by Addison Jane
Ham didn’t speak, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed my words and turned around, pulling the door open and slamming it closed behind him, his heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway.
I shook my head, the poor boy was confused.
It was stupid, but I knew he had his reasons to stay away from Meyah. Whether it was doing anything but creating a rift between them, I had no idea. I just knew when he did realize what he was doing, he was going to have a hard fight on his hands to get her to come back to him.
I just hoped he wasn’t going to do anything in the meantime to ruin it altogether.
I knocked on Deacon’s door, bouncing on my toes, eager to see Emerald. It wasn’t until she got here that I realized just how much I missed my little sister. She and I had been the closest out of all of my siblings. Our older brothers were so far up our father’s ass, desperate to please him and make him happy, that they never had any time for us. And because Emerald and I were the eldest girls, we were always expected to do the chores, look after the younger ones, and help portray the image of the perfect little family.
The both of us had a love for learning, but since the Colony only believed in schooling children until they were ten, Emerald and I would spend any free time we had exploring the Colony, chasing small animals or bugs, or conducting our own experiments using as little as water and mud if we had to.
I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times early on where I’d thought about going back to the Colony and begging for forgiveness simply because I missed my younger brothers and sisters, and had fears that my father would take out his anger toward me, on them.
The door pulled open and Deacon smiled, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, the dark circles under them telling me he was absolutely exhausted.
My face instantly dropped. “How is she?” I asked as I stepped inside.
He moved back to allow me to enter, shutting the door softly behind me before he answered. He took a deep breath, brushing his fingers through his hair before scratching at his bristled jaw. It looked like he hadn’t shaved for a few days, the rugged look making him seem edgier and less professional. That, coupled with the fact that I was still getting used to seeing him out of his police uniform.
“She’s fine,” he replied with a shrug, but guilt quickly began to settle in my stomach.
“You don’t have to—”
“Skylar,” he said sharply, cutting me off. “You have a life that you’re trying to figure out. For the couple of months, or at least until we know that no one is coming looking for her, I’m quite happy to guide her and help introduce her slowly to life outside.”
I pursed my lips and crinkled my nose. “She’s my sister, I should be—”
“You should be focusing on school and happy she’s here and looked after and that I’ll be the first to know if the status of her safety changes,” Deacon explained, his face stern and serious and not to be argued with. I took a deep breath, deciding to be thankful for having Deacon take Emerald on, rather than curse myself for not being able to do more.
We stepped inside the living room, and my mouth turned up into a smile as Deacon excused himself.
Emerald looked up at me from the sofa. “Sister, come! I am doing a puzzle,” she said with a beaming grin as she beckoned me closer.
I rushed over, dropping in beside her. She was dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and a dress that touched the floor. Even outside the compound, she was still being very conservative, but I understood that. It had taken me at least a few weeks to build up enough courage to wear a pair of pants, something that was so normal for so many people, but just the idea of putting them on my legs gave me almost crippling anxiety.
I had to remember, even though I had run away from the Colony, not sharing their beliefs, there were still certain things which were engrained into our brains and the thought of changing them, whether we believed in what they stood for or not, was still a huge step.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” I asked my sister, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly.
She froze for a minute, staring down at the puzzle piece in her hands, then cleared her throat. Pulling back to look me in the eye. “I am,” she whispered in realization before her gaze moved back to the puzzle, and then to the television that was playing silently across the room. Maybe it had only just dawned on her that she was getting pleasure from a world we had always been taught was a bad place. “Deacon is a very nice man,” she said quietly, leaning into me.
“He is,” I agreed with a smile.
Emerald cleared her throat. “He told me about his job and the things he does to keep people safe and look after them. It is very admirable.” I could hear the fondness in her voice, mixed with wonder and maybe a little surprise. “I did not realize the real work that police officers did. Did you know they search for missing persons and so many other things I just cannot even begin to list them.”
It was sad how little knowledge of the real world people had from the Colony. Maybe if they knew, more of them would venture outside, and take the risk in order to have a better life for themselves and their families.
That wasn’t what the elders wanted, though. It had taken me a long time to understand that. They chose instead to deceive their people, make them fear freedom with threats of not being taken to heaven and living in hell for the rest of eternity.
“I have to go away for a few days,” I finally found the courage to say, feeling my sister tense up beside me. “You’ll be safe here, and I’ll call Deacon at night to speak with you.”
She shook her head, her eyes beginning to water. “No, you must not leave.” There was still a lot of fear inside Emerald. While she was slowly growing more comfortable and trusting, I was still her safety net.
I took her hand, holding it in mine and patting the top. “You’ll be fine, Emerald. Nothing will hurt you.”
“And what about you?”
I smiled at her worried tone. “I will be fine. It’s not something I can get out of, the club requires me to be there.”
Emerald huffed like a spoiled child and looked away. “They demand a lot of you,” she said harshly. “You say things are different, yet you follow their rules and orders just like they are prophets.” She glared across the room, refusing to look at me.
“They care about me,” I told her with a heavy sigh, trying not to get frustrated. “I have a duty to them—”
“A duty that involves using your body for pleasure,” she snapped, ripping her hand from my grasp and leaping from her seat. She stood, staring down at me in disgust. “That is not how it was intended to be used.”
“Emerald—”
“The Colony may not have had it right, but I still don’t believe we were put on this earth to be whores!”
Her words were like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I clenched my teeth as I slowly stood to my feet, meeting her venomous glare head on.
To be called a whore by my sister—yeah, so that hurt.
My brothers and sisters had always looked up to me, even in times when I was disobedient and fought back against what we all knew was wrong.
“I fought for you and our brothers and sisters, Emerald. I took beatings, so you didn’t have to. How many times did father put me in Doctor Gabel’s office, barely conscious because I offered to take everyone’s punishment?” My body burned, angry at my sister for being so ignorant and also angry at myself for not being more patient with her.
She stared back at me, her eyes welling with tears and her hands clasped in front of her. “I am sorry, sister,” she murmured through unshed tears.
I had to remind myself that she had run, she wanted out and was starting to see through the lies that we were told, but it would be a long time before she understood completely the depths of what the Colony was doing.
“You have a lot to learn about life and the lies that we’ve grown up with,” I told her, as calmly as my voice would allow without it breaking.
“For now, you need to trust that I am fine. The brothers are not like our prophet. Their rules and laws are not to deceive us or to keep us in line. They are there to keep us safe and the club strong.”
I watched her body slump slightly, the fight within her withering. “They are scary,” she said quietly. I could feel her apprehension, and I understood it. With the boys and their tattoos, their muscles and scruffy beards, they were intimidating, to say the least.
“They are scary,” I agreed. “But only if you’re on their bad side, or if you are trying to hurt them or their family. Which we are not.”
She twisted her hands together, breathing deeply in and out as she tried to calm herself. “Do you really have to leave?” she finally asked as she pulled her sleeves down over her hands, a nervous habit she’d had since we were toddlers, one that her mother would continuously scold her for.
“Yes, first thing in the morning. But tonight, I’m all yours,” I said, hoping to somehow step over this hump in the road we had discovered. I had to keep reminding myself that this was all new to Emerald. It was going to be a shock, and she was going to want to fight back against anything she felt went against the way she was raised.
But in the end, I hoped she would eventually see there was beauty here, and opportunities she never imagined possible. She needed to open her mind and her heart to them.
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Will you do the puzzle with me?”
I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her and swaying back and forth until she started to giggle. “Of course, let’s see if we can get it finished.”
The sun was just beginning to rise as I sat and watched the men and women load their bikes and trucks with what we would need for the next few days. We were heading to Dallas Texas, and it was going to take almost ten hours of riding to get there. It would be a long day, but I was looking forward to it. The charity event was to start tomorrow and go for two days.
While we were there to show our support and backing for the child cancer foundation who was running the festival, the trip wasn’t entirely for that purpose. It was about making connections and following up with other clubs.
There would be other Brothers by Blood chapters there as well as other clubs who support us and some who don’t. We needed to spend the time wisely, reaffirming our connections with our brothers and sisters.
While the Brothers are one of the more prominent clubs in the country, there were still others who were larger and more powerful, and it was our job to solidify our alliances with them when opportunities like these arose.
“Hey, you ready?” I was pulled away from my thoughts by the soft, gentle sound of Skylar’s voice. Looking over my shoulder, I saw her standing by the door, a worn black backpack thrown over her shoulder.
“You got your stuff in the truck already?” I asked curiously.
She raised her eyebrows at me and gestured to the bag. “I’ve got it all here, bar a pair of shoes I threw in the truck with Skins. I can just wear it.” She turned as she tucked her arms inside the straps, the pack molding to her body and sitting snug against her, most likely designed for this purpose.
A girl that didn’t pack an entire wardrobe when she traveled?
Hard to find.
“You know we have an almost ten-hour ride, right?”
She nodded and threw me a wink as she strutted past. “Not my first rodeo, cowboy.”
I couldn’t hide my smirk and continued to stare as she headed across the club parking lot with a seductive sway in her hips that I knew wasn’t put on for show. She just had that kind of aura around her that exuded passion and beauty. Her riding leathers were so tight, I was ninety-nine percent sure she didn’t have anything on underneath them and knowing she was going to be pressed up against me for the next fucking ten hours was already feeling like both heaven and hell.
Her boots had just enough heel to hook over the pegs on my bike and ride comfortably and the thick leather jacket she wore with the club’s emblem and name across the back and down the arms, was a show of pride and loyalty.
This fucking woman.
She bounced on her tiptoes as she popped up beside Hadley who was snuggled up in the cool morning air with Leo as we waited for Op to say goodbye to his woman and kids.
I continued to watch Skylar, unable to drag my eyes away.
Her bright sparkling eyes and warm smile were enticing, to say the least. I could understand how the men in the club adored her, and not just for the sex. She had this sweetness, this magnetic personality that drew you in with its gravitational pull and refused to let you go.
“All right! Let’s get this show moving, we have places to be,” Op called as he stepped out of the clubhouse with Chelsea under his arm, pressing a lengthy kiss to her lips before making a move toward his bike.
I could imagine how hard it was, leaving his woman with their newborns, but with Sugar staying behind as well to help out, hopefully, he kept his head in the game and didn’t get distracted.
Skylar made a beeline toward me as I made a move for my bike. The boys and I who carried passengers had made a point to attach our bitch sticks to the back of our bikes yesterday, knowing it would hopefully make the ride more comfortable and mean fewer stops since the girls would have something to lean back on and be supported when they got sore or tired.
We were always required to have one but given I’d never had a bitch on the back of my bike, mine was brand new and about to get its first run.
Skylar didn’t hesitate, she grabbed the helmet I’d set on her seat and strapped it on. She placed one of her heeled boots on the peg and threw her other leg over the bike. She instantly cozied up right behind me, wiggling and adjusting herself until she felt comfortable. I held my breath, her hot breath against my ear stirring a raging demon within my belly.
My heart rate began to rise, the pressure of her against me sending flashes of memories across my vision.
I groaned loudly, that one simple noise causing my entire body to ache.
“Knight?” My best friend’s soft tone was enough to make my head throb. “Please tell me that groan means you’re alive.” His voice sounded strained like it was taking all the energy he had in his body just to talk.
But I couldn’t figure out what he meant.
Alive?
It took me a few moments to pry my eyes open, they felt like someone had glued them shut. I could hear the radio that was connected to my vest buzzing in my ear, the occasional voice cutting in and out, demanding a reply, pleading to know what happened and if we were okay.
Why does everyone keep asking if we’re okay?
I finally blinked, the bright, harsh desert sunlight stinging my eyes. My senses suddenly seemed more intense. The smell of smoke lingered around my nose sending urgent alerts to my brain, but it was like my brain couldn’t figure out what to do with them.
I heaved in a heavy breath, but it was strained.
The blood was rushing to my head. Was I upside down? I wiggled my body, but the seatbelt held me captive as I hung suspended in the air
Something was pressing on me, stopping my body from getting the air it needed.
“Knight, hang in there, they’re coming to get us, they’re only three minutes out,” Jamison told me, almost as if he was trying to convince himself as well. I shook my head, I needed more air, or I wasn’t going to be fine. I wiggled my body, trying to stretch my arms out but the weight that pushed down on me was heavy, and my body was suddenly very weak. “Stay fucking still!” he snapped.
No, I couldn’t breathe.
I just needed some space, I needed to make room for my lungs, I was too squashed, and they were constricted.
I knew I was panicking. I remembered being trained for this—when shit gets bad, keep your head. If you’re hurt, try to keep your heart rate down, try to stay rational and alert.
That had gone out the window. My mind was confused, it didn’t know what was going on, it just knew that it wanted to stay
alive, and to do that, I needed air.
Growling loudly, I gave one final shove, and for a moment, I inhaled deeply.
In those seconds, I felt great, air filling my body, it tasted slightly smoky and dusty, but I didn’t care, I just needed to breathe. I didn’t know what had happened, where I was, what kind of state my body was in, and just how close Leo, and I had been to death.
It was short-lived, as the body of my teammate, the same body that had been laying on top of me, that I’d just shoved away like it was worthless, was suddenly lying beside me—his wide lifeless eyes staring straight through my fucking soul.
I snapped back into reality as Skylar slipped her arms around my waist and propped her chin on my shoulder. “Your heart is racing,” she said softly, as an observation. She was right, my heart was pounding, and I could feel the sweat that had built up across my forehead. Having someone this close to me, more often than not, triggered anxiety attacks.
It was that memory, being smothered, fighting through the daze as I tried to figure out why.
My mouth was dry as I tried to think up some kind of excuse, some reason for me to be freaking out like a teenage boy who’d just had his junk grabbed by a hooker. I could hear the sounds of bikes roaring to life around us, but my hand was frozen, unable to reach for the keys.
“Inhale,” Skylar whispered. “You need to breathe. Do it with me.”
I sat there silently as I listened to her draw in a deep breath and hold it in her lungs for a few seconds before releasing it.
My brothers were beginning to pull out of the clubhouse gates, and I was sitting there like a fucking idiot, unable to move, feeling like I might pass out soon if I didn’t do something now.
“Inhale,” she whispered in my ear, just as she drew her arms from around me. Instantly, I felt free again and sucked in a gasp of air. Skylar didn’t say anything, sitting in silence for what seemed like forever until her hands appeared again, this time settling on my hips. “I’ll try not to crowd you too much.”
Her voice was gentle, soothing and beautiful.
