Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1)

by H. P. Davenport

  When she looks up at me, there are tears in her eyes. I immediately grab for her hands, clasping them with mine. “I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a while ago, but I didn’t know how to.” Her voice breaks.

  I stare at my friend sitting across from me. I have never seen her look so distraught. We have always been able to tell each other anything. We may not like what we have to say, but we respect each other’s opinions. In all the years that we have been friends, I can’t remember a time where we had a disagreement.

  “Morgan, what is it?” Her silence scares me.

  Tears stream down her face, like a dam has broken. She pulls her hands away from mine to quickly wipe them away. I hand her a napkin and she crumples the paper in her fist. “The night you were attacked, Camryn, it was my fault. I was the last person in the storage room. Lincoln checked the surveillance cameras. It was me.”

  I gasp and my eyes widen. Her words repeat silently in my head. A sharp jagged pain erupts in my chest. I want to make sure I heard her correctly. I want to be angry for the carelessness, but I can’t. Seeing Morgan’s tear-filled eyes, I have to accept it was a mistake. She’s beating herself up more than I ever could. It was a mistake. It wasn’t done on purpose. I reach across the table, taking her hand in mine. “Listen to me. It is not your fault.”

  She tries to slide her hand free, but I tighten my hold. “Yes, it is. The security footage showed me leaving the room, and the guy waiting in the hallway. When the door went to shut, he stuck his foot in the doorway to stop it. We saw him bend down and put something in the door to keep it open.” She swallows hard. Tears glisten in her eyes.

  “That’s when we saw him taking you in the room.”

  My breath quickens from her revealing what she saw. This is not Morgan’s fault. It’s not my brother’s fault. It’s not Jamie’s. And, it’s not Lincoln’s. But they all blame themselves. There’s only one person to blame—the bastard who raped me.

  “Listen to me. I do not blame you. You were not the one who brutally attacked me. This is not your fault, Morgan. Shit happens, it was an honest mistake that you didn’t stop to check if the door clicked shut.”

  She wipes her face with her free hand. Her gaunt face and swollen eyes tells me this information has been eating her alive. The guilt is tearing her apart. “Cami, how can you say that? If I would have taken a second to make sure, this would have never happened.”

  “Look at me. I have replayed the events of that night over and over in my head. There are a million things that could have been done differently. Maybe in the end, it could have changed things. We will never know. But the one thing I do know is, this is not your fault. Not to mention the bastard would have found another place if not the storage room.”

  Morgan sobs across from me. I get up from my seat to sit in the chair next to her. I pull her into my arms. “I love you, Morgan. I know it took a lot of courage for you to tell me that you were the last person in the storage room. Look at me. I’m doing okay. He didn’t ruin me. It might still haunt me, but I’m surviving and moving on. I can’t imagine the guilt that you have been carrying.” I rub my hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her.

  Morgan throws her arms around me and hugs me tightly.

  “Okay, on a lighter note, I have something to tell you.”

  Morgan draws back to look at my face. “Have you slept with Jamie?”

  Chuckling at her assumption, “I assure you, I have not slept with Jamie. When I do, you will be the first to know.”

  She wipes tears from her face and takes a sip of her latte. “Shelby offered me a position here in the New York office. It is a promotion, actually.”

  Morgan claps her hands together. “Oh. My. God. You are coming home to stay?”

  “I don’t know yet. I haven’t given her my decision yet. I have until the middle of January to tell her. I need to weigh the pros and cons.”

  Morgan and I talk about the details of my promotion. In the grand scheme of things, there really aren’t any cons except my friends in LA. She asks what Jamie’s thoughts are on this. When I inform her that I haven’t told Jamie yet, she scowls at me.

  “Why are you scowling at me?”

  “How long have you known this little tidbit of info? Why haven’t you told Jamie?”

  “Slow down there, killer. You are the first person I told. I pretty much know the decision I am going to make. I needed to do what was best for me, what is best for my career. I know Jamie will support my decision no matter what it is, but I needed to be the one who made it. I didn’t want any outside persuasion.”

  Morgan squirms in her seat with excitement. “You know you want to stay here for Jamie. I know you love your job, but you love that man fiercely. You always have,” she says with a devilish grin on her face.

  I can only sit here and laugh at her reaction to my news. “Yes, I do love him fiercely. I can no longer deny it. Now if I manage to tell him that before you do that would be a great start.”

  The two of us sit there for a while catching up on things that have happened over the past couple of weeks. Even though the two of us were texting while I hid away in my room, she had a lot of things to fill me in on. One being that Lincoln was tossing around the idea of selling Redemption. I make a mental note to have a sit down with him, as well. I won’t allow him to sell his club because he feels guilty for what happened to me.

  “Hello, ladies,” a male voice says behind us. The hairs on the back of my neck immediately stand. A wave of apprehension sweeps through me. My stomach clenches. My pulse begins to beat erratically from the sound of his voice.

  I don’t need to turn to see who it is, it’s Chad. He has an eerie grin on his face. Morgan kicks my foot under the table. I look over to her, her brows are raised almost to her hairline. I try to hold my raw emotions in check, but it’s a damn struggle. I don’t know what is wrong with me. One minute I was fine with Morgan, and now that Chad and his bandmate, Buffer, are standing by our table, I am a complete mess. Trying to reign in my emotions, I squeeze Morgan’s hand for support. She gives me a look, asking if I am okay without actually asking. I shake my head back and forth, subtly, so only she can see.

  Morgan speaks up taking the attention off of me. “Hi, Chad. What brings you and your friend to these neck of the woods?”

  He nods his head at me, but focuses his attention on Morgan. “The band has a few more sessions set up with Christian. We need to fine tune a few things before the album is finished. Buffer and I were in the neighborhood, figured we’d stop for a cup of coffee.”

  Chad turns toward me. “Camryn, what’s wrong? You can’t say hello?” The sound of his voice makes me cringe. I am suddenly trying my damnedest to keep my coffee down before it comes back up my throat and makes an appearance here on the table. I raise my eyes and find Buffer watching me.

  “Um . . . Um . . . Hi,” I say quietly, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Something feels off. Very off.

  Morgan gets up, her chair making a loud noise as it scrapes along the floor. She nudges my shoulder, “We were just leaving,” she says.

  I reach for my handbag from the chair across from us, then stand to my feet. Buffer steps to the side giving me room to move. Chad, on the other hand, is so close to me. I inch myself back from him. He is invading my personal space. “I’ve asked about you a few times. Hasn’t your brother or that friend of yours told you?” he asks. When he said that friend of yours, his jaw clenched. As if speaking of Jamie infuriates him.

  “Camryn, why don’t you meet up with us to have drinks? You’ll have a good time. I promise,” Buffer says then winks at me.

  I shake my head no without answering either one of them. Chad frowns, “I didn’t think your friend would tell you, but I thought your brother would have.”

  Buffer doesn’t say anything else. He simply stands there staring me up and down as if I was something he wanted to eat. Like I was his last meal on the way to the death chamber. It’s as
if he is eye fucking me in the middle of the coffee shop. A devilish smirk appears on his face as he raises his brows at me. For someone who doesn’t usually have a whole lot to say, his unspoken words and actions, speak volumes.

  Finding my voice I say, “That friend is my boyfriend. There was no need for him to tell me you said hi, since you seem to ask about me whenever you are in the studio with them. They probably figured we would run into each other at some point while you were there.” Why is he so concerned about my relationship with Jamie? “As for meeting up for drinks, I’m sorry, that’s out of the question.” I eye Buffer letting him know that his invitation has been declined.

  Chad eyes me suspiciously. A cold knot forms in my stomach. I feel like my chest is about to burst. “Then I guess me asking you out on a date is out of the question since you have a boyfriend?” he says with a devilish grin.

  I look him straight in the eye. “Yes, I have a boyfriend. The only dates I will be going on are with him.” Why is he pushing the issue about me going out with him? It’s not gonna happen so back the hell off, dude.

  Chad leans in to hug me but I step out of his way, moving closer to Morgan. Chad’s jaw clenches, his eyes slightly narrow when I move away. I don’t want him to touch me. My nerves tense immediately when it hits me. The scent of his cologne. Oh, my God. I’m gonna be sick.

  Bile rises in my throat. I clamp my hand over my mouth and make a beeline to the restroom. I make it to the toilet just in time before I throw up the entire contents of my stomach. I throw up a few more time before there is a knock on the door.

  “Cami, it’s me. Are you alright?” Morgan asks from the other side of the door.

  I reach for the toilet paper so I can wipe my mouth. When I open the door, the look on Morgan’s face almost knocks me over. I walk over to the sink, so I can splash my face with cold water.

  “What the hell was that about out there? You look like you saw a ghost?”

  Looking at my reflection in the mirror, my face is pale, but I have red blotches on my chest and up my neck.

  I turn to see Morgan’s concern. “If I tell you something, you have to promise that you won’t think I am crazy.”

  She nods her head. “Of course. I would never think that.”

  Clearing my throat, I try to make sense of what I am feeling. “When he walked up behind us, just hearing his voice gave me chills. I was barely hanging on by a thread. Then when he leaned in to hug me, I lost it. He smelled like the man who raped me, Morgan. That night. The man was wearing the same cologne that Jamie wears. That is why I thought it was Jamie behind me. Then when Chad leaned toward me, that was all I could smell.”

  Morgan doesn’t say a word. She stares at me for a few moments. “I don’t think you are crazy. Those guy gives me the fucking creeps.”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing. But the scent of his cologne was too much for me to handle.”

  JAMIE

  A FEW DAYS have passed since I last saw Cami. I miss her. Her lavender vanilla scent still lingers on my pillows, but my bed feels empty without her in it. Cami was only in my bed for a few days, but I’m like an addict and she is my drug of choice. I need my next fix of her, and I need it now. I’ve already grown accustom to her warm body wrapped in my arms at night, and her slow breaths lulling me to sleep.

  She’s supposed to come to Aces to watch Side Effects perform tonight. I offered to bring her with me, but she insisted that Morgan would pick her up. I would have preferred her to come with me since this is her first time out in a large crowd since the night at Club Redemption.

  We have a few hours until show time, I am sitting at the bar, shooting the shit with Lincoln. I watch the guys up on stage getting their equipment set up for tonight’s gig. Isaac, our drummer, is tapping out some beats, while the bassist, Alex, is fine-tuning his bass. Parker gives me a thumbs-up letting me know he is good to go.

  A hand appears on my shoulder giving me a squeeze. The stool next to me slides out, then Christian signals to Lincoln. Lincoln slides a beer down to him, then he turns his attention on me.

  “So, what’s the deal with you and Cami?” he asks, his brows raised.

  My mouth curves into an unconscious smile. I take a long pull on my beer before answering him. I’ll let him stew for a bit. He knows my feelings for his sister. It’s no secret—especially to him. I think every freaking person in a two-mile radius knows my feelings for Camryn.

  “We’re good. Things seem to be going smoothly.”

  Lincoln heads in our direction. “You guys up for shots or sticking with light drinks for now?”

  “I’m good,” I tell him as Christian nods his head.

  “So, did this guy tell you he almost burned down his apartment while he was being a nosey prick?”

  Lincoln lets out a hearty laugh, shaking his head.

  Christian shoves my shoulder. I almost fall off the stool. “Look, dude, I already told you. I was making sure things were good with you and my sister.”

  I set my beer down after taking a drink. “Things were okay with Cami and me. You didn’t need to be all Inspector Clouseau and shit with your ear up to the door.”

  Christian laughs. “I gave you my blessings with my sister, but I didn’t say I was going to make it easy for you. You, my friend, need to step up to the plate. Lay it all out there. I want to see my sister happy again. Have you even told her how you feel about her?”

  Lincoln stands there watching me—obviously stricken mute. He looks at Christian then back at me, like a damn volleyball match. He raises his brows to me, as if he’s the judge and it’s my turn now.

  “Cami is special to me. You guys know how I feel about her. I’m in love with her. I have been for years.”

  Lincoln opens up a beer and takes a swig. “You know for such a smart guy, you are rather stupid. I have seen the way you have looked at Cami for years. You’re gonna sit here and tell us that you haven’t told Cami how you feel out of fear she might not feel the same way? Are you insane, man? I have sat back for years and watched the two of you go back and forth. The games the two of you play. Everyone sees it. We’ve been waiting for the two of you to see it. You’ve been wasting all this time over one little word.”

  Lincoln makes air quotes in the air, then says ‘IF’. “If she feels the same way, if she wants you. If she is willing to see if things can work out between you two. You sure did give that little word a whole lot of power.”

  The look on Christian’s face is priceless. He has a smug grin on his face, as if saying, duh, you dumbass. “Everyone knows how you feel about my sister, but Camryn.”

  After processing what Lincoln just said, I wonder if Camryn feels the same way, but was afraid that I didn’t look at her that way. Have the two of us wasted years because we were both scared? I’m such a stupid ass. I can’t believe I never had the balls to tell Camryn where I stand with her. If I could kick myself in the ass, I would.

  “Dude, this guy knows his shit. It’s like having a free session with Dr. Phil. Who would have thought Dr. Phil would show up in Aces tonight?” Christian says, pointing his beer bottle to Lincoln.

  Christian turns his attention to me. “I gotta ask you something. Why did you and Tabitha break up? Don’t bullshit me either. I want the God’s honest truth,” he asks.

  I take a pull of my beer before I lay it all out there. I pick at the label. “The truth. I didn’t love her. I couldn’t see a future with her. I could never get those three little words to pass my lips.” I finish my beer off and nudge the empty bottle toward Lincoln. He grabs another cold one from the case, and slides it in front of me. “I’ve never told a girl I love her. Those three unspoken words have ruined every relationship I’ve ever had.”

  Lincoln looks perplexed by this newfound information. “You mean to tell me that you never told Tabitha that you loved her and you dated her for over a year?” Lincoln asks.

  Shaking my head, “Nope. I knew she wanted to hear them, they were just words that I never felt or
could ever say. How do I tell someone I love them, when I didn’t have my heart to give them? My heart was taken from me the moment Camryn stepped foot on the plane five years ago. Whether it was taken willingly or she stole it long before that, I’m not really sure.” I shrug taking a long pull of my beer.

  “When Camryn is by my side, I feel alive. I feel like I’m complete, the other half of my heart has found its way back to me. Yes, before you ask, I still have my balls.” I stopped speaking and inhaled a deep breath. “You don’t get it. I’m in love with your sister, dude.” They just sit there staring at me when I finish talking.

  “Lincoln, back me up here. You feel the same about Morgan?”

  Christian speaks up first.

  “I get it, trust me, I get it. We know Camryn means the world to you. But don’t tell us what she means to you, tell her. Show her how much you love her. You know how much she loves to see you perform, to hear you sing. Make tonight special when she comes. You need to go out on a limb, man. Camryn has been to hell and back. You have been there for her since we were kids, let her know that you plan on being there for her in the future. Tell her you love her. I bet money that she feels the same way.

  I grab my beer and take a long swig. “You guys don’t get it. We’re seeing each other exclusively. I just haven’t told her I’m in love with her. I got it covered. Stop with the advice.”

  “Don’t get all defensive. I’m just trying to help. The two of you need to figure this shit out. And figure it out fast. She’s only home till after the New Year, then she heads back to LA. Shit or get off the pot, dude. Make a move. Don’t let her get back on that plane and take your sanity with her again.” Christian shrugs matter-of-factly.

  Lincoln looks at Christian like he has lost his mind. “What do you mean she’s leaving in January? Morgan said she was offered a job here in the New York office, with a promotion. Morgan made it seem like it was a done deal that Camryn was taking it. It was a huge opportunity for her, one that she wasn’t going to pass up.”