by K. D. Worth
Glancing into the hallway, I spied Mom sitting beside Dad, holding hands as they spoke to her doctor. While I didn’t hold out much hope for their marriage, I did imagine they might remain friends. Maybe I put a childish spin on their new reality, but it was what I hoped.
Unfortunately, as Slade said, I was leaving, never to see them again. They would have to learn their new normal, their place in the world. I would pray for them every day.
That was all I could do anymore.
Lord,
Bless them and keep them safe.
Amen.
Closing my eyes, I thought back to the summer vacation we’d taken to Disney World when I’d been little. Before the weight of the world, the secrets, and my reality had consumed me. The park had been closing and we were all tired. Britany spied Mickey Mouse darting across one of the streets. Doubtless it was an employee hoping not to be seen—everyone knew you had to wait in line to see Mickey—but we’d stopped him and a lady took our picture. Faces shiny and bright with too much fun and sun, our family was happy.
Perfectly happy for a snapshot in time.
Though now just a photograph sitting on top of the bookshelf in the living room, that was how I intended to remember my family.
Keeping my eyes shut and brushing away the tears, I turned away.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
Fighting the urge to glance behind me, I followed Slade into the hallway, leaving my family and heading toward an unknown future of my own. As we walked, the rehab facility disappeared around us and a quiet meadow appeared. The soft pink of the morning sky was a sharp contrast to the fluorescent lights of the clinical hospital. I instantly let out the breath I’d been holding.
“You okay?”
Lip trembling, I smiled up at him. “I will be.”
A brotherly arm draped over my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk. We have a lot to talk about.”
The breeze wafting through the meadow was not wailing and aggressive, but soft and gentle, like Slade’s voice as he asked me, “So, how is Max?”
Hands stuffed deep in my pockets, I thought about an answer then decided to reply truthfully. “He’s not as good as he’s pretending to be.”
Slade let out a weary sigh. “No, I didn’t suppose he would be.”
For lack of a better way to describe it, Max had been catatonic for days after Meegan crossed over. Slade hadn’t bothered to enforce his “doors open at all times” policy, even allowing me to sleep in Max’s room. He probably knew neither of us were in the mood for anything but lying together and being close.
Yet no matter what happened, time always moved on, responsibilities called, and jobs needed to be done. There were still people dying every day who needed to be taken to heaven. Slade wasn’t keen on me going by myself, and after everything with my sister, I didn’t have the energy to argue. With Max out of commission—temporarily, I hoped—Slade sent me with the other reapers. After a reaper did this job awhile, they developed their own flair, and each of my friends did things very differently than Max, so I was learning some new things. But if I couldn’t go with Max, I preferred Heather.
I used to think of her as a total flake, but I’d come to realize she was a lot smarter than she let on. And maybe because she’d experienced part of that nightmare with us, I didn’t mind her knowing I wasn’t allowed to go by myself on assignment. Max and I agreed that I should continue to allow the other reapers to do all the actual crossovers, and just go as an observer. If Max wasn’t there to revive me, it would be for the best. He’d said he was ready to get back to work, but I wasn’t so sure.
“I’m worried about him,” I said to Slade, thinking of my boyfriend. He’d come out of his room yesterday after I finally told him how the spirits were draining me, but he was far from his chatty, snarky self. Everybody offered him condolences, which only ticked him off. In private, he’d complained, “Why are they acting like she’s dead? She’s not dead forever, she’s just somewhere else.”
While true, it worried me that Max still denied the reality of it all. Heather reminded me that denial was one of the stages of grief, and I hoped she was right, and Max would one day be able to accept what happened and be himself again.
Though I knew Max would forever be changed.
No one remained the same person after losing someone they loved.
As Slade and I continued to walk, we approached a beautiful pond. The air was crisp with the tang of spring, and oddly the sky had the unique blue of an April day, though it was now October—a week before the one year anniversary of my death. Only four months had passed for me, albeit an extremely eye-opening four months, because I’d lost eight months while I’d been in limbo with Slade. The grass beneath our feet was spongy and soft with moisture, brilliantly green but dotted with faint brown patches that hadn’t quite restored themselves yet.
“It’s beautiful here,” I observed, looking around. “Where are we?”
“A place I like to come sometimes,” Slade replied.
His nonanswer didn’t bother me. Rather, I soaked in the moment of silence and serenity, surrounded by the beauty of nature and God’s creations. A pair of His robins frolicked in a nearby tree and the faint croak of a bullfrog drew my attention to the cattails and reeds filling one side of the pond. All signs of life and the renewal of springtime. Something about this place soothed me, filled me with hope.
Yes, we were in dark days now, but they would get better.
“Do you have any questions for me, Kody?”
I shrugged. Yeah, about a million.
He chuckled and answered my unspoken thought, “How about you start with the biggest one?”
“How did I turn that wraith back into a woman?”
A bench appeared with a bag of bread crumbs for the mallards that were now waddling toward us. Slade took a seat, picking up the bag. He tossed a handful into the grass. The ducks quacked enthusiastically, gathering up the bits and pieces. “Well, that is the question, isn’t it?”
I joined him on the bench, studying his calm appearance and having a difficult time reconciling his current peaceful aura with the ferocious way he’d slayed those wraiths. Max had told me the wraiths once called Slade “the Hunter.” I guess now we knew why.
Knowing I sounded like my boyfriend, but trying to be respectful, I asked, “Are you going to explain how I did it?”
He chuckled and held out the bag of bread crumbs for me.
Taking a handful, I ripped them into smaller pieces, tossing one at a time toward the eager birds.
“Honestly?” Slade finally said. “I had no idea you could do that.”
I shot him a sharp look. “You didn’t?”
“No, I didn’t. And it changes things.”
“How?”
“I knew you had a higher purpose, Kody, but if I’m being honest, you keep surprising me.” He tossed more crumbs to the ducks.
“So this purpose… is it going into, like, a battle? And changing these wraiths back into their spirits?” I clarified, terrified of his answer.
With all Max’s talk about an upcoming “war,” I’d tormented myself with different scenarios of battles and confrontations with wraiths. Yes, I had changed that woman, but it almost killed me…. I shuddered.
Did Slade expect me to do it again?
“You’ve been listening to Max too much,” he said, no amusement in his voice. “Going into battle makes it all sound so overdramatic, but then again, he’s not that far off base.”
I thought of Ed Carter dying in a human war, then of all the young men he’d helped or tried to help cross over on the battlefields. “I don’t think I can do that,” I said seriously.
It had been two weeks since the night in the apartment with my sister, and I still didn’t feel back to normal. Max’s presence fueled me, but he was so sad and weak, his warmth—we really needed to come up with a better name for it—wasn’t as intense as usual.
“Max’s power is we
ak because he’s consumed with sadness right now,” Slade explained. “Don’t worry too much. He’ll come out of it. You just being with him? That’s already helping him to heal.”
“I hope so.” If I could give him a pittance of the strength he gave me, I would be grateful.
“In the meantime I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told another reaper.” He kept his gaze on the ducks, not me. “It’s why I recruited Max, and why I allowed him to think he was saving you before I brought you onto the team.”
That was a loaded statement if I’d ever heard one.
Around us the grass had grown darker and the air warmer as spring faded into summer. Despite my cold reaper form, the heat of the rising sun warmed my flesh. I waited patiently for Slade to gather his thoughts and explain.
Somehow, I knew what he planned to tell me would change my life forever.
“That’s the understatement of the century,” he said.
“Not very reassuring,” I said with a bitter chuckle.
Slade tossed bread crumbs to the ducks. The happy fowl had grown more aggressive, stealing bits of bread from one another. One particular duck, a small female, hadn’t gotten any. One of the other larger ducks actually snatched a piece right from her beak. I reached into the bag, hoping there was some left for her, and to my surprise the bag remained full.
Maybe it refilled itself like Jesus’s baskets of loaves and fishes had done. Smiling, I threw some crumbs to the side for the little duck being bullied, and finally she got a piece.
“That’s why I chose you—or rather that’s why He chose you,” Slade said, watching me intently. “No matter what happens, you always give people the benefit of the doubt, and you always help the little guy.”
I tossed the duck more bread, using my foot to keep some of the more aggressive mallards back so she would get her share. “I just want everything to be fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“Well, and neither is death, so it would seem.”
Slade sniffed. “True dat.”
“Are you going to tell me why Max and I are reapers?” I asked after a moment. “You know, that thing you’ve never told anyone?”
He smiled, gray eyes twinkling. “Long ago—and I mean really long ago, I was told a prophecy.”
“Which one?” Years of attending Bible study had familiarized me with prophesies in Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, and Revelation, but it was all very confusing. The prospect of Slade explaining some of it intrigued me.
“No, kid, this isn’t a prophecy that was given to humans. You see, God has a whole celestial family not connected to humans at all. He gives us different information than He gives you. Sort of like a company, if you will. Each department gets different information because they all serve a separate purpose. This prophecy was specifically for me and my kind.”
“And what kind is that?”
“The archangels,” he answered simply. “I’m an archangel of death, but you knew that, didn’t you?”
I nodded. Though I never knew exactly what his title was, it all seemed very obvious now. And there had been those black wings.
“Do you remember why I told you there are so many shades?”
“Because people don’t believe in God anymore,” I said.
“Yeah, a pretty sad state of affairs, don’t ya think?”
“Sure.”
I’d been a reaper for a short while, but only two of the people I’d helped cross over had known they were going to heaven. The rest were doubtful or shocked. I suppose growing up in a Christian family—even one as broken as mine—gave me an advantage over others because I had faith that something else was out there.
To live life with no hope must be miserable.
A deep sense of pity filled me, because unless something changed drastically for my sister, she would never have the hope of life after death. I’d heard what she said to Max, and while Slade said her subconscious might remember me telling her heaven was real, she would never fully remember. That night on the bridge, I may have doubted my worthiness, I may have believed I wasn’t good enough, but I’d never lost my faith. The words I thought I’d spoken with my last dying breath had been begging God to forgive me.
Now, on this side, I realized how naïve and foolish I’d been, believing that I needed forgiveness for how I’d been born, even blasphemous because, in a way, I’d been questioning the wisdom of God’s decision to make me gay. Accepting that He loved me for who I was had strengthened my faith and helped me let go of the notion that I’d damaged my family. This past two weeks, alone with Max, we’d been quiet, meditative even. That quiet had given me a lot of time to reevaluate what I believed about myself and what kind of man I wanted to be. I’d prayed fervently—not the weak prayers of a child riddled with guilt for things he’d never done, begging to be changed or to be fixed—but the prayers of a man of faith. Prayers for guidance and understanding.
For wisdom.
Unlike all my foolish prayers God had thankfully ignored when I’d been alive, I knew He’d answered me this time. It was how I’d been able to walk away from the rehab facility, leaving my family and my earthly worries behind. It was also what would allow me to help Max.
No matter what came our way.
“Well, Kody,” Slade continued, drawing my attention back to him. “When I received my first assignment and was able to make my own team of reapers, I was told that one day humanity would lose faith in God. And when that started to happen, I would find two reapers who stood out from the rest. One would be a protector and the other a healer. They would restore the balance by giving people a second chance.”
I swallowed hard. “And that’s us?”
“In a nutshell.”
“That’s a pretty vague nutshell,” I told him.
He chuckled. “Yeah, well you know the Big Guy is all about second chances. Look at what happened with Britany. And you gave that wraith a second chance.”
Even in all the chaos, I’d known Meegan sent the wraith-turned-woman to heaven just moments after she’d possessed a dead body and killed my sister.
That was a second chance if there ever was one.
I mulled this prophesy idea over for a moment. “Am I the healer?”
“Yes.”
“What does that mean?”
“That you’ll help others heal the wounds in their hearts,” he explained. “You’ve already started. Every minute you spend with Max is healing him, though you might not realize you’re even doing it. Not like you did with Britany. The power you gave your sister—though she won’t remember it—will eventually heal her too. You gave her a second chance.”
“But I don’t know how I’m going to do that ever again. I’m still exhausted from what that woman took out of me. Helping anybody cross over takes a lot out of me, but that….” I shuddered, recalling the empty feeling, so close to what I imagined death to be like. If Max hadn’t been there….
“Heather told me you haven’t delivered the Touch to anyone. Is that why?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Plus Max is tired. I don’t want to take from him.”
“Take from him?” Slade said with an arch of eyebrows.
“You know what I mean,” I said, a hint of challenge in my tone.
“Fair enough, but why don’t you explain it to me anyway?”
I twiddled my fingers and tossed the bullied duck some more bread. “When Max and I touch there’s this circuit of warmth. Like he’s making energy,” I said for lack of a better description. “And when I’m weak, it revives me.”
“Does it work the other way around?”
“Yeah, he just told me after that wraith….” I shuddered again. “You know? Weakened me, he felt stronger the more energy I took.”
“Not talking to each other isn’t really working that well for you two, is it?” he said, his words somewhat scolding.
My boyfriend would’ve been quick to remind Slade we’d had other things on our plate besides discussing
supernatural exchanges of heat and energy. I, on the other hand, hung my head because I knew Slade was right. “No, I guess not.”
“That warmth is love.”
“Yeah, love,” I agreed. “That’s exactly what it is. But when I take a spirit to heaven, they take so much out of me. It’s like I have to touch Max just to recharge my batteries, you know?”
“Why didn’t that happen with Britany?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you held her face and she wanted to stay, you pushed your own energy into her, didn’t you?”
I nodded.
“What was the difference between that and the other crossovers you’ve gone on?”
“Well, I love Britany,” I said. “She’s my sister.”
Slade handed me the bag of bread crumbs and kicked back on the bench, feet in front of him, legs crossed and fingers laced behind his head. The sky had grown slightly grayer on one side and blue on the other. The shadows on the ground long and dark as autumn moved in.
A sudden sense of panic filled me.
“Slade, please tell me we haven’t been here longer than twenty minutes. The seasons are changing around us. I can’t do that to Max after—”
He cut me off with a chuckle and a pat on the leg. “No, time is moving normally. I just enjoy manipulating the seasons, if you must know.”
I let out a whoosh of breath. After Max lost his best friend, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I put him through any additional pain.
“I enjoy words too,” he went on. “The powerful emotions each one can evoke. You know, that’s why I like to use what people call ‘bad words.’ Cuss words just feel so honest.”
I made a face. “Really? I thought you just liked shocking people.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, that too. Did you know the Greeks have more than one word for love?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yeah there are several different nouns and verbs. Not like synonyms in a thesaurus, but actual words English can only translate as love. There are a few that directly affect you. Agape, philia, eros, storge, and philautia.”
