As I suspected when I dressed this morning, my feet are killing me halfway through the night. I stashed an extra pair of more comfortable shoes in the car, figuring Emily wouldn’t care if I changed when the ceremony was over and the majority of pictures were taken. I’m headed out there now, a little unsteady from the champagne. I didn’t drink much, but I usually don’t drink at all. I’ve been too worked up to eat, so the few glasses of champagne went straight to my head. The gravel walkway leading to the street and my heels don’t mix, so I’m stumbling and flailing when a warm hand latches onto my elbow to steady me.
“Careful,” Sutton says in my ear as his other arm wraps around my waist. “You alright?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” We stare at each other and I can feel moisture flooding my mouth and my pulse starts to quicken. I move from his grip and laugh. “Damn heels.” I slip them off and finish my walk toward the car.
“I’ve wanted to talk to you all night.” He’s right behind me as I unlock the car and get the other shoes out. I lean against the door and slip the flats on, waiting for him to say what he needs to say so I can get back inside. “You look great, Squirt.”
The nickname sends pinpricks to my eyes. “Please don’t.”
“Are you happy?” He looks tortured as the question leaves his lips.
“We shouldn’t even be talking.” It should sound firmer, but I can barely force the words out.
“Why? Because my brother forbids it?” He comes closer and my eyes shut. I’m equal parts scared, excited, and anxious to see what is going to happen next. “He doesn’t have a say in what I do.” Sutton’s mere inches from me, the heat rolling off him in waves. In that moment I realize I’ve been so cold; frigid ever since the day he told me about his child. I haven’t felt this warm since he left me in the woods, even when I’m wrapped in his brother’s arms.
“Daddy,” I hear and my eyes fly open. Sutton steps away from me, taking his warmth with him, and he runs a hand through his mop of brown hair, exhaling sharply.
“Out here, baby.”
I move to the side and watch as he walks toward the front of the house to greet Claudia and Estella. They have a quick conversation and then he’s back at my side. “I’m going inside with Claudia to put Estella to bed. Please don’t leave until we finish talking. There’s a lot more I need to say to you.”
The second he disappears, I text Easton and tell him I’m at the car and not feeling well. He comes out a minute later and we go back to the hotel. As much as I wanted to, there’s no way I could finish that conversation with Sutton. I won’t do that to his brother.
Chapter Eighteen
Easton looks around the bar from his seat on the stool at the few remaining patrons. It doesn’t take him long to realize that there weren’t many customers in here tonight. He sips on his beer, and I count the bills in my register a little slower, wanting to drag out the last remaining minutes of my shift. I know what’s coming- I can see it in his eyes. I don’t want to have the conversation with him again. I never want to have the conversation with him.
“You about finished, Scarlett? It’s getting late.”
Feeling guilty, I move quicker and give him a nod as I count the small stack of twenties in my hand. I hear him let the two guys out and lock the door behind them.
“Let me go lock this up and we can go.”
He grabs my elbow as I pass his stool on the way to the office. Slowly, his hand moves up my arm, rounds the curve of my shoulder and settles at the nape of my neck. This little show is strictly for him- the bar is empty. Sometimes he does this, maybe hoping I’ll give in and let him have what he wants. He gently tugs me forward until I’m standing between his legs and my face is lined up with his. Easton’s other hand settles at my waist, his thumb teasing the flesh just above the band of my jeans.
“I missed you today.”
All thoughts of the inevitable conversation fly out of my head as my hands move to his shoulders and I inch in closer. “Me too. It’s almost the weekend.”
“I can’t wait. Go put that up so I can get you home.”
“’Kay.” I don’t move. His thumb is still teasing my skin, so he gives me a little push to get me going.
Once I’m in the office, I put up the money and receipts. I double check the calendar hanging on the wall, making sure no one needs me to pick up a shift for them in the next few days. Rent is going to be next to impossible to make this month. I scribble out a note and tack it to the cork board next to the calendar. Certainly someone is willing to give me a shift Saturday night. I want to spend some time with Easton, but the threat of eviction trumps quality time with my best friend.
It’s been six months since we got back from the wedding, and my relationship with Easton has been strange. I can’t classify the strangeness as a good or bad feeling, just different. He dotes on me, loves me, would do anything for me, but he did that before. He’s changed, though, from the loss of the relationship with his brother. We don’t speak of it, but I hear him on the phone with his mother, fighting about it, arguing about our relationship- even though there is no relationship- and it tears me up inside. She’s heartbroken that her two sons don’t speak anymore.
I’ve ruined her family.
She must hate me.
Never in a million years would I have guessed that Vera Winters could hold contempt in her heart where I’m concerned. She took me in and raised me as one of her own, all when my own mother couldn’t have cared less what happened to me. Now, she probably wishes she turned her back on me and left me to fend for myself. I’ve wanted to pick up the phone so many times over the last six months and beg for her forgiveness, but I can’t do it. It’s one thing to know she hates me, but it would be quite another to hear her spew harsh words at me. I can handle a lot, but that may be my breaking point.
“Scarlett?” Easton calls from the other side of the door.
I plaster on a fake smile and open it. “That damn safe. I couldn’t get it to open.”
“Ready?”
I give him a small nod, and we walk back through the bar, turning off the lights and sound system. He reaches for my hand once I’ve got the alarm set and the doors locked.
“How’d you do tonight?”
And here it is... the dreaded conversation. I thought he’d at least wait until we got to my apartment before he tried to bring it up. “Alright.”
“I wish you’d move in with me, Scarlett. You’re lease is up next month.”
I stop walking and look up at him. “I like having my own space.”
“You’re never there. You stay with me almost every night. If we’re not at my place, I’m at your loft with you.”
He’s getting aggravated. I’m not sure why, since we go back and forth about my living situation once a month.
“Easton, I love being with you. You’re my best friend, the most important person in my life. My favorite thing in this world is waking up next to you, but you know that I have to keep my own space. It’s important to me to prove that I can do this on my own.”
He sighs, knowing he can’t argue with that. “How long are you going to have to keep proving it? The rest of your life?” He’s smiling, so I know he’s done.
“Just until I hit my forties.”
“You kill me, Scarlett Cook.”
We start to walk again. This was one of the easier times to shut down the conversation. Maybe he’s tired of having it, too.
Or maybe he knows I’m giving him partial truths.
Maybe he knows I can’t move in with him because I’m still in love with his brother.
I thought I was working Sutton out of my system, but seeing him in California at Emily’s wedding undid all of the progress I was making. I miss him so much- the sound of his voice, the smell of his skin, the feel of his touch- I miss it all.
“My place or yours?” Easton asks, breaking me out of my bad thoughts.
“If you want to eat, I suggest yours.”
“Yet another r
eason you should move in with me… I always have a stocked pantry.”
“What about all your other women, Easton? It would cramp your style if I was always hanging around.”
It was a joke, but he clearly didn’t see it as such. His jaw gets tight. “There’s only you, love. No one else compares.”
I start walking again, completely ignoring his comment. “I don’t have to live there to eat all your food. I have a key.”
“Smartass.”
“It’s one of my most charming qualities.”
All I get is a kiss on the head as a response. We walk the short distance to his apartment in silence, his unspoken disappointment of my rejection hanging between us in the night air. I want to give in, it would be easier if I did, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“Why don’t you get in the shower while I make us something to eat?” He’s already got his head stuck in the refrigerator surveying the contents, so I go into his bedroom.
I have to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Easton’s probably so fed up- half of my clothes are either hanging in his closet or folded and put away in his dresser drawers. His bathroom counter is littered with my make-up, and my hair products have replaced his own brands of shampoo and conditioner on the tiny shelf in the shower. If someone were to walk into his room and connected bathroom, they would automatically assume we shared the space.
I just can’t give myself over to him.
My growling stomach reminds me that I haven’t eaten since the granola bar I had on the way to work. I hurry to wash the smoke smell out of my hair and decide to forego shaving my legs. Sounds of pots and pans clanking can be heard over the water from the shower, and I’m suddenly famished.
Easton’s just plating up our food when I join him in the front of the apartment. “I knew you probably skipped dinner, so I heated up the leftover pasta we had last night. It was quicker than making us something from scratch.”
“Perfect,” I tell him, snagging my plate from the counter and going to my usual spot in the living room. By the time he joins me, my food is almost gone.
He eyes my plate. “You should have called me. I would have brought you dinner.”
“Your sole lot in life isn’t to take care of me, Easton.”
“It’s what I do, love.”
It’s suffocating at times, but maybe it’s because I never knew what it was like to have someone love me as much as he does. When my father died, I ceased to exist for my mother, unless she was on a rage. And Sutton… well, he didn’t love me as much as I thought he did. I get uncomfortable knowing that someone feels like they need to watch over me so closely.
Easton hasn’t stopped staring at me. I break the eye contact before speaking. “You food’s going to get cold. You should eat.”
“I don’t really care about my food right now.”
“Easton,” I whisper as he takes the plates from our hands and puts them on the table.
“I love you.”
It’s the first time he’s told me that since we came back from the wedding. We used to casually say it all the time when we were simply two best friends, but it never felt like this. The distinction is obvious.
This is a different love.
Easton is in love with me.
A small sigh escapes before I can stop it. “I love you, Easton,” I tell him, but more is left unsaid between us, and he knows it. He gently presses his finger to my lips.
“I sense something else is coming.” His smile is tight and sad. “Let’s pretend it’s not.”
“I do love you,” I whisper, the knot in my throat making it difficult to speak.
“I know you do,” he whispers back. I expect him to lean in and kiss me, start to panic, but he pulls me close and holds me tight, knowing it’s exactly what I need from him. “I’m going to take a shower.”
I glance from his uneaten plate of dinner back to him as he lingers in the doorway to his bedroom. I smile at him, but it isn’t returned as he shuts the door behind him. With shaking hands that I’m finding difficult to control, I pick up our plates and take them into the kitchen. I know he’ll shut down the house for the night so I skip all of that and slip into bed. I don’t have the energy to stay up any longer.
For once, I don’t want to flee to the comforts of my own apartment and stargaze. I curl into a tight ball, listening to the running water of the shower, and just cry. I cry because I’m hurting Easton, I cry because I’m missing Sutton, I cry because I don’t know how to fix this situation without hurting myself or one of the two Winters brothers.
Easton’s hand glides up and down my spine while he whispers for me to wake up. It feels as though I’ve just fallen asleep, but the soft light of morning is streaming through the bedroom window.
“Wake up, love.” His breath hitting the flesh just below my ear causes goosebumps to break out along my skin.
My hand reaches out and is met with wet hair. I sit up, confused. Fridays are for lazy days in the apartment. “Where are you going?”
“Home. Mom isn’t feeling well and dad had an emergency at work. He didn’t want her staying by herself. Hopefully I can convince her to go see her doctor.”
This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned that Mrs. Vera is sick. “Do you want me to come with you?”
He shakes his head and smiles. “Thanks though. I’ll just be gone a little while. Stay here. Relax.” His eyes roam over my t-shirt clad figure. “Eat something. I’ll call you later.”
“Let me know about your mom please.” We may not be on speaking terms, but I still love her as if she was my own mother.
More than my own mother.
“I will. It’s probably just a bug she picked up volunteering at one of the schools.”
“Be safe, Easton.”
“Bye, love.”
I’m still exhausted from working last night, but I force my eyes to stay open so I can watch him finish getting ready. He sneaks glances at me, too, always accompanied by small grins when he notices me watching him. I fall back asleep when I hear the front door close and don’t wake up until he calls me, hours later.
“Hey.”
“Have you been sleeping all day?”
“Guilty. How’s your mom?”
He lets out a harsh breath. “She’s not doing too good, Scarlett. I didn’t realize, um, I just thought she had a virus or something.”
I immediately jump out of bed, searching for clothes. “I’m coming to meet you.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She’s just been downplaying the entire thing. So has my father. I don’t know, maybe the two of them have been in denial, but she has an appointment in the morning. I need to be there, so I’m not coming home.”
“Is your dad going with you?”
“Yeah.” He’s quiet for a minute. “She looks completely different than she did at the wedding, Scarlett. I guess I haven’t been home much since then, but she’s lost a ton of weight, she’s barely eating, even her skin and eyes don’t look right. I don’t know, maybe Dad doesn’t see it because he’s around her every day, but something’s not right.”
“You’ll get some answers tomorrow. Do you want me to come? I don’t have to be at the house with you if it’ll upset her. I can stay at my mom’s house.”
He laughs. “You’d be miserable over there. Stay at my apartment, and I’ll be home soon. I like the thought of you being there waiting for me.”
“Where’s your mom right now?”
“Sleeping. That’s another thing- when have you even known Vera Winters to nap?” I can hear the worry in his voice. I’m freaking out, too, but I keep that to myself.
“You’ll get some answers tomorrow, and then you can come home.”
“I can’t wait.”
Chapter Nineteen
Easton didn’t come home to me like he promised, but he did get answers about his mother.
Cancer.
It’s what the two of us suspected, but were both too scared to say out lo
ud. By the time the signs and symptoms became too hard to hide from her family and friends, Mrs. Vera’s cancer had progressed at a rapid and debilitating rate. What the doctors believe started out as pancreatic cancer spread to her liver and her lungs. She was dying, and there was little that could be done about it.
Easton immediately withdrew from his classes. Doc and Mrs. Vera tried to convince him to stay at school and finish out the semester, but he refused. We only had about a month left before finals, but he would not leave his mother’s side after the news of her diagnosis was delivered.
My crappy car is loaded down with most of my possessions, and I’m on my way back home. I busted my ass, finishing my final projects and studying round the clock in order to take exams early. My professors were very understanding about my situation, and I actually finished the semester with about two weeks to spare. Even if they wouldn’t have allowed this to happen, I would have left anyway. I need to make things right with Mrs. Vera. I’m terrified to come home, to face her and her disappointment over the strain I’ve caused her family, but I have to clear the air between the two of us.
As soon as I round the corner of our street I spot Estella and Claudia in the front yard. Unlike all the other times I’ve seen Sutton’s daughter, she’s sitting quietly, digging in the flower bed. I want to run inside the house, curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, and hide instead of facing the harsh realities that await me. I don’t know if I can handle being at the hospital with this family. I’m not ready to face Mrs. Vera. It hasn’t quite sunk in that I might lose her, and I don’t know if I’m ready for it to. Claudia and Estella finally look up from the dirt and notice that a new car is parked on the street in front of the house. The door opens as they walk toward the porch and my heart does a few flips in my chest before it starts to beat erratically. Sutton comes out, disheveled, and picks his daughter up.
His eyes snap up, and he starts to walk over to the car. Jesus. I’m not prepared to see Mrs. Vera, and I’m definitely not prepared to talk with her son, especially after the way I left things in California. I crank the ignition and speed down the street before he has the chance to reach me. It’s inevitable that we’ll have to talk while we’re both here, but I’ll avoid it as long as I can.
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