Asa

by Jay Crownover

  The water almost scalded as it poured over the top of my head and down across my shoulders, but it felt good and released some of the tension that was riding me hard. I turned my head and couldn’t say I was surprised when she stepped between me and the spray. The water turned her hair from burnished mahogany to almost jet black and her eyebrows nearly touched her hairline as she gazed up at me.

  “Everything okay?”

  I should be asking her that. Instead I reached out and caged her in between my arms and the tiled wall while the hot water continued to cascade down around us.

  “I was just envisioning the lecture that is bound to be headed my way when we call Nash to get you into your car.”

  Her slick hands moved up and down my ribs in a caress that I’m sure was designed to soothe but instead made my already hard cock even harder. She couldn’t miss it the way it was pointed straight up between the two of us.

  “It won’t be any worse than the one I’m sure Saint is going to give me.” Her voice was still soft with sleep and heavy with something I didn’t want to try and dissect.

  I bent my head down just a little and the water ran off my nose and dripped across her parted lips, and told her quietly, “You should listen to her. Whatever she has to say.”

  I was going to kiss her, because I had to. She was just too much temptation all wet and shiny before me. She looked better than most when she was dressed down and without makeup. Dripping wet and naked as she was, there was nothing more beautiful than this woman. It was impossible not to feel incredibly lucky she was here with me for no other reason than she wanted to be. Not because there had been tricks or subterfuge on my end. I scowled at her when she turned her head away at the last minute and leaned forward to press her lips against the center of my chest.

  “Listen to her tell me to be careful, to watch my step with you, because you’re unpredictable? You’ve been telling me that yourself for weeks. I’ve heard the warnings and I’ve decided to proceed at my own risk.” She lifted her head up to look at me, and I think I might have loved her just a little bit when she blinked water out of her eyes and smiled up at me. “But I didn’t brush my teeth this morning and I don’t think I’m willing to scare you off with morning breath after I finally got you where I want you.”

  That made me laugh. There was no way something like morning breath could ever distract me from her overall amazingness, but it was cute that she had basic insecurities like everyone else. She could so easily be one of those girls that knew she could get away with murder based on her looks alone, so it was refreshing and adorable that she wasn’t like that at all.

  “I think it would take more than some funky breath to scare anyone off of you, Red.” My voice got all husky against my will. She just did something to me that made me want to fight against all the normal asshole tendencies that I had.

  She laughed a little and then her tongue was licking over my nipple, which made me gasp, while her fingers were tracing the lines of my abs where they tensed and flexed under her touch. I really wanted to kiss her, but before I could snatch her up, she was on her knees in front of me and my cock was in her mouth. There was no way in hell I was able to form a coherent thought after that.

  Between the hot water, her even hotter mouth, and the way she looked all sexy and wet on her knees in front of me, this wasn’t going to last very long. I threaded my fingers through her heavy hair, closed my eyes, and tried to remember anything in my life ever being as good as this. The way she rolled her tongue over the tip and across every single ridge had my heart thundering in my ears. When she added her hands and sent them exploring between my legs, I had to really concentrate to stay upright because the pleasure was so much it nearly knocked me down. She made a satisfied sound at the back of her throat that vibrated all along my entire length where it was trapped between her plump lips.

  I pulled lightly on the long tresses that I had wrapped around my fingers and told her gruffly, “You need to let up if you want a turn with that.”

  I felt her mouth quirk around my dick and then she was using her hands along with her mouth in a way that was meant to render a man absolutely useless. My knees shook because I came with her name on my lips once again. She rose to her feet in one elegant move, the water running down her naked form making her look like some kind of satisfied sea siren that knew good and well how thoroughly she had just ruined me. I was struggling to breathe, to get my head out of the clouds, when she turned her back to me and picked up the shampoo bottle I had resting on a caddy under the showerhead.

  “I have to get my car and head home. I have to work tonight and I want to go see Dom before my shift. I don’t have time for a turn, but I’ll take a rain check.” Her point was clear. Last night had been all about her, this morning was all about me. “You should consider that some games are always more fun when they are played with two people.”

  She lathered up her long hair either unaware of or purposely ignoring the fact that I was a boneless, shaking mess behind her. I had never had anyone offer something up without expecting something, usually more, in return. I couldn’t get my erratic heartbeat under control so I could put all that emotion her selfless actions had awoken in someplace safe.

  I rallied enough to help her scrub her extraordinary head of hair. I almost shored up the reserves enough to help her soap up, which really just meant I ran my hands over every slippery inch of her until she was breathing heavy and looking at me with desire-glazed eyes. I was all for moving her to the bed and returning her early-morning attention and then some, but she just shook her head at me and stepped out of the shower. She snagged the only towel I had hanging on the rod and gave me a pointed look.

  “Next time you’re in there and thinking about me, think of that instead.”

  She swept out of the bathroom with far more dignity than a girl that was clad in only a threadbare towel should be able to muster.

  Now that the water had turned lukewarm and my raging lust had been quelled, I actually showered. She hollered across the tiny apartment asking for the unlock code on my cell. I didn’t even hesitate to shout out the numbers to her. I was long since past the point where I had things to hide in my life and I had never been stupid enough to keep incriminating evidence on something that was as easy to misplace as a cell phone. I heard her talking to whomever it was she called for rescue, and sighed, as I had to stand on the bathroom rug to drip dry for a few minutes before making my way over to the single closet in the room to find something to wear.

  She was perched on the arm of the recliner, back in her gym clothes with her hair in a long braid. She looked so fresh and so clean if I hadn’t just been there I never would’ve believed all the dirty, sexy things she could do with her mouth.

  I pulled on a pair of jeans sans underwear. I never wore them. I didn’t see the need even though it was cold in Denver and I often cursed myself for not having a layer of something between my dick and the chilly metal of my zipper. I found a black thermal and a hoodie that I tossed to her after I pulled my shirt on over my head. She caught it with a smirk and tossed the phone at me as I sat on the edge of the bed to pull on my black boots.

  “You call Nash?” She nodded in answer to my question as she glanced around the bedraggled apartment that looked a hundred times worse during the day.

  “This isn’t where I would’ve pictured you living.”

  It wasn’t where I ever thought I was going to live either, but shit happened. “I stayed with Cora and Ayden when I first moved here. It was cool for a little while because Jet was gone so much, but then Ayden was on my ass about everything. Then she thought I had something to do with the Bar getting robbed and I knew I had to move out or we would kill each other.”

  I rubbed my hands over my damp hair, making it stick straight up and sending water dancing every direction.

  “I was laid up, couldn’t work because I had a broken leg and all kinds of other broken junk inside of me. All I could do was limp around the house and mess
around on the Internet. I’m dangerous when I don’t have something to focus on.” I couldn’t believe I was about to disclose this to her, not because I was worried about how it would make her think about me, but because she was a cop and I was about to admit to some straight-up illegal activity.

  “I started gambling online. I was messing around on Internet poker sites, winning and losing money like crazy. I had no idea how I was going to support myself now that I was determined to stay on the straight and narrow, and at the time it felt like an easy score that wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

  I let out a bitter laugh and climbed to my feet as she watched me carefully. “Cora walked in on me more than once and asked what I was up to. I always just shut the computer down or shuffled away before she could see what I was doing, but I think she knew I was up to no good. I made enough to pay off a huge chunk of my medical bills, but instead of doing that …” I made sure she was paying attention, that she really understood how seriously fucked up I was. “Instead of doing that, I bet it all on one hand because I was on a hot streak. I lost it all.” I waved a hand around the barren room and lackluster decor. “I think that’s why I lost it when Ayden thought I had something to do with the robbery at the Bar. Weeks before I was actually fucking shit up, but as soon as Rome threw me a lifeline, I took it and realized the only way to stop drowning in my own mistakes was to start living within my actual means.”

  I scowled and looked down at the tips of my boots. “All my life, even when I try to help myself or someone else, I screw it up. The day Rome offered me the job at the Bar, I told myself I would live on what I made and that’s it. No more get-rich-quick schemes. No more high-risk endeavors that may or may not pay off. I live here because it’s cheap and close to work. I don’t have a car because I pay off my debt with anything extra I have a month. For once I’m living the life I’m supposed to have instead of doing whatever it takes to try and live the life I always thought I should have. Do you understand?”

  It was important that she did. Having the evidence of the kind of man I really was staring her in the face might open her eyes to how risky this thing that dragged and pulled between us could be if she kept chasing after it just so she could feel good for a fleeting moment.

  She shrugged into the hoodie and turned to the door. At first I thought she was repulsed or angry at my honesty, but as she shifted to pull her long hair out of her collar, she told me quietly, “I think it’s odd you thought you would just automatically turn into a choirboy after a lifetime of doing whatever you wanted. People aren’t born either good or bad, they have to be taught how to be one way or the other. No one ever took the time to teach you how to be good, Asa.” She walked to the front door and turned to look at me over her shoulder as she pulled it open. Her dark eyes were steady on my own. “It might take some trial and error along the way, but for the most part you seem to be doing okay now.”

  I followed her out the door and locked it behind us. I put my hand on her lower back as we walked down the stairs and started to walk the short distance to her car, and I didn’t respond to the faint hint of hope that laced her last words. That was the thing: everyone that cared about me wanted to think I was doing fine, and I was, for now. I wasn’t as sure of myself as the people that cared about me seemed to be and I wasn’t so sure that I hadn’t actually been born bad. The temptation not to do fine was thick and heavy around my shoulders every day, so much that, sometimes, not letting it cover me up and sink me back down to the bottom where I had always been was more work than I would ever openly admit to.

  When we reached the Bar’s parking lot, Nash already had her SUV running and warming up. I didn’t say anything as Royal moved away from me without so much as a good-bye hug and went willingly into Nash’s tattooed embrace. She kissed him on the cheek and rubbed her hands along the flames that decorated the sides of his head over his ears. She threw a wave out the window and took off without a word about anything I had disclosed to her or about the fact that we had just screwed each other stupid.

  I shifted uneasily as Nash walked over to me, questions swirling bright and clear in his unusual-colored eyes. I thought I could cut him off at the pass by changing the obvious topic before he started in on me.

  “How’s your partner in crime doing with the new baby?” I hadn’t seen Rule or Shaw since their newest family member had come along.

  A grin split Nash’s face and he shoved his hands in the pockets of the peacoat he was wearing.

  “He’s adjusting. More to the fact that he now has two people in the world he has to take care of and love forever than anything else, I think. Rule was always sort of a lone wolf, and now his life just has so many important things in it he’s trying to figure out how to balance it all.”

  “He’ll figure it out.” I didn’t know Rule before he was with his wife, but I had heard the stories, and none of them were exactly flattering. If he could turn it around for the girl, I had no doubt he would quickly find his footing in fatherhood.

  “Yeah, in the meantime he’s just crankier than usual, which of course means that we give him as much shit as possible.”

  I shared a grin with him and was thinking I was going to be lucky enough to escape without getting a lecture when he inclined his chin at me and narrowed his eyes. “So you and Royal?”

  I sighed and rocked back on my heels a little. Of course I wouldn’t be that lucky. “Anything you think you’re going to say to me about her I’ve already told myself and told her. She chose not to listen and I’m sick and tired of turning her down.”

  He chuckled which surprised me. “Asa, I know Royal well enough to know she’s going to do whatever the hell she wants, no matter what anyone has to say to her about it. All I was going to tell you is that you need to be careful because she’s been off and not acting like herself since her partner got hurt. I don’t know what’s up with her, but she’s being reckless and anything she’s doing right now might just be a reaction to Dom getting injured. I don’t want you to be a casualty of her overreaction.” He lifted a black eyebrow at me and muttered, “Plus Dom is a big-ass dude that gets to legally carry a weapon and he loves that girl like crazy. He won’t care why it ends or who ends it if Royal goes crying to him with a broken heart.”

  I rolled my shoulders and lifted a hand to rub the back of my neck. I knew how big Royal’s partner was. He had been there the night she arrested me. He was scary as hell and not just because he had a badge of authority. He exuded a seriousness and determination that left no doubt he would take more than bullets for Royal and in order to get his job done.

  “She and Dom … have they ever …?” I hoped the question was obvious without having to actually ask it. Nash shrugged at me and pulled out his phone as it dinged in his pocket.

  “I don’t know. They’re close, really close, and I know that he would gladly rip the face off of anyone that hurts her. They grew up together and went into the Police Academy together, but I don’t know if they ever had a romantic relationship. Royal never mentioned it and Saint has never said anything about it, but who knows? I don’t know how a guy could be that tight with a chick that looks like Royal and not at least try to get some.” He tapped in a message on the keypad and then looked up at me with a smirk. “Saint wants me to ask you how far along Cora is.”

  I let out a startled laugh. “What?”

  He held out his phone and showed me the text that his lady had just fired off. Indeed it said:

  Ask Asa how far along Cora is. I know she’s knocked up and I bet Rome told him!

  “I’m not supposed to say. Rome didn’t want to take any attention off of baby Ry just yet. Tell Saint she’ll have to bug Cora about it.” If Rome didn’t want the info out in the world yet, there was no way I was going to be the one to leak it.

  His phone pinged again and apparently this message wasn’t one for sharing because his gaze sharpened and I saw him suck in a quick breath.

  “All right, I gotta go. Saint doesn’t have to work until t
onight, and I don’t have to be at the shop until noon.” Apparently whatever she had sent him had him eager to get back home to her. I couldn’t blame him. The redheaded nurse was a stunner and as sweet as could be. Nash was another lucky man as far as finding his perfect match was concerned. “Just remember that no one wants to see either you or Royal end up hurt, so try and tread carefully. Something I know you aren’t used to.”

  I grunted and turned without saying good-bye so that I could stick my head inside the Bar and say hello to Rome and see if I could charm Darcy into cooking up some breakfast. I had been treading carefully for months. There was no going back now that I knew how beautiful everything was on the other side of the line Royal had willfully crossed. Now all I could do was hold on to it until it fell apart.

  CHAPTER 8

  Royal

  “Do you think if the situation had been reversed and Officer Voss had been the one in the alley while you went up the fire escape, he would be beating himself up as violently as you’ve been doing?”

  I looked at the department shrink and tried not to roll my eyes. She had been asking me variations of this same question every week when I went in for my appointment with her. I think she was tired of me giving her the same answer, but it wasn’t going to change.

  “Dom wouldn’t have been distracted. A herd of elephants could’ve run through that alleyway and Dom wouldn’t have blinked.”

  The doctor looked at me over the rim of her stylish glasses and sighed. She was frustrated with me. It was obvious. I wanted to tell her to join the club. Dom was also over my pity party and mountains of regret about what had happened to him. He flat-out told me to get lost and not come back until my head was screwed on right. He was sick of me moping around, and done with the constant apologies racing off my tongue. He kept telling me shit happened and I just needed to deal with it. Then he lectured me for an hour on how stupid it was to purposely place myself in bed with a known criminal. He didn’t want to hear at all that being with Asa was the only thing that made all the bad things churning in my gut settle down.