by Addison Jane
I should have told her not to be stupid, that I didn’t know what she was talking about. I knew it would have been pointless, though. There was no talking my way out of this one. She’d seen me on the verge of a breakdown, something only Leo and Optimus had ever witnessed.
It made me feel weak and fucking worthless.
I tried to steady my hands as I reached forward for the keys, but froze as Skylar’s fingers dug into my side. I turned my head slightly to catch her eye, and she smiled gently. “Sorry, it’s just the take-off that gives me a jolt, even though I’m expecting it, it always seems to get me.”
She looked away quickly as if she was embarrassed to admit that all the time she’d been with the club, she still was never prepared for the power that these bikes held. To be completely honest, her admission had my body settling somewhat like I didn’t want her to be scared.
I allowed myself to sink into those protective instincts that were engrained inside me, and I found myself saying, “I’ll try to take it slow.” I pulled up my bandana that would cover my face and made sure my helmet was secure before I once again reached for the keys.
“But not too slow,” I heard her say quietly with a smile in her voice before I started the motor.
I couldn’t help but smirk, glad that my face was covered so the rest of the world couldn’t see.
This fucking girl.
I don’t know how it happened, but Skylar and I settled into a comfortable rhythm once we caught up to my brothers. The first five hours of the ride, she alternated between sitting back against the bitch bar with her hands on my shoulder, and leaning forward, so her body was pressed against my back.
When I felt like I was getting too closed in, having her body so close to mine, I would tap her leg, and she would instantly give me the space I needed to get my head together again.
Even then, I found that the more I felt her there, the longer I was able to go without feeling like I was being suffocated. I even started to maybe enjoy having her body pressed against mine, warming me, relying on me to get us to where we were going.
It almost felt fucking good to have her there.
We were a little over halfway through our trip when Optimus pulled off the side of the road and into the parking lot of some middle of nowhere truck stop diner that looked like it hadn’t been renovated since the sixties. The loud chorus of bikes changing down gears as we pulled in, drew the attention of every person in the place and surrounding as they all peered out the window. Some looked at us with wide, nervous eyes, while others took a glance and dismissed our presence.
The place was surprisingly busy, so I figured they might at least have some good food, my stomach aching for a damn burger or something to get us through the next few hours.
As I backed my bike in, I saw some of the brothers climb off, rolling their shoulders and stretching their necks. The girls who had come along all looked like they’d gone five rounds with a cock the size of my thigh as they walked bow legged toward the diner doors.
My body felt fine, though. I was used to the long distance type of riding. Though I hadn’t done it in a long time since I settled over the last six months in Athens. Before that, I’d been classed as a Nomad—traveling where and when I was needed. Sometimes for days on end.
It was my happy place you could say, not that I’d ever say that shit out loud.
I needed the freedom that riding free brought. I was like a caged animal who’d been set free. I never wanted to go back to that place where I felt trapped again like I had the day we lost our team. If I kept moving I couldn’t be caught, I couldn’t be held down.
Skylar used my shoulder to boost herself off the bike as I switched the engine off. Once she was down, I flipped out the kickstand and propped the bike up so I could do the same.
I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she stretched her limbs, shaking them out one at a time and pulling off her backpack. I could tell her shoulders were aching by the way she rolled them backward and dug her fingers into the muscle, her face tightening uncomfortably as she massaged the knot that had developed.
Frowning, I took two large steps toward her, holding out my hand. She looked down at my hand for a second before glancing up at my face with a raised eyebrow.
“Give me the damn bag,” I gruffed, clicking my fingers at her.
She stared at me in confusion for a few seconds before a smirk grew slowly on her luscious lips and she folded her arms across her chest, the backpack hanging from her fingertips. “I know you did not just click your fingers at me,” she said in amusement.
I didn’t reply, instead, clicked my fingers one more time for good measure as I held her eyes, refusing to stand down until she gave me the fucking bag. To her credit, she held her own, tilting her head curiously as though examining how far she could push me before this playful game turned into something completely different.
A few seconds later, she held out her hand, slipping the bag into mine. “I’m quite capable—” she started, but in a flash, I was on her, my free hand grasping her jaw.
She froze, her mouth falling open as I stared down at her.
The girl had balls, and the sass she threw back at me had me rock fucking hard inside my jeans. “Keep running that mouth, and I promise you… I’ll bend you over my bike right here, and spank that little round ass until it’s bright red, not giving a shit if everyone in that diner sees,” I growled enjoying the way her eyes lit up, almost as though she was excited by the idea. “That would make the next four hours, pretty fucking uncomfortable for you.”
She visibly cringed as she thought of the next few hours, sitting on my fucking bike with my hand prints across her ass, and I had to fight the triumphant smirk that was fighting to grow on my lips.
“Skins!” I called, our eyes still locked. Hearing the crunch of gravel from behind us, I held out the bag. “Put this in the truck with you.”
“Sure,” he answered casually, slipping it out of my palm and walking away.
Skylar pursed her lips, swallowing hard. “Sorry,” she whispered, but even I admired the way she did it with her chin held high. She was following the rules and keeping her mouth shut like a good little club girl, but she wasn’t afraid to let me know if she wasn’t in this position, she’d probably kick me in the nuts.
My grip on her face grew weaker, and I brushed my thumb across her cheek, sending a jolt of something strange and tingly through my body before I forced myself to take a step back. “You don’t need to carry that thing, it will still get there just fine,” I told her, my voice stern with a warning not to push me again.
She licked her lips, nodding. “I know, I just like to be prepared and have my stuff with me.”
“We are traveling together. Ain’t nothing gonna happen that I’m not already prepared for. Don’t stress that pretty little head of yours.”
She didn’t say anything for a long few seconds, I could see the cogs turning over in her head as she tried to make some sense out of the situation. I knew I could be hot and cold sometimes, but I guess what it came down to was the brotherhood mentality that I not only lived in now, but I’d also had while I was in the military.
Having a bunch of guys in close proximity and together for long periods of time, there were going to be arguments, differences of opinions, and people who said or did stupid shit and pissed others off.
I learned early on, you can punch your brother in the face for being a fucking asshole one night, but when it came to getting up in the morning, you just had to let that shit go. There was no use in letting some cheap words or some drunken disagreement about trivial shit, get in the way of family and friendship. You work it out, sometimes with words, sometimes with fists, and then it’s done.
She finally cleared her throat. “I’ll take your word for it,” she replied, her body loosening up a little now she realized I wasn’t fucking furious at her. Digging around in her pocket, she pulled out a cell phone and held it up for me to see. “It’s been going of
f for the last thirty minutes, I should really see what’s going on.”
I dug my feet into the ground. “Who’s been calling?” I demanded.
She held up her hand and laughed. “It’s just Deacon. No doubt my sister has done something crazy, and he’s a bit out of his depth.”
My muscles relaxed, but just slightly. I ran my fingers through my hair and finally settled on letting her make the call on her own.
“Hey Eagle,” she called, just as I reached for the door to the diner. My hand stayed on the shiny chrome handle, but I turned to look over my shoulder. I noticed the mischievous glint in her eye before she even spoke. “You should never make promises you can’t keep.” Her laughter filled the hot still air, and she turned on her heel, making sure to wiggle that perfectly toned ass at me before she raised her phone to her ear and started talking.
It took a lot to pull that damn diner door open, and not walk back over to her and put her over my knee for being a cheeky fucking bitch.
I walked straight to the counter, the waitress manning the register shifting uncomfortably on her feet as I approached. “May I… uh… help you?” she asked nervously. She was young, probably in her late teens.
“Cheeseburger, fries and soda, times two,” I told her sharply, tossing some cash on the counter and not waiting for the change. Social interactions weren’t my thing. I guess you could say I was socially awkward.
I never used to be but since I’d gotten out of the army, I tried my best to avoid strangers. It started out of fear that I would have an episode while I was around them. My embarrassment got the best of me at times. I knew in my head I shouldn’t be ashamed of my disability, but I guess the stubborn part of my brain refused to look weak in front of anybody.
I made a beeline for Op’s table where he sat with Blizzard and Ham. He looked up, sensing my presence, and raised his eyebrow. “What do you make of mister goody-two-shoes offering to babysit Skylar’s sister?” I asked, straight to the point.
Blizzard didn’t give Optimus any time to answer, sitting forward in the booth. “You think there could be some ulterior motive?” he questioned, his head tilted to the side curiously.
I rolled my shoulders, still feeling the stiff ache from the ride. “Don’t know. Just strange I guess. He doesn’t know Skylar from shit. Would have thought he would have dumped us with the girl, instead of taking her off our hands and making life a little easier.”
I could see Optimus considering my words, and Blizzard nodding thoughtfully.
“He and Chelsea are still close-knit,” Optimus finally said. “And he’s helped us out a few times over the past year or so, and kept his mouth shut on things he could have blabbed about. I guess I thought maybe it was a peace offering.”
He didn’t sound so sure now, a concerning frown creasing his brow.
“Has Skylar noticed anything strange?” Ham questioned, inserting himself into the conversation as he tossed a French fry in his mouth.
I shrugged. “She hasn’t said, she’s just gone to call him since he’s been blowing up her phone for the last fucking half hour. Obviously, can’t handle a fucking seventeen-year-old girl,” I growled, not missing the smirk that appeared on Blizzard’s face. “Don’t fucking look at me like that, asshole.”
“Another one bites the dust.” He laughed as he turned back to his food.
My eyes flicked to Optimus who also had a quiet smirk on his face.
“Fucking Christ,” I murmured, turning away and heading to another table, not about to deal with the smart ass comments from my president and VP.
“Keep me up to date on the situation,” Optimus called after me. Just as I was about to agree, he added, “Oh, and the Deacon shit, too.”
“Fucking bastard,” I hissed under my breath, as their laughter filled the small diner.
“Everything okay?” I asked Deacon as I watched Eagle enter the diner, the door creaking shut behind him. The man was a mystery to me. I swear I’d never had more than a single word out of him before, but it seemed to me he was warming to my presence.
I knew I could be a little strange, talk a little bit much sometimes and possibly come off as annoying, but I just liked to have fun. I’d spent too long being smothered and judged. So I gave up giving a shit what people thought of me now. I moved my body into different positions as I listened to Deacon rustle around on the other end of the line. The aches were already settling in, my muscles not used to a long ride like this.
As much as I was determined to not rely on the men, I was so goddamn thankful that Eagle had taken my backpack because, at that point, I knew I was just being stubborn, refusing to admit that I thought I could handle it when I couldn’t.
“So I took Emerald to the station with me when I went to check on things,” he told me with a heavy sigh. “I have no idea what happened, but one moment she was fine, then the next she was freaking out.”
I should have stayed.
She needed me.
“She hasn’t come out of her room, but I can hear her reciting something over and over again.” He sounded worried and tired.
I hung my head.
I knew exactly what she was doing. She was asking for forgiveness. Our parents would make us do it when we did something they didn’t like or that they didn’t approve of.
I could still hear the words in my head, words that I hadn’t dared repeat in years.
My eyes drooped and my body sagged with exhaustion. A sharp slap and sting of pain to the back of my legs quickly pulled me from the prospect of blissful sleep.
The words fell from my mouth again, so fluidly now that my brain didn’t even have to tell my lips to move.
“Please forgive me, my soul has been deceived. I ask that you bask me in your light and show me the way back to your gracious holy land.” I took a deep breath, it was getting harder and harder. “Please forgive me…”
It had been hours, the sun was setting now, and I’d been here since lunchtime. My mouth was dry, and my lips cracked as I repeated the words over and over, pleading to be accepted and forgiven for my sins.
In my mind though, I did not care whether my father or our god forgave me, or if he drew me back in and accepted my repentance. This life was brutal, it was painful, and it was one that I couldn’t imagine any god would want us to live.
My eyes were swollen and stinging, the tears I had cried enough to drown the Colony and every damn person in it.
I clenched my teeth, the words I spoke now coming out sharp and sarcastic, but my father didn’t notice as he stared out the window, seeming to be entranced with my constant droning, hypnotized by the words.
He hadn’t said a word since he barraged me with questions as he dragged me away from my brothers and sisters and into this room, his intention to hurt me, not to teach me or help me grow, but now I realized more to beat me into submission.
“When did this hatred for the way you’ve been raised and our teachings become so strong,” he’d asked.
When had I become so defiant and full of sin?
I hadn’t offered him an answer, but I knew.
When I realized it was all one big fucking lie.
“Skylar? I’m kind of out of my depths here,” Deacon said, drawing me away from the memories that made me want to vomit all over the line of pretty motorcycles which I was weaving in and out of as we spoke. His voice was laced with concern, and it was a punch to the gut to hear a man as strong as Deacon, who would quite happily stand toe-to-toe with Optimus any day, be broken down by my teenage sister.
I cleared the emotion that had built up in my throat. “Go and remind her of where she is and tell her she hasn’t done anything wrong,” I explained softly. “She will keep doing that until she’s told not to.”
He sighed heavily like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Okay, good, good.”
A flash of light caught my eye, and I looked up to see a bus coming to a stop across the near desolate road. I squinted as I tried to read the sign beside
the small bus stop.
It said that the bus came every hour, and one of the stops listed was Huntsville, the town over from Athens. “Maybe I should just come—”
“No.” Deacon snapped, suddenly sounded less defeated. “I know you want to help her, Sky, but you can’t baby her. She needs to work all this out herself. She knows you’re there, and that is enough. She will work her way through it.”
I screwed up my nose, wanting to argue and debate with him until the sun went down. I wanted to explain to him just how hard I had struggled and for how long, before I finally managed to feel safe and content in this world outside the one we were raised in.
Sometimes people lacked understanding of just what it would be like to be told your whole life that the sun would burn you to death in seconds if you stepped outside, only to realize that when you did, the heat of its warmth was the most amazing thing you’d ever felt in your life.
When you suddenly realize that everything you’ve been told is a lie, how do you ever have faith or trust in anyone ever again?
Deacon was right. I wanted so much to hold Emerald’s hand and walk her down this path of discovery, but I couldn’t. If I told her how she needed to act, or be, or think, I wouldn’t be helping her, I’d just be taking their place in running her life.
The best thing I ever did was to fight on my own for who I wanted to be. It gave me the power to believe in myself, to learn for myself what was real and what was not, and not rely on others to tell me what to do. I carved my own path, it might not have been perfect, it might have had hills and valleys, rivers that washed me away at times and halted my journey, but it was mine, and I did it on my terms, not someone else’s.
I could stand by Emerald’s side and walk with her, wherever she wanted to go, but lead her I would not.
Deacon seemed a little more at ease when I finally got off the phone with him and headed inside the diner. The club members filled a hand full of booths and my eyes settled on Eagle who waved me over as he slid further toward the window to make room for me at the edge of the bench seat. The worn leather creaked as I sat down beside him and let out a long breath.
