mason.

  I moved through the thick crowd of drinkers. Everyone packed in like sardines. The noise so loud it was giving me a headache. I tried standing on my tiptoes to see past all shapes and sizes to find Mason.

  “Excuse me,” I said to one guy that was about Mason’s age. He fingered the top of his beer watching me closely.

  “What’s got you in a hurry?” He said loudly cutting through the noise. The jukebox kicked on blasting classic rock. The crowd cheered welcoming the music.

  I finally gave in. Maybe this guy could answer some help. “I lost a friend. I was told he was here.”

  He kept staring at me, a strange expression on his face. “You’ve got some wicked eyes.”

  I touched my face a little confused by his mention. “Yeah, it’s not my favorite part of me.”

  “Reminds me of someone I know,” He said, trying to keep our conversation going. I nodded, finally finding Mason. He was in the corner sitting with a table of guys and girls, throwing back shots.

  “I’m Asher by the way,” he said coming to stand beside me. He followed my stare. He touched me with his hand offering me a handshake. I was sure I never met anyone named Asher while I lived in Gusby.

  “Nice to meet you, Asher,” I said, giving a polite nod. He was taller than I was, pale complexion and a straight set of teeth. Not too bad looking for his age.

  “And you are?” He asked, studying me with his brown eyes.

  “Kendall,” I said, the cat was already out of the bag. And it didn’t seem to matter if Ashay knew my name or not. I didn’t think he knew me. And it wasn’t like we were plastered all over Gusby like we originally thought.

  “Hmm,” Asher said.

  Someone pushed past me. I turned to tell whoever the jerk was to back off. He was older, but not horribly old. With the strangest set of eyes, eyes that I had seen before, eyes that I saw on a re
gular basis.

  I sucked in my breath as his mouth turned up revealing a gap toothed smile.

  “Well I’ll be a son of a bitch,” he declared, slugging Asher in the arm. They knew each other. Asher forced a smile, puzzled.

  I could hardly believe my eyes. I tried backing away, to escape what I had stumbled across. But there was nowhere for me to go, the bar was filled to capacity leaving me prisoner.

  “Dad, what’s going on?” Asher asked him.

  He took a swig of his beer, the biggest grin on his face as he watched me try to make a break for it.

  “Asher, this here is your sister,” he said letting out a laugh. “Remember your momma and I used to fight all the time about Joy Ann?”

  Asher nodded hesitantly.

  “This is your half-sister. Boy I sure hope you’re not here for any money. I got three child supports coming out of my checks already. And I’m on parole,” he said, as if I cared.

  “I’m not here for you at all…Dad,” I spit out the last part, finally for once in my life I was able to say it. I never imagined I would see him. I never thought I would lay eyes on the laughing stock of Gusby. The man who denied me from the start, but there he was right in front of me.

  “I thought you were in prison,” I yelled over the noise.

  “Good behavior, there’s so many in there they have to kick someone out. How’s your momma?” he asked, acting like I gave a damn. Or that he didn’t see her at the market once a week.

  “I wouldn’t know I haven’t seen her,” I said, crossing my arms.

  He looked just like me. Same eyes, only his truly made him look certifiably insane. They were scary the way the stalked you as he talked. He wasn’t worn and old like I imagined he would be. We had the same shape mouth, the same chin and the same pout, it was hard to digest.

  I moved passed my long lost father and slammed my fist down on the table Mason was sitting at. His new friends were a little rattled by my rudeness. I didn’t care; I had reached my breaking point.

  Mason was totally wasted.

  A short red head gripped his shoulder egging him on. She poured him another shot and pushed it in front of him.

  “Mason, we have to leave right now,” I said watching him fail at bringing the shot to his lips; it was all over the table below. He smiled at me and shook his head.

  “He’s having a good time,” the red head said to me. She took the shot from him and brought it to his lips.

  I smacked it out of her hand with one quick swipe. It flew past her slamming into some guys back before falling to the ground. She was startled and looked at all her friends for backup. They all one by one turned away leaving.

  “I suggest you leave before I smack you next,” I warned her. Mason stopped me before I climbed over her prepared to knock the smug look off her face.

  He stood up almost falling backwards if it wasn’t for me catching him.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” I said in his ear.

  “I saw the bar and I was thirsty,” he slurred. “By the way we’re all out of Roger’s money.”

  I held back the urge to beat him. “Let’s go right now,” I ordered pulling him by the arm. His legs buckled and he fell beneath the crowd.

  My cheeks burned with embarrassment as everyone’s attention fell on Mason and I. I tried to hold it together and figure out how to haul Mason’s body out of the bar.

  Asher and Leon came up eyeing my dilemma. Leon grabbed Mason easily, a cigarette hung loosely from the side of his mouth. Asher helped him taking the other side.

  They yelled at everyone clearing an easy path, something I would have never been able to do on my own.

  “Don’t I know you?” Leon asked Mason, he lifted his head looking at him more closely.

  Mason swayed and fell into the side of the bar. I sighed, pissed that yet again I was face to face with my father.

  “I don’t think so,” Mason told him sliding down the wall. “I’m Mason Vaughn, son of Payton; you probably slept with her somewhere along the line. Who knows? She slept with everything back then.”

  Leon didn’t argue. And I was quite confident it was possible Mason mother and my father might have. “Where you guys headed?” he asked us, puffing on his cigarette.

  I shot him a glance turning away quickly as he unzipped his pants and took a leak right on the side of the bar. I turned away disgusted. What kind of dad pulled out his junk in front of his own kid?

  “Get up, Mason,” I demanded. Asher helped me lift him slinging one of Mason’s arms over his shoulder.

  “You two staying at Motel Seven?” he asked as Leon worked his zipper up and followed behind us as we walked.

  “Yeah something like that,” I said with a sigh. After tonight we would be without a place to stay all because of Mason’s drunken binge.

  “It was nice meeting you. I’ve heard about you, but never knew what you looked like. You have his eyes. There’s no denying you’re his,” he said laughing nervously. It was as awkward for him as it was for me.

  “If only it was that easy,” I said, if only I looked nothing like the man.

  “He only drinks on Thursdays. He works so much he really never has a moments rest. And then there’s the little one’s on the weekends. That takes a toll on him too.”

  “Little ones?” I asked, unable to hold back my curiosity any longer. “And how old are you?”

  “Pops has five kids, well, including you that makes six. I’m nineteen. The only thing I ever knew about you was we were born six months apart,” he explained. He tugged Mason straighter as we continued down the sidewalk to the motel. Mason was in and out of consciousness.

  “I never knew that,” I admitted.

  “There’s me, Conner, Seth, Abby Gale and Quincy. Twelve year old twins, seven year old girl and a five year old boy. And he means well, I know it wasn’t that way with you, but he means well,” Asher insisted.

  We stopped in front of Motel 7; Leon stepped on my heels unaware we were there. Asher opened the door. I wished it would just end already. It was too much meeting your father after your whole life had sped by like a train wreck.

  I handed over the key to Asher. My father leaned against the motel. “Can we talk?”

  “What could you possibly have to say to me?” I asked, stepping back.

  He straightened up, trying to shake himself sober or something. He pulled out another cigarette and offered me one. I shook my head, glaring at him.

  “I’m your old man, I have plenty to say to you,” he lit up, cupping his hands around the cigarette. Smoke finally escaped and he looked at me satisfied.

  “Probably nothing I want to hear,’ I said.

  “How have you been? What’s your life like?”

  I held back the tears. I never expected a question to hurt so much, but this was like a knife to my heart.

  “Really?” I balled my fist. “That’s what I get after nearly twenty years?”

  “I was a dumb kid messed up on drugs. I barely knew your momma. She was always coming down to my house to eat supper. I thought she was pretty. I was a boy with a hard on, what can I say?”

  There was so much to be said, like why?

  “Nothing.” I turned to leave.

  “You have family here, you are part of something. And I’m sorry for whatever it was you went through. But I wouldn’t have made it better back then,” he said. He fell silent.

  I turned back around looking at him. “Do you know she always said I had the eyes of a demon, just like my father?” I waited for him to say something.

  But he didn’t say anything.

  “Do you know that I barely knew her? I knew nothing about either of my parents. Because my fucked up Aunt Wanda was the one raising me pretty much my whole life, if you even want to call it that.”

  Leon shook his head in disbelief like I had shined light on something.

  I stepped forward. “So I’ll answer your question on whether or not you could have been better than the lif
e I had. After everything I went through, but I doubt you want to hear the answer, because you’re caring and kind now. Your son defends you. Who defended me?”

  He nodded his head. “No, I want to hear it. I want to hear anything you have to say.”

  I sucked in a breath. “Anything would have been better then Wanda.” I shoved him with everything I had in me, he hit the brick and almost fell.

  He collected himself. “My Gran once told me you can’t make up for what’s lost. You can only make up for what’s right in front of you. I’m not the best guy in the world, but I am your dad and I could try now that you’re in front of me,” he said.

  I closed my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. “I don’t want anything from you.” I opened my eyes, tears falling. “I look in the mirror every day and see you staring back at me. That’s enough for me.”

  I headed inside our room leaving him alone on the sidewalk, just like he had left me.

  July 25th

  Another day was coming to an end. We had survived a few days in Gusby. We stayed far away from our small town resorting to hiding out in an old barn at the end of town. It was a bit pitiful, but it was the only choice we had with no money.

  Mason tended to his hangover in the only way he knew how—by drinking more. We couldn’t afford a room, but we had enough for some cheap booze. And I sat in the corner of the barn on a bale of hay I couldn’t stop myself from glaring at him.

  “What?” he asked, sipping the last of his booze. He was more alert then the night before, the night when I ran into my father.

  “So this is it?” I asked. I was tired and starting to feel like I was coming down with something.

  “Is what it, Kendall?” he asked me with that annoyed tone to his voice that becoming a regular occurrence these days. He sat down settling into the ground, his hands behind his head for support.

  “We’re just going to sit here and wait for the other shoe to drop?” I asked. Everything felt done. I didn’t know which way was up. I felt like our lives had been put on pause and we were just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.