Why I Love My Gay Boyfriend

by Sabrina Zollo

  “But…but he’s so…” And unable to find the appropriate description without the help of her boyfriend, she shook her head in denial. “Ew!”

  Not to be upstaged, Oompa Loompa entered the dance floor to show everyone how Oompa Loompas dance. Apparently they dance to the tune of Ukraine folk dancing. To the unexpected delight of the crowd, who promptly parted like the Red Sea, Oompa Loompa demonstrated his unlikely athletic abilities as he crouched low to the ground and kicked his legs out repeatedly. A lively crowd quickly formed to cheer on Oompa Loompa’s impressive talents. Mateo clumsily attempted to join Oompa Loompa only to be met with boos within moments of displaying his curious lack of rhythm or sense of natural movement. He quickly retreated to allow Oompa Loompa the deserved glory of the dance floor.

  Before Jasmine Tit could say “Ew!”, Oompa Loompa was lifted on to the shoulders of men who bounced him around appreciatively. The party carried on in such a manner for the next couple of hours until the bar closed. Sydney had discovered the massage therapy stations early on in the evening and had disappeared from the festivities as she alternated treatments between massage therapists. She left the party early, induced into a comatose state from hours of indulgent back massages. The last of the swag had long ago been greedily depleted. I retreated to the basement to check if we had had the foresight to save any extra swag.

  There were only left over cardboard boxes used to transport the swag. After months of intense labour, a few cardboard boxes were all that remained of the party, like a poor man’s glass slipper. I felt strangely sad that the party was over and wondered whether the Phat Lash launch would be as harrowing an assignment.

  “There you are.” I heard a voice behind me and my heart fluttered as I recognized Caden’s voice. I turned as he approached me. “I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you for a fantastic job. I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

  “Thank you,” I said, my pulse quickening as he stopped a little too close in front of me.

  “Thank you,” he repeated, smiling. I looked up at him, feeling vulnerable by his unusual proximity to me.

  “We work well together,” he said. “We have great chemistry.”

  I blinked, surprised but delighted at his bold statement. “Oh…uh…”

  “Don’t you think?” he asked.

  I nodded. He leaned in and stopped, his lips barely grazing mine.

  “Veronica,” I heard the chilling voice of Savannah. Caden sprang back. I quickly picked up the cardboard boxes, a weak cover-up for the obvious interaction that had preceded. “I’ve been looking for you.” She stood with an icy expression, at the door. Her head of snakes had returned, snarling.

  I stood speechless, heart pounding and blushing furiously.

  “We’re just finishing up down here,” Caden recovered smoothly from Savannah’s regrettably timed interruption. “Cleaning up.” He nodded towards me, as I stood holding the cardboard boxes, covering my body as if ashamed. I nodded weakly.

  “Interesting. I didn’t know you were that hands-on, Caden,” Savannah remarked in a cold voice. She remained motionless in the doorway observing us as a snake lunged from her head. The other snakes were coiling ominously about her head as they flickered their tongues at us.

  “I am,” he smiled good-naturedly. They looked at each other for a few moments. The snakes settled down but continued to glower at us menacingly.

  “Well, Veronica, it’s time to go,” she said, still looking at Caden. “Great job and thank you for hard work.”

  “Am I fired?” I asked, humiliated.

  “Fired? Don’t be ridiculous. Now go home and get some rest. See you at work tomorrow morning.”

  Chapter 20: Rumours

  After a listless night of sleep, I arrived at work the next morning, makeup missing and hair undone. With guilt and dread weighing on my chest, I knocked on Savannah’s office door. The snakes were present but calm. She nodded for me to enter.

  I sat down, bereft of speech from embarrassment. I looked down at my fingers fidgeting in my lap.

  “I saw the whole thing,” she spoke before I could start apologizing profusely. “I had my eye on him all evening and when I saw him follow you to the basement, I followed him.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my face wrought with guilt. “Nothing…happened.”

  “Caden has a bit of a reputation and you are…” Savannah searched for the most fitting word, “…a very impressionable young lady. You’re stupid but not to blame.”

  “Am I in trouble?” I asked after an agonizing silence.

  “I trust that this won’t happen again?” she asked.

  “No, no,” I promised her vehemently. “Is Caden in trouble?”

  “You shouldn’t worry about anyone but yourself. Do you understand how close you came to negating all your hard work? We’re done here.”

  I nodded and got up to leave.

  “One more thing, Veronica.”

  “Yes?” I winced and turned to face her.

  “You are no longer on the Gi-Spot assignment, of course.”

  I nodded again as if it pained me.

  Despite Savannah’s warnings, I wanted desperately to talk about what happened in the basement with Caden. Despite my embarrassment, I was agonizing over Caden’s consistently bad reputation and my feelings for him.

  Stevie was waiting for me at my cube. And if I wasn’t already feeling sufficiently mortified, I remembered my unchivalrous behaviour to keep Stevie away from Frederico last night.

  “Stevie,” I said. “I’m so sorry about the rash thing. I don’t know what got into me. It wasn’t my place.”

  “You were right,” he said.

  “Oh no,” I said.

  “Not about the rash but about Frederico,” he quickly clarified. “Sydney asked me to keep Frederico away from Hunter.”

  “I see. Well, that lacked a bit of foresight,” I replied. “It was brilliantly stupid.”

  “I’m brilliantly stupid. I was so afraid of screwing up with Jamie so I went ahead and did it anyway.”

  “Are you going to tell him?” I asked.

  “I have to ’fess up,” he said miserably. “The guilt would kill me. I’m doomed.”

  “I didn’t know you were Catholic,” came my feeble attempt at a joke.

  “Catholic Poster Boy,” he laughed meekly. “Listen,” he lowered his voice. “I need to tell you something. I…uh…you know I don’t like Caden, but I’m just telling you this because I care and I’m worried.”

  “Stevie,” I sighed. “I know.”

  He looked surprised. “You know about Caden and Chloe?”

  “What?”

  “Oh…I guess not…” he realized. “I’m sorry to tell you this but he’s such bad news…you need to stay away from him.”

  I gulped for air, my breathing laboured. “Caden and Chloe? How do you know this?”

  “Last night, I went down to the basement to set up for the swag bags and they were down there. I heard voices so I stopped to listen outside. I shouldn’t have.” He shook his head and my stomach turned. “He was ending things with her. She was crying and begging and telling him she loved him. He threatened to go to HR and have her fired if she told anyone. It was awful.”

  I was disgusted by the thought of Caden and Chloe.

  “Veronica, that could have been you.”

  “Did he catch you listening in?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I only had time to run up the stairs and pretend I was just coming down. I played dumb.” He smiled sheepishly. “Easy for me to do.”

  My phone rang. The call display showed that it was Caden. I mouthed “It’s him” to Stevie who shook his head. “Don’t answer it,” he told me.

  I gingerly picked up the phone. “Hello?”

  “Veronica, I feel awful about last night,” Caden said. “Please know that I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said in a low voice while looking at
Stevie who was intently studying my reactions.

  “Do you have a minute right now? Let’s talk.”

  “I’ll be right over.” I hung up the phone and despite the pleas of Stevie, I immediately headed to his office, wishing that I had taken the time to put on some makeup.

  I knocked on his door hesitantly. “Hi,” I said, standing uncomfortably in the door way.

  “Hi,” he smiled at me and leaned back in his chair, still undeniably gorgeous. “Come in. Close the door.”

  I closed the door and entered carefully.

  “Veronica,” he laughed. “Please don’t look so nervous. It’s me.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s just awkward,” I said, sitting down. I stared sadly at his face. I wished that I could stop loving the way he looked.

  “It’s exactly like that. Veronica, you’re attractive but I’m your VP and it would be inappropriate.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed. “Nothing happened, so it’s no big deal. That’s what I told Savannah.”

  “Good.”

  I was dismayed by the relief in his voice. How could I have missed what was so obvious to everyone else? Regardless of what I now knew, he still looked like a perfectly charming gentleman to me.

  “I mean it’s good that this won’t get in the way of our professional relationship,” he reassured me. “I respect you.”

  “I like working with you too.”

  “You impress me, Veronica. You have so much potential. You’re a star no matter what you’re asked to do. Even delicate issues, like, well, for example, Chloe. Thank you again for that.”

  “No problem,” I replied.

  “I hope she was fairly cooperative?” he inquired, his voice casual.

  “No, she was completely incoherent. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about you and Chloe.” The bitter words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I almost gasped in horror of the slip.

  He paused and studied my face carefully. My expression betrayed my mistake. “What do you mean you won’t tell anyone about me and Chloe?” he asked.

  “No-nothing,” I stuttered. “I mean I won’t tell anyone about Chloe and how you asked me to send her home.”

  “Well, if Chloe was so incoherent, then who told you?”

  I stared back at him helplessly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

  “That’s right, you won’t tell anyone because it’s absolutely untrue. Who is spreading these incriminating lies about me?”

  I remained silent, deliberating over who to believe.

  “Veronica, it would be a shame that all your hard work went to waste because you won’t tell me who is falsely accusing me of something very serious.”

  The success of my Gi-Spot party seemed a distant memory now that I was teetering on the brink of failure with both of my bosses. I had worked my ass off over the last several months and had even received an illustrious invitation to visit the New York offices. I did not want all my hard work to be for nothing because of silly office gossip.

  “It was Stevie,” I finally said. “But he’s not spreading rumours. He just told me.”

  “Stevie? Was he the one who hooked up with Frederico last night?”

  “How did you know that?”

  “Hmmm, that’s what I suspected so thanks for confirming. So if you and Stevie don’t spread these rumours, I won’t report Stevie’s indiscretions to HR,” Caden smiled cooly. “Deal?”

  I stared back at him, horrified. “You don’t have to threaten me. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

  “One can’t be so sure,” he got up and held open his door, until I removed myself from his office.

  I was ashamed that I had implicated Stevie to save my own ass. I avoided warning him about the arrangement I had formed with Caden until I could no longer bear the remorse. I prayed that he would forgive me.

  I found Stevie in his office, tidying up, which was an unusual. Unusual because he was never in his office and because he never tidies up. He looked up at me coldly.

  “How could you rat me out like that?”

  Shit, I had not expected Caden to act so quickly in covering up his indelicacies.

  “I’m sorry. He threatened me.” While it seemed like the only choice when under Caden’s intense interrogation, it now sounded like a pathetic excuse.

  “How could you do that to a friend? I was the only one who ever helped you, even when you had no friends. I never in a million years would have expected that you, of all people, would betray me like this.”

  “I’m so sorry. I hope we’re still friends.”

  “Caden told HR about Frederico. I’m fired.”

  “What?” I realized with dismay that Stevie was packing up his things and not tidying up his office. “He said he wouldn’t say anything,” I added as a weak afterthought.

  “Far be it for you to trust that sleazy male slut than to trust your own friend,” Stevie replied. “Your ex-friend. You back-stabbing bitch.”

  Stevie’s harsh comments stung. I felt incredibly selfish. “I deserve that.”

  “I’m glad we agree. Now leave and don’t ever talk to me again.”

  Stevie didn’t return any of my texts, emails or phone calls. I didn’t stop trying. Over fear of further retaliation from Caden, I didn’t tell Sydney the details. Instead, I kept to myself at Gisele and threw myself deeper into my assignments, hoping with steely determination to reverse Savannah’s distrust of my office ethics. Now that I was finally convinced that a romance with Caden was an impossibility, my new obsession became my New York goal.

  Devastatingly, Savannah cancelled my visit to New York until I could prove to her that I was capable of conducting myself in an appropriate manner. Almost as devastating, were it not for my recent discoveries of his questionable character, it was announced that Caden was transferring to Japan as head of Gisele Skin Care, effective immediately. The announcement stated that this promotion was a wonderful opportunity for Caden to leverage his exceptional leadership and strategic talents in launching into the lucrative Japanese skin care market. The memo went on to thank him for his many accomplishments at Gisele Canada and wish him the best in his important new role in Japan. The rumour was that he was not as particular to Japanese women as he was to young female Canadian Gisele employees, who would miss him the most.

  Shortly thereafter a memo was released from HR stating that, due to the actions of certain individuals at the Gi-Spot party, alcohol will be banned from all future work functions. Office gossip was rampant and the news of Stevie’s transgression quickly spread throughout Gisele like Stevie’s bad imaginary rash. Unfortunately, Stevie’s legacy became that of the idiot who singlehandedly outlawed alcohol from Gisele parties. It was not looked upon fondly to say the least.

  Chloe was well aware that I had not been motivated by pure intentions in helping her get home safely from the Gi-Spot party and thus, it did not change her intense sense of loathing for me. The rumour soon started that I had ratted out Stevie. If it were even possible, I sunk lower in popularity as people avoided me as fervently as Stevie avoided virgin after-work beverages lest I get them fired.

  Even Chloe could not escape the gossip fiends and the news of her pill-popping tendencies soon erupted, to my delight. I derived some satisfaction in overhearing Chloe vehemently and angrily defend herself at the coffee bar at any opportunity, even to those who did not appear to know her.

  In comparison to the scandalous gossip at Gisele, the Heidi and Mateo coupling was boring and received little air time, except for the fact that they had been appropriately disciplined by HR for their unprofessional PDA at the Gi-Spot party. There was speculation that this had also contributed to the infamous memo, now unaffectionately dubbed the Prohibition Memo.

  Having internalized Chloe’s harsh criticism, Jasmine Tit had cut down significantly on the use of her boyfriend’s opinion as a topic of conversation and as a result, had much less to say. It became evident that the reason she so extensively leveraged her
boyfriend in conversation was that he was, in fact, much more interesting than her.

  My friendship with Sydney unceremoniously ended when she found out from Stevie the true reason for his sudden departure. She immediately stopped talking to me and now looked at me with more aversion than the thought of working past 5 pm.

  “How’s Stevie?” I asked Sydney one day at the coffee bar as a means of potentially breaking her silence. “Has he found work?”

  “He’s fine,” she said, avoiding my eyes and walking past me.

  “Please give him my best,” I called after her. She didn’t respond, signaling that her silence would continue indefinitely.

  The only work colleague who still spoke to me without abhorrence was Mateo. He remembered that I had honoured his request to keep his relationship with Heidi a secret and assured me that he did not believe the rumours. He told me he was my biggest defendant when people dissed me but it was tough because I had a lot of “haters”.

  I wanted to start fresh in a new city where I didn’t know anyone, like New York. I did not find it suitable yet to discuss my progression to New York with Savannah and instead set a meeting with Oompa Loompa to gain his perspective. Granted, it was brought on by copious amounts of alcohol, but he was bursting with praise over the party that was supposed to have paved my way to New York.

  As I rode the elevator up to the executive floor, I looked back at my determined and polished reflection in the elevator mirrors. I was surprised to observe how confident I seemed, despite my many “haters”. I remembered my first visit to Oompa Loompa – scared, insecure and, worst of all, badly dressed. Then again, better to be badly dressed than a fashionable bitch who stabbed her best friend in the back to further her career.

  “Veronica! Please, come in, come in.” At least I was still held in high regard by Oompa Loompa, which I appreciated given my current circumstances, even if he was an Oompa Loompa.

  “I’ve come to talk to you about New York,” I said, not bothering to placate him with small talk.

  “Ah, what about New York, my friend?”

  “How am I doing? How soon will it be that I’m transferred to New York?”