Radiant Shadows

by Melissa Marr

  From the depths of the forest, wolves’ songs rose. A space between the trees opened up, and as Rae walked she could hear the pad of their feet on the needle-covered trail. Rae shuddered as the wolves drew near. Beside her, Ani sighed: the wolves were a comfort to her.

  Ani spun to face Rae and blurted, “Do you think the monster was High Court? They hate my court. They steal halflings. They are monsters.”

  “Monsters are called such by those who are doing the naming.” Rae tensed as a sulfurous green glow illuminated all of the wolves’ eyes in the forest. “Mortals write stories of the beauty of Faerie, of the delicate fey creatures of other courts, and your court’s creatures are the fiends.”

  “He wasn’t my court. That’s for sure.” Ani crouched on the path and the wolves began to slip from among the woods. Their muzzles butted against Ani and Rae. Furred sides brushed against them. Howls rose into a cacophony.

  Ani opened her arms to the wolves. The creatures began circling them in a blur of white teeth and green eyes, musky fur and growling throats. They ran faster and faster, pressing against Ani.

  Rae visualized herself outside the circle, at a far distance up the path.

  One by one, each wolf dove into the center of Ani and disappeared there. They were a part of her, the part that would wake and change the world.

  If. That was the worst part of knowing: the knowledge that the future Rae so desperately wanted was only an “if.” She didn’t know what the other possibilities were, but she did know that the future she had glimpsed was one she wanted, one where she would have autonomy for the first time. Please, Ani.

  “I hope you are able to forgive him,” Rae whispered. “He’s not a monster. Neither are you.”

  And then she was gone from Ani’s mind.

  After being in the dream forest, her cave felt even more restrictive. Rae paced around the perimeter, counting out steps as if the murmuring of numbers would make the small space seem somehow larger. It didn’t work.

  Darkness, the time of dreams, was Rae’s rightful place, but the past few weeks, Sorcha had insisted that there were but a few dark hours in Faerie. The moon did not go through normal phases; instead, it almost always stayed full in the sky, casting silvered light over them as if they were caught in one endless day. And without the dark, Rae was caught, trapped in the small cave that was her prison.

  “Rae?” Devlin was in the doorway of the cave. The light from outside shone around him, illuminating him and adding to his otherworldly appearance. His coarse white hair, loosened from restraints, offset the harshness of his features a little, but not so much that the sharp angles of his cheeks looked human.

  “You’re here.” Rae shifted her attire to match Devlin’s more formal garb. Her dress was pale rose with a hem that swept the ground, and although the waist was narrow, the bodice was demure. Her almost floor-length hair was swept up with gilt combs. The only ornament beyond her combs was a black band around her throat that held a cameo. If Devlin looked closely, he’d see that it was his image in the ivory.

  The stern set of his mouth softened. “You need not change for me.”

  “I know,” she lied. She did need to change if it brought her the smile she’d sought. His stress was heavy enough that his straightened shoulders were rigid with it.

  “I must go over to the mortal world again.”

  Rae stilled. “Again?”

  Devlin stepped farther into the shadows of the cave. “I am not sure how long I’ll be gone this time.”

  “Something is wrong with the High Queen. She barely lowers the light.” Rae couldn’t see beyond the crevice where Devlin had entered. The brightness that seeped through the small fissure was painful to her. Facing it full on would be blinding.

  “Light soothes her; darkness reminds her of her twin.” He was out of the light now, comforting in his presence as none other had ever been. The High Court’s assassin was her friend, her companion, her only solace in a world that— even after decades—still made little sense to her.

  Rae leaned against a flat stone on one side of the cave. “I could come with you.”

  Devlin kept his distance. “And if you were drawn back to your body by being in the mortal world?”

  “If I was drawn into my body, which I don’t think I would be, I suspect I’d die.” She stepped a little closer to him.

  Devlin didn’t move away. “Which I do not want.”

  For a moment, they stood in silence. She hated being left alone in Faerie, feared the High Queen, worried about Devlin, and wished she could go to the mortal world.

  With careful deliberation, Rae stepped closer to him again. Were she solid, her skirt would be atop his feet. “Will you check on her? Ani is important. Just once go seek her out.”

  “Don’t do this.” Devlin’s voice held the edge that it always did when Rae broached forbidden topics.

  “You’re making a mistake,” she whispered. “You saved her. You ought to—”

  “Don’t.” Devlin turned his back to her and walked away, retreating almost to the sunlight at the mouth of the cave. “I did as you wished. She lives. Nothing more is required.”

  Rae lifted one hand, but didn’t follow. It wouldn’t matter: she couldn’t touch him, couldn’t force him to face her. Without his help, she had no physical substance.

  Without him, I have nothing.

  “Can I take a walk? Before you go?” Rae tried to make her invitation sound casual. It was one of the things she’d realized early on: she couldn’t act like it was important.

  To either of us.

  He turned. A flash of relief, so brief that it barely registered before vanishing, slid across Devlin’s impassive face. “If it would calm you…”

  “It would,” Rae assured him. She didn’t give voice to the fact that it would calm both of them. Devlin wouldn’t have stood so pensively if he didn’t seek the reprieve. He needed an excuse, and he needed an invitation. Unless it was for political maneuvers, for the ability to lie, Devlin never admitted wanting the respite that Rae’s possession allowed them both. Letting her close to him, letting her possess him, gave him freedom from the stifling rules of Faerie. It gave him an excuse to enjoy his other sister’s heritage without consequences.

  “Fine.” Devlin stood still, motionless as only a faery could be.

  She walked across the cave as if she could touch the stone floor. She measured each step as she’d been doing earlier for peace, counting them out as if at one of the long-ago dances she’d attended when she still had a body. Her skirts swayed, and the illusion made her feel closer to being tangible.

  Devlin’s lips parted enough that a sigh could escape as Rae stood face-to-face with him. His body tensed in anticipation. His pupils dilated in the flood of adrenaline released by fear and excitement.

  She slipped into his body, pushing Devlin to the back of his own mind and animating the body as if it were her own. She could feel him, talk to him inside their body, but he didn’t control the movements. Not now. After so many times inside Devlin, it felt as familiar as her own body had. More perhaps.

  She didn’t ask where he wanted to go. If she did, he would pretend not to have any interest in what she did with his body, but she felt him, watching and riding out the emotions they both felt during their shared occupation. It was the only time within Faerie that he could revel in passions— because he was not the one choosing to indulge.

  “In the mortal world, you are not so cautious,” she whispered. “I know your secrets, Devlin. I’ve seen the memories. The indulgences…”

  What I do there is of no consequence, he muttered. I do as my queen bids first. I serve my—

  “I’m not chastising. I think you should take pleasure for yourself.” Rae stretched, enjoying the heaviness of wearing bone and muscle again. She reached her hands out and touched the rocks that jutted unevenly in the cave. It was within the side of a mountain, not visible to the High Queen or perhaps simply not worthy of her notice. Devlin had made the c
ave where Rae hid. Like the queen, Devlin could bend reality in Faerie if he wanted to, but no one—save Rae— knew that Devlin could remake the world at his will. Out of respect for his queen, he’d hidden that truth from everyone.

  “Oh, the things we could do if you weren’t so obstinate, Dev,” she said. “The world could be ours. No limits. Think about the freedom, the pleasures….”

  I’m not going to spend all day like this, Rae, he said. Or discussing that again.

  “Only because you know I’m right, and you’re going to have to admit it or lie to me… which you can’t do.” Rae grinned and kicked off the sandals that Devlin had worn. They were too utilitarian, too restrictive. Feet bare, Rae stepped out the doorway into the brightness of Faerie. It felt deliciously scandalous to have her feet naked. Such a thing would’ve shocked everyone she’d known in the mortal world.

  I serve the High Queen. It’s the choice I made, he repeated as usual.

  “Some choices can be traps. Do you honestly think that staying the course just because you once thought it was right is wise? There are other choices.”

  Enough, Rae. He raised his voice inside their body. Can we not… argue? Take the body where you will, Rae. Devlin sounded both wearied and hopeful.

  Rae heard the hope in his voice. It was small progress, but it was progress.

  CHAPTER 5

  Ani and Tish flung themselves down the street toward the Crow’s Nest. It wasn’t quite running, but it was far faster than walking. Ani had to pace herself, force her feet to move slower to keep beside Tish. It didn’t used to be like that, but over the last year, Ani had changed more every month. Tish hadn’t.

  Ani had always been a little different, but not enough to matter. She was just part of Ani-and-Tish, the “Trouble Twins”—even though Tish was really almost three years older. They had a difficult time being apart, so Tish stayed home a couple years extra before starting school. She helped Ani with book stuff and following mortal world rules, and Ani kept Tish safe from dangers and boredom. That was how it worked. And it did work—until Ani had changed too much.

  “Ani?” Tish’s voice was breathless. “Slower?”

  “Sorry.” Ani slowed down, looking up ahead at the cluster of people outside the Crow’s Nest. Mortals. Almost everyone there was mortal, but that was fine by Ani. All the delectable faeries were afraid of Gabriel and of Irial, but mortals weren’t aware of the Dark Court. Most weren’t aware of the existence of faeries—which made them the best game in town.

  “…Rabbit’s worried about money.” Tish was breathing heavily, despite Ani slowing down even more.

  “Money?”

  “Things are tight, but he’s still talking like I should”— Tish sent a pleading look at Ani—“go to college next year. Not far away or anything, but just… away.”

  Ani kept her face as expressionless as she could. “Oh… so you want to… I mean… if that’s what you want, good.”

  “I do, but I don’t like being far from you or Rab or Iri or Dad, especially lately. I hated when Winter was constant, but at least then you knew what to expect. With the courts all snarling at one another… I’m not sure I want to be away.” Tish looked down briefly, not saying the things they couldn’t, not admitting that she was too weak to defend herself.

  Ani slowed to a casual stroll. Tish being out of reach scared Ani, but Tish being out of the growing conflict in Huntsdale was appealing. Ani didn’t voice that. No one—least of all Ani—was going to let Tish go where she was unprotected.

  “I could come,” Ani suggested. “Not to school, but I could get a job or something. We can get an apartment. Oooh, maybe in Pittsburgh near Leslie? Or in Atlanta? You could totally pass there if you wanted.”

  “You couldn’t.” Tish said it softly. “Not anymore.”

  “Whatever.” Ani didn’t want to talk about that. She wasn’t able to pass as mortal: any faery seeing her would know, but she was also under the protection of the strongest of the Dark Court faeries. Outside Huntsdale, she’d be vulnerable.

  “Maybe in a few years I could go.” Tish hugged her. “You’ll get better at being what you are, Ani. I know you will. It’ll get easier.”

  “Whichever is best for you is what we’ll do.” Ani forced a smile to her lips.

  It was a matter of time until they’d end up apart. Half- lings were sometimes strong, but strong Dark Court half- lings were often targeted by solitaries or kidnapped by the High Court. Not strong enough to be truly in the Dark Court, but too threatening to live outside it. Irial’s protection had kept them safe—and well hidden—for most of her life. Then Ani had changed and had to move away from her family. Rabbit and Tish were not fey enough to need to be within the court, and Ani was too fey to live outside it. Rabbit was able to pass; Tish was able to pass; and now that Ani lived with the Hounds, Rabbit could relocate to somewhere away from Huntsdale. So Tish is safe.

  Ani wasn’t book smart, but she understood a few things she hadn’t when they were pups: Tish was almost mortal, and Rabbit had known how different the two girls were from each other long before they did. He didn’t talk about those things, and Ani didn’t do anything that demonstrated how different she was from Tish. She’d kept that as secret as she could, for as long as she could. Life was about secrets and pretending. It had been that way since Jillian died.

  Jillian wasn’t even a face in Ani’s memories; she was hands and too-fast words trying to get Ani-and-Tish—their names were already just one word then—to hide and “stay quiet, please quiet like you’re bunnies. For Mama?”

  And after, when it was just Ani and Tish, when Jillian never came back to open the cupboard where the girls stayed still and waiting, Ani remembered that part too. Tish was sad, broken somewhere inside that Ani couldn’t fix. She pretended though, for Ani. Tish held on to Ani, and late that night Tish pushed the buttons they had on the phone to the “special number for trouble.” That was when Irial came and took them to Rabbit; that was when Irial made them safe in a new home.

  Tish didn’t remember that day. She’d erased it from her memory, locked it away somewhere. The before and the after was what Tish remembered: Irial, Rabbit, and a new home. Tish never remembered the other parts.

  Ani did.

  Remembering Jillian not coming back made Ani feel raw inside. The day when Jillian was gone and Tish was sad was the first complete memory that Ani had. Life, as she remembered it, began for Ani in that moment.

  “Hey, you okay?” Tish grabbed Ani’s hand and pulled her to the side of a group of guys headed into the club. “You weren’t listening to a thing I said, were you?”

  “Sorry, Sis.” Ani flashed a fake smile. “The whole nonsense with Gabr—”

  “Dad,” Tish corrected.

  “With Gabriel not letting me relax with any of the Hounds has me all out of sorts.” Ani had found lying increasingly impossible the older she got, but she’d picked up the importance of misdirection years ago. She was out of sorts with Gabriel. That might not be what she’d just been thinking, but it was a true statement.

  “He’s a good person. Give him a chance.”

  “He’s never been a father, not like Rabbit.” Ani didn’t want to admit that being in the Dark Court wasn’t everything she dreamed of, not even to Tish. Being surrounded by the Hounds and the Dark Court should make her feel less alone, but the exact opposite had happened. “It’s not like I’m a pup. And his not letting you and me live in the same place, keeping me away from you and Rab, is no good.”

  “I miss you too.” Tish always gave voice to the stuff Ani couldn’t deal with or even admit she needed to deal with.

  Ani leaned her shoulder against the wall, enjoying the way the rough edges of brick felt against her bare back. It anchored her in the now—which was where she needed to be, not dwelling on memories best kept boxed up.

  “Are you coping?” Tish gestured vaguely. They never really talked about the way Ani craved contact—or the consequences of her getting too much of i
t.

  “Sure.” Ani watched a group of guys head toward the door. They weren’t faery-pretty or emotional feasts, but they were on the prowl. For her, right then, that was good enough. It has to be. She could take a taste from each of them, a touch here and an emotion there, to keep the hungers at bay.

  Not both. Never both from the same person.

  She linked her arm through Tish’s. “Come on.”

  Glenn was working the door. He winced as they approached. “And here it was looking like such a good night.”

  “Jerk.” Tish cuddled into his open arms. “You’d miss me if I didn’t stop in.”

  “Sure, but when you have your partner in chaos…” He wrapped an arm familiarly around Tish’s waist and lifted her into his lap.

  Ani tilted her head inquiringly. This is new. And Ani hadn’t seen it because living with the Hounds meant not seeing her sister but once or so every other week.

  Tish smiled contently as Glenn held her.

  “Hey.” Glenn kissed Tish’s forehead, and then swept his gaze around the people and shadows in the lot. He didn’t get involved in whatever business people took out of sight, but dealing inside was banned.

  “Aren’t you going to give Glenn a hug?” Tish played coy and silly, slipping into her role as easily as if their outings were still a daily thing. “It’s been, like, weeks.”

  “You heard her. C’mere.” Glenn held out the other arm.

  Ani leaned in close, enjoying the feel of bare arm and partly bare chest. Glenn had a sleeveless shirt on, fastened with only one button. He’d taken to the surprising return of Summer like most mortals—exposing a good amount of skin.

  Glenn released Ani, but held on to Tish. “You be careful in there. Both of you.” He stared at Ani. “I mean it.”

  Tish kissed him. “We’ll do our best.”

  “That’s what I worry about,” Glenn muttered.

  “Just dancing, Glenn.” Ani took her sister’s hand and pushed open the door. “I promise she’ll be fine.”