Broken Heart
Page 16
"You're telling me that you sucked him in intentionally, that you had planned to do that?" Nikolai leaned his head forward and tilted it slightly to the side, trying to make eye contact with the woman who was resistant to it.
"Well, when I saw Makarov coming over with him, I was sure of what he was going to try. After all, he trained me. I knew he'd start trying to play the mental games, and I knew that he would try to convince me to go back with him. I also knew, from the encounters I've already had with him, how my emotions would react. As he continued to speak and go on and on, I suddenly realized, this doesn't have to happen. I don't have to listen to him, and I don't have to put up with it."
"And that's when you took care of Victor." Nikolai raised his eyebrows. "Just like that. No other reason, no other time, no other plan."
"Well, they can't disrupt your plan if you don't have one." Gabriella gave a soft smile and made eye contact. "Like I said, he taught me that. Catching a person off guard is when you first catch yourself off guard by thinking of what you want to do. If it surprises you that you came up with it, then more than likely it'll surprise your enemy."
"And surprise is the ultimate advantage.” Nikolai finally understood. “No matter what, the person's mind has to shift and think and take in the information. But you beat them to all that. You were a step ahead. A step ahead of Victor and a step ahead of Makarov."
"But everything at the end, when I had to make the decision on whether to pull the trigger on Makarov, it was all real. I just couldn't do it." Gabriella showed some regret in her own behaviors. "He was right when he said that he was the one that trained me, and he never had doubts about me. He attempted to treat me like a father at times, but he always came back to the rigidness of being a commander. I wonder if he has his own children? I wonder if somewhere along the line, he saw what he was doing to me, and decided it couldn't go on anymore."
"The guy I saw there seemed like he wanted you back right now. I think he's the bastard you always thought he was."
"Have you ever heard of someone escaping from a KGB locked and secured facility?" Gabriella asked, looking over her glass at Nikolai.
"No, I don't think anybody has ever escaped." Nikolai shook his head. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I escaped from one," Gabriella admitted. "I was a preteen, and somehow, I was able to get out of a highly classified KGB training area, and escape without anybody catching up to me. I had no abilities. I had no skills for normal life, only one of military and survival. I've always found it very hard to believe they couldn't have sent out a group of people and got me within the hour."
"You think he let you go?" Nikolai asked in surprise, shaking his head side to side. "Come on, Gabriella, doesn't sound like this guy. I think you might be trying to make a little bit more of him than he really is. Almost like you're giving him the benefit of the doubt, despite the fact of what he did to you."
"I'm not giving him anything, Nikolai. I'm just wondering. Maybe it was all part of his plan. Let me run, let me take off, and let me hone my skills on my own out there in the world, making my own decisions of necessity in life rather than training," Gabriella mused. "Maybe then he thought when he had the chance to get me back, he could, and that whole phase of my training would be done. When he looked at me, he didn't look away. He didn't blink. He had no fear of me."
The couple sat silent, again taking a sip from their wine, and looking out at the people of the piazza.
"You know you can walk away from the life. It seems like he's just letting us go. Maybe we can move on with our lives and try to do something better," Nikolai suggested. "Or maybe we can become a team, we can work together, whether it's on missions or other things."
Nikolai again shifted himself, trying to make eye contact with her, trying to see if any flame still existed from the one time she had held love for him in her heart.
"Nikolai, the time that we had together was very, very special to me. You were my first love, and you treated me like a woman, and a lady, and an equal. I had never experienced anything like that. In fact, at one point I had assumed that you had been sent to capture me, and that the affection you showed me was nothing more than that. But as time went on and I checked your background, I could see that wasn't the case. It was genuine, it was real, and you opened doors for me that had never been opened before."
"You did the same for me. The time I spent with you has been unequaled by any other woman. You made me think, you're smart, you're energetic, and you have everything that any man could ever ask for in a love."
Reaching his hand out, he tried to hold her hand. Gabriella slowly slid it away and placed it on her lap.
"But the fact remains, Nikolai, that my husband just died, and I am no way looking for another man to try to meet, or exceed, the man that I know was perfect. And I'm not sure in my heart whether I'll ever let go of the fact that the mission that I joined with you on was the one that killed the best man I ever knew."
"I'm so sorry, Gabriella. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you. You have to know that I only wanted to do right by you, and that I feared anything that could harm you." Nikolai bought his hand back to himself and looked down to the table. "If there ever does come a time when you feel like maybe you're ready to take another step, that maybe you're ready to forgive me, please call on me. Please let me know. It doesn't need to be about romance, or love, or a future together, but just the fact that you've forgiven me and that we could still call each other a friend would be more than enough."
"I am your friend, Nikolai. I always have been and I always will be. But I can never be the one you love, and I will never be able to love you." Gabriella allowed a small tear to drop from her eye.
"Having you be my friend, Gabriella, that's enough."
The End… for now.