Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “I refuse to let you move forward in your life so convinced the floor is going to fall out from under you. It’s great that you can live in the moment, but I want more than just this moment with you.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Please. Let me finish.” If I didn’t I might chicken out. “I’m not asking for a lifetime of commitment from you. But I am asking that you give me the benefit of the doubt and let me love you.”

  “Love me?” She put a hand to her throat.

  “Yes, love you. I love, Brooke. I love you, and there is absolutely nothing that can change that.”

  “I love you too.” She reached out for my hands. I took her hands and pulled her over onto my lap.

  “I can’t begin to tell you how good it feels to hear you say that.” I kissed her, needing my lips to tell her what I couldn’t quite put into words. She responded immediately, her arms wrapping around my neck as my hands settled on her hips.

  God knows what that kiss would have turned into if another truck hadn’t pulled onto the shoulder behind us.

  Before Brooke could move off my lap Brian was at the window. “Oh, wow. Look at that. We’re about even.”

  Brooke flew from my lap.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” he winked.

  Brooke for her part looked positively mortified.

  I was on cloud nine, so I barely minded anything. “Hey, Brian.”

  “Hey, Logan. Hi. Brooke.” He waved. The two had met a few times so at least I didn’t have to worry about introductions.

  “Hi.” She gave a half wave.

  “Can we help you with anything?” As much as I didn’t particularly mind him stopping, I was also eager to get back to what we’d been doing.

  “Nah, I just saw your truck parked and wanted to see what was going on.”

  “Nothing to see here. Just on an ice cream run to Andersons.”

  “Last time I checked Anderson’s doesn’t do roadside.”

  “We took a little pit stop.” I knew I was smiling like a goon, but she loved me. I’d thought she did, but it was unreal to hear her say it out loud.

  “Oh you crazy kids. Can’t keep your hands off each other.” He tapped the side of the car. “And that’s my key to leave.”

  Brooke buckled her seatbelt. “So that was embarrassing.”

  “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Just two people who love each other making out.”

  “I was on your lap. In your truck.” She put her hands over her face. “I feel like a teenager.”

  “I probably shouldn’t ask about your teenage exploits, huh?”

  “Let’s save that conversation for another day.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Just like it’s probably a good idea that we get that ice cream. I don’t know how patient Jaylin is going to be.”

  Her hand flew to her chest. “Oh my gosh. I forgot about the ice cream.”

  * * *

  “Ice cream is here.” I set the bag of four half-gallons of ice cream down on the table, as far away from the baking as possible. “We couldn’t decide on just two flavors, so we got four.”

  “Thanks, Brooke.” Jaylin tossed off her apron and ran for the ice cream.

  “Why are you thanking her and not me?” I put on mock affront.

  “Because she’s the one who couldn’t make up her mind. You never have that problem.” Jaylin dug out the cartons.

  “Because he’s so decisive?” Brooke pulled out four spoons while I got the bowls and scoop. I liked that she was at home in my mom’s kitchen now. It felt so natural.

  Mom put a tray in the oven. I assumed she was at a good spot in the process.

  “Exactly.” Jaylin pointed to all four containers. “Unlike me. I can’t decide.”

  “You want a little of all of them?” Brooke asked.

  “Yup.”

  “I was planning to do the same thing.” Brooke grinned.

  “Great minds think alike.” Jaylin attempted a wink.

  Mom laughed. “But Logan’s careful, too. Don’t forget that part, Jaylin. It’s not as though he makes willy-nilly decisions. He thinks them through.”

  “Yes, I do.” Like when I decided Brook was the one for me. It might have been early on, but it didn’t change the fact that it was the right decision. “Which is why I am quite certain I’m following the girls lead today. Why not put mint-chip, double chocolate, strawberry, and cookies & cream in the same bowl?”

  “Living on the edge.” Brooke rubbed my back.

  “Sometimes you have to.” I hoped she knew what I was talking about.

  We ate the ice cream and moved to cake decorating. Brooke had a real eye for it.

  “You are so good at this.” Jaylin peered over her shoulder. “Are you an artist?”

  Brooke laughed. “No. That’s your brother, not me.”

  I helped with some detailing on a leaf. “She’s not wrong. Those swirls you did over there are pretty cool.”

  “Maybe I found a hidden talent,” Brooke smiled. It was her real smile. The one that I felt all the way in my soul.

  “You’ve got a lot of hidden talents,” I said under my breath.

  “What do you mean?” Jaylin asked.

  “Nothing. He means nothing.” Brooke glared at me.

  “I meant nothing inappropriate,” I assured her.

  Two hours later the massive cake was done. A large tree complete with leaves in every possible fall color.

  “Now the question is how we’re going to get this cake to the fair in one piece.” Mom walked around the cake.

  “We’ll figure it out.” Jaylin climbed up on a chair and put an arm around Brooke and I. “So what to now?”

  “You need to finish your homework. They need to head home,” Mom winked at me. “Get out of here, you two.”

  “Kicking us out, Mom?” I feigned offense.

  “I’m afraid I am.”

  “This was tons of fun.” Brooke gave my mom a hug. “Thank you.”

  “No. Thank you. We couldn’t have pulled it off without you.”

  “I’m not so sure about that, but it did turn out to be a great cake.”

  Seventeen

  Brooke

  Comfort was lying naked in Logan’s arms. I never thought I’d feel so at home with a man again, but I did with Logan. There was no question about it.

  “What are you thinking about?” He ran his hand through my tousled hair.

  “How comfortable I am.”

  “I’m glad you are.”

  “And it’s not just because you are a natural heater and keep me warm.”

  He laughed. “Glad you want me for more than my body heat.”

  “I want you for way more than that.”

  “Is that so?” He rolled onto his side.

  I did the same so we could look at each other, yet his leg quickly slipped between mine. “I want you for the way you make me feel. Your heart. Your humor.”

  “My humor?” He raised an eyebrow. “Glad it’s grown on you.”

  “I’ve always liked it; I was just slow on the go at the beginning.”

  “Ah, I see.” He moved behind me and started to give me a shoulder rub. “Is there more?”

  “Oh yes. I want you for your mind. Your artistic ability. And of course your body.”

  He grinned. “Is there a reason for this self-esteem build?”

  “Yes. To tell you, I heard you today. So much of what’s holding me back is fear. And I don’t want that fear to rule my life. I know that I am ready to move on. And I want to move on with you.”

  “It’s okay to be scared. That’s normal. But I want you to know I’m always going to be here for you.” He kissed the back of my neck. “I promise.”

  “Thank you. I need to tell you something.”

  “Anything.” His arms slipped around my waist and I leaned back into him.

  “When my brother came up here, it wasn’t just to check on me.” I probably should have told him this before, but I had
n’t been able to make myself say the words. “He came up here to tell me that Will was married and there’s a baby on the way.”

  “Wow. Okay. Is there a reason you’re finally telling me this now?”

  “Because I’m ready to. I’m ready to tell you that part of what made the end of my marriage so awful was that I had a miscarriage. So, this was just another kick in the pants.”

  He turned me around so I was looking at him. “Oh, Brooke. I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t need your sympathy. I just felt like it was time to tell you.”

  “And I'm glad you did. You should be able to tell me anything.”

  “And that same day I talked to A.J.”

  “Wait. What?” His eyes widened.

  “She came by to confront me, but ended up asking about my brother.”

  “I was wondering why she stopped calling so much…” he trailed off. “And if we are both coming clean about everything, I have to say something to. It’s about A.J.”

  My chest clenched I wasn’t ready. Was this when I found out things had been a lie? “Are you sure you want to do this now. Naked in bed?”

  “Why not? You got your stuff shared this way.”

  “I know, but that was different. This may change our entire relationship.”

  “Wait. What?” He put his hands on my arms. “Why would you think that?”

  “Well, what do you need to tell me?”

  “I took a loan from her, and I’m having some trouble paying it back.”

  “Wait. What?” I did a double take. That was not what I was expecting.

  “I know it seems pretty bad, but I was desperate. My mom was close to losing the house.”

  “So you borrowed money?”

  “Yes. And not a little.”

  “Where does your mom think you got the money from?”

  “From selling my sculptures. I know. It’s awful. But I didn’t know what else to do. I’d screwed up enough already, I had to find a way to help.

  “What do you mean you screwed up?”

  “I didn’t react well when my dad left. I spent all my time with A.J. In some ways I used her as an escape and that makes me such a jerk. On top of that, I completely neglected Jaylin when she needed me the most. I’m never going to be able to make it up to her.”

  “I think you already have. You’re such an awesome big brother.”

  “Nothing can make up for the way I treated her and my mom. I was such a selfish ass. Not to mention what I did to A.J. I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved with her.”

  I took his hand in mine. “You’re making up for it now. And now I get why Jaylin hates A.J. so much. She blames her for your behavior. And A.J. is going to be okay. I think seeing us together is making it easier for her to move on as weird as that might seem.”

  “Is that it?” I squeezed his hand. “Are there any other secrets I need to know about?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “You already know the most important one. That I love forever and unconditionally.”

  “The feeling is mutual.” I brushed my lips against his. “I love you, Logan.”

  * * *

  The morning of the Fall Fair I got up before the alarm. I had stayed over at Logan’s again, so I slipped out as quietly as I could do with Maple. I got dressed and headed down the path toward the closest dock.

  “You’re late.” A.J. taped her foot.

  “I’m sorry. I’m here though.”

  “What was it that you had to give me?” She held out her hand.

  I put an envelope in her hand.

  She turned the envelope in her hand. “What’s this?”

  “Money.”

  “Money?” She narrowed her eyes. “Is this some kind of joke?”

  “Not everything Logan owes, but what I got.”

  “What do you mean what you got?”

  “I sold my engagement ring and wedding band. It was time.”

  “And you’re using that money to pay off Logan’s debt? Does he know you are doing this?”

  “No. But I’ll tell him after the Fair. I promised him no secrets.”

  “Well thank you.” She opened the envelope and flipped through the cash. “This is going to be enough.”

  “Enough to what?”

  “Put down first and last month's rent on a place closer to work. It’s time I get out of Forest Lake.”

  “You need help with the move or anything?”

  “No. But I could use some help from you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Your brothers number.”

  “You want George’s number?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled. “He’s pretty cute.”

  “I’ll do one better. I’ll have Logan get in touch with you when George and the rest of my family come up to visit for the holidays.”

  “All right. That works.” She hugged me. Then she stepped back like she didn’t know what was happening. “I just hugged you.”

  “You did.” I smiled.

  “Ok. I’m going to go.” She turned and hurried down the path.

  “Strange girl,” I muttered as I walked Maple back up.

  “You slipped out on me again.” Logan waited on the porch in just his boxers. “Where did you go?”

  “I had a little business to attend to. I promise I'll fill you in, but we need to get over to your Mom’s to help with the cake. We can’t leave them hanging.”

  “Oh yes. The cake.”

  He put his hands on my hips. “But first I need something.”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s in my room.”

  “Oh is it?”

  “Yup.” He took my hand and led me back inside.

  “What is it?”

  “You’re going to have to get back in bed to find out.” He waggled an eyebrow.

  “How did I know you were going to say that?” I gladly let him lead me back to bed.

  Eighteen

  Logan

  She looked so natural standing up there on the makeshift stage. A year ago I’d have never imagined Brooke would be making a presentation in front of the whole town. Yet there she was. Gladys was up there with her, too. And Jaylin. Jaylin’s job was to point at all the stuff Brooke was talking about.

  “So in short, this is the plan. We shore up the financing and move ahead with the 1975 plan for the winter park. There is a new interest in small-town charm among vacationers, and with the new brewery opening, we’re going to be able to draw in some new crowds.”

  She stepped off the platform and right in front of the rows of chairs. “I know this might seem pie in the sky, but I think it’s the best chance we have. Of course there will be a vote, but before that I’ll be available for questions at the museum. Thank you all for coming.”

  The crowd clapped as she walked toward the museum. I caught up with her. “Hey, fancy talking lady.”

  “Hey, did I sound ok?”

  “You sounded great. And you look great.” I gestured to her skirt suit. “You clean up nice.”

  “So do you.” She straightened my suit jacket. “Thanks for playing along.”

  “There’s no playing. This is a great plan.”

  “Now I have to see if I can get the financing lined up.”

  “George seems pretty confident he can pull this off.”

  “He does, doesn’t he?” I still couldn’t believe my brother was getting involved in all this, but his financial background was a big help.

  Gladys joined us at the door to the museum. “I added something to the fair exhibit.”

  “Really?” Brooke tugged on my hand and led me over to the new exhibit. The centerpiece was the old signs Brooke had found. “Look at where the other photos are displayed.” Brooke hurried over.

  “Oh wow.” I looked. There was a picture of my mom, Brooke, and Jaylin posing with their prize-winning cake. There was a blue ribbon wrapped around the dish. The photo was juxtaposed next to an old photograph of a woman and her two daughters holding a smaller cake
with a ribbon. I was pretty sure it was from that set of photos Brooke found in the attic.

  “We made it into the exhibit. Impressive.” Brooke smiled. “Wait until Jaylin sees.”

  “By the way, did you ever figure out who those people are?” Gladys asked.

  “Not yet, but I will. I’ll have plenty of time to do some digging while we work on the plans.”

  “Well, not to burst your bubble, but you may have some other plans to contend with.”

  “What do you mean?” She looked puzzled, especially when my mom and Jaylin walked in followed by her parents and George.

  I went down on one knee. “Brooke Watson, will you do me the greatest honor of being my wife?”

  She gasped and tears streamed down her face. “Yes. Yes. Of course.”

  I slipped the ring on her finger. It was one of my creations, but it was different than the one I gave Brian. This one was engraved with a line. To the girl who was always whole and who forever will be.

  She read the ring and broke into tears again. I pulled her into my arms. “I love you, Brooke.”

  “I love you, Logan. And I always will.”

  Thank You

  Thank you for reading Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves. I hope you enjoyed it! Please consider leaving an honest review at your point of purchase. Reviews help me in so many ways!

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  Afterward

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