V.

by Emily N. Kay

  The bus door opened. Violet stepped into the bus, said hi to the driver, tapped her go card and went straight to the back seat where Josh was sitting, with Kyle and Stacey following her. Just then, the bus jerked forward, making Kyle bumped into Violet from behind, one hand on the bus rail and another around Violet’s waist.

  Violet let out a tiny gasp, twisted her head to smile sheepishly at Kyle before she shyly moved away from him. Stacey giggled and gave her a knowing look while Kyle was openly grinning.

  That dimple of his…

  “Joshie,” Violet called out, dropping herself beside her brother, cheeks still flushed from the little contact she had with Kyle.

  Kyle and Stacey took the seat in front of them.

  Her brother looked at her without a hint of amusement in his face. Then he turned his attention toward the two strangers.

  “Josh, meet my friends Kyle and Stacey,” said Violet, gesturing at the two of them like she’s introducing her colleagues at some cocktail party. “Kyle, Stacey. This is my brother, Josh.”

  Violet prayed that Josh wouldn’t blurt and correct her that he’s actually her “step-brother” like he always did.

  And she had to thank the Lord that he didn’t open his mouth.

  “Why are they taking this bus?” Josh only addressed Violet.

  V glanced at her friends nervously. “They’re coming home with us,” she answered.

  “Why?”

  Violet looked at her brother in disbelief, embarrassed for his crudeness. She quickly says through her teeth, “Do we need a reason? We’ll just… hang out or whatever.”

  Josh said nothing more, his brow knitted together.

  Stacey was now sizing Josh up. Violet knew that look—it’s when Stacey was about to make a move on someone. She glared at Stacey and mouthed playfully, don’t you dare. But Stacey just wriggled her eyebrows at Violet and mouthed back, your brother is cute. Then she cracked up, not even trying to be discreet about it.

  Just then, Violet realised that Kyle and Josh were now in some kind of a staring contest—where no one was saying a word. And now it’s getting kind of uncomfortable.

  Stacey was the one to break the awkward silence. “So, Josh. You’ve got a girlfriend?”

  Violet breathed out a single laugh. “Dude, stop!” She slapped her friend on the arm and bursted out laughing.

  “Well, does he? Have a girlfriend?” Stacey turned to Josh and smiled. “Never knew V’s brother is hot.”

  “Step-brother,” Josh corrected, a scowl starting to form on his face.

  There it is… Violet thought sourly.

  Kyle’s eyes widened then. “Wait… You two aren’t related?”

  Violet shrugged dismissively, feeling bummed out now that the narrative had changed and she had to explain to her friends when and how they became step-siblings. The usual.

  “No, we’re not related,” Josh answered for her.

  Kyle then let out a hmph sound.

  “So, are you dating Violet?” Josh suddenly asked, surprising everyone. But Josh’s hard gaze were only on Kyle.

  Kyle snorted out a laugh. “Nah, mate. I mean, do people actually date any more?”

  Josh looked at Kyle as though he’s the biggest idiot. “Yes. People still date. Normal people. People who are committed in a relationship.”

  Kyle rolled his eyes. “Seriously. Like, my relationship with someone is none of anyone’s business, to be honest. No offense, mate. And like, me and V—we don’t need a simple word to describe what we have, you know what I mean? It’s fucking stupid.”

  Upon hearing that, a breath got caught in Violet’s throat. She knew Kyle made it clear that he won’t ask her to be his girlfriend or anything like that, because he hated labels. She knew that. But it still hurt her feelings nonetheless.

  And if she’s being honest with herself, the reason she was interested in Kyle in the first place was because of his whole playing-hard-to-get thing. So she wasn’t exactly in the position to complain. Still… it had become exhausting. And disheartening. Because Violet found herself really liking him. She had no idea why. But that’s just how it was, and she couldn’t do anything about it. Except endure it.

  Violet forced a smile to her face. “Yeah. Totally stupid,” she agreed.

  Josh narrowed his eyes at him, like he’s trying to figure Kyle out. “So what exactly is your relationship with my sister?”

  Stacey’s mouth morphed into an O shape. “Holy shit, V! Your brother is so dead-ass serious it’s so hot,” she said, whispering the last part to Violet, although everyone could hear it.

  At that point, Violet started to feel extremely uneasy. What is he doing? She thought alarmingly. Trying to embarrass me? Driving my friends away?

  But Josh still kept his eyes on Kyle, still waiting on an answer.

  “We are—” Kyle turned to look at Violet with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Fuck it. I have no idea.” He then laughed like it’s a joke. Which made Violet feel kind of offended, but she kept a smile plastered on her face, laughing with him and pretending like she agreed with everything he just said.

  “You two really look alike by the way,” Stacey said, shifting the topic, and whether or not it was intentional, Violet was grateful. “Like, if you didn’t tell me I would’ve really thought you guys are real siblings.”

  Violet saw Josh visibly rolling his eyes, and she felt her face heating up. Why is he being so rude? Why can’t he just be nice to her friends!

  But before she had to force herself to smile again, they had reached their stop. Thank goodness.

  Once they were inside the house, Violet quickly brought her friends up to her room, not wanting them to interact with Josh any more than they had to. Thereby, minimising the chance of her brother being a dick again.

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I swear he’s not always like that. Josh is like the sweetest, I swear!” Violet tried to convince her friends.

  Stacey put her hands up. “I take no offence to any of the things he said. Because he’s hot. End of discussion. And I don’t care if he’s your brother, I want to fuck him.”

  “Dude! Ew!” Violet exclaimed, laughing. She then turned to look at Kyle, and saw that he already had his eyes on her, a strange look on his face, as if he knew something she did not.

  “Is he always this protective of you?” Kyle asked nonchalantly.

  Violet thought about it. “No… Not really,” she replied. “Was that how you see it? You think he’s being protective of me?” Violet chuckled. “I think you may have mistaken his rudeness for being protective,” she said jokingly.

  Kyle gave her that look again, and she’s not sure if she should ask him what was it he had in mind, but she didn’t dare to… and she didn’t even know why.

  The three of them decided to spend their free time playing truth-or-dare. Which ended up with some lips-locking. Not for her and Kyle like she had hoped, though… Violet tried not to hide her surprise at how at ease Stacey appeared when she was dared by Kyle to kiss Violet. She never kissed a girl before in her life. But if Stacey was chill about it, she guessed she was too.

  When it’s Violet’s turn, she chose truth. She purposely didn’t choose dare because she knew Stacey would help her finally get a kiss from Kyle, and she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t going to just let her first kiss with Kyle happen in a truth-or-dare game. Worst, by Stacey’s order. If it’s going to happen, she wanted it to be totally unexpected and special. It will have to be the moment she would remember forever.

  Kyle was the one to ask her. “Tell me, Violet…” He looked into her eyes, his eyes sparkled with mischief. “Have you and Josh ever…” He raised his brow meaningfully.

  Violet froze. She held Kyle’s gaze, carefully regarding him—to see if he’s being serious. Kyle stared back—the intensity of his gaze made Violet’s skin crawl.

  “I mean, I can almost always tell when a guy wants to screw someone, and he definitely wants to—” Kyle stopped. He’s
biting his lip from saying any more.

  Stacey let out a high-pitched scream in shock. “That’s so fucked up, dude. Even for you! What the fuck is going on in that head of yours! I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t. Ewwww.” She shuddered and made a disgusted face.

  Violet stared at him. To say that she’s shocked was an understatement of the year. She’s beyond horrified. Suddenly the game felt stupid and she felt stupid and she wanted to burst into tears, but she couldn’t do that in front of Stacey and Kyle! She just could not.

  Her lips quivered and she said with her voice quiet, “I don’t want to play any more.”

  Kyle and Stacey exchanged a look. Stacey wasn’t laughing any more, but Kyle pressed on. “It’s just a simple question. And now you’ve made me think that you really do have something to hide.” He flashed her a naughty grin, and V wasn’t sure if he’s just being oblivious to her discomfort or if it’s just Kyle being Kyle—forward, no biting back. Violet had always been defensive of Kyle when people talked shit about him. But now a flash of thought flickered in her mind, mirroring what other people at school thought about him, Kyle is a douchebag.

  Violet looked away from Kyle’s piercing gaze, suddenly feeling disgusted. Who could think such a thing? Why am I even hanging out with this guy? Why do I like him so much? She could never answer any one of those questions without feeling like the biggest fool.

  “He’s my brother, Kyle.”

  Stacey looked worriedly at her. “Hey, V… Ignore him. He’s just being a dick. As always.” She then turned to Kyle with a scowl. “You’re being a dick.”

  Kyle ignored Stacey, his gaze still trained on Violet. He was smirking. “You’re right. Maybe it’s just all in my head. I might have gotten it all wrong.” He shrugged. “I’m sure there’s nothing.”

  “There is nothing going on!” Violet cried out. “What are you—oh my God—I can’t believe this…” she said breathily.

  Stacey suddenly got up. “I think we better go. Kyle, up!”

  Kyle rolled his eyes but did as she said.

  “So… see you tomorrow at school then,” Stacey told Violet, a bit awkwardly.

  “See ya,” said Kyle wearily. And that was it… No apologies. No nothing.

  Violet nodded, unable to meet anyone’s gaze.

  When they were gone, Violet walked out of her room to get some water downstairs, but the sight of Josh at the dining table doing his homework stopped Violet in her track. She froze at the bottom of the stair case, unable to move forward.

  She did not want to admit it, but what Kyle said had gotten to her…

  Josh seemed to have heard her footsteps. He turned to look at her. “Hey,” he said, and Violet suddenly felt something weird in her stomach. And it’s not a good feeling—not the one she had whenever Kyle was around. It’s not the good kind of weird, that’s for sure…

  What’s wrong with me? It’s just Josh!

  Violet chose to focus her thoughts on when Josh was being intolerable with her friends. “Why did you have to act that way in front of my friends?”

  Josh just looked at her. His blank stare made Violet want to scream. “What way?” he asked lamely.

  “Like, when you told them you’re my step-brother. It makes me feel like you don’t like me. Like you don’t want to be related to me! I mean… why do you have to do that? And now Kyle thinks that…” she trailed off, unable to go on. Violet never got into a fight with Josh before. Never bursted out at him. Ever. Because there’s no reason to. Josh was always a doll. He gave her everything she ever wanted—even things she did not ask for.

  Violet couldn’t bear to think that Kyle, the guy she had been infatuated with for months would say such atrocious things about her and Josh—her brother!

  Josh’s jaw tensed up. “Because it’s the truth, V,” he said slowly through his teeth. “And you going around and telling people that I’m your brother is just—it’s not the whole truth, is it? It isn’t right for you to do that.”

  She gawked at him in disbelief. “Are you ashamed of me, Josh…” She forced the words out, her chest tightening.

  “What? V… I love you. Why would I be ashamed of you?” he said incredulously.

  The words struck a chord in Violet’s heart and that was all she could hear. It disturbed her more than she wanted to admit, and her head began to throb. She just couldn’t deal any more. “I just don’t get why you can’t just accept the fact that you’re my brother! Because that’s what you are to me. My fucking brother!” Violet yelled. At that point, she couldn’t control her emotions any longer… Couldn’t control her fear…

  Hurt flickered across his face. He turned his face away from her as if he was struck in the face.

  Violet could not tell if he’s taken aback because of what she said or because of the fact that she never exploded like that before. Either way, she was ashamed… It’s non-sense to be mad at Josh for simply being protective of her. Violet was acutely aware of that. But what Kyle said…

  Not waiting for him to say another word, Violet ran back upstairs and locked herself in her room, forgetting about her glass of water.

  And that was when everything changed…

  Violet had tried to be optimistic. She thought things would be better as time went on. She thought Josh and Kyle would finally get along if they had more chances to spend time together. She was hoping that Kyle would see that he was wrong. If only he could see her with Josh—how innocent they were together. He would realise how twisted he made things out to be.

  But things did not get better… Josh still hated Kyle, and Kyle still gave her a knowing look whenever Josh was around. Although they never brought up the subject again, Violet knew deep down that she could never change Kyle’s mind about her and Josh…

  And now it was impossible for Violet to not freak out at everything Josh said or did. She could not help but snap at Josh—even when he didn’t say anything wrong, even when he did nothing. She snapped at him especially when he displayed his illogical dislike for Kyle. But most of all, she lost her shit every time Josh referred to her as his “step-sister.”

  And it’s not like she could open up and tell him everything truthfully—about what Kyle hinted at, and how she was feeling. It was just out of the question to tell him that.

  From then on, without even intending to, Violet felt the need to push Josh away, to distant herself when Josh was getting closer—especially when he was getting too close. The frustration she felt was almost too much sometimes. Because she missed her brother.

  She just felt like lashing out all the time, period.

  Even when he was just offerring to help her with math homework, as he usually did, she had told him that Kyle could help her with that. Of course, she lied. Kyle was even worst than she was with math. Without needing to, she lied… and she hated herself for it.

  Every time she pushed Josh away, the disappointed look on Josh’s face killed something in her… The hurt in his face… It made her both angry and guilty at the same time. Angry because she did not understand why it would hurt him so much to just let her be! With Kyle! But also guilty because she was the one who hurt him. And every single time she had upset him, she couldn’t help but think back to that night… The night that she promised him—that she will always be there for him. She promised. And so she couldn’t help but fear for the worst—that Josh might lose it again…

  Josh might think that Violet was oblivious to how he was feeling, and that she’s just a shallow step-sister who’s been nothing but a brat, but what else could she do about it?

  And it’s not the fact that Josh could not get along with Kyle that irritated her so much, it’s the possibility that Kyle might be right that freaked her out.

  Violet hated herself for feeling this way. So much. She didn’t want to be this way. But things had changed, and although she knew things between her and Josh could never go back to the way they were, she could at least try to pretend like there was nothing going on.

  S
he kept on pretending and pretending… And she won’t stop until she started to believe it herself.

  Chapter 13

  Josh

  The first time I saw V kiss Kyle, I almost lost it. I mean, this guy? He’s nothing but hair and dimple. And most importantly, he’s only interested in V because of her looks, I’m sure. I bet my ass he would never glance at V twice if he was here when she was wearing braces.

  It was a spring day, and I was already seated in the bus as usual when it approached the stop in front of V’s school. I looked out the window to see V and Kyle standing side by side. Stacey wasn’t there that day. I guess she’s off flirting with someone she only met two seconds ago.

  And then… I saw V’s hand in his, their fingers intertwining. Disgusting. Every time I saw her smile at him like that, it felt like a fresh wound to me.

  On typical days, V would just give him a light kiss on his cheek before hopping up the bus. But that day… Kyle fucking dared to lean down and put those disgusting lips of his on hers. V looked surprised. And awkward even. Like this was her first time. And maybe it was…

  My heart twisted, and my face felt so numb I didn’t even know the face I was making. Was I frowning or was I grimacing? I had no idea.

  V appeared with a sheepish smile. She acknowledged me by simply nodding. She was blushing all the way home while I froze. She was oblivious to me while I was aware of every movement of her—how her legs were bouncing up and down, how she kept touching her lips, how she was looking out the window with a daze in her eyes. Like her mind was elsewhere… And my mind was on fire.

  When we got home, I went straight to my bedroom and hid myself there, feeling extremely drained. So exhausted. And the idea of going into Frank’s bathroom and getting that same razor had never been so tempting. It would be so easy, I thought. Because Frank and mum were at work and V was in her room, on the phone with someone. I could hear her giddy voice through the thin wall. I didn’t want to hear it, but it was Stacey on the phone with her. V was telling her how she didn’t expect Kyle to kiss her at all, and how shocked she was that he would do that in front of people.