Chasing Circumstance

by Redmon, Dina

  I went to my dresser and pulled out my favorite pair of jeans. They were full of holes and completely faded, but they were so comfortable that I just couldn’t get rid of them. Choosing not to wear panties, I stepped into my jeans, pulled them up and fastened them. Sometimes a woman just needed to feel free.

  I walked into my closet and picked out an oversized grey, hooded sweatshirt. Bra or no bra? Yeah, it was a no bra kind of day. After all, who was going to see me when I was in my car?

  I sat at my dressing table, grabbed my hairbrush and brushed my hair into a ponytail on the back of my head. Pulling my make-up from its basket, I put on some light foundation, lined my eyes with black eyeliner, applied mascara and finished with a thin layer of lip gloss. I always felt more like me with at least a little make-up on. It’s not that I was trying to hide anything, I simply felt complete when I was wearing it.

  I picked out one of my favorite fuzzy scarves that was hanging on the door of the closet, put on my hiking boots, stuck my camera in my purse and started to head downstairs. Shit, I forgot, I had to call Chace. Sitting my purse on my bed, I picked up my phone and called him.

  “I’m so glad you called. Are you alright?” Chace’s voice sounded like I had woke him.

  “I’m fine. Did I wake you? I can call you later.” I really didn’t know what to say to him and felt my heart begin to race because I was so nervous.

  “No, I was just lying in bed watching the news and hoping you were going to call.” I could hear the television in the background.

  “I was a bit preoccupied last night, so I had shut my phone off. Jo told me you called. What do you want?” I didn’t mean to sound so cold, but when he hadn’t called, I put the bricks back up around my heart.

  “I wanted to explain what happened. I promise I didn’t stand you up on purpose. There was a huge, freak snow storm while I was at the airport in Canada. It shut everything down and knocked out the power. There was no cell service, no way for me to contact you. The cell towers were still out even after they restored the power and cleared the runways. I tried to call you the minute we landed, after I picked up my luggage, but your phone was off, so I called Jo.” He rushed to tell me what happened as though he were worried that I would hang up before he got a chance to explain everything.

  “Wow that must have been horrible. How long were you there before they got it cleared?” I felt my heart rate slow as he explained what happened. He really hadn’t stood me up. He truly was the guy I thought he was. The bricks started crumbling down.

  “Waiting out the storm wasn’t all that bad, it only took them about ten hours to restore services and clear the runways. They gave us free food, and I was able to meet a lot of nice people. The hardest part was not being able to get a hold of you. I didn’t want you to get upset with me. I don’t break promises unless I have no choice, and there was nothing I could do about this one. I even tried to use the phone at the airport but it was out too.” He still sounded a bit distressed over the entire situation.

  “Well, I’m glad you made it through and are alright. I missed you.” My voice softened and a smile crossed my face.

  “Really? You’re not upset with me?” Chace sounded surprised.

  “How can I be upset when there was nothing you could do about it? Things happen.” I giggled a little because he sounded almost like a little boy that had been afraid of getting in trouble.

  “I missed you too. When can I see you? Are you busy today?” His voice became excited.

  “Well, I made plans I would rather not break, but Jo told me I had to take the next three days off from work. Can we do something then?” Picking up my purse and scarf again, I headed downstairs to get a final cup of coffee before heading out on my trek.

  “Sure! I’m going into the bar today to check on everything and put a few hours in to catching up with paperwork and such, but we could do something tomorrow. What would you like to do?” I could hear him walking around.

  “Surprise me. I gotta let you go though. I’m about to head out the door and I don’t like to talk on the phone while I’m driving.” I poured myself a cup of coffee and set it on the counter.

  “Okay, how about I pick you up around noon tomorrow and take you out for lunch?” It sounded like Chace was doing the same thing I was and making himself a cup of coffee.

  “That would be perfect. I’ll see you then. Bye.” I started to hang up.

  “Hey, wait, I miss you and can’t wait to see you.” He cut in quickly before I hung up.

  “I miss you too. See you tomorrow.” I hung up and smiled.

  “See? I told you that you needed to call him.” Jo walked up behind me and touched my shoulder.

  “You were right. Thanks, Jo. Poor guy has been through a lot.” I touched her hand and turned around.

  “Yep and the whole time his only thoughts were to get a hold of you. That’s a great man in my book.” She smiled at me before pouring herself another cup of coffee.

  “In my book too. Listen, I’m going to head out for a while. I feel like going for a drive to clear my head. Do you need anything while I’m out?” I grabbed a to-go cup and poured my coffee into it so I could take it with me on my drive.

  “Nope, I’m going to go grocery shopping today so I got it covered. Did you add everything you wanted on the list?” She pulled the list from its place on the refrigerator and started looking at it.

  “Yep, I wrote it all down a couple of days ago. Okay, I’ll see you tonight. I’ll bring dinner home.” I gave her a quick squeeze before heading to the front door.

  “Make it Thai food and we’ll be best friends forever.” Jo yelled after me as I walked away.

  “No matter what I bring home, we’ll be best friends forever.” I laughed as I walked out.

  Though it was late morning, there was a crispness to the air that caused the morning dew to form frost across the lawn. I wrapped my scarf around my neck before getting into my car. Picking out one of my favorite alternative rock CDs, I put it in my stereo and cranked the music as loud as I could stand it. It was so loud I was sure Jo could hear it in the house, but I didn’t care. Today called for loud music.

  There was only one place I could think of to go… Slide Mountain in the Catskills. It was the highest peak in the mountain range and one of my favorite places in the world. My parents had taken me there when I was younger on a hike.

  Both my parents were college professors. We never spent a lot of time together because their professions kept them very busy. I usually felt more like one of their projects than I did their daughter. I was pushed to be the best at everything I did, and though it helped me to become the woman I was today, I couldn’t help but to wish things had been different.

  As I drove up interstate 87, I thought about how the lack of love I felt as a child may have been the catalyst to me always searching for my white picket fence love. Though it was not often shown around me, I knew my parents loved each other. I just wondered if they loved me. The hardest part was never being able to get answers to my questions because my parents had died in a car accident while I was away in college. I missed them terribly.

  About an hour into my trip, I stopped in Monroe, New York. There was a quaint little Mom and Pop type convenience store with gas pumps right off the highway. I pulled up to the pump, filled my tank and went inside to pay for it and refill my coffee. As I walked in, the scent of fresh, homemade cinnamon rolls filled the air causing me to want one. After paying for my purchase, I thanked the clerk and went back out to my car. As I walked out, I noticed the beautiful color of the trees around me. I sat my purchase on the top of my car, got my camera out of my purse, and took some photos. Satisfied with the pictures I had taken, I grabbed my things and headed out to finish my journey.

  Ninety minutes later, I arrived at Slide Mountain. I pulled over, got out of my car, and just stared up at the mountain. There was already a light covering of snow on the peak.

  Deciding to go for a hike, I threw my purse over my sh
oulder and climbed over the guardrail. Being very careful not to slip, I worked my way down the side of the hill next to the highway. It wasn’t long before I found a walking path to follow.

  I had walked for about an hour when I came to a splendid clearing that allowed me a 360 degree view of the majestic beauty surrounding me. Again, I retrieved my camera from my purse and took some photos. The earth tones of the mountains made the bright colors of the leaves seem even more vibrant. I stood there for a while just taking it all in, and letting everything go at the same time. It was as if the wondrous beauty of my surroundings absorbed all of my pain and replaced it with pure serenity.

  I sat down against a tree, pulled my phone from my purse and turned on the music player on it. Digging out my ear buds from the bottom of my purse; I attached them to my phone and put them in my ears. I hit the shuffle button on the player so it would randomly play the music. I was utterly shocked by the song that began to play. “Let it all go and just be free. The sins of other’s are not of thee. The lessons we learn make us stronger. Don’t dwell in your past any longer.” As tears began rolling down my cheeks, I thought to myself, ‘How apropos.’

  I sat there for a couple of hours feeling completely captivated by the scenery and all it had to offer me. The days were getting shorter now, so I knew I should start heading home. I put my phone, ear buds and camera back into my purse and closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and soaked it all in for just a couple more minutes. Geese spoke to each other as they flew over head making their way to warmer climates. A heavy moss scent hung in the air, and the thickness of the leaves beneath me reminded me of a patchwork quilt.

  Standing, I brushed the leaves from my body and headed back down the path I had taken there. When I reached the hill, I struggled to make my way back up it, but finally reached the top. I jumped back over the guard rail and turned to take one last look at the mountains before getting in my car and leaving.

  The drive home felt lighter than the trip there had. I felt new and ready to take life on headfirst. It was as though I had left all of the pain and heartbreak under those trees, and the path I walked brought me back to my loving, compassionate, fun self.

  The moment I got back into the city, I stopped in at Tic Tac Thai and picked up some curry to take home for dinner. Jo and I always got the same thing from there, so I knew exactly what she wanted. When I left the Thai place, I ran into the liquor store right next to it and picked up a bottle of Gewürztraminer white wine.

  On my way home, I had to stop at a red light, so I quickly called Jo to let her know I was on my way and had picked up dinner along with a special treat. She sounded happy to hear from me and said she was waiting but not patiently.

  Jo met me at the door and before she even said hello, she took the food out of my hands and went to the living room.

  “Hi, glad to see the food is more important than I am.” I laughed as I sat my things down and went into the kitchen to get two wine glasses.

  “Oh, glad you’re home. Have fun?” Jo had already started eating and had her mouth full of food when she answered me.

  “I don’t know if I would call it fun, but it was completely cathartic.” I sat down and poured us each a glass of wine before opening the take out box that contained my food.

  “Cathartic?” Jo had swallowed her food and looked at me.

  “Yes, that’s why I went for the drive. I had some things to work out, so I headed up to Slide Mountain.” I stood up, took my camera out of my purse, and handed it to Jo. “Here, check out these pictures.” Sitting back down, I started eating my dinner.

  “Wow, Amia, these are fantastic! You have quite the eye for this stuff!” She flipped through the pictures and handed me my camera. “We should print some of those out and frame and hang them.”

  “Sure, we can do that. Want to watch a movie?” I picked up the remote and turned on the television.

  “Yes, but I get to pick it out.” She jumped up, thumbed through the movies and stuck one in the DVD player. “Hit play, would ya?”

  We hung out the rest of the night, watching movies, talking, laughing and finding our way back to the amazing friendship we had. It was exactly what needed to happen. I hated fighting with Jo, and though this wasn’t the first time it had happened, it was the one that set heaviest on my heart. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

  Around midnight, Jo announced it was time for her to go to bed because she had to be up for work the next day. She stood up, kissed me on the forehead and went to bed. I put everything away and went to my room to write.

  “Dear You,

  Baptism, defined in the most simplest of terms, is a ceremony by which a person is purified. Shadows of our yesterdays are cleansed from our souls to make room for brighter tomorrows. We emerge clean, new and pure.

  I believe that forgiveness of those that hurt us plays a large role in this. Forgiveness is a lot like washing your hands. We don’t do it once and expect them to stay clean. Every time our hands get dirty, we wash them again. The same goes for forgiveness. When we feel the dark emotions creeping up on us from our past, we should forgive again and wash the slate clean. We need to baptize ourselves in order to not dwell in the sins of the past, and instead, rejoice in the lessons they created and the path they put us on that brought us to our today.

  So, tonight dear readers, I leave you with this question…

  How often will you wash your hands?

  ~ Amia”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “Dammit!” My alarm clock didn’t go off and I only had an hour until Chace was supposed to be here to pick me up.

  Jumping out of bed, I ran to the bathroom, started the shower and then went to my closet to pick out my clothes for the day. I had no idea where we were going so I stuck with a casual look and chose a pair of black leggings topped with a long tan sweater. Chace wasn’t a fancy kind of guy anyway.

  Rushing through my shower, I jumped out, brushed my teeth, put in my contacts and ran back into my bedroom. That’s when it hit me that I hadn’t even dried off. I grabbed the towel off the back of my chair and dried myself before throwing on my clothes. I grabbed a long fuzzy pair of socks out of my dresser drawer and pulled them up over my leggings so they would stick out of the top of my hiking boots.

  Sitting at my dressing table, I brushed my hair and parted it down the middle in two sections. I then French braided each side and tied small tan bows in the bottom of the braids. I wore my make-up as I usually did except this time I used earth tone colored eye shadow to match my sweater. Smoothing on a bit of lip gloss, I looked in the mirror and decided it was good enough. I needed coffee.

  I picked up my purse from the floor where I had left it the night before and headed downstairs. The moment I opened my bedroom door, the robust scent of coffee greeted me. Jo must have programmed the coffee pot to start brewing a fresh pot for me when I woke up. I just loved her.

  I sat my purse on the couch before walking into the kitchen. I got a cup out of the cupboard, turned to pour myself a cup of coffee, and saw a note next to the coffee pot.

  “To My Dearest Amia,

  I could not be more thrilled for you today. This has been a long time coming and I am sure you will have an absolute blast. Calm down, you’ll be just fine. Thinking about you and can’t wait to hear all about it when I get home from work.

  Much Love,

  Jo”

  Sitting the note back on the counter, I smiled and thought, ‘She knows me better than I know myself sometimes.’ I then poured myself a cup of coffee and went into the living room to watch the news while I waited for Chace.

  It had just ended and the first soap opera of the day started when Chace knocked on the door. “Just a minute.” I went into the kitchen to put my cup in the sink before I answered the door.

  “Hi, you look amazing!” Chace smiled at me and then handed me a balloon.

  “Thank you, what’s this for?” Smiling, I accepted the balloon and stepped close and hugged him
. “Want to come in for a minute?”

  “Sure, I could use a cup of coffee if you have any made.” Chace stepped past me and put his arm over my shoulder as he did so. “Wow, this is a really nice house. I hope that someday, I will live in a neighborhood like this.”

  “Thanks, Jo worked hard to get everything she has and I’m honored that she shares it with me. Living here gives me the opportunity to be able to save enough money to buy my own house soon.” I realized I was rattling on and stopped myself.

  “That’s wonderful, Amia. That must feel truly empowering.” We stopped at the bar that separated the kitchen and living room. I tied the balloon to the back of one of the barstools and went into the kitchen. Chace sat down at the bar while I poured us each a cup of coffee. “I woke up late today so I have yet to have a cup.”

  “I woke up late as well. I was lucky though. Jo made sure there was coffee waiting for me when I woke up.” I handed him his cup and sat down next to him.

  “Thanks, this smells good.” He picked up his cup and smelled the coffee.

  “Oh my god, that’s so funny.” I laughed as I did the same thing.

  “What’s so funny?” He took a drink of his coffee and looked at me before sitting it on the bar top.

  “I do the same thing. I can’t drink coffee without smelling it first.” I went to sit my cup on the bar but the edge of the cup hit the bowl of fruit sitting there and I spilled it all over the counter. “Shit.” I jumped up to get a towel to clean it up.

  “Well, I guess that’s our cue to go.” Chace finished his coffee and set his cup in the sink. “Ready?”

  “Sure, just let me grab my purse first.” I walked into the living room and picked it up from the couch.

  “After you, M’Lady.” Chace opened the door and stepped aside to let me pass.

  “Why thank you, kind sir. Please, be ever so kind and lock the bottom lock before closing the gate to the castle?” I offered a small curtsy as I stepped past him.