The Girl in the Corner

by Amanda Prowse

  ‘Yes, just waiting to pay at the cash and carry.’

  ‘Good, I’ll grab a table and we can have lunch.’

  ‘Do you know, Dolly, you never ask me if I have plans or if I am able to make lunch; you always tell me what I am going to do. It’s annoying.’

  Dolly laughed loudly, and Rae had to pull the phone away from her ear. ‘As if anything you have to do or were planning to do could be nearly as important or so much fun as seeing me!’

  Rae gave a wry smile and ended the call. She glanced at ketchup man, who she knew had been earwigging. She realised as she loaded her wares on to the counter that Dolly was right: nothing Rae was planning was as important or fun as seeing her friend, not now she had given up on her thoughts of a life outside her family. Helping out in the restaurants, seeing Dolly, being there for Howard and the kids and keeping house – this was, for her, as good as it got.

  Rae waited until she’d slipped into the driver’s seat of the car before giving way to the tears that had built up. It got her like this sometimes, caught her by surprise – the thought that a change had been within reach but that the train had firmly left the station. It could be a little overwhelming. Not that she wasn’t happy. She was, but she also recognised that, along with the pain and devastation of the last few months, there had been an awakening – a door opening that she now realised might actually have been an escape hatch in disguise. A door that led to the infinite possibilities that came with independence. Not that it mattered now. It was all too late.

  At the restaurant, Dolly placed a cup of coffee in front of her as Rae slid into the booth.

  ‘How’s tricks?’ Dolly asked.

  ‘Tricks are good. I am not sure what that means exactly, but I am just trying to keep up and it sounds about right.’

  ‘So, big news: Lyall has a new girlfriend.’

  ‘Oh great!’ Rae beamed.

  ‘No, no, no!’ Dolly shook her head and waggled her finger, as if scolding a child. ‘Not great. We don’t like her.’

  ‘We don’t?’ Rae wiped her smile.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why don’t we like her?’ Rae was nervous to ask.

  ‘She is very forward, a bit bossy, loud, and she’s just, just . . .’ Dolly stumbled, trying to find the right words. ‘She says, “Jump!” and Lyall says, “How high?” She’s no good for him. I should know. I am his mother. But he’s besotted. She is all boobs and bouffant and has him under her spell.’

  Rae stared at her friend, thinking of how to delicately phrase all the words that leaped to her tongue.

  ‘I mean, you know, Rae, of all the girls I thought he might end up with, this one is . . .’ Dolly shook her head with a look of disdain. ‘She is not right for him.’

  ‘You’d think, looking at how happy you and Vinnie are, Lyall might try to find someone like you.’ Rae sipped her coffee and hid her smiling mouth behind the rim.

  ‘Exactly!’ Dolly banged the table. ‘Someone like me. What are you laughing at?’

  ‘Nothing, Dolly. Nothing.’

  ‘So, now your turn: what’s your news?’

  Rae placed her cup in its saucer. ‘I don’t really have anything exciting to tell.’ She thought about it. ‘Dad has gone to stay in Northampton for a couple of weeks, but I thought it was a good sign that he was a little reluctant to go, happy to be at home alone – that’s progress.’

  ‘It really is.’ Dolly nodded.

  ‘George and Ruby have booked to go to Cyprus for a fortnight in August and are already excited. Hannah and Niamh are coming home today, just for a couple of days; Niamh has an interview with a firm of architects in town for an internship over the summer. I’m looking forward to seeing them. That’s about it.’ She shrugged.

  ‘Don’t let them near the new kitchen – and definitely no pizza, especially not ham and pineapple.’

  ‘That’s a given.’ Rae laughed. ‘Come over if you like, you and Vinnie. I am cooking a chicken and I know Hannah would love to see you.’

  ‘Of course she would. I am her favourite auntie.’

  ‘You are.’

  ‘Mind you, the competition is not that stiff. I mean, the best thing about Debbie-Jo is her name!’

  ‘Don’t be mean! That’s my sister you are talking about.’

  ‘Yes, but not really. I am your sister really.’

  ‘Well, if you are my sister it’s no wonder Mum gave you to the Latimers and disowned you. You are a nightmare!’

  The waiter approached the table cautiously. He looked at the two plates in his hand, one piled high with a burger, fries, onion rings, coleslaw and a large pickle. On the other was a small pile of green leaves and a beautifully sliced avocado.

  ‘Who is having what?’ he asked.

  ‘The salad is for me.’ Dolly smiled sweetly as the boy put the plates in front of them and walked away.

  ‘You are so not funny.’ Rae laughed, reaching out and swapping the plates. By the time she had finished speaking Dolly had picked up the burger and taken a bite so big she could barely close her mouth.

  ‘You are also disgusting.’ She laughed again and picked up her fork. ‘You can’t intervene – you know that, don’t you? Where Lyall is concerned you need to let him make his own mistakes and figure things out.’

  ‘I do know that.’ Dolly chewed her burger. ‘But I can still shout and influence from the wings. Like I do.’

  ‘Yep.’ Rae took a sip of water. ‘Like you do.’

  ‘Only me!’

  Rae heard Howard close the front door.

  ‘In the kitchen!’

  He came in and placed his arm around her waist. ‘How was your day? I heard you bailed John out and then met Dolly for lunch?’

  ‘Ah, you are having me watched!’ She smiled up at him. This was how things were now; they no longer argued and the atmosphere was pleasant, softer. They were undoubtedly healing, and it felt good.

  ‘Dolly and Vinnie are coming for supper too.’

  ‘This I already know. I was going over the accounts with Vinnie and Paul when Dolly called to say bring wine.’

  ‘Paul okay?’

  ‘Yep. He’s good.’

  It was sad but inevitable that, since the whole Karina incident and Paul’s part in it – no matter how small or unwanted – relations between him and Rae had been strained. Nothing was said, but it was as if neither could get past the unspoken awkwardness that their shared knowledge made impossible to ignore. Her heart rate increased when they chatted and she became clumsy, overly conscious of her actions. Sadie too, she noticed, called less.

  ‘What time are Hannah and Niamh due in?’

  She looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Any time now. Supper is nearly ready so I can whisk them straight into the dining room. Can’t wait to see them!’

  ‘And George called me earlier. He’s excited about Cyprus.’

  ‘Oh God, Howard, it’s only June. I truly can’t feign enthusiasm for a bloody holiday that’s taking place in August, bless him!’

  Howard laughed and opened the fridge, reaching for yesterday’s bottle of wine. He emptied the remains into a wine glass and set it to rest on the draining board. Rae sidled past and grabbed the bottle; the two moved in a well-choreographed dance in the square space of the kitchen, a routine perfected over the last twenty-five years. She carried it down the hallway and out of the front door, placing it in the recycling bin just as Fifi came along, sniffing her way as usual.

  ‘Ah, hello, Fifi!’ She crouched down and ran her palm over the cute pup’s flank. ‘She is so beautiful. How old is she?’

  Fifi’s owner stared at her. Rae looked up and smiled, trying to encourage the shy woman to talk.

  ‘Erm . . .’ The woman coughed. ‘She’s . . . she’s nearly three, but just as inquisitive as a pup.’ Her voice was soft but not quiet, and she was well spoken.

  ‘Well, she’s an absolute beauty! I always think so.’ Rae straightened.

  ‘Come on, Fifi!’ The woman spoke a little more
sharply than Rae deemed necessary. Rae cursed that she had clearly made her feel uncomfortable, as if she had undone all the good work of smiling and waving. She stood and watched the pair walk briskly along the crescent; before she turned the corner, the woman gave Rae her customary look over her shoulder.

  Howard had been watching from the hallway. ‘All okay?’ he asked, draining his glass as she walked in.

  Rae headed for the kitchen. ‘Yes, the darnedest thing: I just spoke to the woman from down the road – you know, Fifi’s mum . . .’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ he mumbled behind her.

  The front doorbell rang.

  ‘I’ll go.’ She scooted past him back down the hallway.

  ‘Hello! Hello!’

  In marched Dolly and Vinnie, armed with two bottles of chilled white and, for some reason, a wheel of Brie.

  ‘It was going off.’ Dolly pointed at the cheese and kissed her sister-in-law on the cheek.

  ‘Nice.’ Rae smiled.

  ‘Well, Howard, old son! Haven’t seen you for an age!’ Vinnie laughed. ‘Are you okay, mate? You look a bit pale.’

  Rae turned to see Vinnie with his hand on her husband’s back. He was right; Howard did look a bit pale.

  ‘I’m fine!’ Howard spoke in the way he did when he didn’t want to make a fuss.

  Rae led the way to the sitting room and watched as Dolly and Vinnie sat close to each other on the sofa, he on the left, she on the right; it made her think of her mum and dad and her heart flexed with the memory of her loss.

  ‘You look thoughtful,’ Howard commented.

  ‘Just thinking.’ She looked at the floor, still holding the cheese. The doorbell rang again. Rae rushed out to answer the door and beamed at the sight of her girl. ‘Hello, darling! You’ve had your hair done – you look gorgeous. Welcome home! And Niamh, welcome home!’

  She kissed them both and then watched as Dolly came from the right and hijacked them with hugs.

  ‘If you don’t mind me asking, why are you opening the door with a great big lump of cheese in your hand?’ Niamh laughed.

  ‘It’s a gift from Dolly.’

  ‘Are flowers out of fashion now? No one told me!’ Niamh quipped.

  ‘I’ll go grab supper – Dad’s on drinks!’ Rae said as she skipped to the kitchen and deposited the cheese in the fridge with a bubble of happiness in her stomach. The chicken was golden, crispy-skinned and perfect. She set it proudly on the platter, surrounded by crunchy, salt-flecked roast potatoes, and in a separate tureen she piled Brussels sprouts with chestnuts and pancetta and honey-glazed carrots and parsnips.

  ‘Dinner is served!’ she hollered and smiled at the sound of the scrambling feet making their way into the dining room.

  Howard walked into the kitchen.

  ‘Are you feeling okay?’ she asked, as she dug in the cupboard for the cranberry sauce.

  ‘Yup, fine.’

  ‘Good. In that case can you do wine, please?’ she said and whisked past him to ferry the food to the table, where it was greeted with robust applause.

  Vinnie began to carve and all sat back. Rae took pleasure in watching everyone heap their plates with the food she had prepared. It was still her favourite thing, to produce fine food and watch the people she loved devour it. She looked across at Howard and noticed his appetite seemed a little lacking as he picked at the slice of chicken on his plate.

  She thought it might be a good idea if he laid off the wine, but wasn’t about to suggest that and embarrass him. She realised he was looking at her and gave him a smile.

  After clearing the plates, Rae walked back into the dining room with a large and impressive shop-bought strawberry gateau and Hannah tapped her wine glass with her fork. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please!’

  Everyone laughed at her theatricality as the five people she addressed settled into their seats.

  Hannah reached across the tabletop and took Niamh’s hand into her own. ‘Okay, I am not very good with the whole public-speaking thing and so I am just going to cut straight to it. I have asked Niamh to marry me and she has said yes! We are engaged!’ she yelled.

  ‘Oh, darling! Oh my goodness!’ Rae jumped up and ran around the table as her tears sprang. ‘That’s wonderful news! Wonderful!’ She felt the warmth of pride spread through her chest that her little girl was following her heart, grabbing life and running with it!

  Hannah stood and embraced her mum, as Niamh and Howard hugged. Dolly whooped and cheered and Vinnie poured wine for them all. Niamh then turned to Hannah and held her close.

  ‘Congratulations, Niamh,’ Rae said. ‘Welcome to this crazy family! I am so happy!’

  ‘Me too!’ Niamh grinned.

  ‘I wish George was here.’ Rae felt his absence on this historic evening.

  ‘Don’t feel bad, Mum. I’ve already told him. I was so nervous about asking her that I called him for advice. So technically he was the first to know.’

  Rae felt thrilled, quite overwhelmed by the fact that her kids shared this wonderful closeness. She knew that, as a family, they would steady each other when and if things came along to throw them off balance. This thought brought her peace. She wished the closeness she now shared with Debbie-Jo had been there throughout her life, knowing it would have made all the difference.

  ‘I think this calls for something more than wine!’ Dolly banged the table. ‘Is there any champagne in the house?’

  ‘Yes!’ Rae clapped. ‘Good idea! There are a couple of bottles under the sink.’

  ‘Lead on, Macduff!’ Vinnie pointed towards the kitchen and they hustled out to get the bottles. As soon as they had left the room Rae fell against Dolly laughing. Quite suddenly, everything was hilare!

  Dolly jumped up and down on the spot and Rae joined in. The two were like giddy schoolgirls, quite overcome by the situation. ‘Your little girl is getting married! We can plan a perfect wedding!’

  ‘I know!’ Rae squealed. ‘Oh my God, I am so happy for them both. I remember her not so long ago telling me that marriage was outdated, restrictive and pointless.’

  ‘And it can certainly look that way if you do with it with the wrong person.’

  ‘Yep,’ Rae agreed and reached under the sink for the bottles of champagne, which she popped on the countertop.

  Dolly handed her a champagne flute, then stood on tiptoe and grabbed the rest of the flutes from the top cupboard as she went on, ‘And you know, Rae, I look at us all around that table tonight, look at how happy we all are, and I thank God above – because if you hadn’t managed to look past the whole bloody Diane thing, this would be a different story. This was what I was talking about, the healing, making it good for the family.’

  Her voice echoed in Rae’s ears and she felt her blood flow like cold treacle through her limbs. The glass tumbled to the floor from her hand and shattered into tiny pieces as Rae watched, as if in slow motion, unable to react.

  ‘Oh, look at you, butterfingers.’ Dolly bent down and grabbed the dustpan and brush and began doing what Rae usually did best, sweeping up the mess, hiding the destruction, least said, soonest mended . . .

  Rae felt herself starting to swoon with giddiness and leaned on the sink. It was as if her brain was racing to catch up. Diane, Karina . . . Diane . . . Karina . . . The payoff and infidelity Dolly knew about was Diane. Diane. Diane!

  Clarity bloomed in her mind and rang out like a note, clear and pure.

  Enough was enough. For too long she had been a passenger. It was time she took control of her own destiny, time she followed her own advice and listened to that little voice of instinct. Her mum’s words came to her now, offering the best advice across worlds: You were special and I was just waiting for the day you roared – and I knew that when you did the world would listen. Isn’t that right, Len?

  ‘Actually . . .’ Rae coughed to try to clear the ricochet of the name in her ears. ‘I meant to ask you, Dolly, but it never felt like the right time: how much did Paul pay Dia
ne?’

  Dolly stopped sweeping and looked up at her, clearly taken aback. ‘I don’t know.’ She seemed to be thinking about it. ‘A few hundred, I think. It can’t have been much more, because it came out of the Chiswick petty cash.’

  Chiswick petty cash . . . not Shepherd’s Bush . . . A different girl, a different restaurant . . . a different affair . . .

  ‘Why do you ask, mate?’

  ‘I don’t know. Just . . . just curious, really. It was a long time ago.’ Rae realised that her first instinct was to keep her newfound knowledge from Dolly.

  ‘God, yes, nearly two years now, and this is a new age! A new dawn!’ Dolly beamed.

  With a trembling hand Rae gathered the champagne flutes and carried them into the dining room. She could not look at Howard, who laughed loudly as he and Vinnie shared a joke. Hannah and Niamh were scrolling through Hannah’s phone looking at wedding dresses with expressions of pure joy.

  Rae placed her hand on her stomach. ‘Oh, gosh, does everyone else feel okay?’ She managed a small smile; thankfully, the colour had drained from her face, helping to endorse her feigned illness. ‘You guys go ahead without me. Shan’t be a mo.’

  She walked briskly from the dining room and trod the stairs on legs that felt like jelly, holding the banister rail for support until she made it to the bedroom. She walked into the en-suite bathroom and slid down the back of the door. Grabbing the hand towel from the ring by the sink, she shoved it into her mouth to stifle the scream that leaped from her throat.

  Two years ago. Diane.

  Last year, Karina.

  How many more?

  How many waitresses?

  How many pay-offs?

  No wonder Paul and Sadie found it hard to be natural with her.

  She pictured Howard sitting on the end of the bed crying, and realised that Karina must have meant business if he had been forced to tell her, especially on the night of their party. She thought about him wanting to renew their vows! Without warning she felt her gut spasm and she vomited, only just turning to the toilet bowl in time.

  Rae cleaned her teeth and stepped out of her dress, pulling on her jeans and sweatshirt before tying her trainers. She opened a drawer in the cherrywood chest and began to pull out items of clothing, speaking to herself in her mind as she did so, her thoughts and ideas so bright and clear they felt like ripe fruit waiting to be picked.