Before You Were Gone

by Sheila Bugler

  ‘Your stepfather,’ Fiona said. ‘Do you think they’re with him?’

  ‘How would he know they’re here?’

  ‘Maeve must have told him. You saw him in Alfriston, didn’t you? How would he even know to go there if someone hadn’t told him?’

  ‘He killed Maeve’s sister,’ Emer said. ‘Why would she want to help him?’

  ‘What about your cousin – Dee? As far as I can see, this is all her fault. If she’d kept her nose out of our business, you’d never have found us. Annie would be safe.’

  ‘And I’d never have known my sister was still alive.’

  When Fiona didn’t reply straight away, Emer guessed the comment had upset her. She didn’t care. Because if anyone was to blame for this mess, it was Fiona herself. She should have gone to the police years ago and told them everything.

  ‘You’re right,’ Fiona said. ‘You have no idea how sorry I am. I’ve been so focused on not losing Annie, it took over everything. I’d spent so long wanting a child of my own. When we had the chance to care for Kitty, it felt like a gift. Michael wasn’t sure, at first. We both knew Kitty was being hidden from something dangerous and Michael was worried about what would happen if the people she was running from ever found her. He was right to be worried. I know that now. But once she was living with us, he loved her as well. That’s why he killed Eamon. It was the only way he could think of to keep her safe.’

  Emer tried to imagine what it would be like to deliberately plan to kill someone, the mindset it would require and what it would do to you afterwards.

  ‘He didn’t plan it,’ Fiona said, as if she’d guessed what Emer was thinking. ‘He’d arranged to meet Eamon to tell him we weren’t going to pay him any more money. Eamon threatened to tell your stepfather that Annie was still alive, and Michael lost it. Something he’s spent the rest of his life regretting.’

  It was all so sad, Emer thought. When this was over, she was going to do two things: she was going to get her shit together, and she was going to make sure her mother and Robert paid for all the damage they’d caused.

  ‘Are you still there?’ Fiona asked.

  ‘I’ve got nowhere else to go,’ Emer said.

  ‘I’m coming to get you. Annie… Kitty… took the car, but I can get a taxi.’

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘Alfriston. That’s where you saw Robert, so we go there first. If we can’t find them, then we’ll think about where to go next.’

  ‘What about the police? Shouldn’t we call them and tell them Kitty’s in danger?’

  ‘They won’t take us seriously,’ Fiona said. ‘Kitty hasn’t been missing for long enough. But I’m friends with the detective who led the murder investigation. I think he might be willing to help. I’ll call him on my way to pick you up. Wait outside the hotel. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.’

  Fiona seemed distracted when she arrived in the taxi to pick up Emer.

  ‘Something’s happened,’ she said, once Emer had climbed in beside her and put her seatbelt on. ‘The detective I told you about has just called. He says he needs to speak to me urgently.’

  ‘Any idea why?’

  ‘He said he didn’t want to tell me over the phone,’ Fiona said. ‘But I think it’s Michael. Kitty’s been trying to contact him since yesterday. He’s not answering his phone.’

  ‘But I saw him yesterday,’ Emer said. ‘I told you that. I spoke to him at his flat. He seemed fine.’

  ‘So why isn’t he answering Kitty’s calls?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Emer said.

  The truth was, she didn’t want to think about Michael Holden. She wanted to focus on the anger raging inside her. She was angry with everyone, including the woman sitting beside her in the back of the taxi. Because if Fiona had done the right thing years earlier, Emer would have known that her sister was still alive. And maybe if that had happened, all the other bad things in her life could have been avoided. The jobs she’d lost, the relationships she’d ruined, the God-awful mess she’d made of everything – how different things might have been if she’d only known the truth. And it wasn’t just herself she was angry for. There was Lucy’s family too. Her parents had gone to their graves never knowing what had happened to their daughter. All of it because Robert O’Brien had cared more about his reputation than doing the right thing.

  By the time the taxi dropped them off at the house in Alfriston, Emer was ready to kill Robert with her bare hands when she found him. Jumping out of the taxi, not bothering to wait for Fiona, she ran to the house and started banging on the door.

  ‘Robert,’ she shouted. ‘Are you in there?’

  ‘Wait,’ Fiona said, coming to join her. ‘I’ve got a key. You don’t need to break the door down.’

  She opened the door and they stepped into the house. Silence greeted them. Emer stood in the hallway, listening for any sign there was someone else in here. But apart from the sound of birdsong outside, she couldn’t hear a thing.

  ‘They’re not here,’ she said.

  ‘They have to be somewhere.’ Fiona moved through the house, opening the doors and looking inside every room. When she went upstairs, Emer didn’t bother following her. She knew it was pointless. Kitty wasn’t here.

  The rage that had kept her going until now had died away, leaving a weary exhaustion it its place. She went into the kitchen, turned on the tap, leaned down and let the water flow into her mouth. She’d just finished, and was wiping her lips, when she saw a flash of movement in the garden outside. Moving to get a closer look, she noticed the broken pane of glass.

  Opening the door, she stepped onto the patio. A large, landscaped garden stretched out in front of her. Tidy beds on either side of a neatly mown lawn. The entire space was enclosed by a red-brick, ivy covered wall. Emer stepped off the patio onto the grass, scanning every corner of the garden, but she couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

  She stood for a moment, listening to the sounds of the countryside – birdsong and the rustle of wind through the leaves of the magnolia tree in the centre of the lawn, the occasional car passing on the road at the front of the house.

  And suddenly, something else. Footsteps crunching over broken glass. The sound had come from behind her. She swung around, but not quickly enough. Someone grabbed her, dragging her across the grass towards the front of the house. She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand clasped over her mouth, blocking the sound. Breathing through her nose, the smell hit her. Ginger and citrus, an undercurrent of sandalwood. As her panicked brain recognised the smell, she heard his voice, close to her ear:

  ‘Stop fighting me. I’m here to get you out of here before you get hurt.’

  Forty-seven

  Emer tried to pull free, but she’d forgotten how strong he was. Sixty-five years old and he still worked out every day. Muscles like steel and the strength of two men half his age.

  At the side of the house, he stopped.

  ‘I just want to talk,’ he said. ‘That’s all. If I let you go, will you at least listen to what I’ve got to say?’

  She nodded, too scared to do anything else.

  ‘Good girl.’

  He removed his hand from her mouth and let her go.

  ‘What the hell?’ She stepped away from him, needing to put some space between them both. Her arms hurt where he’d held her too tight. She imagined she could still feel the imprint of his hand across her face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I saw you and I panicked. I’ve been worried sick. Your poor mother’s going out of her mind. You’ve no idea the hoops I’ve had to jump through to find you. We need to leave, Emer. There are things you don’t know about the people living in this house. You’re putting yourself in danger just being here. I need to get you away right now.’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head. She wasn’t going anywhere with him. ‘I know what you did, Robert.’

  ‘Jesus Christ.’ He rubbed a hand across his face, a gesture she recognised. One he used
when he wanted to show his vulnerability. ‘Would you just listen to me for once in your life, Emer? I don’t know what stories they’ve filled your head with, but none of it’s true. Kitty killed Lucy. I had no idea about any of it. Your mother finally told me the truth when I drove to Dublin on Saturday morning and asked her what the hell was going on.’

  ‘Bullshit. You killed her. You hid her body so no one would ever know what happened. And you paid my father to disappear and take Kitty with him.’

  ‘None of that is true,’ Robert said. ‘Kitty was jealous of Lucy and she killed her. Plain and simple. Your parents knew Lucy’s family wouldn’t let Kitty get away with what she’d done. So they came up with a plan to get her out of the country. Your father did his best, God help him, but the people who took her in were monsters. They filled her head with lies, turned her against him. Then, when he refused to give up, they killed him. And now they’ll kill you. That woman, Fiona, she’ll do anything to keep you away from Kitty. Now come on, Emer. We need to get out of here.’

  She saw his hand reaching out and jumped back. But her foot caught on something and she stumbled. Robert caught her before she fell, his fingers digging into her upper arm as he dragged her towards the driveway at the front of the house.

  ‘No.’ She screamed, and tried to pull her arm free, but again his grip was too strong.

  ‘Shut the fuck up.’ He shook her, so hard her teeth rattled. She didn’t know what shocked her more, the sudden violence or the swearing. She didn’t think she’d ever heard him swear before. Tears pricked her eyes. This was Robert. He wasn’t meant to behave like this.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I just want to get us both out of here.’

  He was walking alongside her as he pulled her towards the end of the driveway. As he continued talking, she turned to look at him so she could see his face.

  ‘I understand why this is confusing for you. I was in the same boat until Friday night. After you left, I was distraught. I’d suspected for a while that your mother hadn’t been honest with me. She’d been acting strangely ever since you told us about seeing Kitty in London. That’s why I hired the private detective. I wanted to find out what was really going on.’

  ‘But you didn’t hire a detective,’ Emer said. ‘You paid some woman to contact Dee pretending to be me. And then you told me the woman I’d seen wasn’t Kitty. You said she was Fiona and Michael’s niece, that they’d adopted her after her parents were killed in a car crash.’

  ‘I didn’t pay any woman anything,’ Robert said. ‘As for the rest of it, I was going to tell you the truth when the time was right. But I was trying to protect you. And yes, I was trying to protect your mother, too. That’s why I’m here. I came because I knew you were putting yourself in danger and I couldn’t bear that. My car’s out here. We’ll drive to the nearest police station and tell them what’s going on. After that, we’ll find a quiet place where we can try to work out what we do next.’

  She’d started crying, although she wasn’t sure what had triggered it. The pain in her arm where he was holding her too tight, or the knowledge that he was a psychopath and her whole relationship with him had been based on lies.

  ‘There’s no need to cry, love. We’ll get through this. I’m sure that woman has filled your head up with all sorts of nonsense, but that’s all it is, Emer – nonsense. You’ve no idea how worried I’ve been. I thought… well, I’m just glad you’re okay. Now come on. Look, we’re almost at the car. It’s just out there, on the road outside. You’ll be safe now, I promise.’

  His voice was soft, cajoling – the voice he used when he wanted her to apologise to Ursula or agree not to ‘cause a fuss’ about something, or tidy up after dinner because ‘your poor mother’s had a tough day and she could do with a bit of help from you every now and then.’ The voice he used when he wanted to control her. Because that’s what he’d been doing. All these years, when she’d thought he was caring for her and loving her as if she was his own child, he’d been controlling her.

  ‘No.’ She stopped walking, only moving when he dragged her forward and she didn’t have a choice. ‘I’m done with the lies, Robert. I know what you did. Kitty didn’t kill Lucy. It was you. You were driving the car that night. And you were at that party where that poor girl…’

  ‘Emer, listen to me. You’re confused. Everyone knows that. You have complex mental health issues which have never been properly treated. That’s probably my fault – I should have faced up to the problem earlier, but I’m facing up to it now. We’re going to get you back home and get you the help you need.’

  ‘You’re nothing but a fraud,’ she said. ‘You pretend you’re this decent man who wants to help others. But the only person you’re interested in helping is yourself. Kitty told me what happened. You were driving the car that hit Lucy and killed her.’

  ‘Stop that right now.’

  His voice had changed, hard and angry now. His fingers dug deeper into her arm as he swung her around so she was standing in front of him. He leaned his face close to hers as he continued speaking. The stink of his cologne filled the air around her, clogging her nose and lodging in the back of her throat.

  ‘You are a stupid, spoiled little brat who has no idea what you’ve got yourself involved with. I am doing my best to keep a lid on this thing, trying to keep you and your mother safe. But you’re not making it easy for me. I told you not to go sticking your nose in, didn’t I? It’s not my fault your parents lied to me. All these years living with your mother, believing your sister had died. Can you imagine what it’s been like for me to find out that the woman I love has been playing me for a fool?’

  ‘You paid my father to make himself and Kitty disappear.’

  She tasted vomit at the back of her throat, as she realised something else.

  ‘Oh Jesus. When they told you Kitty had drowned, you believed them. You thought they’d actually killed their own child just to protect your stupid reputation.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t I believe it?’ he said. ‘Your father was a greedy bastard and I paid him well enough to get the problem sorted. It wasn’t what we’d agreed. The plan had always been for your father to take Kitty to England. But when your mother told me she’d drowned, well, how was I to know she was lying to me? She’s spent the weekend trying to convince me it was all your father’s idea, but we both know that’s bullshit, don’t we Emer? Your father didn’t have the brains to orchestrate something like that. Ursula lied to stop me asking too many questions, that’s all.’

  He’d dropped all pretence now. There was only one reason for that. He was planning to get rid of her. He’d stopped caring about what he said because he thought she wouldn’t get the chance to tell anyone.

  ‘What happened to Lucy was an accident,’ he continued, ‘but it was hardly my fault. Those girls shouldn’t have been out that night. And they certainly shouldn’t have been sneaking into a house that didn’t belong to them, seeing things they weren’t meant to see.’

  ‘Why did you drive after them?’ Emer said. ‘If you didn’t mean to kill them?’

  ‘I needed to find out how much they’d seen. They were young girls – easy for them to misinterpret things.’

  ‘What things, exactly?’ Emer said, remembering the scene in the bedroom that Kitty had described to her.

  ‘It was a networking event,’ Robert said, ‘Your mother organised them for me. It’s never easy for important people to get together and let their hair down a bit. There’s always someone watching you, ready to judge or jump to the wrong conclusion. Your mother came up with the idea of organising some private events, away from prying eyes. They were very popular for a time, until those stupid girls turned up and ruined everything. Because, of course, they had to stop after that.’

  ‘What about Lucy?’ Emer said.

  ‘You mean what happened to her? Well, she was already dead. It was an accident, like I said. There was no need for anyone else to know what had happened. I buri
ed her in the woods.’

  ‘You sick bastard.’

  Emer leaned her head back then threw it forward, her forehead smashing into his face. With a roar, he let her go and staggered back, hands over his damaged face. She twisted away from him but his hand shot out, grabbing her and pulling her back. His hand wrapped around her neck, blocking the air.

  She struggled against him, kicking and lashing out with her hands. She heard him say something, but she didn’t catch the words, and suddenly he was falling backwards, taking her with him.

  He hit the ground first, cushioning her fall. She rolled off him, scrabbling to get away but she wasn’t fast enough. He grabbed her and suddenly he was on top of her, the weight of his body pressing into her, his fists punching her shoulders, her head, her back.

  She was lying on her stomach, face down in the gravel. Stones in her mouth as the punches kept coming. She tried to crawl forward but she couldn’t move. He was too heavy, making it impossible for her to breathe. Her hands flailed on the gravel, trying to find something she could hold onto to pull herself forward. Darkness was creeping in from the outer corners of her eyes. The world fading out as the punches kept coming.

  And then, just as suddenly as it began, it was over. The punches stopped, and she was able to breathe as his body slipped off her and slumped onto the gravel beside her.

  ‘Emer?’

  Fiona was standing over her, an iron poker in her hand.

  ‘Oh God, Emer. I’m so sorry. I should have acted faster. Are you okay?’

  On the ground beside her, Robert groaned. He was still alive. She didn’t want him to be alive. She wanted to stand up and grab the poker and smash it down on him, again and again, until she’d killed him.

  She might have done it, too. Except, as she pushed herself off the ground, a car turned into the driveway, screeching to a halt in front of them. A man Emer didn’t recognise got out of the car and came towards them.

  ‘Fiona, I came here as soon as I could. What the hell is going on?’

  He had kind eyes, Emer noticed. Fiona said something, but Emer couldn’t hear her. The words were muffled, as if they were speaking through a wall of cotton wool. Emer could see Fiona’s mouth moving, and her hands, pointing at Emer and Robert, but Emer couldn’t make out what she was saying.