Down the Rabbit Hole

by F J messina

  As the afternoon wore on, the pattern was becoming very clear to Sonia. The pickup kept traveling south, down the interstate. Every time the driver came to a town with a college or university, he would pull off, find a local drop-off point, spend a few minutes “visiting,” then move on. There were also a few stops in very small towns, towns in which there was no college or university. Still, she knew there must have been dealers or customers looking for product.

  By seven o’clock, dusk had already begun to fall and the pickup had traveled over the state line into Tennessee, up and over Jellico Mountain. Brad’s voice came to Sonia. “Well, very interesting, Nice to see we’re crossing state lines. That opens up new opportunities for us to pull together federal resources.”

  “Absolutely,” replied Sonia, although the thought had never crossed her mind. “Do you think our boy is running out of things to deliver?”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised. You can be sure he won’t be making any stops on the way back. These guys want to get that stuff off their truck as soon as they can so that if they ever do get stopped, they have as little product on them as possible. There’s no way he passed a drop-off point, thinking he’d catch it on the way back.”

  Around seven-twenty, well after dusk, Sonia followed the pickup off the interstate at an exit marked Rocky Top. “Is there really a Rocky Top, Tennessee? I know the name from the song, but—”

  “Actually, the exit was called Lake City until just recently. Don’t quite know why they changed it, but it might just be about that song.” She could tell he was enjoying himself.

  Sonia followed the truck for quite a while this time, further from the interstate than at any of the other stops. Eventually, the driver turned the pickup down a long street that ended in a dead end. Sonia picked up the walkie-talkie. “Brad, he’s turned onto a dead-end street. It’s kind of an industrial area. I can’t drive past him, and I’m afraid he might notice me if I stop.” The pitch of her voice was rising.

  “No choice. Just pull over as soon as you can and kill your lights.”

  Sonia did exactly that, pulling up to the curb and killing her lights and her engine.

  She squeezed the walkie-talkie harder. “Now what?” Her voice rose again. “Are we going to be okay?”

  “Just sit still. Don’t move around a lot in the car. Absolutely don’t do anything that would make a light come on. In fact, make sure your phone is buried in your purse, just in case it rings and lights up. Don’t panic, babe, I’m right here behind you.”

  Sonia looked in her mirror. She couldn’t see the Corolla. Her body was frozen in her seat. She struggled to keep her breathing from shattering that stillness. She desperately wanted to slip out of the car and go back to wherever the hell Brad was, but she knew opening the car door would light her up─and that was the last thing she needed. She held the walkie-talkie close to her chest.

  Sonia watched the driver get out of his truck. Maybe it was because the driver had done all the “visiting” he could handle and still keep driving, but he was less cautious than he had been. He reached into the back of the truck and pulled out two white packages, carrying them through the front door of one of the only buildings on the block that still had lights on at that hour.

  “Brad,” Sonia whispered, “he just went inside with two more packages. I saw it myself.”

  “Patience, Sonia. This is how we play the game. Just be patient.”

  Within a few minutes, the driver walked out and headed for the truck. As he opened the door, he stopped and looked up the street.

  It seemed to Sonia that he was staring at her car, checking it out. She felt her heart pound under the walkie-talkie. Her foot tapped furiously on the floorboard. “Brad,” Sonia whispered, “I think he may have made me. I’m a quarter of the way down the block. He’s at the end, and he keeps staring and craning his neck─as if he’s trying to make out who’s in the car.”

  “Sonia, listen, he can’t see you in the dark. He’s just wondering about the car. Just don’t move. Don’t move a muscle. Let’s see what he does.”

  Sonia’s hand slid back and forth on her leg.

  “Just hang in, girl. Just hang in.”

  Her hand kept rubbing. “Brad. Brad. He’s getting in the truck.”

  “Yes, of course. He’s getting ready to leave. This is going to be over in just a few moments. Hold tight, Sonia, just hold tight.”

  “He’s started the truck. Here he comes.” The words came out fast.

  Brad didn’t answer.

  “Did you hear me . . . are you still there?” No answer.

  “Brad! Brad!” she whispered in full panic. “He’s driving slowly, super slowly. Brad, he’s coming to get me, I know he’s coming to get me!” The words came out faster and faster.

  Still, no answer.

  She whipped her head around. Empty street. Shit!

  The truck slowly approached. As it did, Sonia slid down between the front seat and the steering wheel. Squeezing. Twisting. At five-foot-four she was not a tall girl, but neither was she tiny. Still, as panic drove her, she slid and scrunched until she was totally on the floor in front of the driver’s seat─her body crammed below the steering wheel and contorted around the gas and brake pedals. The smell of the rubber mat. Dirt. Wires pressed into her neck. She desperately avoided hitting the brake pedal. Brake lights would doom her for sure.

  Sonia heard the dark growl of the pickup’s powerful engine as it approached her car. Then, alongside her car, the truck stopped. Her car shook in response to the vibrations coming from the muscular machine. Sonia kept her head forced downward; she couldn’t look up. Still, she sensed a light beam searching through her car. She didn’t move. She didn’t breathe. She could do neither.

  The pickup sat next to her car, rumbling ominously. An eternity passed. Finally, the light disappeared. The pickup’s engine came to life with a roar. The truck pulled away.

  Sonia took her first real breath. It hurt. She was still contorted in a position she wasn’t sure she could ever get out of.

  Suddenly, there was a rapping on the window. Sonia screamed.

  32

  Her scream still echoing through the car, Sonia was in full panic mode. She fought to move. She was stuck.

  Sonia heard something click against the side of her car. Her heart jumped. The door opened. Her body jolted. A hand forced itself in, squeezing between her and the seat. Suddenly, the seat moved back several inches. Two powerful hands slid under her armpits and began pulling her from her contorted position─hard. She fought─wildly. Her body did not unfold gracefully. She all but fell out of the car and onto the street, her back bent, her butt on the pavement. She was pulled up to a standing position─squirming─struggling. He turned her.

  Brad’s bright blue eyes looked into Sonia’s. She totally lost it. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled herself into him. Tears flowed. She could barely catch her breath. “He was right here. Right here.” Her voice trembled.

  “I know, but he’s gone now. It’s over. He’s gone.” His voice was soothing.

  Sonia stood shaking in Brad’s arms. She pulled back, “Where were you?” Then louder, “Where were you?” Soon, she was yelling, beating on Brad’s chest, “Where the hell were you? Where did you go? How could you do that? How could you leave me?” Her Italian rage broke through. “Where the hell were you, figlo di puttana?”

  “Hold on, hold on!” Brad yelled back. He grabbed her wrists, stopping her from hitting him, though she tried with all her might. “Just hold on, I never left you. I was right here the whole time. I was with you.”

  Her foot stomped. “Where? Where were you? I never saw you! I never heard you! I─”

  Brad pulled her close to him, burying her face in his chest. Though she continued to struggle, his big hand reached around the back of her head and pulled it so close to him she could feel his buttons on her face. She lost her will to fight.

  “Shhhh. It’s alright, it’s alright. Shhhh.”

>   As he held her, Sonia’s rage slipped away. He stroked her head. The shaking of her body slowed. Finally, she rested in his arms.

  Sonia turned her face away from his chest and allowed Brad to lead her to the curb. They sat down. Sonia noticed something long and thin resting against the car. “What’s that?”

  “What’s what?”

  Sonia pointed. “What’s that against the car?”

  Brad shook his head. “Oh. That’s an M16 assault rifle, the kind I used in Iraq.”

  She looked at him. “Where did that come from?”

  He looked straight ahead. “Do you mean where did that come from today, or where did that come from in general?”

  Sonia shot him a look.

  Brad looked at the weapon, then straight ahead again. “It’s mine. Lots of surplus arms floating around after the war. I thought it would be nice to have the same kind I had over there.”

  “And today? Where did that come from today?” She sat on the curb, hugging herself.

  He turned back to her. “Listen, I told you before, I’m pretty sure these boys play for keeps. You didn’t expect me to go chasing one of them without bringing a sidearm and a little something extra, did you?”

  She rocked back and forth slowly. “So, you brought the gun with you all day?”

  His eyes went forward then down to the ground. “Of course. It was in the trunk. When you told me that you thought the driver had made you, I stopped my car before he could see me. That’s why I wasn’t answering you. I’d crept around the corner. The whole time he was sitting next to you, shining that light, I had him in my sights.” He turned to her and his blue eyes held her. “If he had gotten out of the car, or even lifted a gun, I would have dropped him.”

  Sonia stopped rocking. “You would have shot him? Just like that?”

  He grinned. “Well, the first shot might have been a warning, but if he went after you, I would have shot him. Just like that.” He turned away again.

  They sat in silence. Sonia kept running scenario after scenario through her mind, each one ending in death, either hers or the driver’s. She imagined Brad was doing the same.

  Finally, she leaned forward, hoping to catch his eyes. “What’s that like?”

  He didn’t look at her. “What’s what like?”

  She put her hand on his leg, inviting him toward her. “Deciding you’re going to shoot somebody if he does something.”

  Brad hesitated for a few moments. He looked down at the ground. Then, softly, he simply said, “Training.”

  Sonia waited for him to elaborate. Finally, she prodded. “Training?”

  “Look, Sonia, you know that I was a Marine.” He turned to her. “You know I was in combat. How do you think we learned to fight other men, to kill them before they killed us? Training, ma’am, training.” His eyes drifted over her shoulder. “It starts the day you enter the Corps. From the moment you step off the bus, they start training you to be something you never really thought you could be. And it’s not that they try to turn you into a monster, someone who likes killing. It’s the total opposite. From the moment you get off the bus you’re made to feel responsible for the people around you. The guys in your squad. The guys in your platoon. And then it grows and grows. You start to feel responsible for every other Marine who’s there with you─and for the people you’ve been sent to protect.” He stopped to take a breath. He looked at her. “The sense of responsibility, that’s what makes you knock down a door and burst through it, hoping no one is there waiting to blow your head off.”

  Brad picked up a pebble and threw it. “It’s that sense of responsibility that’s driven into you and that drives you to do things. And it’s the training that’s drilled into you that allows you to know how to do it.” He looked at her. “Do you want to know what crossed my mind the moment I put my hands on that M16?”

  Sonia had been silenced by his passion. She shook her head.

  He turned away again, searching for another pebble. “The moment I put my hand on that weapon─” He found one and threw it in the same direction as the other. “─the moment I put my hand on that weapon, these words flew through my brain:

  The M16 is a lightweight, 5.56 millimeter, air-cooled, gas-operated, magazine-fed assault rifle with a rotating bolt, Sir! The M16 weighs 7.9 pounds loaded with a 30-round magazine of M193 cartridges, Sir! It can fire as a fully automatic weapon or in three-round bursts, Sir! The M16 is effective at 500 yards, 711 yards horizontal, lethal at 984 yards, and has a maximum range of 3000 yards, Sir! A skilled Marine can place a 10-shot group in a 4.3-inch grouping at 100 meters, Sir! A very skilled Marine can place a 10-shot group in a 12.6-inch grouping at 300 meters, Sir! I will be a very skilled Marine, Sir!

  I said those words a thousand times and they came back to me as if I was still standing in Boot Camp on Parris Island. Training, training, and more training.”

  Sonia reached out and slipped her hand under and around his arm, never taking her eyes off him. “And you could have shot him from all the way down the block?”

  Brad didn’t push her arm away. He just kept looking forward. “Training, ma’am.”

  “And you would have shot him if you thought he was going to hurt me?”

  “Training, ma’am. Training and responsibility.” He was out of pebbles.

  There was a long silence. Tears began sliding down her cheeks. Brad didn’t ask her why, and Sonia was glad. Her heart stopped when he slipped his arm free, then grabbed her chin with his large hands, holding her face up to his. She closed her eyes, hoping desperately that he would lean over and kiss her. He did.

  It was a brief kiss at first, but her emotions exploded and she reached up and threw her arms around him. Brad didn’t resist. He pulled her so close to him she could hardly breathe.

  He kissed her deeply, their tongues intertwined, dancing with each other.

  Sonia wanted to melt into his body. She pulled herself closer and closer to him, losing herself in his embrace, in his mouth, in his being. Tears continued to flow down her face, mixing the taste of his mouth with the saltiness of her own tears. Every part of her body released its pent-up emotions, turning her into a wet, molten force.

  Suddenly, Brad pulled his mouth away from hers and forced her face down against his chest. Though he continued to hold her tight and began to stroke her head again, Sonia could feel him turning down the heat of the moment. Clearly, he had been fully engaged with her in the incredible emotion of the moment. Clearly, he was now bringing it to an end.

  They were sitting on a curb, on a deserted street in some strange town. Sonia took a deep breath. Yeah, enough. We’ve got to stop. Good, good. Enough. Yet, her body, her heart, and her mind yearned for more.

  “Okay, then,” said Brad, breaking the mood, releasing her physically. “Maybe it’s time we get ourselves together and get back home.”

  Sonia wiped her face with the back of her hand. She felt like a wreck and a bit confused, but she had to admit to herself that she and Brad had done something dangerous and important, and that they had done it well. She gave him a tiny smile. “Maybe we should.”

  33

  At ten-thirty on Saturday morning, Sonia walked into Magee’s, pushed through the weekend crush of folks, and walked up to the counter.

  “Well, don’t we look like we’ve been rode hard and put up wet,” said Hildy, smiling. Then more seriously, “Everything okay?”

  “Sure. Everything’s just fine. Just had a hell of a day and a hell of a night. I’m only coming in for a little while today, but I did need my coffee . . . and a little something different today.”

  “How ‘bout one of our sticky buns. They’re a real favorite. Lots of folks like ‘em.” Hildy gave her a tenuous smile “Tell you what. Looks like you could use a treat.” She leaned forward and whispered. “The bun’s on the house.”

  “Sounds good.” There was a smile on Sonia’s face, but she was bone tired. The stress of following that pickup all day yesterday─the absolute pan
ic on that lonely street─those things had taken a lot out of her.

  And then there was Brad. Oh, my gosh. What was all of that about? Sonia poured herself a cup of coffee. I was so afraid. And he was . . . . Do I really feel that much for him, or was it just the emotion of the night?

  Sonia stood by the coffee station, mindlessly stirring and stirring her coffee. “Excuse me,” a voice said, and Sonia almost jumped out of her skin. Somehow, with last night’s harrowing experience still fresh in her mind, she had flashed instantly on a fear that this was some new threat. “Oh, I’m sorry,” said Sonia, embarrassed at being so lost in her thoughts. Her heart quieted quickly when she saw a young man wearing brown chinos and a faded, black Grateful Dead tee shirt, and holding a little boy’s hand. He was simply trying to get to the sugar and cream for his coffee.

  She said, “Sorry,” again and stepped aside. She thought about last night. And Brad? What did all that mean to him? Does he really feel something for me, or does that sort of crisis elicit powerful emotion, even in a hardened soldier? Why did he kiss me so passionately . . . and why did he stop?”

  Sonia was brought back to reality again when two little children came running by, almost knocking her coffee out of her hand. Frustrated, she looked around, wondering where in the world the parents were. Finding them scrunched in the line that already went out the front door, and oblivious to their children’s antics, she shuddered a tiny bit. It’s a different place on the weekend, isn’t it? She headed for the door.

  Stepping out into the bright sun of what was turning out to be a very nice spring day, Sonia headed for her office. She turned the corner and looked up those steps─the stiffness in her body, especially her legs, made them seem more daunting than ever. Still, up she plodded, step by step until she reached the top. She turned the ancient handle and entered her domain. More than ever, it felt like home to her.