by Dawn Martens
“Just go away, Vinny. I can’t do this anymore. It’s done,” she says.
I turn the mat on the doorstep over to get the key. “Fuck!” she took it.
I pull my cell out of my pocket, flip it open, and scroll to Jasper’s number. “What’s up, man?” he asks answering.
“Need you to bring shit to Lilly’s. She locked me out,” I grumble.
He laughs. “You in the dog house again, man?”
“Just get here.” I snap the phone shut and sit on the front step, waiting for him to get here.
I peer out the window, moving the curtain slightly. I see Vinny sitting on my bottom step, looking out at the road. “What is he doing?” I whisper to myself.
I hear the sound of another bike coming down the street and turning into my driveway.
That bastard called for backup? What the hell?
Minutes later, my front door opens, and Jasper is there, smiling. He then turns and walks away. I hear his bike start and drive off.
Vinny comes sauntering in, glaring at me.
“Get out!” I demand.
“Nope,” he says, not stopping his stride toward me. He grabs the back of my head with one hand, the other hand going to my back, bringing me in for a hard kiss.
Breaking the kiss, he rests his forehead against mine. “This is us, Lilly. We fight, we break up, but we always come back together. None of this bullshit of a permanent split.”
“Where have you been? No contact, no coming by, nothing,” I ask him, giving in. The smell of his cologne invades my nose and makes me weak in the knees. I love the way he smells.
“Club business. Head wasn’t in the right place to see you. I was coming for you tonight, either way. Sorry, Lilly-pad,” he says genuinely. He cups my chin and kisses the top of my nose sweetly. His light facial hair tickles against the side of my cheek as he nuzzles his face against mine.
“We only officially became a couple the week before Eden left, and I feel like all we do is fight,” I tell him honestly.
“Lilly-pad, that’s us. We’ll probably always do that until the day we’re old and dead,” he says grinning.
I sling his beanie off his head and run my fingers through his shaggy hair; been missing this jerk so much. His hands slide down to my butt, giving it a squeeze. “You’re mine, Lilly, always,” he murmurs against my mouth. I can’t argue with him—I am his. I love Vinny probably more than I should, but I do.
He walks me backwards until the back of my legs touch the couch, and he pushes me down. Never breaking our kiss, he sits next to me, his hands roaming over top of my clothes. He teases at my nipples, pinching them between his fingers. His hands dip under the waist of my stretchy shorts, fingers dancing over my heated flesh until he reaches his mark. Vinny’s slender fingers rub and caress my folds.
“So fuckin wet. You’ve missed me, haven’t you?”
“Maybe parts of you,” I tease, shifting on the couch to give him better access.
“All of me.” He pinches my clit and growls in my ear. “Told you, you are mine.”
“I’m yours. Now, show me how much you love me,” I demand.
“Upstairs... want you naked... legs spread and open for me.”
I do just as he says. Walking up the stairs, I leave my trail of clothes for him to follow. I get on the bed and wait for my man. Vinny doesn’t take long. He comes into the room wearing nothing but a grin and that fucking beanie. He snakes across the bed and takes his time kissing every inch of my body as though he is claiming me, marking me as his. Doesn’t he realize I’ve always been his? Even when we were kids and he wasn’t even mine yet, I knew then I wanted to be with him.
He stares deep into my eyes. “I love you. I’m sorry I’m an asshole.”
“Yeah, but you’re my asshole.” l giggle as his stubble drags across my stomach. His head dips between my thighs, and his tongue flicks my clit before his mouth is on me completely. His kisses and lavish licks are about to send me over the brink. His fingers have worked their way to my pussy as well. I try to remove his beanie, but he smacks my hand away.
Vinny continues nipping and sucking my most sensitive spots. He is driving me wild with anticipation. Hooking his arm under my knee, he enters me, stretching me slowly. The connection I feel to Vinny right now, here in this room, in our bed, is unexplainable. I’ve always known I’ve loved him, but right now, it as though we are one. He fills me to the hilt; both of my legs are now over his shoulders. Tenderly, he kisses the inside of my thigh before drawing back out, leaving just the tip in. Without warning, he slams into me and pumps in and out in a circular motion. He is relentless in his thrusts.
“Want you on top riding me when you get off,” he says.
We switch positions, and now I’m straddling him. He takes hold of my hips, guiding the rhythm nice and slow. Our hips are grinding against one another, chests smashed together, hot and sweaty as I reach my orgasm. It isn’t long before he has his release, filling me deep with his passion.
After leaving Lilly’s, I drive over to Kayla’s place. I feel guilty coming here after just making up with Lilly, but it’s what I’ve been doing for months since Kayla came back. Whenever Lilly and I hit a rough patch, whenever we’re on a split, I come here, and Kayla helps me to forget.
What I’m doing with Kayla isn’t cheating, because whenever I’m with her, Lilly and I aren’t together. However, at times I still feel guilt, especially since Lilly doesn’t know anything about this. If she did, she might really end it with me for good. Just because we’re on breaks and shit, Lilly would most likely still think of this as cheating.
I turn the bike off and make my way to the house. Knocking, I wait for her to open the door. “Hey, baby,” she purrs when she sees it’s me on the other side.
I shake my head no at her and step inside. “Let me guess, you guys are back on,” she says sadly.
“Yeah, we are. You know what this is, so don’t act like you’re surprised or some shit,” I tell her.
She crosses her arms and glares. “This shit is starting to piss me off, Vinny. You guys break up all the damn time. You wait a day or two, come to me, and then a week later, you’re back to her. That’s gotta mean something. I don’t get why you always go back to her,” she says, desperately trying to plead with me.
“Because I love her. Simple as that,” I tell her, shrugging.
“Do you love me, Vincent?” she throws out quietly.
“I thought I did at one point, Kayla, but even you know I don’t love you. Never did. I cared about you, still do, but it’s…” I’m being completely open and honest with her. I don’t want to lead her on. I love Lilly.
She walks to the door, opening it. She nods with tears streaming down her face. “Maybe you shouldn’t come back. You string me along, knowing how I feel about you, and I’m stupid enough to always let you back in. While you were with me in high school, I always watched you staring at Lilly. I always wanted you to look at me like that, always! I should have let you go back then, not when I left for school. It’s time for me to finally let you go.”
Guilt creeps in. Fuckin’ hell. “Kayla, I’m sorry,” I tell her quietly.
“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I let this go on for as long as I have been. Every time you leave me, every time I see you around town, holding Lilly, kissing her, it hurts. So damn much.”
I subconsciously knew Kayla was starting to feel for me, and yet I let this continue. Back in school, I guess I never really even realized I already felt a connection to Lilly even when I was with Kayla.
*~*
Sitting at the bar, slowly sipping my beer like a fucking woman, I think about the shit Kayla said. I never honestly realized what I was doing to her. If Lilly knew about Kayla, she would probably feel the same way, and that cuts deep.
“Hey, man,” Jasper says, sitting down beside me. “Got word, Dad’s dead. This club’s mine.” Finally, the chance we have been waiting for to start turning shit around is here.
I
smirk. “Well, whatcha gonna do now?”
“What do you think?” he says, smirking back at me.
“Think of a new name yet?” I ask him.
“Yeah, something Reaper called me just before the raid. Angels Warriors.”
I repeat it a few times in my head and once out loud, trying to get a feel for it. “It could work, but won’t people think we’re just another charter of the Untamed if we have that as a name?”
“I thought that at first. It is a spin on their club name, but I think it’ll be good.”
I nod. “Yeah, ya know, you’ve been in this club since you were eighteen, and you still don’t have a nickname,” I inform him.
“Angel,” he says.
My eyebrows shoot up. “Angel? Like that dude from Buffy that Eden had the hots for?” I say, teasing him.
He punches me in the arm. “Shut up,” he says with a shake of his head. “No, Reaper called me an angel when he was pissed at me. It will work, especially since we’re turning the club around.”
“Yeah,” I say, picking at the label on my beer. “Have you heard from Reaper at all?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s taking some time away. Said something about the last job he did really rattled him. He’ll come around, at least I hope so. Fuck, we’ve all been friends since we were kids. I’m sure he’ll come back.”
“What was the last job he had?” I ask.
Jasper shakes his head. “Don’t know, man. All I know is that it was a woman he had to take out.”
I dial in Eden’s number and wait for her to answer. “Hello?” she asks.
“Hey, Edie, I have some news for you,” I tell her.
“What’s up?”
“Your dad, he’s dead,” I say into the phone.
I hear the relief in her sigh she lets out. “Praise God,” she says.
I giggle. “Yeah, babe, now you can come home.”
She doesn’t answer right away. “Lilly, I’m sorry, but I…I can’t. I’ve made a life here now. The last time I saw Jasper, well, I don’t want my children around him like that.”
I chew on my bottom lip and release it. “Eden, please, I miss you,” I tell her.
“Lilly-pad, I miss you too, but I don’t know if I could ever go back, back to Jasper, any of it,” she says and lets out a big sigh. “Look, I need to go. Thank you for telling me. I love you, Lilly,” she says then hangs up.
I put my phone down and hold back my tears. There’s no reason why she can’t come home. I don’t understand why she doesn’t come back now.
Of course, if she does, she might get upset with me and possibly run off again once she learns Jasper’s dating Monica. But I also know that if she comes back, Jasper will fight to be with her. Monica told me last night when we were out dancing that she can’t shake the fear of losing Jasper. Apparently, he even talks in his sleep about Eden.
I check the time and realize I can check the mail. I’ve been waiting to hear back from the beauty schools I applied to. Opening up my box slot, I reach in and pull out a large envelope. My eyes go wide as I tear it open.
“I got in,” I breathe out. “I got in!” I scream at the top of my lungs happily.
I run back to my house and start making plans. It’s a six month long course, which is doable, but the driving back and forth would cost a whack. I’ll figure something out, maybe stay with someone down there.
The front door opens, and in walks Vinny. “Hey, Lilly-pad.”
“I got in!” I shout.
“What?” He frowns, looking confused. “Got in? Huh?”
I roll my eyes and let out a huge sigh. “Remember what I said about wanting to go to beauty school? Well, I got in! I start next month!”
“Where is it?” he asks. He is giving me this odd look, like he isn’t happy for me.
“Red Deer. I figure I’ll just get a place and stay there while I’m in school. No point in driving back and forth every day,” I say with a shrug. What’s his problem? He lights up a smoke and takes a hard long drag.
He narrows his eyes at me. “You mean, you are going to live in a different city while going to school? What about me? Us?” he demands, getting angry. He puts his cigarette out while shaking his head, mumbling under his breath. Well, this isn’t going anything like I thought it would.
“Seriously? You’re fighting with me about this? Why can’t you be fucking happy for me?! Huh? Maybe this is a good thing,” I say, crossing my arms.
“How’s it a good thing?” he asks. He stops pacing and stares me down.
“Because we can break up, and I can really think about this shit. I can think about if you really are the man I’m meant to be with. This break will be good for us.” All of this off and on, push and pull isn’t good for either of us.
“We’re not breaking up. You just won’t go. You can stay here and see if the local beauty school will take you,” he tells me while stalking to the fridge for a beer.
“Excuse me? I’m going,” I tell him, getting angry. I’m doing this for me. This isn’t just about us. I finally have a chance to do something good, something for me. Why can’t he see this for the good that it is?
“No, you’re not.” He fucking rolls his eyes at me, as if his words are the final say. He isn’t in control of me. I never had a father, and he sure as shit isn’t going to boss me around like one. He’s supposed to be my equal. I’m not his fucking property. If he thinks I’m just going to fall in line like some of the other women who are with a biker would, he has me mistaken for someone else entirely.
“Fuck you. Get out of my house. Now,” I shout at him. “This isn’t about you, asshole!” I scream at him. God, he’s so selfish!
“Yeah, I guess it isn’t. Fine, I’ll leave,” he says, but not before throwing the beer at the wall.
Fucking dick.
*~*
I’m in Red Deer for my Beauty class. It’s been a blast honestly. In about four more months, I’ll graduate and I’ll get to do what I love. I’m walking with a girl that let me use her as a model for my in class homework assignment, and we’ve somewhat became friends.
Meyla is walking slightly behind me as we walk along the street, when I see him. “Oh my God,” I whisper.
Big Willy, in the flesh- not dead like he should be, and he’s talking to Foxy, one of the women that used to hang around the old club. She’s holding a baby in her arms, trying to pass the baby to him.
“Hey, what’s the hold up?” Meyla practically shouts.
I duck my head and move to her quickly. “Just be quiet. I need to follow that man right there. Bad guy. Really bad.”
Her eyes bug out, and she nods.
She comes with me as I follow them to a run-down house in a seedy area of town, and they go inside. Meyla decides she likes being a spy and goes up to the window, peaking inside.
She’s suddenly back at my side, grabbing my arm as the front door opens. We see Foxy come walking out without the baby. “No,” I whisper.
“What is going on?” she asks.
I shake my head and pull out my cell, quickly punching in Eden’s number. “Hello?” I hear her say over the sound of children playing.
“Eden, I saw him. He’s not dead,” I rush out.
“What?” she whispers. “But just last month you told me he was.”
“It’s bad news, Edie. I’m sorry, but it looks like you have a little sister. I saw him and a woman walk into a rundown house. The woman, Foxy, walked out and just left the baby with him,” I tell her, wanting to cry.
“I need to protect her. Oh my God.” She doesn’t bother to say goodbye before hanging up.
“Um, I don’t know what’s going on, but with the conversation I just heard, I’m thinking of calling my husband,” Meyla says, staring at me.
“Don’t. I can’t bring you guys in on this,” I tell her. Although her husband is a cop, and I’m sure he could help, this is something that I can’t bring anyone in on…
“Okay, but promise me, if something
really bad happens, you have to tell me.”
“Don’t worry, it will be fine,” I say. Even to me that sounds like a complete lie. I know Eden. She’ll do everything in her power to protect that baby.
I want to tell Vinny, even Jasper, but that would mean admitting I’ve known where Eden’s been this whole time.
The raid was only a little over three months ago…when everyone thought he was shot and killed.
Six Months Later
Lilly started beauty school, but not before breaking up with me for something stupid. I don’t even remember what I did to piss her off so badly. It’s been almost six months. According to Ann, she’ll finish school next week and will be coming back home. I’m looking forward to that. I fucking miss her. This break gave me time to think. I need her.
Since she’s been gone, I can’t even attempt to get her back. So here I am, at Kayla’s place, lying in her bed after fucking all night. My heart isn’t in this shit with Kayla, but my dick has had other ideas; he doesn’t care that Kayla isn’t Lilly. I fuckin’ miss her. I don’t know why I keep doing this fucked up, never ending cycle.
“When she comes home, you’ll be going back with her, won’t you?” Kayla asks me.
I rub my face, not wanting to answer. I pull my beanie down over my eyes, trying to avoid her sad expression, but I can still feel her eyes on me.
“We shouldn’t be doing this then. This is too hard. You coming here, spending time with me, the sex, then to have it all ripped away,” she says while staring up at her ceiling.
“Kayla, I…” I don’t know what to say to try to make this better. Doing this with her, it’s not cheating, but at the same time, the guilt of it fucking sucks. Kayla’s not a bad person, but I also know she isn’t the one for me. Not the way Lilly is.
“Don’t, don’t say anything. I get it. I get what this is, and I guess I’ll have to be okay with it. I’ll take what I can get from you,” she says quietly.
