by Addison Jane
Turns out it isn’t exactly uncommon. There are hundreds, if not thousands of groups out there that claim some kind of religious or spiritual following and are not unlike the Colony I came from. Some much, much worse.
The difference between the world we’d grown up in and the one in which I lived now, was like night and day at times, and Emerald seemed to be still struggling to cope with what was going on. I was battling to split my time between the club and my sister, but luckily for the time being, Deacon had taken time off work to be at home with Emerald as we tried to figure out our next step.
In the meantime, I had to stay with the club. I couldn’t afford to leave and take care of the both of us while still going to school.
Not yet.
And that broke my heart that I needed to rely on someone else to watch out for my family.
“Talk to her. Unfortunately, this is an obligation and not an option,” Sugar said with a slight warning in her voice to let me know that I shouldn’t try to get out of it. “If Op says the girls need to be there, then you need to be there.”
I nodded in understanding.
I knew my place within the club. From the outside, it might seem somewhat like the cult I escaped from, but inside, it was vastly different.
The men here ruled, but they were also men who had certain values and levels of respect. Being here was on my terms—I could walk away at any moment if that’s what I wanted to do and I’m sure most of the people inside this building would hug me tightly and wish me well. When push came to shove, I was never made to do anything that I didn’t want to do.
As club girls we were cared for and protected, it had been one of the huge draw cards for me when I met another of the club girls in one of my classes at the local college. At that point I was still scared and looking over my shoulder all the time, waiting for that moment when they would appear and drag me kicking and screaming back to the Colony.
I’d managed to secure enough money to pay for one semester of class, hoping I would find a job at some point to try and cover the rest. One meeting with the Brothers by Blood and I had my shit packed up that night and was moving into the clubhouse. I felt safe there, strange I know, but so true. They let me know that they would have my back and I could go to them for help.
I couldn’t pass it up.
And now with Emerald around, I had a feeling it would only be a matter of time before I needed to ask for that help, so walking away now was simply not an option.
She was going to be on the back of my bike for a ten-hour ride.
Talk about fucking torture.
I hadn’t touched her before, but I couldn’t say that I hadn’t ever had the urge. Skylar was beautiful. Blonde hair, blue eyes, striking features and an incredible body.
What normal man wouldn’t want what she was offering?
It was the pain I saw hiding inside her that kept me at a substantial distance. She harbored something deep inside. I’d heard the rumors floating around the clubhouse about her sister’s return and the story of her escape from some cult-like religion. Just the thought made my muscles tighten all through my body, and I fisted my hands, clenching them tightly.
If it were true, and that was the place where Skylar had grown up, I couldn’t imagine what she’d gone through as a child or what she’d had to endure in order to escape. It was also a testament to her strength as a woman, to be able to fight their brainwashing ways and have her own mind and thoughts come out on top.
I’d seen those places on the news, with leaders who claimed to be saviors. Stories of abuse and underage marriage sent chills up my spine, especially as I looked around and saw the children that over the past few years had begun to fill the club.
If anyone tried to do anything to hurt these kids, they’d find themselves in a shallow grave before they could get their dirty fucking hands on them. Every single man and woman in this place would make sure of that.
While I wasn’t entirely sure whether the place where Skylar grew up was anything like that at all, or simply a place that pushed religion to the limits, I still couldn’t understand how parents could put their own children in that kind of position. If what Skylar and her sister had been through was anything remotely like what I’d seen and read about in the media, and she’d managed to come out the other side as a strong, confident woman, then there was nothing that could stop her.
“Hey, Eagle.”
I turned to see Hadley advancing on me with a bright smile and Macy hooked on her hip. She pulled me in for a hug and Macy immediately wiggled in her arms, reaching out for me.
I opened my arms and took the small child without reservation and tucked her against my chest. She lay her head down, her little fingers playing with the patches on my cut.
“We’ve missed you around here,” Hadley said with a smile. “How long are you back for?”
“As long as I’m needed,” I answered cryptically making her frown in disappointment. Macy giggled and squirmed in my arms as I tugged on one of her tight curls and tickled the underside of her chin.
“So forever then?” Hadley asked with a playful twinkle in her eye, making me smirk. She was the only woman at the club I’d found myself getting close to. After Slider died, we’d formed a bond as she fought to get her head right and push back the guilt that had overwhelmed her.
We often talked about how she was doing, and just like me, she had her good days and her bad days. My brother had done well finding someone with her heart and strength to have by his side.
“Leo misses you,” she continued when I didn’t reply, knowing that the comment would hit its mark like she wanted. Leo and I had been through hell and back together. Four tours, unpleasant memories, prominent scars and the loss of our entire team—it had been rough, not something I would wish on anyone.
Leo was the reason I found the club. We’d prospected together, but after becoming full members, my itch to keep moving had me going Nomad. I came and went as I pleased, moving between the clubs throughout the states. I was welcomed at every single one but was always drawn back to Athens.
“I’ll be around for a while,” I told her gruffly, ignoring the way her face lit up. “Can’t keep missing out on this little girl growing up.” Hadley’s smile morphed into something softer as she eyed both me and Macy.
“And I’m gonna need a best man for my wedding in a couple months,” Leo said, coming up behind me and slapping me on the back.
“Is that you asking me to be it? Aren’t you meant to make some grand speech about how amazing I am, and how you’d never be where you are today without me?” I teased him before a thought came to me, and I narrowed my eyes. “Wait, you gonna make me wear a fucking tux or something stupid like that?”
He laughed and shook his head. “It’s like you don’t know me at all. You think I’m gonna wear a damn tux, asshole?”
Relief settled in. “Guess I could stick around then.”
I could tell Leo was ecstatic with my admission, but I just rolled my eyes as he started going on about the things he’d demanded for the wedding while Hadley stood beside us quietly rolling her eyes and letting her man think he was going to get away with all his demands.
I smirked. Hell no, she was running this shit, and while he might be able to get away with not wearing a tux, there were going to be things he was going to have to give in to because Hadley carried his balls around in a glass jar.
“Hadley?”
We all turned our heads to see Skylar standing behind us quietly, obviously waiting until Leo was done with his rant before she interrupted.
Patient and respectful.
Something any man would appreciate.
I clenched my jaw and took a step back. Those were thoughts I didn’t need to be having right now.
Her eyes met mine for a brief second, and she smiled shyly before turning her attention back to Hadley. “You think you could check over an essay for me really quickly before the boys start drinking and duty calls?” she chuckled softly
, but tension pulled across my shoulders.
Skylar was unashamed of her job here. She held her head high and knew her place, and you would also never mistake her for a woman who just wanted to get her claws into a brother. She was always the first to offer to help out when many of the other girls would just laze around and do as little as possible.
“Sure,” Hadley replied happily before looking over her shoulder at Leo. “Can you watch Macy for a little bit?”
The corner of his mouth pulled up, and he nodded. “No problem, I’ll run diversion if the boys come searching for you,” he said to Skylar with a smirk.
Skylar giggled, the sound soft and sultry, making my stomach twist. “Thanks, Leo, it shouldn’t take too long.”
Just as I thought she was about to turn and walk away, she stepped forward and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Macy’s cheek, her face just a breath from my chest. I inhaled, her scent sweet and fresh like a spring breeze in a field of flowers. I couldn’t tell if it was perfume or maybe her shampoo because it was so subtle, but it was enough to have me leaning forward as she pulled back, searching for more.
She looked up at me with a cheeky grin on her face and nodded to Macy. “Looks like she’s found a comfortable place to sleep.” Looking down, I found the four-year-old snoring softly against my chest, a small amount of drool leaking from her mouth onto my cut.
When I looked up again, the girls were gone, and my best friend was staring at me with a smug smirk. “You got a thing for Sky?”
I snorted, hooking my other arm under Macy and boosting her a little higher. The kid was getting heavy. “I don’t have a thing for anyone. You of all people should know that.”
I didn’t get to know women, I got what I needed and walked away. It was one of the reasons I didn’t use the club girls. It was too personal for me, having them constantly in your space all the time. Attachments, whether small or large, weren’t something I needed, and I also didn’t want to deal with being psychoanalyzed.
“She’s cute… just saying, Knight,” Leo said with a shrug, but I saw the look in his eye. Hopeful.
My body unconsciously shuddered at the use of my surname. During deployment, that was what we were known by, but I wasn’t that fucking man anymore. For a second, I felt my lungs seize. Another reminder, a trigger they called it.
Don’t freak out.
Just fucking breathe.
“Next time, don’t say Jamison,” I growled, my jaw clenched tight as I tried to breathe through the pain that was stabbing into my temple.
“Come on, man,” Leo groaned as he followed me over to the bar, his child like a dead weight in my arms. Macy was growing fast. I hadn’t been lying when I said I wanted to be around more to watch her grow up. When Leo’s wife died and left him suddenly as a single father, it was Macy that brought him back when I felt like I was suddenly losing the only other person on my team who had managed to survive the accident.
The little girl had no idea just how important she was, how much she had impacted his life and mine too.
Leo had been my rock for a long time, my best friend, the one who knew how much I struggled with memories and moments where I felt like I was back there. While he managed to make it out of that situation almost unscathed, the occasional nightmare haunting him, the survivor guilt that I harbored was second to fucking none.
Why the hell was I left breathing?
There were people there with kids they would never see grow up. Families that relied on them to put food on the table, and keep a roof over their heads.
Yet, I was the one chosen to walk out of that accident with my life.
When Hadley had experienced the same thing after Slider’s death, I’d told her it was because she had a purpose. For her, I knew it was because Leo never would have made it if he had lost another woman he loved and Macy needed her daddy.
For me, though, I had to wonder whether it was really true.
Was there a reason I was still here?
Because at this point, it seemed like the universe may have just slipped and pointed at the wrong person.
With many of the brothers now with small families and young children, the clubhouse was pretty quiet, especially tonight with the run starting early tomorrow morning. The brothers wanted to spend time with their kids and women before they took off for the next few days, while others knew that heavy drinking the night before they had to ride out wasn’t exactly the best idea, given the club’s strict policies on drinking and driving.
It was easy to get fueled up on alcohol and think when you woke up in the morning it would have just disappeared from your system because it was a new day. But fortunately, these men weren’t that stupid and had done all the drinking they wanted last night, so they had a full day to recover.
While all the brothers were chilling out and relaxing, Op had given me permission to go and visit with my sister for a few hours, since I wouldn’t be around to see her for the next few days.
I’d been visiting with her every day, but usually during daylight when the club members had other duties and responsibilities.
I was packing my bag with a few things I’d gotten for her including some music, and a couple of movies I knew wouldn’t scare the hell out of her and some snacks because God knows we’d missed out on things like candy and different types of chocolate bars while we were in the Colony.
A soft knock sounded at the door as I went in search of my shoes. “Come in!” I called out as I got to my knees and scanned underneath my bed. “Uh-huh!” I said triumphantly, climbing to my feet with my sneakers in hand.
I was surprised to look over and find Ham—or Shake as the club was now calling him—closing the door behind him. He was patched in a few months ago, earning him the road name which even I felt suited him pretty well, but it was still taking me a while to get used to calling him something different.
I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on one of my shoes and working on the laces, noticing he was still standing by the door awkwardly, not saying anything. “What’s up?” I asked as I grabbed the second shoe.
We’d gotten to know each other pretty well while he was prospecting. I liked to keep myself busy and be as helpful as possible, it made me feel more worthy I guess you could say. Being within the club meant having their protection, and I suppose the thought that one day I would need it was always sitting in the back of my head. So I wanted to know that if trouble came knocking, the club would see me as someone who was important to them, or at least useful enough to fight for.
We were only really required to do some cooking and cleaning occasionally, but I often offered to help Ham man the bar or watch the kids with him. We were around the same age, and he was a cool guy, honest and trustworthy, but also pretty funny.
“Would there be another reason for me to be coming to your room?” he answered sarcastically, causing me to freeze as I pulled tightly on the bow of my shoelace.
I was stunned to silence.
The girls here talked, and it was a known fact that Ham had never used any of them for more than flirting or a little petting.
And we all knew why.
Meyah.
I was never an issue before because prospects weren’t given club girl privileges. I was just another way to test their loyalty, to make sure that the guys who signed up weren’t in it for the pussy and the power.
I cleared my throat and stood up, unsure of where I should look now that someone who I had considered a friend, had put me in a position I never thought I would be in. “I’m kind of… off-duty right now. I was just heading out,” I told him, feeling very uncomfortable.
“Off duty?” he asked, raising his brow like he thought I was an idiot.
I pushed my shoulders back and looked him directly in the eye. “Yes, Op said I could have a few hours tonight to go and see my sister before we leave tomorrow.”
He snorted and turned for the door, his hand reaching out for the handle, but moving extremely slowly. So I decided to play
into his game, knowing there was something else going on, but he didn’t have the balls to come out and say it.
“What do you really want, Ham?” I purposely used the name I’d always called him instead of his new road name. “I get that I’m not meant to say no, but of all the girls here, I’m the one who knows the most about your feelings for Meyah. So why come to me?”
We’d talked endlessly about how he felt about Leo’s niece. He wanted her more than anything else, but so far, he’d done a pretty good job of convincing himself he didn’t deserve her.
His hand was frozen on the door handle. “I don’t know,” he answered quietly without turning around.
I shook my head, my annoyance with him dissipating as I began to understand just why he was here. “I think I do,” I said, taking a seat at the edge of the bed again and watching his shoulders slump just slightly. “You knew none of the other girls would say anything. They’d be happy to have you. But you knew I would call you out on it, and you needed someone to tell you that you were being a fucking idiot.”
He took a breath and finally turned to face me, narrowing his eyes. “You aren’t meant to talk to a brother like that.”
I huffed, not caring that he could go to Optimus and tattle on me if he wanted. Knowing that I could get in trouble. “I’m not talking to a brother, I’m talking to my friend,” I said sternly, holding my chin high and daring him to argue with me. “You don’t have to screw the club girls to be a part of the club. It doesn’t make you any less of a man to have your heart set on someone else, and not want to ruin that by being a horny asshole.”
There was pain in his eyes, but he let me talk and say my piece, and I knew he wouldn’t run off and throw me under the bus.
Because I was right.
He’d come here hoping I would make him feel guilty for wanting to be with anyone but the girl he was in love with.
