Black and Blue

by Nancy O'Toole Meservier

“Ah,” he said, shifting. “Well…unsanctioned means someone we don’t have on record. Received their powers through other means, not an official Awakening, nice and controlled-like.”

  “So, there’s a way to receive powers outside of the Forgers?”

  “Yes. There are unsanctioned awakenings. They’re just dangerous.”

  “For the person?”

  “Yes, but it goes beyond that. Just look at Calypso and all the damage she managed to do?” He let out a low whistle. “Anyway, I was being honest with y’all when I said our main purpose is information. And when there’s a Calypso-sized gap in our information, that means that we’ve been slacking off. And now Jane and I have come to pick up the pieces.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card.

  “Listen,” he said. “I’m breaking a whole lot of rules giving you this…but here.”

  I accepted the card and frowned.

  “Birchwood Realty?” I asked, looking at the address and number listed below.

  “It’s just a front,” he said. “It’s where we hang around in Bailey City whenever we need to stop by. Strangely enough they won’t rent out office space to secret organizations. Anyway, I want you to think about what I’ve said today and come to this address when you’re ready. The entrance is in the back. And, Dawn?”

  I looked up and saw that his eyes were serious.

  “I know that it may sound strange, but we really need your help here. There’s a reason why we keep a tight control over who can and can’t receive powers. Sometimes it works out okay.” He nodded toward me. “But other times…”

  He shook his head.

  “Just think about it. Take a couple days even.” He began to turn away, then paused. “Oh, and by the way, that invitation is just for you.”

  “You mean not…”

  “Your big, scary friend? He’s too much of an unknown property. Not inviting him until we know he’s not gonna knock the place down.” He stopped and chuckled. “That and Jane will be angry enough at me for giving you the card in the first place. She’s big on protocol, that one.”

  I frowned, looking down at the card once more.

  “Anyway,” Riley said after a few seconds’ silence. “You take care now.”

  I looked up just in time to see him waving at me from over his shoulder, walking away. But I…I couldn’t move.

  Everything had been so clear before. There was structure. I had made rules. But lately, everyone seemed to be redefining those rules for me, and I was just scrambling to keep up. Alex had wanted me to keep quiet about Marty. Detective Bronson warned me to stay away from Alex. Riley wanted me to help the Forgers. But what did I want to do?

  Protect my city. Help people. Be an Actual. That had been the goal all along, right?

  Of course, now that I was one, I had no idea what to do.

  A sign that you were never really meant to be an Actual in the first place, a dark voice that sounded suspiciously like Amity said. That Hunter Davies made a mistake. Maybe it would be better if you just stuck to reading comic books instead of living them out.

  I instantly recoiled at the thought.

  What was I thinking? I loved being Hikari. Loved what I did. I was just confused, overwhelmed, right? And what do you do when you need help?

  It looked like it was time to talk to my best friend.

  When I arrived at Sunshine’s dorm room, twenty minutes later, I couldn’t help but notice that my knock was a bit more hesitant than usual. My pulse raced, and I was close to being short of breath. Of course, I wasn’t sure how much of that was due to nerves and how much due to my method of transport. While I had chosen the rooftop-jumping route to get to Bailey U, the four flights of stairs down had to be weathered as regular old Dawn. And Dawn…well, she could use a few more trips to the campus gym.

  “Come in?” I heard Sunshine say, a note of uncertainty in her voice.

  I pushed open the door to find her sitting on her bed, schoolwork strewn around her. She wore a white sweater with purple polka dots, and her hair had been recently curled. It bounced as she moved.

  “Dawn?” She asked. “Don’t you have class?”

  “Ah, usually,” I replied.

  How had I forgotten about that? I thought of all those grade school perfect-attendance ribbons stored away in plastic bins in my bedroom closet. Better not tell my mother about this.

  “Is something wrong?”

  Sunshine swung her legs over the edge of the bed and dropped her feet to a small throw rug covered in red roses.

  “Kind of, I…” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know where to start.”

  Where to start? I was beginning to wonder if I should even be here. When you need advice, you seek out your bestie. Wasn’t that girl knowledge 101? Only now that I was here…

  “Maybe this was a mistake,” I said.

  “Ugh. Clearly not.”

  Sunshine walked around me, shutting the door to her room.

  “It’s obvious you have a lot on your mind,” she continued as she circled back to her bed. “And if you need to talk, I’m here.”

  “But you’re so busy—” I started.

  “Please, who isn’t busy? I always have time for you.” Sunshine dropped her gaze. “I mean…you’re kinda my only friend.”

  “What?” I blinked. “That’s not true.”

  “Please.” She cocked her head to the right. “I know how everyone else sees me. Opinionated. Overdramatic. Rude. Needy. And um, yeah, they’re right, but it still stings a bit.”

  “What about Kate?” I said, mentioning a girl in her design class. “And the people who follow your blog.”

  “Acquaintances,” she said with a sigh. “Followers. Not quite the same thing.” She smoothed her lips. “And to be honest, lately, I wasn’t even sure if you wanted to be my friend anymore.”

  “What? Sunshine, what do you mean?”

  “Well, you’ve just been kind of distant. Not, like, majorly. But over the past month or so you keep on canceling plans and when I do see you…it’s like you can’t get away from me fast enough. Like at the photo shoot. You spent half the time looking at your phone and then ran off before it was even over. And that day at Northwest Comics. You seemed all concerned, then you just bolted.”

  Sunshine shook her head.

  “I’m trying not to fuck this up,” she continued. “I know there’s stuff you don’t want to talk about, and I respect that. But at the same time, why do I kinda feel like you’re here to…I dunno, friend-break-up with me?”

  Crap.

  Crap!

  Sure, I had picked up on the awkwardness between Sunshine and myself. Picking up on awkwardness…well, let’s say that’s something I had a lifetime of experience with. But I was just as convinced we could get past it with time. That we would somehow magically find our way back to the easy friendship we had before. Where we could talk forever about Sunshine’s latest photo shoot or the new Ms. Marvel comic. It wouldn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that we were spending time together.

  But thanks to my recent increase in nighttime activities, this whole Marty Tong thing, and Alex…that time was gone. And instead of dealing with it directly, I had constantly brushed it aside.

  “Shit.” I leaned back against the door. “Sunshine, I’m so sorry. This is completely my fault.”

  “It is?” Sunshine said, blinking in surprise. “Not mine? Is something wrong?”

  “Yes,” I said, then shook my head. “No…I don’t know. I’m just…confused.”

  “Sounds like we’re on the same page, at least?”

  I pushed myself back to my feet.

  “No, trust me. We’re not.” I began pacing back and forth. “I was so convinced that I could do this without messing things up. That I had done all the research. I had made these rules. Guess I was better at breaking then then I realized. I mean…here I am, falling into one of the classic pitfalls. Failing to tell the people I care about what’s really going
on. If this were a TV show, I would be yelling at me right now for being a dummy.”

  The room fell silent.

  “Ah…okay. I’m really confused now.” Sunshine said. “But it sounds to me like you need to tell me something?”

  “Right,” I said. “Here we go…oh! Maybe the door.”

  I locked Sunshine’s door. She did have a roommate, after all.

  “Okay, if you were anyone else, that would have freaked me out, just saying.”

  “Trust me,” I said, making my way back to the middle of my room. “The last thing I want you to do is freak out.”

  And then I closed my eyes and waited two breaths. I could tell the exact moment I had transformed.

  “Holy shit!” Sunshine said.

  I opened only one eye, almost afraid of what I’d find on the other side.

  She scrambled off her bed and began circling around me.

  “You’re like…taller. A lot taller! That’s why I never made the…holy crap, you’re—”

  “Shhhh!” I waved my hands around, hoping to silence her. “Dorm walls! Very thin!”

  “Holy crap…this is where you’ve been lately! And on the news…” She shook her head. “Everything! You have to tell me everything!”

  And, well, I did.

  I wasn’t quite sure how long it took, but I covered it all, from my abduction, to discovering my powers, to my encounter with Calypso, Marty, and what was going on with Alex.

  By the end of it, we were both sitting on Sunshine’s bed, her schoolwork long forgotten. Sunshine picked at her cuticles (a bad habit I knew she was struggling to break), as I sat there in my red and black costume. It made me look all kinds of ridiculous in this college dorm-room setting, but it also made telling my story so much easier.

  “I was so convinced that I had the code cracked. With all the comics I’ve read and movies I’ve watched…yet still, somehow it’s blindsided me.” I paused. “Everything is so much more complicated than I thought it would be. I thought that in becoming an Actual I would be taking care of the problems too big for the police, but when I help officers like Detective Bronson, people see it as a sign of their weakness. I thought if I planned far enough ahead I could balance both school and being an Actual, and in the process, I’ve neglected you, not to mention any semblance of a normal sleep schedule. I don’t know what to do with the Forgers, and I’m worried about this whole Edison Kent thing…”

  I paused, shaking my head.

  “I thought that becoming an Actual would be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And it is. I love using my powers, helping my city…but how much good am I really doing? Have I really helped anyone? Just look at the drones. They’re not getting any better. And the only reason I’m being recognized as an Actual in the first place is because Calypso fell to her death. That’s not heroic!”

  “Hey, hey,” Sunshine said. “I get where you’re coming from. Well, as much as I can, given how little I know about fighting crime and dealing with secret organizations. But I think you’re beating yourself up too much.”

  “You’re just saying that because you’re my friend.”

  “Um…seriously? Didn’t you just hear me confess that I’m super shitty at keeping friends because I can’t keep my mouth shut? That, and have you ever known me to be anything less than a hundred percent honest with you?”

  “Well, no—”

  “You’re damn right ‘well, no.’ Dawn, it sounds to me like you’ve been listening to that Edison Kent too much, with all of his doom and gloom about Actuals. I mean, you’re new at this. You’ve been an Actual for what, a little over a month? It’s going to take some time to work out the kinks. It’s like getting a new job. And as someone who’s been fired from almost every job she’s had, I’ve totally been there.”

  “That’s not…hugely encouraging, Sunshine.”

  “Forget that. You’re clearly not me.” She waved me off. “But there’s only so much you can prepare. Even if you ace the interview, and pick out the perfect first day outfit, once you get on the floor, it’s going to be overwhelming for a little while. You need to learn the rhythm of things. You’re not going to be completely successful at something right off the bat.”

  “That makes sense,” I replied. “But look at Kent. Some of the things he says about Actuals and how we cause problems. I mean, that thing with Marty—”

  “Oh, my god. I can’t say this emphatically enough, but fuck Edison Kent. You’re sitting here, talking about how much more complicated things are than you expected, and you’re going to listen to the guy who sees everything in black and white?”

  “Or black and blacker,” I said, a smile forming on my face.

  “Had you not been around, things would have been a lot worse. Those five people, including Edison Kent, would have been brainwashed. The drones would have never been set free. Alex would still be a bad guy. Calypso would have turned her army on the Forgers. Granted, I feel like I don’t know enough about them to see whether that’s a good thing or not.”

  “I dunno,” I said. “Riley’s request was pretty straightforward, but I feel so…under-informed. What if there’s something he’s not telling me? And that stuff about my father?” I sighed. “I’m walking into this one blind.” I paused “Of course, that’s also how I feel about Alex.”

  “Ah…right.”

  I looked over to see that Sunshine’s face had fallen.

  “You sound concerned?” I asked.

  “It’s…it’s not that,” she said, picking at her cuticles again. “I mean, it’s obvious from what you’ve told me that he really likes you.”

  “Everyone’s so afraid of him.” I felt my lips twist into a frown. “No matter what I say. If anything, he should be getting credit for taking down Calypso. Not me. But Detective Bronson—”

  “Isn’t really wrong.” Sunshine shifted her legs, moving them from being tucked beneath her to hanging over the bed. “You can’t just…switch sides and expect that to mean a Get out of Jail Free card, literally in this case. He may not be the one responsible for hurting all of those people, but if he had gone to the police, he could have been responsible for saving them.” She paused and glanced at me. “That and you have a history of dating good-looking jerks.”

  “What?” I sputtered. “That’s not…”

  “Who’s not? The guy who broke up with you when your dad died, or the one who abandoned you in the middle of nowhere because you refused to let him drive drunk?”

  “It’s more complicated than that!”

  “Maybe, but the fact that you’re always so quick to defend them is less so.”

  “I…oh.” I felt my face fall. “Whoops.”

  “You’ve always been big on sticking up for your man, even when he doesn’t deserve it. It’s almost like you’re, I dunno, just trying to avoid the issue by brushing it aside. Does that sound crazy?”

  I winced. “Not entirely. So, does this mean…Do you think Alex is a jerk too?”

  “Ugh, not really,” Sunshine said. “It’s the same, yet different. I didn’t like Mark because he was always trying to make you into something you weren’t and putting you down in that weird backhanded compliment-y way. Alex has made some shifty choices, but not like in an ‘I think this guy may be emotionally manipulating my best friend’ sort of way.”

  “So…backhanded compliments equal bad boyfriend material, but being an ex-henchman doesn’t?”

  “I think the key word there is ‘ex.’ God! This is such a weird conversation!”

  “Clearly, we live in odd times,” I quipped. “Can you see why I’m confused?”

  “Um, yeah. I mean, on one hand, him breaking free of Calypso’s control to save you? That’s like super-romantic. Like, out of a movie super-romantic. At the same time, there’s no denying that he deals with things…differently than you do.”

  I thought back to the Marty situation and how my first instinct had been to call the police, and his had been to keep Marty hidden.

&n
bsp; “We don’t always approach things the same way,” I admitted.

  “Which might be like, a good thing? Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to come at it from multiple angles. But of course.” She paused. “It might also mean that you’re less than compatible.”

  I sighed.

  “That’s what you’re worried about,” she said. “That you might be too different and things won’t work out.”

  “It sounds so mundane when you put it that way,” I said with a frown. “But yeah, I guess that’s it.”

  Sunshine let out a sigh.

  “Dawn, let me tell you something my mother has told me oh…roughly seventy-three times. No one really knows if things will work out going into a relationship. Yes, most couples break up, but not all of them do. There’s always going to be some element of uncertainty. And it’s up to you to figure out if you want to take that leap or not.”

  She smiled and nudged me with her right shoulder.

  “And with you, I feel I need to clarify that I don’t mean that literally.”

  I couldn’t help it; I smiled back.

  “The masks and costumes, yeah, they add in an extra level of complications,” she continued. “I see that now. But in the end, what matters is how you feel and what you do.”

  “Well,” I said, dropping my hands into my lap. “That’s the question, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I feel like I’ve been crazy unhelpful here.”

  “Are you kidding? After talking to you?” I chuckled. “This is the best I’ve felt in weeks. I’m really sorry I’ve been shutting you out.”

  “Holy crap, don’t worry about it. I totally get why you’ve been busy!” Sunshine shook her head. “And from what you’ve said about your abduction…If that dream is actually a memory.”

  Just a little—

  “Nope,” I said, raising a hand. “Let’s be honest, I have no way of knowing that. And if what happened back then was so…unpleasant, then maybe it’s a good thing I don’t remember what happened.”

  “I can see why you feel—”

  “I mean, in the end, what happened? This was months ago. And now, I have these great powers! I’m a freakin’ superhero! Maybe it’s time to stop lingering on what may or may not have happened and move on.”