Beholden to You

by Sexton, Carlie

  Mac held my hand as I continued. “Chemo is a real bitch and my mom was sick as a dog. My dad used up so much of his vacation time from work staying at home, taking care of her. One day, when I got home from class, it occurred to me that I should take a sabbatical from college and take care of my mom. I informed my parents that evening that I was quitting school. They put up a fuss at first, but I told them there was nothing they could do to stop me.”

  “So you were in college at the time?” Mac asked.

  “Yes, I was attending UCSD. Ironically I was in the nursing program. Becoming a nurse had been a life-long dream until my mom became ill. Watching my mother dying right before my eyes changed me. It ripped my soul apart and I couldn’t return to the program to become a nurse. The thought of watching people die was more than I could bear,” I said, with tears welling up.

  “Nat, if you’re not ready to share this or it’s too hard to talk about, I’ll understand. We can talk about something else.”

  “No, it’s okay.” Mac kissed my cheek as the waiter brought out our food. For some reason that was beyond me, I wanted to curl up in his arms, tell him everything about myself, and just have him hold me forever. What was it about him that caused me to feel so safe?

  “When the months of chemo were over, the doctors ran some tests before they could do the operation. The tests indicated the cancer had spread to my mom’s lungs and lymphatic system. At that point, all they could do was prolong her life, not save her. I think if it had been just her, she might have opted out of chemo and just drifted away. But, she had my dad, sister, and me, who all wanted her to live as long as possible. We were selfish,” I gasped out.

  At that moment, Mac put both his arms around me and held me as the tears fell from my eyes. He whispered in my ear, “Nat, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. If I could take it away, I would.”

  His arms and words were such a comfort. I knew in that moment, if he really wanted an annulment, it would rip my heart to shreds. Somewhere between that morning and night, I had fallen in love with Mac Carter. I knew I couldn’t tell him, because it was way too soon to say such a thing, but my heart felt it. I recognized the feeling, because I had experienced it once before.

  My tears stopped and I pulled back and looked into Mac’s eyes, sincere concern visible in their depths. His hand caressed my face and words were rendered unnecessary.

  “Natalie, have you ever shared this with anyone? Kate, Charlie?”

  I shook my head. “They know my mom died of cancer, but I’ve never told them how painful it was to go through. It’s hard for people to understand unless they have lost a loved one. I know Kate lost David so she would understand, but we didn’t know each other when my mom died, so telling them all of this…it just didn’t come up.”

  “I know what you mean by people not understanding if they haven’t been through it. Neil couldn’t understand what I was going through when my parents died, but his mom could. She became my mom in so many ways, and she gave me so much strength. I have to admit that I cried in her arms several times.”

  “How do you do that?” I asked.

  “Do what?” Mac asked back.

  “Share so openly and transparently. How do you make me so comfortable to tell you things I wouldn’t tell anyone else?”

  “Actually this is new for me, too. My last girlfriend was all about having a good time. But with you, I just feel…connected. Talking to you is easy, and listening to you, even easier.”

  Looking into his eyes, I was searching for anything that indicated he wasn’t telling the truth. But all I saw was a man with a genuine heart.

  “So, how long after you mom passed away did your dad die?” Mac asked.

  “It’s such a tragedy,” I said, shaking my head. “My dad was driving home from making some final arrangements for my mom’s funeral, when he died in a car accident. It had been raining and he collided with an eighteen-wheeler. I think that in his grief, he wasn’t paying attention to the road. They were both gone and it was just me and Jessica. Mac knowingly stroked my hand with his thumb. “She was four years younger than me, so I finished raising her. My parents had life insurance which helped with all of our expenses. After a couple of years, we decided to sell the house. It was big and there were memories around every corner that seemed to haunt both of us. With the money we made from the house, we were able to buy the condo outright. Not having a mortgage has been very helpful the last few years.”

  “Natalie, you’ve been through so much in such a short time,” Mac said, shaking his head.

  Being this close to him, and opening up as he listened so intently, made my heart flutter. My parents had been married after knowing each other only three weeks. Hearing the stories of their courtship when I was growing up, made me eager to be in love. Sitting here, next to Mac, I realized I had just embarked upon my own whirlwind romance.

  “I feel like I have monopolized the conversation.” As much as it was cathartic to share all this with Mac, I really wanted to know more about him.

  “Why don’t you tell me about your family?” I asked, eager to shift the attention away from me.

  Mac smiled. “I had the best parents in the world. Being their only child made me very close to them and we did everything together. The first trip my parents took without me was to Europe. I stayed with Neil’s family while they were gone. It was a second honeymoon for them. On their way back, their plane went down over the Atlantic. Everyone perished. I’m just glad they had an amazing trip together before…”

  Mac looked down for a moment. He took in a deep breath and then a sip of wine. We sat there holding hands, saying nothing else. Somehow, we didn’t need the words to show that we knew each other in a way that no one else did.

  “We have the tickets for The Blue Man Group, if you still want to go,” Mac finally said.

  “Do you want to go?” I asked, hoping the answer was no.

  “I’m up for it if you want to go. Otherwise, we could find a quiet piano bar and just talk some more.”

  “I vote for the piano bar. I’m sure The Blue Man Group are great, but I don’t really care if I see them or not,” I said.

  ***

  Mac spoke to the waiter who suggested a place not far from the restaurant. Settling into the comfortable love seat, Mac put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. When the waitress came to take our drink order, Mac ordered a bottle of champagne.

  “I think we should celebrate,” he said, once the waitress returned with a bottle and two glasses. She opened and poured the champagne for us, then departed.

  “What do you want to celebrate?” I asked, but somehow felt I already knew what he was going to say.

  “Us,” he simply said. “I want to celebrate what is happening between us.”

  “And what would you say is happening between us?” I asked demurely.

  Mac looked at me with a fire in his eyes. A fire I had only seen in one other man.

  “I’d say we are falling in love with each other, Natalie,” he said, as his eyes seared mine.

  His words should have made we want to run for the hills, and if it had been any other man saying them to me, I would have. But I couldn’t deny I was already there, falling, even though we hadn’t known each other very long. I didn’t say a word. I put my hands on his face and began kissing him. Telling him didn’t seem like enough. I needed to demonstrate to this incredible man, that I was as into him as he was me. Mac’s hands found my waist and moved toward my back. He pulled me close to him. There we were, in the little corner of the piano bar, making out like teenagers. There was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be, and no one else I wanted to be with.

  ***

  Mac walked me to my hotel room door. My heart was beating rapidly and my breathing ragged, not knowing what was going to happen next.

  “Would you like to come in?” I asked in a small voice, slightly uncertain if I was ready to venture in to this part of the relationship.
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br />   Mac looked at me intently, studying my face for a moment. “I’d like nothing more than to come in and be with you, but I’m going to say goodnight right here instead.”

  The quizzical look on my face caused him to continue. “I don’t want you to feel rushed. I want you to be ready and I know that is going to take time,” he said, as he wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “I am certain it will be worth the wait.”

  His words melted me and I didn’t want him to leave, but he let go, kissed me on the cheek, and began walking toward the elevator. “I’ll see you at breakfast, baby,” he called back to me.

  “See you then,” was all I could muster.

  Feeling like a cold shower was in order, I entered my hotel room alone, wishing Mac wasn’t such a gentleman, but knowing I would be happy in the morning that he was.

  Chapter 8: Mac

  I entered my hotel room and went straight to the shower. I knew I had scored points for being a gentleman, but I wanted nothing more than to have Natalie’s beautiful body stretched out before me, while I did all sorts of sensual things to her. Needing to alleviate the pressure that had been mounting, I turned on the cold water and stepped into the shower. My thoughts were racing about what it would be like when I finally did get to be with her, sober that was. I needed to think about something else before I exploded. But what? My mind was filled with images of licking Natalie’s nipples while I slowly moved in and out of her. Her mouth devouring my hard cock. Damn it.

  Jaws. Okay, the scene where the shark is attacking the boat and eats the captain. That ought to do it. Nothing sexy about that. I let that image resonate in my brain for a few minutes.

  Heading to bed, I wondered if Natalie was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about her. I was already lost in the amazing woman, and I couldn’t fathom how that had happened to me so quickly. I couldn’t help but smile remembering we were already hitched.

  All night I tossed and turned thinking about Natalie. Her heart had captured mine the day we met and I knew I was in deep. I had cared about women before, even thought I had been in love a time or two, but that paled in light of my feelings for her. Walking away from her had been so fucking difficult, but I had to put her first. I wasn’t going to win her heart by being a selfish brute.

  I also knew the word annulment wasn’t going to depart from my mouth again. We’d only talk about it if she brought it up. I hoped to God that she didn’t and I had a chance to truly win her over. My thoughts puzzled me, since I wasn’t ready to marry Cassie when she gave me an ultimatum. I easily cut her loose, but letting Natalie go was a different story. That was never going to happen.

  I took out my phone and texted a catering service I had used in the past, asking for a romantic dinner to be prepared. I sent a list of what I wanted, knowing they would exceed my expectations. On the drive home, I would invite Natalie over for dinner. Following Neil’s directive of pulling out all the stops, was my top priority, besides running my company.

  I had plans in January to go to my London office and clean up some messes that had been created and finalize a merger. Sending my number two wasn’t an option. I needed to be there and I knew I would be gone during some, if not all, of the trial. I could only hope Natalie would join me in London when the trial was over.

  I decided to go to her hotel room so we could go down to breakfast together. Every moment I could spend with her meant she was closer to becoming mine. I had spent most of my time since my parents died pretending I didn’t need someone to love, someone who would be willing to love me back. It had seemed safer than putting my heart out there, only to be hurt if they left me. Spending another minute pretending was out of the question with Natalie. Our marriage just made sense. She made sense. I couldn’t imagine a life without her, now that I knew how well we fit.

  Walking toward the door to leave my hotel room, I heard a knock. Opening the door, I saw my beautiful girl standing there, smiling at me.

  “Good morning,” Natalie said, her eyes beaming at mine.

  “Good morning.”

  “I thought we could go down to breakfast together,” she said, with a hopeful look on her face.

  “Great minds think alike. I was just coming to get you.”

  We both laughed. “Why don’t you come in? We have about fifteen minutes before we have to meet everyone.”

  She walked past me and I took in her intoxicating scent. My jaw tightened, knowing it was going to take a mountain of willpower to keep my hands to myself.

  As I closed the door, Natalie asked, “Did you sleep well last night?”

  I wanted to say that I would have slept much better with her in my arms, but I didn’t. “I slept so-so. I always have a hard time staying at hotels.”

  “I know what you mean. I didn’t sleep so well, either.”

  Was she giving me a hint or just making conversation? Being an optimist, I was going with hint.

  We both sat on the sofa and a silence fell between us, but it wasn’t awkward. I took her hand and kissed the back of it. She closed her eyes.

  “I’ve had a…a good time this weekend, Mac. Thank you for spending so much time with me.”

  “All I want is to spend time with you,” I said, realizing she was giving me green lights to proceed. “I hope you will join me for dinner tonight at my place. I’ve already made some arrangements.”

  “I would love to. Can I ask you a favor?”

  “Of course, anything.”

  “In front of our friends, can we kind of lay low? I don’t want to answer a bunch of questions from Kate and Charlie. I just want what is happening between us to be ours for now.”

  My mind flashed to my big mouth telling Neil and Mitch about our nuptials. I knew Neil would keep my confidence, but I didn’t know Mitch well enough to be certain.

  I nodded. “We can tell them about us when you feel comfortable.”

  Relief flooded her face. “It’s just…I feel like I have lost everyone in my life that I have been close to. I can’t stand the thought of…of…”

  “Losing me?” I said for her.

  “Yes. I know it doesn’t make any sense in light of how long we’ve known each other, how could I possibly lose you, I don’t even have you.”

  “Natalie, you have me,” I said, moving closer to her. “I wanted you so badly, that I married you Friday night.”

  “We were drunk and didn’t know what we were doing.”

  “No, don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Don’t diminish what is happening between us. I meant what I said last night.”

  She searched my eyes with hers, her brow slightly furrowed. Then her face relaxed.

  I lifted her hand and placed it on my chest so she could feel my racing heart.

  “Your heart is beating so fast.”

  “Yes, you do that to me…among other things,” I whispered. Then I couldn’t take it any longer. My mouth found hers and I kissed her, thinking the whole time, I wanted to cherish the woman I had been lucky enough to meet. She welcomed my kiss and met my tongue with her own. I knew it would have to be brief, because I didn’t have time for another cold shower. We were due downstairs any minute. Our kiss slowed and I put my forehead to hers. What this woman does to me…

  “If we are going to keep things on the down low, then maybe we shouldn’t show up to breakfast together. They might assume…”

  “Oh, I didn’t think of that. Why don’t you go first and I’ll come down after you?”

  ***

  Approaching the table, our friends were talking amongst themselves.

  “So, ladies, are you feeling better?” I asked, with one eye brow raised.

  “Yes, we are,” they both said in unison.

  “Here, have a seat,” Neil said, as he poured me a cup of coffee. “We were just waiting for you and Natalie before going to the buffet.” The words no sooner rolled off Neil’s tongue, when Nat showed up. I stood up and pulled out her chair.
/>   “Good morning. It looks like you two are feeling better,” she said, spying Kate and Charlie.

  “Yes, we are,” said Charlie. “It must have been a twenty-four-hour bug.”

  “Now that we are all here, let’s hit the buffet,” Kate said.

  As everyone went toward the buffet, Mitch hung back with me. He had given me a look when I walked up to the table, so I thought it best that I talk to him.

  “Mitch, it’s important to Natalie that no one knows about us.”

  “Don’t worry, dude. Bro code. I’m not telling.”

  “Good.”

  “But I will say this, if you fuck with her, you’re fucking with me.”

  I put my hands up in surrender. “Understood,” I said. Part of me was a little pissed he was giving me a veiled threat, but he was also looking out for Natalie’s best interest, and I couldn’t fault him for that. Maybe since Natalie had been without a boyfriend for so long, Mitch decided he was going to look after her.

  Grateful Mitch was on board with keeping his mouth shut, I was able to enjoy my breakfast.

  Chapter 9: Natalie

  Mac held my hand in the car as we drove away from the hotel. Looking down,

  and seeing our fingers intertwined, spread a tingling feeling throughout my body. I couldn’t wait for dinner at his house later. Kissing him that morning had stirred me deep down, and I knew I wanted him.

  “Do you think you could drop me off at home so I can freshen up before we have dinner tonight?” I asked.

  “Sure. I think we’ll be back in plenty of time for that.”

  “Great.”

  “You’re kind of quiet. Is something on your mind?”