Newborn Under the Christmas Tree

by Sophie Pembroke

  Alice gave out a small squeak, and when he looked back over his shoulder he saw her lips were pressed together tightly as if she were trying not to laugh.

  ‘Here, take Jamie.’ She held the baby out to him. ‘Let me have a go.’

  ‘This is trickier than nappies, trust me,’ Liam said, but he took Jamie all the same. Let her try. She was always so convinced that she could do everything herself, and better than anyone else—let her have a go.

  Alice pulled a piece of paper from the bag the travel cot had been packed in, scanned it quickly, then did something he couldn’t quite follow with one of the sides of the cot. Then she reached inside, pressed something, and stood back.

  ‘All done. Where’s the mattress?’

  Liam nodded towards the pile of stuff Heather and Helene had left for them, amazed. Alice retrieved the mattress, settled it in place, then stretched a sheet across it.

  ‘He’ll probably refuse to sleep in it anyway. Don’t you have a bassinet or something around here?’ It wasn’t that he was feeling emasculated or anything. Just annoyed that he couldn’t work the bloody thing.

  And even more annoyed that she could.

  ‘This is the best we have for now.’ Alice went back to rifling through the bags and pulled out a book from one of the bags the doctor had left. ‘I’ll try and get hold of a pram tomorrow. And, actually—’ she reached deeper and pulled out a large swathe of swirly purple and blue material ‘—Helene left us a sling. So at least we can try carrying him in that until then.’

  ‘Are there instructions?’ Liam squinted at the sling. ‘Because that looks more confusing than the travel cot.’

  Alice smiled across the room at him, then covered her mouth as her smile turned into a yawn. ‘We’ll figure it out tomorrow. It’s late, and it’s already been a long day.’

  Liam suspected that the night would be even longer, but it didn’t seem worth reminding Alice of that right now. Jamie had been as good as gold so far, only squawking when he needed food or changing, but Liam had spent enough nights trying to sleep through babies crying to know that the chances were good it wouldn’t last past their heads hitting the pillow.

  Although maybe that was just the babies his various foster parents had taken in. The ones who had already been abandoned, left with adults who were only looking after them for the cash.

  Liam knew there were good foster parents out there—wonderful people who took children in to give them a better life, a better start. He’d met plenty of them since he’d grown up, mostly through his charitable work with foster carers in the past decade. Once he’d found his feet, and his success, he’d wanted to give back—not to the system that had failed him, exactly, but to the other kids who ended up in his position. He wanted to make their chances a little better, their futures a little brighter.

  So yeah, he knew there were great foster parents out there. He just hadn’t had the good fortune to be fostered by any of them.

  And now Jamie... He’d been abandoned too, left behind too. And all he had was Liam and Alice.

  He hoped they could do a better job than the people who’d pretended to look after him over the years of his childhood.

  ‘Are you okay with him for a few moments? Just while I go and get my overnight stuff?’ Alice bit her lip as she waited for his answer, and she looked so uncertain, so concerned for Jamie, that for a moment Liam forgot to feel offended by her lack of confidence in him and just enjoyed knowing that this abandoned child, at least, would be loved.

  He didn’t know what Alice’s issues were, what secrets she was hiding. But he knew that she loved Jamie already. He was barely half a day old, had no blood connection to Alice, and they didn’t even know who his parents were, let alone care. But Alice loved that baby.

  And that made her a good person. He could compromise for a good person. He could help her out.

  Liam smiled and held Jamie a little closer. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Okay, then.’ Alice’s blonde head disappeared through the door, and Liam let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t used to sharing space, yet here he was inviting a woman he barely knew and a baby he’d just met into his bedroom.

  Well. He’d known that coming home to Thornwood would change his life.

  Jamie wriggled in his arms and let out a small mewling cry.

  ‘Shh... Shh...’ Liam murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of the baby’s head. ‘It’s all fine. Everything is fine. I’m here.’

  Apparently Jamie didn’t find that very reassuring, as his cries grew louder. Liam paced the room, jostling Jamie gently as he walked. Time to bring out the big guns.

  Taking a deep breath, Liam began to hum, gratified as the music started to calm the baby. Growing in confidence, he opened his mouth and started to sing—snatches of lullabies and nursery rhymes he half remembered, interspersed with other songs from his childhood.

  Jamie blinked up at him, silent again, and Liam couldn’t help but smile down at his innocent face.

  ‘It’s all going to be fine, Jamie,’ he whispered. ‘I promise you. I’ll make sure that everything is okay for you. I don’t know how, but I will. You’re never going to have to worry about being abandoned again.’ He shouldn’t promise anything, he knew. He wasn’t staying at Thornwood. He had no power over Jamie’s future. But, although the little boy didn’t understand him, Liam couldn’t bear the thought of Jamie feeling unwanted or lost for even a moment. ‘You’ll have a home. And a family. Somehow. I’ll make it happen.’

  Jamie would never grow up the way he had. He wouldn’t allow it.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ALICE PAUSED IN the doorway, watching Liam pacing up and down the lounge area of the suite, Jamie nestled in his arms. He was talking to the baby, she realised, and strained closer to hear the words without being spotted.

  ‘You’ll have a home. And a family. Somehow. I’ll make it happen.’

  Her chest tightened at Liam’s words. What had happened to make him so attached to a tiny baby on just a couple of hours’ acquaintance? She knew it had to be connected with the baby being abandoned—his reaction to that had made his feelings very clear.

  What she didn’t know was what demons in Liam’s past made him feel it so deeply. And what she didn’t understand was why she cared.

  Liam Jenkins had arrived at Thornwood ready to toss her out on her ear, along with all the other women she helped there. But instead he’d listened—maybe not immediately, but soon enough—and he’d changed his mind. He’d engaged with the work. He’d recognised its importance.

  He might still be kicking her out, but at least he was making sure she had somewhere to go first. And now it looked as if he was doing the same for Jamie.

  Liam looked up and caught sight of her in the doorway. Holding up her overnight bag, Alice tried to make it look like she’d just arrived.

  ‘How’s he doing?’ she asked.

  ‘Just dozed off again. Might be a good time to try and put him down.’

  Alice dumped her bag by the sofa and tried to remember what Helene’s book had said. ‘Don’t we need to feed and change him first?’

  Liam shrugged. ‘He’ll wake up when he’s hungry or wet.’

  ‘But won’t he sleep longer if we do it now?’ From the little she’d read and heard, maximising sleep was an important part of looking after babies. ‘Plus, shouldn’t we be trying to get him into a routine?’

  She should be telling, not asking, she realised. She’d wanted to take control of this situation, but here she was, in his room, asking his advice.

  On the other hand, he was the only one of them that had any idea about looking after babies. So maybe she was just being prudent.

  ‘Stop overthinking it,’ Liam advised. ‘Chances are we’ll find the mother tomorrow, get him home where he belongs—or find him a better pl
ace to be. But he won’t—’

  ‘He won’t be here. Right.’ Because he wasn’t her son, this wasn’t her life. Jamie would go to a new home, new parents, and they’d take care of getting him into a routine, and making sure he was taking the right amount of formula every few hours.

  Someone else would be holding him, and putting him down to sleep. Which was just as it should be.

  She really had to remember that.

  ‘Put a blanket in the cot?’ Liam asked. Alice blinked and jumped to do it, smoothing out the waffle blanket over the sheet.

  Liam laid Jamie on top of the blanket, his head sticking out the top, then wrapped the blanket securely around his body.

  ‘Swaddling?’ Alice asked, surprised.

  ‘Hardly,’ Liam scoffed. ‘Just keeping him warmly wrapped. My memory of childcare isn’t good enough to remember the official way to do it.’

  ‘He looks happy enough.’

  Alice stood beside Liam and they gazed down at the sleeping baby.

  It shouldn’t feel so right, Alice knew. She shouldn’t let herself feel so attached.

  And yet she couldn’t help it.

  ‘You should take the bed,’ Liam murmured. ‘I’ll be fine on the daybed.’

  ‘A gentlemanly gesture?’ Alice asked, surprised. ‘Not likely. I want to be in here with Jamie.’

  Liam sighed. ‘Fine. It won’t matter anyway. It’s not like either of us are going to be getting much sleep.’

  ‘Probably not,’ Alice agreed. Normally, a bad night’s sleep would bother her. But right then, looking down at Jamie sleeping peacefully...she didn’t care at all.

  She just wanted to see Jamie’s blue eyes when he opened them again.

  * * *

  Sadly, Liam’s words proved prophetic. No sooner had he managed to fall asleep—which wasn’t as easy as it sounded—than he heard Jamie wake for the first time.

  Resting an arm across his tired eyes, he waited to see if the baby might settle again. He’d already lain there awake for hours, listening to the small sounds from the next room. He wasn’t used to sharing his space, and something about knowing Alice was just an open door away was distracting. Not to mention Jamie. Alice was the one lying beside the baby, listening for every breath, he was sure, but Liam couldn’t help but try to do the same. What if something happened to him during the night? What if Alice didn’t know how to deal with it?

  God only knew how real parents coped with that kind of fear, night after night. It was driving him crazy and the baby was technically nothing to do with him.

  Except for how it was living in his house. And sleeping next door. With his...employee? Lodger? Squatter? How exactly was he supposed to describe his relationship with Alice—especially now they appeared to be co-parenting a foundling child?

  Jamie cried out again, and Liam decided to leave the ruminations for a more reasonable hour of the morning. Shoving the covers aside, he rolled out of bed, padding across the floor to the doorway.

  Alice had turned on a small lamp in the corner of the lounge, and her hair glowed honey-gold in the soft light. She was bent over the crib, shushing Jamie as she stroked his head.

  ‘Is he hungry?’ Liam whispered, crossing to where she stood.

  Alice shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. His eyes aren’t even open; I’m not sure he’s fully awake.’

  Sure enough, after a few more moments, Jamie stilled again and his breathing evened out.

  ‘You didn’t have to get up,’ Alice said, turning away.

  ‘I know.’ He could have waited, let Alice deal with it. But somehow he’d wanted to be there too.

  Alice looked up at him, strangely vulnerable in the low light. For a moment, just a brief flash of a second, Liam could almost believe that this was real. That this was his life. His home, his family, his... Alice.

  But it wasn’t, not really.

  He looked away. ‘We should get some more sleep.’

  Alice yawned in response.

  Jamie woke a few more times in the night, usually settling again after milk or a nappy change. After the first couple, Liam left Alice to it—she only glared when he went in, anyway. But around three in the morning, Jamie started crying and didn’t stop.

  He gave it fifteen minutes, then went in to take over.

  ‘My turn,’ he said, holding his arms out for the baby.

  Alice gave him the same glare he’d been getting all night, never stopping bouncing Jamie in her arms. ‘I can do this.’

  ‘You’ve been doing this all night. Now it’s my turn.’

  ‘Because you don’t think I can do this.’

  ‘Because you need a break.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Just accept the help. Hand him over and go back to sleep.’

  It took her thirty seconds or so to finally decide in his favour, and he could almost hear the argument she was having with herself in her brain. Then she yawned and handed him the baby.

  ‘His bottles and nappies and everything are over there.’ She waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the pile of stuff she’d piled up in the corner, and stumbled towards the daybed.

  ‘Use my bed,’ Liam said, and Alice paused. But obviously tiredness had begun to catch up with her, because she gave a small nod and changed her trajectory towards the bedroom.

  Liam gave her a few seconds to reach the bed, then firmly shut the door behind her.

  ‘Just you and me now, kid,’ he told Jamie, who blinked in response.

  How hard could this be?

  * * *

  Jamie’s wails echoed off the lonely stone walls of Thornwood Castle. Liam kept pacing. He was far enough away on the ground floor that he was pretty sure Alice couldn’t hear him, which was the most important thing. She needed her sleep—if only so he could go back to bed without guilt when she got up and took over again.

  For all his assurances that he knew what he was doing, Liam was starting to doubt himself. He jostled Jamie against his shoulder again, as the baby seemed to prefer being upright to lying down, and rubbed his palm against his lower back. Jamie’s cries snuffled and stopped, and Liam held his breath, not even wanting to look to see if his eyes were closed. Maybe, maybe...

  Jamie let out another long, desolate cry, and Liam let out the breath he’d been holding.

  ‘Not tired yet, huh?’ he murmured.

  Maybe he needed those childcare books Alice had been talking about, he thought, as his pacing led him towards the library. God knew he’d done everything he could think of.

  Jamie had a dry nappy on, he’d drunk plenty of milk and declined the last bottle Liam had offered him, and he was warm and cosy—but not too hot. After that, Liam was out of ideas.

  ‘Let’s go see if we can find you a story,’ Liam suggested without much hope. Obviously Jamie was far too young to understand books and stories, but maybe the sound of him reading to him would soothe him. It was worth a try, anyway.

  Liam found a stack of picture books on a low shelf by the library door and picked a few at random, settling into a leather wingback chair with Jamie nestled in the crook of his arm. Once again, Jamie’s cries lessened for a moment, but soon he was drowning out the words of the nursery rhyme book Liam had chosen.

  Liam sighed. ‘Be honest. Is this punishment for something I did in another life? Or are you just bored?’

  Jamie’s only response was to cry louder.

  Exhausted, Liam let his head fall back against the chair and his eyes close. What on earth had he been thinking, agreeing to this—no, insisting on this? He wasn’t meant to be playing happy families with a woman who didn’t trust him and a baby that had landed unceremoniously underneath their Christmas tree. And he wasn’t meant to be settling in at Thornwood either—he was supposed to be shaking things up and changing everything.

 
But instead he was spending all his energies on a tiny scrap of humanity who would not stop crying.

  ‘I must have been mad,’ he whispered. ‘Actually crazy to even come back here.’ Hadn’t he known that Thornwood was the worst place for him to be? A place where he could never belong, and where he would always, always be found wanting?

  Jamie was just bringing that home to him in a very vocal way. He couldn’t do this, and he shouldn’t even have wanted to try. This wasn’t his life.

  Jamie gave a tiny hiccup, mid cry, and the strange sensation seemed to be enough to quiet him for a moment. Liam opened his eyes and looked down into unblinking blue ones, and knew in an instant that none of it mattered.

  Yes, he didn’t belong here. Yes, he probably couldn’t do this. And yes, this wasn’t at all how he’d pictured his time at Thornwood going.

  But he was going to do it anyway.

  Because this tiny child, less than a day old, needed him. And that made him his responsibility, regardless of blood ties or his mother’s request. Jamie needed him, and that was enough. More than enough.

  Liam couldn’t walk away now if he wanted to.

  Jamie’s little face started to screw up again, and Liam eased himself to his feet with a groan.

  ‘Come on, little man. If you’re going to be staying here, you need to get to know the place. Let’s have a tour. We can start with Rusty—that’s Alice’s favourite suit of armour, you know.’ He held Jamie a little closer, and breathed in the scent of him. ‘You and me, we can get to know this place together. Okay?’

  Because, however hard it got, Jamie was his responsibility now, for as long as the little boy needed him. And Liam wasn’t going to let him down.

  * * *

  Where was she?

  Alice sat bolt upright in a bed that definitely wasn’t hers—it was far too comfortable. She blinked into the darkness for a few moments before the events of the previous night came flooding back.

  She was in Liam’s bed. Because they were looking after a baby together. And she’d spent half the night staring fixedly at the cot where Jamie was sleeping just in case he stopped breathing, until Liam had taken over and told her to get some sleep...