Don't Follow Vee

by Oliver Phommavanh

  ‘And someone else?’ I ask. ‘I think I know who he might be …’

  Mum tries to grab me but I slip through her fingers. Now she’s chasing me. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who wants to bring out the best in Mum.

  After our jog, I text Bryan to meet me outside Dino Burgers. Bryan rides up to me on his bike, wearing his red jacket. ‘What’s up, Vee?’

  ‘I’m going to have a burger today for my Faturday,’ I say. ‘And I want you to pick a burger for me. Plus I’ll tag you in support of your burger challenge against T-Wrecks.’

  ‘You’ll tag me, for real?’ Bryan says. ‘Why, after all this time?’

  ‘Because I might never get the chance again.’

  Bryan’s face droops. ‘Oh.’

  ‘Come on, you’re not dead yet.’

  We both step into Dino Burgers and find a place to sit down in a booth. I glance at the menu. ‘What do you recommend for a first-timer?’

  Bryan licks his lips. ‘You can’t go past the classic Dinomite or Steakasauraus.’

  ‘Okay, give me a Dinomite burger.’

  ‘Cool. Your burger is on me,’ Bryan says. ‘I’ll get something too.’

  ‘Whoa, isn’t the burger challenge on Wednesday?’ I say. ‘Don’t you want to wait until then?’

  ‘Nah, this is the only training that matters.’ Bryan walks up to the counter. ‘Can I have one Dinomite burger and a Friceratops with double the bacon, mac and cheese and chilli sauce?’

  ‘Coming right up, Burger Bryan,’ the man says.

  Bryan comes back to the table and I lean over. ‘What’s a Friceratops?’ I ask.

  ‘It has a beef patty, a piece of fried chicken and fries on top of the bun,’ Bryan says. ‘Then I hack it with the other add-ons.’

  I lick my lips. ‘I’ll have one too.’

  ‘You’ll cancel out this morning’s jog.’ Bryan snaps his fingers. ‘Unless this is a cheat meal.’

  ‘Yeah, totally,’ I say. ‘I’ll be cheating death.’

  Bryan laughs and calls out to change the order.

  ‘So how else have you been training?’ I say.

  ‘I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube clips of burger and hotdog-eating contests,’ Bryan says. ‘A lot of the champions are stick figures like me, so that’s good.’

  ‘My mum would kill to know your secret,’ I say.

  We wait for ten minutes before the burger guy comes over, juggling our burgers carefully. The Friceratops looks like a fort, with the fries sticking out of the top like thorns. The piece of chicken is too big for the bun, and makes the burger look like it has wings.

  Bryan goes all paparazzi on his precarious pile of protein, turning the plate around for different photo angles. Then he claws the burger with both hands.

  ‘Dig in, Vee.’

  First I take a snap of Bryan taking his first bite. ‘Cool, I’ll post this up later.’

  Bryan murders a few napkins as he wipes the sauce off his chin. ‘Thanks for your support, Vee.’

  ‘Yeah, I hope you get a few more followers through me.’

  ‘No, I meant thanks for being right here with me,’ Bryan says. ‘I appreciate it.’

  Good thing I have a burger that’s big enough to hide my beetroot face, so I tackle the Friceratops head on. The beef and chicken works well together. I’m getting wicked ideas for my next Vee fusion meal. I finally manage to swallow my first big bite and come back up for air. I keep on eating while I watch Bryan expertly devour his Friceratops. He really is a burger-eating pro. It’s like watching a magic trick in slow motion.

  Bryan’s finishes his last bite while I’m barely halfway through mine. I’m in a meat coma. I take one more bite.

  ‘I think I’m done,’ I groan. ‘Want the rest?’

  ‘Nah, I’m good.’ Bryan pats his tummy. ‘I told ya, Dino Burgers are the best.’

  We head off to the bathrooms to wash the grease off our hands, then get cracking on our Instagram posts. I don’t need Mum around for this one.

  ‘Want to do this again sometime?’ Bryan says.

  ‘Yeah, for sure.’ I smile back at him. ‘But maybe next time, I’ll order a salad.’

  Chapter

  Eighteen

  Annabelle rings the doorbell right on time on Sunday morning. A best friend coming over to your house shouldn’t be a big deal. But when you haven’t spoken to her for almost two weeks, it feels like making contact with the first Martian. Annabelle is wearing a sunny yellow dress, but her face is still partly cloudy with a chance of sour plums.

  She stares at me with dull eyes. ‘Hey, Vee.’

  ‘Thanks for coming, Annabelle.’ I lead her silently through to my room.

  ‘So what did you want to show me?’ Annabelle says impatiently, like she needs to be somewhere else in a hurry.

  ‘You’re my Veexpert, but you only know half the story.’ I bring over the vault and take out a scrapbook. ‘When I was seven years old, I imagined The Chronicles of Vee was an actual book, with fairy tales about this other girl that looked like me.’

  ‘Really?’ Annabelle says.

  I open the scrapbook and it’s filled with loads of photos, surrounded by lush borders and stunning words and headings. All my hours of practising calligraphy pay off here.

  ‘This other girl, Vee, had all these awesome adventures with her best friend, Annabelle.’

  Annabelle touches her own face in a photo. ‘Mmmm, she does look familiar.’

  ‘This is where I hid you,’ I whisper. ‘I didn’t want to share you with anybody else.’ Each word falls out softly like snow. I turn the pages, and the memories fly out in all directions like birds being set free from a cage. ‘None of these pictures and moments are on Instagram …’ I get to the last page. ‘Until this one.’

  ‘That’s the shot of us on mufti day,’ Annabelle says.

  ‘It was such a great picture,’ I say. ‘But when Mum decided to post it online, I was afraid I would lose the world I created in this book.’

  I let the scrapbook rest on Annabelle’s lap.

  ‘If you still want to block me in real life, then that’s okay. But at least I got to tell you the truth. Plus you get to take away some brownies, and some packets of choc-chip cookies. Actually, take all the cookies for Mum’s sake.’

  ‘Hello, real Vee,’ Annabelle says. ‘It’s nice to finally meet you.’

  ‘Same here.’

  Annabelle goes in for a quick hug with the book sandwiched between us. ‘I thought you were ashamed of me.’

  ‘No way,’ I say. ‘I was being a selfish plum.’ I take another thing out of the vault. ‘This is for you.’

  It’s a pocket-sized card with a cheesy quote. Life is better when shared with friends.

  ‘I thought it would go well on your fridge with the others.’

  Annabelle pops it in her pocket. ‘You are definitely an Annabelle expert.’

  ‘Bellepert?’ I say.

  Annabelle giggles. ‘We can work on that later.’

  We head downstairs, being led by our noses that have latched onto the sweet smell of Mum’s brownies, which are cooling on the bench. I love how Mum can sneak around like a pro. She would make a great ninja ballerina.

  I take a selfie of me and Annabelle with the brownies and post it on the Chronicles under the caption, Brownies with my bestie.

  ‘Are you sure?’ she asks.

  ‘Yeah, it just feels right,’ I say. ‘I wanted you to be here to see it.’

  Annabelle pops a brownie straight into her mouth. ‘I didn’t mean to force you into doing the slime video,’ she says.

  ‘I had fun,’ I say. ‘Maybe we can do another one?’

  Annabelle shows me her gooey choc teeth. ‘Is this the Anti-Vee or the real Vee talking?’

  ‘Both.’ I give her a brownie smile back. ‘There’s nothing wrong with doing the opposite of what everyone expects sometimes.’

  Later that afternoon, Mum and I have a pop-up picnic at West Grove Parkl
ands for some sunshine and Insta-piration. Mum’s already taken an overhead shot of our spread of brownies, cheese, crackers and fruit, so I’m safe from Mum’s camera for at least twenty minutes.

  ‘So, I’m going to the movies this Friday night,’ she says.

  ‘Great,’ I say. ‘Are you and the Merry Glee gang going to that Grease sing-a-long at the drive-in?’

  ‘Um. It’s just Tom and me.’

  ‘Oh, so nobody else are fans of Grease?’

  ‘No, we’re going to watch a movie at the cinemas.’ Mum dips her carrot stick into a pot of hummus. ‘Vee, what do you think about Tom?’

  I break a cracker in half. ‘He could shave more often. His beard looks like fluff.’

  ‘Vee!’ Mum laughs. ‘I have told him that,’ she says through the side of her mouth.

  Tom. I try saying that again in my head. Could it be in my Veecabulary one day? It’s already in Mum’s. I don’t know what to think about Tom yet. But he’s played a huge part in Operation Don’t Follow Vee so far, plus he’s making Mum happy. I give her a thumbs up.

  ‘This is a Tom Thumb,’ I say with a grin.

  ‘Thanks, my sugar plum.’ Mum tries to keep it cool, gulping down her apple juice. She coughs from swallowing too quickly, then her eyes dart to her mobile. ‘So, I saw on Insta that you’re friends with Annabelle again.’

  ‘Yeah, news travels fast.’ I glance at my phone to see if anyone has commented on the brownie pic, but I guess nobody cares. Even Emily hasn’t said anything, and she’d seen that Annabelle had blocked me in real life. I let out a tiny cat meow. ‘This post is a stinker, it’s only got two hundred likes in a few hours,’ I say. ‘This is even worse than the glitter shoelaces post back in Year Four.’

  Mum lies back on the picnic mat. ‘It doesn’t matter, Vee.’

  I wave my hands in front of Mum’s face. ‘Has your body been overtaken by an alien. Blink once for yes …’

  Mum waves her hands around like magic wands. ‘Sometimes you have to let it go … let it gooooooo.’

  I join her in singing the rest of the chorus, before I lie down next to her. ‘Seriously, I’m not gleeing around here. You’re not mad?’

  ‘It’s the second post you’ve done by yourself in a row,’ Mum says. ‘That’s already a win in my book.’

  ‘But what if this post makes us lose all of our followers?’ I say.

  ‘Are you asking for another encore of that song?’ Mum says.

  I let myself melt under the sun. Mum wants to gain followers, I wanted to lose them. We’re both obsessed with followers. We both need to stop worrying. Maybe ending The Chronicles of Vee will help both of us.

  Chapter

  Nineteen

  It’s B-day for Bryan. At lunchtime, Annabelle, Matty and I walk with him to the picnic tables, where there’s already a hungry crowd.

  ‘Hey, it’s Burger Bryan!’ Larry yells.

  I pat Bryan on the back. ‘Congrats, you’re finally more famous than me today.’

  Matty checks his phone. ‘Yeah, he’s got close to three hundred followers now. This is great publicity,’ he says.

  ‘Shame it could all end today,’ Annabelle says.

  Matty shrugs. ‘He could always come back under a new profile …’

  I guess I shouldn’t tell him what Mum told me, how followers from your old profile hardly ever go with you to the new one.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Bryan says. ‘I have a plan.’

  ‘I hope you skipped breakfast,’ Annabelle says.

  ‘And all your meals yesterday,’ I add.

  Bryan shrugs. ‘I ate some toast before school.’

  I flash Bryan a look. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’

  Bryan goes to sit down on the bench. ‘Here comes T-Wrecks!’

  A hush falls over the crowd and Tyrone stomps over to the bench and sits down next to Bryan. If it was a see-saw, Bryan would have flown off. Tyrone sizes Bryan up. He could eat three Bryans and have room for dessert.

  A few boys follow him with a basket full of burgers from the canteen. If it was any other day, I’d imagine this would be Bryan’s dream come true.

  ‘We ordered twenty burgers,’ one of Tyrone’s friends says.

  Tyrone snorts. ‘Is that all?’

  ‘Well, if there are any left over, we can have them.’

  ‘That won’t happen, Noah.’ Tyrone sticks his tongue in and out like its doing push ups.

  Noah gives Bryan and Tyrone a burger. ‘Are you readyyyy …? Go!’

  Every kid takes out their phone, watching the challenge through their screens.

  Tyrone crams half the burger in his mouth. Bryan separates the bun and eats the beef patty first. Then he rolls up the pieces of bun and squeezes them into his mouth.

  ‘You really are a burger baby,’ Tyrone scoffs, going for another burger. By the time Bryan finishes his first burger, Tyrone is already onto his third.

  I pump my fists in the air. ‘Come on, Burger Bryan!’

  Matty buries his head in his hands. ‘He’s a goner.’

  Tyrone stops after his fourth burger. ‘I’m just going to wait for him to catch up.’

  He gulps down some sports drink and flexes his muscles.

  Bryan finally finishes his third burger, still treating them like it’s lego and breaking it apart. Tyrone goes to the fifth burger and he’s only taking a normal bite, which is still a giant chomp compared to me. Bryan’s catching up.

  Tyrone tries to gobble the rest of the fifth burger and slowly reaches for the sixth. He’s not talking as much anymore. He’s concentrating very hard on eating and he looks uncomfortable. Maybe his brain isn’t used to working this much. His shoulders cave in and he begins to slouch.

  Bryan’s still going hard and steady on his fourth burger.

  Tyrone drops his burger on the bench. He nearly falls backwards. Noah and his other friend push him back up.

  ‘Keep going, man,’ says Noah. ‘At least finish this burger.’

  Tyrone picks up the sixth burger again like it’s a heavy dumbbell. He brings it up to his mouth and gags.

  ‘Nah, I’m done.’

  I switch into mad coach mode and yell at Bryan. ‘Only one more burger after this one and you can catch up to him! You got this!’

  The crowd follows my lead and starts a Burger Bryan chant. Bryan’s sweating all over but he’s still stuffing the bread in his mouth, sipping water in between each bite.

  Matty’s acting like a shaken-up can of soft drink. ‘He’s using science to win,’ he says.

  When Bryan moves to his fifth burger, everyone is still chanting his name with every bite. Even the teachers have come out of their staffroom to check him out. Bryan saves the patty for last, cramming it into his mouth, which he then covers with his hands in case it all comes out. He gulps and opens up his mouth like he’s done a magic trick.

  Tyrone frowns. ‘Go on, eat another burger and defeat me.’

  Bryan shakes his head. ‘I’m happy with a tie. I’d never want to kill off another burgerhead.’

  Tyrone smiles and reaches out to shake Bryan’s hand. ‘You have my respect, Burger Bryan.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Maybe we can do a burgergram together sometime.’

  T-Wrecks slowly gets up, waddling to the toilets.

  We all rush over to Bryan, patting him gently on the back.

  ‘Do you want another drink?’ Matty says.

  Bryan shakes his head. ‘I just need to lie down for a bit.’

  ‘Hassan filmed the whole thing,’ Annabelle says. ‘So you can watch yourself later.’

  Bryan rubs his tummy and groans. ‘I don’t need to. I already lived through it.’

  ‘Close call,’ I say. ‘But what if you hadn’t managed to catch up to T-Wrecks.’

  ‘I’d still be eating burgers,’ Bryan says. ‘It doesn’t matter if I’m on Instagram about it or not.’

  I think about what would happen if I shut down The Chronicles of Vee. Would Mum st
ill be taking photos of me every five seconds? Probably. But now that she has a lot of new friends and hobbies, I reckon she won’t miss it that much.

  Later that evening, I notice Mum’s been inside her bedroom since dinner. I knock on her door. ‘Is everything okay?’

  ‘Come in, Vee.’

  I step inside and there’s an empty shoebox at my feet and Mum has spread a whole lot of photos on her bed.

  ‘I got inspired by your friend’s mother to look back at some of our old photos,’ Mum says.

  I pretend to be a claw-toy machine and randomly pick up a photo. It’s one of me clinging onto Mum’s hand, drenched in my own tears.

  ‘That’s when I picked you up from child care and you didn’t want to leave until you found all your coloured pencils,’ Mum says. ‘It took us an hour to find them all.’

  ‘I don’t remember that,’ I say.

  ‘No, this one stayed in my vault,’ Mum says. ‘We haven’t posted many sad moments on The Chronicles of Vee.’

  I nod. ‘It makes sense. Our followers only want warm fuzzies.’

  Mum’s tears trickle down her cheeks. ‘Was it really worth putting you through all of this?’ Mum whispers. ‘I’ve seen you grow up through a camera lens.’

  ‘I’m used to it.’ I pass her a tissue. ‘Well, most of the time.’

  Mum dabs her eyes with it and sniffs loudly. ‘I guess I had thought I’d keep going, but soon you’ll be an actual teenager and well … nothing lasts forever, right?’

  I squeeze her hand. ‘I’ll still be here.’

  I look at Mum’s red eyes, still overflowing with tears.

  I just want my birthday to come around, so I can finally tell Mum the truth.

  Chapter

  Twenty

  I wake up on my birthday with Mum’s camera in my face.

  ‘Happy Birthday, Vee!’ she sings. But I can sense the nervousness behind her voice. Today is V-day, perhaps the final page of The Chronicles of Vee.

  ‘I’ve got everything sorted for your Vee.I.P. party,’ Mum says. ‘Come downstairs when you’re ready.’