Newborn Under the Christmas Tree

by Sophie Pembroke

  He turned to share another smile with Alice, doing refreshment duty over by the Christmas tree, only to find that she’d gone. He scanned the room and finally spotted her in the archway that led through to the library, talking with the social worker and Dr Helene—and someone else. Someone he didn’t recognise.

  Frowning, he shifted Jamie in his arms and crossed towards them, trying to ignore the heavy, hard feeling growing in his chest.

  ‘Alice?’ he asked as he grew nearer. ‘Everything okay?’

  She spun and looked at him, then at Jamie, her mouth pressed into a tight line and her arms wrapped around her middle. She looked as if her whole world had fallen apart, and any hope that this wasn’t what he thought it was faded. He wanted to take her in his arms, to hold her and Jamie close and never let them go.

  God, never. Never let either of them go.

  The realisation of what that meant hit him straight in the chest and he almost stumbled backwards at the impact.

  He didn’t want Alice to leave. Not because of Jamie, but because he needed her in his life.

  Because he loved her. Every bit as much as he loved the tiny boy in his arms.

  How had he gone from having no family, no love, to feeling as if his heart and his home were overflowing with them?

  And how would he cope with losing them?

  ‘Alice...’ He started to move towards her—to touch her, to comfort her, anything. But she shook her head.

  ‘I’m sorry. I can’t...’ And with that, she dashed away, up the stairs, out of his reach.

  ‘Liam?’ Dr Helene brought his attention back to the pale, thin teenager standing with the social worker. ‘Is there somewhere private we could talk?’

  Dazed, Liam nodded. ‘The library. I’ll... I’ll send for some coffee. Or tea.’ He was growing more British by the day. Australia might not even want him back at this point.

  Especially as he suddenly didn’t want to go.

  He spoke briefly with Heather, who was hovering nearby looking concerned, then led the small group through to the library. The large table in the centre of the room was clear for once, and he moved to take a seat—only to stop when the young girl approached, her gaze fixed on Jamie.

  ‘You’re his mother, I take it.’ His words came out hard, but Liam didn’t care. Yes, she was young—hardly more than a child herself. But she’d left his boy alone when he was only a few hours old. How could he forgive that?

  The girl nodded and raised a finger to touch Jamie’s face, stopping just a few centimetres away before she pulled back. ‘I’m sorry. I—I—’

  Tears were streaming down her face, Liam realised. She looked so, so young, so lost, he could almost feel the ice of his anger cracking.

  ‘Liam, this is Danielle,’ the social worker said, putting an arm around the girl. ‘Danielle, why don’t we take a seat and you can explain everything to Mr Jenkins? Just the way you told it to me.’

  The girl nodded and let herself be led to a seat. Liam followed suit and prepared to listen. Maybe not to understand, but he could at least hear her out, he supposed.

  It was more than Alice had managed.

  The thought tore at his heart, but he pushed it aside. He’d deal with Alice after. First, he needed to fix whatever was trying to tear apart his family from the outside.

  ‘Tell me,’ he said. And she did.

  It took a while, the story punctuated by sobs and outbursts and the tea tray arriving. But it didn’t take long for Liam to get the pertinent points.

  Danielle was fifteen. She’d been fourteen when she got pregnant at a party. She didn’t even know who the father was, let alone how to contact him.

  The party had been one month after her mother died, leaving her alone with her uncaring, emotionally abusive father. She’d gone out to try and have fun, to drink away her pain and her grief.

  And instead she’d ended up pregnant.

  ‘My mother was a midwife,’ Danielle said. ‘I’d seen home births before, even helped at one, so I knew what to do. But I was so scared...’

  ‘Why did you leave him here?’ Liam asked.

  Danielle wiped at her eyes with another tissue. ‘My mum...she used to bring me here sometimes, before she got sick. When she died, Alice hired me after school sometimes to help her out. I think she knew I needed the money. So I knew Alice was a good person. I mean, I didn’t know her very well, but everyone could see that. I knew my baby would be safe with her.’

  ‘But you didn’t know me at all,’ Liam pointed out. ‘Why put my name on that note too?’ Nobody in their right mind would leave him in charge of a child. But Danielle had been desperate. Maybe that was all it was.

  She looked up and met his gaze. ‘Thornwood Castle is yours. And Mum always said the lord at Thornwood took care of us, down in the village. She used to tell me stories about her grandma and granddad. They worked at the castle, you see. They were butler and housekeeper. When they got married, the old Lady at Thornwood gave them the cottage in the woods, and that’s where they lived until they died. I know things are different these days, and I’m not expecting anything from you, I promise. I just... I hoped that you would feel that too. That you’d look after Jamie, and give him the life I couldn’t.’

  The butler. The same butler who’d looked down on him so many years ago? Maybe. It didn’t matter now, Liam realised. None of it did.

  Danielle had wanted what was best for her baby, and she’d trusted them to give it to him. It was a stupid, crazy move—one that had to be born out of desperation rather than logic.

  And, in the weirdest of ways, she’d been right.

  ‘But now you’ve come back for him,’ Liam replied. That was the part that stung the most.

  Danielle shook her head. ‘I can’t look after him. My dad... I won’t bring him up there in that house. I won’t let him go through what me and Mum went through.’

  ‘We’ve found a place for Danielle,’ the social worker put in. ‘We’re working to help her get herself back on her feet, away from her father’s influence. But Jamie...’

  ‘He’ll go up for adoption,’ Liam guessed, and the social worker nodded.

  Suddenly, everything was clear. Crystal clarity, with all doubt swept away. No fear, no uncertainty.

  Liam knew exactly what he needed to do. It was no longer a pipe dream, a scheme with no plan behind it. It was his future. His and Alice’s and Jamie’s.

  It was meant to be.

  ‘Let me adopt him. I’ll make him my heir. Thornwood will be his one day. And he will be my son, I swear to you, in every way that matters. He’ll be loved, he’ll have a home and he’ll have a family.’ Everything Liam had never had, he would give to Jamie. And he’d do it with Alice by his side, showing both of them every day just how much he loved and cherished them.

  Liam knew it would be the best thing he ever did in this world.

  * * *

  Alice grabbed another handful of clothes from the drawers by the daybed and shoved them into her suitcase. How had so much of her stuff ended up in Liam’s room, anyway? This had only ever been temporary, but from her packing it looked as if she’d moved in.

  And now she was moving out again. Out of his rooms, out of Thornwood, out of his life. Out of Jamie’s life.

  It was for the best, she reminded herself. Jamie would be back with his mother, Liam could get on with his plans for Thornwood, and Heather was more than capable of taking over Alice’s work. It was time for her to move on, to find a new start somewhere else.

  This had only ever been an impossible dream, and she’d known that from the start.

  So why did her heart ache so much?

  ‘Alice!’ Liam burst into the suite, his eyes alight and his smile broad—until he saw her suitcase. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Packing.’
She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t.

  It was time to move on.

  ‘You’re leaving.’ It wasn’t a question. ‘You’re running again, aren’t you? Even now. Why?’

  ‘Jamie is going back to his mother. You’ve got your work to get on with. It’s time for me to look for something new too.’ She kept her voice steady. She was rather proud of that.

  ‘Danielle is giving him up. I’ve asked to be considered to adopt him, and Danielle has agreed. The social worker thinks we have a strong case. Alice—’ He reached out and pulled her clothes from her hands. ‘Stop it. I’m telling you it’s going to be okay.’

  It’s going to be okay. It’s different this time. It won’t happen again.

  How many times had she heard those words? How many times had she believed them?

  And yes, this was different. And yes, that small bubble of hope was growing again.

  But Alice stamped it down. She knew too well how many ways things could go wrong. The only way to avoid being hurt when everything you loved was torn away was by not loving in the first place.

  She’d made a mistake with Jamie; she’d got too close, too fast. And she’d run the risk of the same with Liam. But if she left now, right now, she thought she might survive.

  If she stayed, if she fell any deeper...she didn’t know if she could make it through losing everything a second time.

  ‘You can’t know that,’ she said softly. ‘You can’t know it’ll be okay.’

  ‘I can promise I’ll do everything in my power to make it okay.’ Liam held on to her hands and tried to tug her away from the suitcase, but she resisted. She couldn’t let him get to her now. She’d made her decision. ‘Alice, please. Trust me.’

  She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry. I have to go.’

  ‘Why?’ She didn’t answer. ‘Because you’re a coward? You’re too scared to stay? Too scared to be happy for once in your miserable life?’

  That was better. Anger she knew how to deal with. Bitterness and frustration were her old friends—and far more familiar to her than love and kindness. And they made it so much easier for her to go.

  ‘So what if I am?’ she spat back. ‘You’ve got no idea what you’re getting yourself into, have you? So we looked after a baby for a couple of weeks. That’s not parenting. That’s babysitting. You’re signing up for a lifetime job—and you can’t build a family or a home just like one of those buildings you design. It’s just a fantasy for you—trying to create everything you never had. It’s not as simple as all that, Liam.’

  ‘Isn’t it? I think you’re the one making it hard. You’re so scared to trust in something good you’re going to throw everything away.’

  ‘I’d rather throw it than have it taken! You say the mother wants you to have Jamie. What if she changes her mind? What if the courts say no? What if the father comes forward? There are so many things that can go wrong, Liam. And then what will you do?’

  ‘I thought I’d at least still have you,’ he said quietly. ‘But apparently I was wrong about that.’

  ‘Me? What use would you have for me then?’ Because the idea of it being just the two of them, without Jamie there, with no prospect of giving Liam a child of their own... They’d never be able to adopt another child if the state wouldn’t even let them have Jamie. So Liam would grow to hate her, she knew. And she couldn’t live like that again. Couldn’t see hate where she’d once hoped for love.

  No, not hoped for. She didn’t need love. Love led to disappointment and pain when it was torn away.

  Why would she want that?

  ‘What use would I have for you? Alice, I lo—’

  ‘Don’t you say it!’ She cut him off, her voice shrill. ‘Don’t you dare say it. We agreed. We don’t do that. We’re too broken for that.’

  ‘Well, maybe you mended me. You and Jamie. You made me the man I never even hoped I could be. And if we just stick together—’

  ‘No. You want me to believe in the power of home, and family and even love? Well, I can’t. That was taken from me four years ago by someone else who said they loved me. And I won’t stay here, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Falling deeper into a life that can be ripped away from me at any minute. I won’t do it, Liam. Not even for Jamie. Not even for you.’

  And with that, she threw her bag over her shoulder and walked out.

  She’d burned the last of her bridges with Thornwood. It was time to start over. Again.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ‘YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED,’ Heather said, eyeing Liam up and down. ‘Do you want me to take Jamie for a bit so you can go lie down?’

  Liam shook his head. ‘He’s no bother. And anyway, I need to work.’

  ‘You’ve been doing nothing but working and caring for Jamie since—’ Heather broke off, but Liam knew what she wasn’t saying.

  Since Alice left.

  Nobody mentioned it around the castle—although he was sure they were gossiping about it in the village. How the lord of the manor had been abandoned, left holding the baby—literally.

  It had been a full week since she’d left. Long enough for Liam to be sure she had no intention of coming back.

  He knew why she’d run, of course. Understood her fear, her desperate need not to be hurt again. But he’d hoped he’d shown her, in the time they’d spent together with Jamie, that she didn’t have to be afraid of that any more. That she could trust him—not just with her secrets, her body, or their child—but with her heart.

  But apparently her faith in him didn’t run as deep as his faith in them, in their little family.

  That was her choice. Just because she was too scared to live, and to love, that didn’t mean he had to be. And anyway, he had Jamie to think of. He’d give Jamie the perfect home and family he’d promised, no matter how much work it took.

  ‘There’s a lot that needs doing,’ he said. ‘Plans to be made. Contractors to hire. Planning permission to sort.’ A lot of what he wanted to do was just improving what was already standing at Thornwood, but some jobs would take longer, and need official permission before he could begin. Fortunately there was plenty of other stuff to be getting on with.

  ‘It’s two days before Christmas,’ Heather pointed out. ‘Everyone you need to speak to is probably off at their office Christmas do, having sex on a photocopier or whatever people who don’t work in castles do.’

  He smiled at her. ‘Regretting accepting that promotion?’ With Alice gone, he’d needed someone to oversee all his new plans, and Heather had been the obvious choice. So far it seemed to be working well. Thornwood Castle was now officially known as Thornwood Haven. There wouldn’t be an aristocratic theme park, or go-karting in the woods. And it would never make him any money—but he’d always been good enough at doing that himself anyway.

  No, Thornwood Haven would help women and children and families, not just for a while but for good. And that felt right.

  ‘Never.’ Heather paused in the doorway. ‘You’re doing a good thing here, you know. Rose would be proud of you.’

  Liam smiled awkwardly as she turned and left. He hadn’t done it for Rose. He’d done it for Danielle, and for Jamie. And for Alice.

  Even if she wasn’t there to see it.

  Even if it broke his heart afresh every time he thought of her.

  He looked down at Jamie, contentedly watching from his bouncy chair.

  ‘It’s just you and me now, kid,’ he said. ‘So I guess we’d better get on with it.’

  * * *

  Alice looked up as the door to the café she was sitting in opened and jumped to her feet as Helene entered. Christmas music blared out of the speakers and the baristas were all wearing festive headbands and Santa hats.

  It was Christmas Eve morning, and Alice had never felt less festive—not since the Chr
istmas she’d spent in hospital.

  Hard to imagine it was four years ago today that she’d woken up to learn that her world had changed. And once again she was spending Christmas Eve reflecting on everything she had lost—except the list was even longer this year.

  ‘How are they?’ she asked as the doctor approached her table.

  Helene gave a low chuckle. ‘Not missing them at all, then? Let me grab a coffee and I’ll tell you everything.’

  Alice dropped back down to her seat, stirring her already cold hot chocolate, and waited. Impatiently.

  She’d thought it would be easy to leave everything behind. She’d done it so many times before, after all. What was so different about this time?

  Of course, she already knew the answer to that—even if she didn’t want to say the words out loud. That would make it real. That would mean she’d walked out on the only life she’d ever wanted.

  And she couldn’t be that stupid. Could she?

  ‘So, how’re things in the big city?’ Helene asked, slipping into the seat opposite her. ‘Pining for the country yet?’

  ‘Not the country,’ Alice muttered. ‘Look, just tell me. What’s happening back at Thornwood?’

  Helene sighed. ‘You could come home and find out for yourself, you realise.’

  Alice shook her head. ‘No, I can’t. Trust me. That bridge is well and truly burned.’

  ‘Is it?’ Helene raised her eyebrows. ‘Seems to me that there are two boys with a row boat that would be more than happy to help you get back across your hypothetical river.’

  Her boys. Liam and Jamie. She hadn’t even let herself think of them as truly hers until after she’d left. But now that was the only way she could see them. ‘How are they?’ she asked again.

  ‘They’re fine, on the outside,’ Helene said. ‘I can’t speak for their hearts, though. They miss you—anyone can see that. Liam is working a lot on Haven—’

  ‘Haven?’ Alice asked, frowning.

  ‘Didn’t he talk to you about it?’ Helene looked surprised. ‘I thought you must have talked him into it. He’s turning Thornwood into a proper centre for the women, children and families of the area. He’s doing up the place to make it work better—a proper canteen and better facilities in the rooms, that sort of thing. And he’s looking at setting up some activities and stuff for summer camps and the like in the grounds.’