Painted Blind

by Michelle Hansen

  “He’s very well trained.” A smile tugged at his lips as I turned each page. “They’re all of you.”

  “They’re all of me when I didn’t know he was watching.” I stopped when I reached the final sketch Eros showed me the night before. “So, there’s one more that he wouldn’t let me see last night.”

  “Turn the page. Let’s look,” he prompted.

  I wondered if it was a mistake to look at all, much less let Titus see it, but I turned the page. The drawing there was a close up of Eros and me. My head was tilted back and my eyes closed. His face was tilted down, his nose against my jaw and his open mouth kissing my neck. Our bare shoulders touched. “Oh…I… uh… didn’t pose for this.”

  Titus threw me a glance, then studied the sketch. “It’s…” He searched for the right word and finally said, “hot.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And, look.” Titus turned the page and showed me ragged edges behind it. “I bet they got hotter. That’s why he took them out.”

  “You could send him a text and ask him?”

  “No, you should send him a text and ask him.” Titus set his empty cup aside and slid farther into his sleeping bag. “Tell him we’re camped for the night.” He closed his eyes.

  I dug out the phone and composed a text: There seem to be sketches missing from my book. Were they more revealing than the last?

  The reply I received was a colon and parentheses smiley face. I expected as much, so I gave him our report.

  We’re camped for the night. It’s stormy. It will probably be twenty below later.

  After dimming the light, I lay back and closed my eyes. If I were warm I would have fallen asleep immediately, but my whole body was cold. A moment later the phone beeped the receipt of a message. I opened Eros’s reply.

  I believe Titus to be an honorable and trustworthy man. Use him if you must.

  “What did he say?” Titus murmured.

  “Nothing,” I replied. “He’s good at being evasive.”

  I had lain perfectly still for hours, my body too tired to move and too cold to let me sleep. Titus hadn’t stirred either, but he was still visible, so I wondered if he was awake. The storm howled around us. It rocked the tent relentlessly. Our heat cell went out, and it was much colder. When I raised my face above the sleeping bag, the moisture inside my nose began to freeze after a single breath. I could never remember a time when I had been this cold, not even when Dad’s truck broke down in the mountains while we were hunting and we had to walk all the way back to the main road. It had been close to zero degrees that day, and I complained the whole way, but that cold was nothing compared to this. I understood the nature of winter well enough to know that when I stopped feeling cold tonight, it would probably mean I was dying.

  “Titus,” I whispered. “Are you awake?”

  He raised his head from under the sleeping bag. “Yes.”

  “I’m still cold, even in my sleeping bag. How about you?”

  “Freezing,” he replied.

  Where was Eros when I needed him? Probably in Kathmandu in a luxury suite or at Apollo’s palace in Olympus with a roaring fire to keep him warm. I really did not want to blur the lines of my relationship with Titus, but what difference would it make if we were both frozen in the morning? “Do you want to share?” I said finally.

  “Yes,” he answered, his voice a little shaken. “Please.” He unzipped his sleeping bag and ushered me inside. He was shivering, and his hands were icy. We each struggled out of our sweatshirts, unwilling to take off much, but knowing that the fewer layers between us, the better. When I snuggled in beside him, he wrapped his arms around me with a sigh. “Warmth. Finally.”

  We pulled the other sleeping bag over the top of us and hoped that the double layer plus our body heat would be enough to keep us from freezing to death in the night.

  Though it was awkward, I was grateful to be warm. “You know how you said you didn’t understand me?”

  “Uh huh.” He was still shaking.

  “I don’t understand you either.”

  “I explained why I took an oath to serve you.” He forced a lightness into his voice. “But now wouldn’t be a good time to ask me if I regret it.”

  “You said I was beautiful.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “But, you’re not attracted to me.” If he was, I still couldn’t see it. We had been together two days, and the only time I saw a hungry glimmer in Titus’s eyes was when the waiter at the hotel laid a plate of spaghetti in front of him.

  He raised his head and scowled at me. “That bothers you?”

  “No, it’s just unusual.”

  Titus let his head fall back and stared at the billowing tent ceiling. “You’ve never met a man who wasn’t attracted to you?”

  “Not really.”

  Now he seemed genuinely confused. “Even Aeas?”

  I let out a snort. “Aeas is a Stoic. I can’t get him to smile half the time. He doesn’t count.”

  “He does count, as much as me at least. I’m used to being around beautiful women who don’t belong to me. I can appreciate that you’re beautiful without wanting you for myself.” Titus shivered again, and shook me in the process. “And anyway, you’re not really my type.”

  Curious, I asked, “And your type is…?”

  “Dark hair, olive skin, generous curves.”

  I laughed. “I’m really not your type.” But in all seriousness, I needed to know for sure. I propped myself up so I could see his face. “So, I’m safe with you?”

  Titus looked directly into my eyes and answered, “Completely.”

  Satisfied, I lay my head on his chest. “Thank you.”

  He rubbed his hands on my back, still trying to warm them. “No, thank you for keeping me from freezing to death.”

  The storm was still beating the tent when Titus startled himself awake. “This isn’t what it looks like,” he murmured.

  I had been sound asleep and felt him jump. He started to push me away, but must have awakened, because I heard him sigh and felt his body relax. “I’m giving you nightmares,” I mumbled.

  He pulled the sleeping bag tighter around us. “You’re fine,” he replied. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s morning?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “We’re still pinned down by the storm. Sleep as long as you like.”

  I planned to open my eyes, but I couldn’t because I was warm and still too tired to move. Without realizing it, I slipped back to sleep and resurfaced later to hear Titus talking softly.

  “The wind has stopped, but it’s still snowing. If the trail is as treacherous as it says on the instructions, there’s no way we can attempt it in this weather. She’s going to have a hard enough time when it’s clear.” He waited for the reply before speaking again. “We have another day. You planned for bad weather. It should be fine.”

  He was talking to Eros on the satellite phone. I pretended to sleep, so they wouldn’t hang up.

  “She’s tougher than I thought she was,” Titus said. “I honestly didn’t think we would make it up here yesterday, but she wouldn’t quit.” He touched my hair softly. “Uh…” He stammered like he didn’t want to answer. “Yeah, she’s fine.” I felt him wince and wondered if Eros was digging for information that Titus didn’t want to give. “And if that were the case?”

  He stopped breathing for a moment. “Of course.” There was a defensive note in his voice. “I’ll let you know when we’re moving again.” He disconnected the call and let out a slow breath.

  “Did you tell him I gave you nightmares?”

  “No, I left that part out.” He raised up on his elbows. “I’m glad you’re awake. I need to take a walk, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  I sat up and groaned in pain. Every muscle in my body ached. My shoulders hurt from carrying the pack. My arms and legs ached from climbing. My lower back hurt from sleeping on the ground. As Titus moved toward the door, I collapsed back on the ground
. The ceiling of the tent was coated white with tiny icicles, the moisture from our breath that had frozen as it rose into the air and clung to the ceiling.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Before going out, he put a hunk of ice from outside into our cooking pot.

  “Aren’t you sore?” I replied.

  “I’m immortal, Psyche. Any damage I did to my body yesterday healed over night.”

  I rubbed my aching shoulders. “Lucky you.”

  “When I get back, I’ll take care of that.” He ducked outside.

  I found the first aid kit, but to my utter disappointment the only medicine it contained was a single package of acetaminophen. I swallowed them without water, since everything had frozen again overnight. I turned on the pot so we could have a warm breakfast. Without the wind, the temperature had risen to a whopping fifteen degrees. Still, it made a difference. Inside the tent it wasn’t as bitterly cold as it had been overnight. I set a couple of packets of scrambled eggs on top of the melting ice in the pot.

  Before Titus returned, I moved into my own sleeping bag, which was cold. Now that our lives were no longer in danger, it was wise to put some space between Titus and me.

  I had a headache. I wasn’t sure if it was the altitude or the strain I’d put my body through, but I felt miserable. I lay down, trying to find some position that didn’t hurt.

  Titus came in shaking snow from his hair. He slipped off his boots at the doorway. In the pack he found some body wipes that were our only baths for the duration of our hike. He had to shake ice out of them before wiping down his hands and face. When he offered them to me I declined. I would rather be dirty than any colder.

  He knelt beside me. “Roll over on your belly,” he said.

  “No, thanks.”

  Titus let out an irritated sigh. “You’re in pain. Let me help.”

  “Because you’re a servant,” I muttered. “It’s what you do.”

  “You’re mocking me,” he replied. “Your feet are nothing. This is what I’m best at. Give me two minutes, and I’ll have you convinced.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “We’re most likely stuck in this tent until tomorrow. I thought you trusted me?” He blew on his hands and rubbed them together.

  I relented because I was in too much pain to argue coherently. I rolled over and used my sweatshirt as a pillow as I lay face down in the sleeping bag. My long-sleeved undershirt and T-shirt didn’t feel warm enough and in two minutes I was going to put my sweatshirt back on and tell him to leave me alone.

  “First I inspect, then I fix,” Titus said. He placed two fingers over my spine just above the waistline of my jeans.

  “Hey!” I protested when he slid those fingers under my shirt.

  “The friction on your skin will keep you warmer,” he countered.

  I clenched my teeth to keep from growling at him. Which part of not liking to be touched didn’t he understand?

  He slid his fingers along my spine all the way up to my neck. As he dragged his fingers down my neck, I flinched. “That hurts?”

  “Everything hurts.” I started counting down from a hundred in my head. When I reached one, he was going to get his hands off me.

  He started at the base of my skull, rubbing so gently I could barely feel the pressure. Then he moved down my sore neck and over one shoulder blade. With his strong palm he soothed the knotted muscle where the strap of the pack placed a strain.

  Somehow I lost count of the seconds. My head hurt less as the tension in my muscles released. I had to hand it to Aphrodite. She trained her servants well. “You swore to stay with me until my dying breath?” I mumbled.

  “Yes.”

  “Awesome.”

  “I told you I was good.” Good was an understatement.

  Once I went to a spa with Savannah. It was her sixteenth birthday present from her parents. We drove to Boulder Hot Springs and stayed at the resort. We enjoyed facials, the sauna, and pedicures. Both nights before going to bed, we scheduled massages. Of course, the masseuse had been a woman, so lying there with nothing but a towel over my behind wasn’t a big deal. Still, I had enjoyed the sauna more than the massages. If the massage at the spa had felt like this, I would have stayed on that table all day.

  “Are you still awake?”

  My reply didn’t quite make it past my throat. It sounded like a weak groan.

  “Do I pass?” Titus teased.

  “Oh, yes,” I said. “Is this going to give you nightmares?”

  “No, I’m comfortable with this,” he said lightly. “It might give you nightmares, though.”

  “Maybe you should teach this to Eros,” I offered.

  “Not a chance,” he replied. “Then I’d be out of a job.” He had me sit up while he massaged the muscles in my arms and shoulders. “What will you draw today?”

  I shrugged, which no longer hurt. “Whatever you choose.”

  He thought for a moment. “An animal. You don’t have a single animal in your book.”

  “Except the caricature of Theron.” I pulled away from him. Though it felt good to have him work the pain out of my muscles, I still wasn’t comfortable with his hands on me. I didn’t understand the boundaries between a mistress and her servant. How much of me did he think he could touch?

  He took this rejection without comment. Instead he sat beside me and watched me draw.

  “I will draw the most beautiful animal I’ve ever seen.” It wouldn’t be difficult. I used to have a book that was all about drawing horses in various actions. I drew Pixis rearing with his wings unfurled, the way he’d shown himself to Savannah.

  It snowed until well after noon, and by then we didn’t have enough daylight left to reach the next camp site. We had to stay where we were for another night and hope we could finish the journey tomorrow. We ate more food than we should have, but Titus assured me we would need the energy tomorrow. I knew the way was going to be more difficult, and I was dreading the climb.

  Eventually, we just lay side by side in our sleeping bags listening to music. We split the headphones and listened to the operas on Titus’s iPod, which he translated in between humming the melodies. Afterward, we listened to the music on mine. At first he balked at it, but eventually, his fingers began tapping on his chest. “Play that one again,” he would say, and he would hum along the second time through.

  I was glad when night fell with no wind. It brought colder temperatures, but also the hope that tomorrow our journey would be finished. We turned on another heat cell, which warmed the tent and allowed us to fall asleep. I didn’t offer to share Titus’s sleeping bag again. Even if I was cold, I would sleep alone.

  He didn’t have trouble sleeping that night either, because when I woke in the night and looked around, he had disappeared, sleeping bag and all. If I listened carefully, I could hear him breathing.

  I lay there in the stillness. We seemed so utterly alone up here. For some reason, a junior high school retreat came to mind.

  A group of us were selected to attend an overnight camp one weekend. Five or six teachers, the principal and the school counselor went with us. They taught us all about peer pressure and how to be leaders, then they spent the weekend taking us through trust-building activities. We led a partner around the camp blindfolded. We stood in a circle and the person in the center allowed himself to fall backward on the faith that we would catch him. We played games and shared our fears. Then we returned to school. I remember passing a few of those students in the hallways and thinking, “I know them deep down,” but at school, we were still strangers, who belonged to different groups of friends and whose paths did not intersect.

  This climb with Titus was like one, big, trust-building journey, and I wondered when we returned to Eros if Titus and I would still be friends, or would we pass one another, nod and move on like strangers? He helped me feel safe on this dangerous mountain, but once we reached the cave, that would be gone. I would be on my own again. This time Eros wouldn’t be watching over me, a
nd Titus wouldn’t be there to catch me. Rory wouldn’t be using his friends to help me, and Aeas wouldn’t be standing by ready to heal my wounds. I would be utterly alone.

  Through my mind flashed images of Theron and his flying fist, the crowd outside the Kappa Sig house, and a pack of hungry wolves. I shivered and bit down on my lip to keep from whimpering. This task would be worse than anything I had faced thus far, and terror so dark and formidable shook me to the very soul. I said one silent prayer. If I couldn’t beat the enemy that waited, I wanted to die quickly.

  Chapter 25

  It was barely light when Titus knelt beside me and laid his hand over my forehead. “Psyche, we should pack up camp.”

  I opened my eyes to see him already dressed in his snow gear with his pack loaded.

  “I’ve warmed you some breakfast and apple cider. While you eat, I’ll take down the tent.”

  Shaking myself awake, I looked at my watch. It wasn’t even six a.m., but I knew this was our one and only chance to finish the journey. It was better to get an early start than risk running out of daylight before we reached the top. I pulled on my snow pants, coat and boots. During the night I’d ended up wearing my sweatshirt instead of using it for a pillow.

  “Did you sleep all right?” Titus asked.

  “Fine,” I replied.

  “Really? Because, you don’t look well-rested.”

  “I’ll be fine.” I dragged my pack outside and leaned against it while I wolfed down the warm meat and potato mixture and apple cider. My muscles were mostly recovered, all except my legs, which I wouldn’t let Titus touch. Still, I knew once we got moving the soreness would wear off.

  The sky was clear. It would be a bright and calm day, a perfect day for climbing. With the tent packed, Titus loaded it into his own pack.

  “That one is mine,” I protested.

  “I’ll carry it.”

  My pack was much lighter than it had been before. He’d taken the heavy gear out of my pack and replaced it with light, bulky items like the sleeping bags. It was a bad sign. He didn’t think I could make it with the heavier pack.