The lecture this morning had been about confidence recovery after relationship loss. After the speaker gave the initial lecture, participants were invited to come to the stage to share their experiences. It was interesting to watch. While she hadn’t lost her own intimate relationship, she’d lost familial ones.
The guy running the lecture was a therapist of some kind and he offered advice to those who shared their stories. Comparing her own therapy experience to this one, Evie found her emotional distance from the participants on stage to be useful in figuring out how she felt.
She hadn’t gone on stage to share, but she’d taken a bunch of notes and learned a lot about herself as well as gaining some perspective on her “relationship”. Damn. She really had to stop thinking of that word with permanent inverted commas around it. She wasn’t in a quote, end quote relationship with Oakley. It was just a relationship. There. She’d done it and she underlined her achievement with a deep breath. Good. Progress.
Except all the progress she’d made since their joint session with Noel yesterday had led her to one conclusion.
It was never going to work.
She couldn’t be Oakley’s girlfriend.
It wasn’t that she considered herself inferior to him; it was simply that she didn’t think she had the ability to give him what he needed.
Telling him it was over would be difficult, but her decision had been solidified during the lecture this morning. Evie hadn’t been able to ignore what she was hearing. Those people lost their confidence as they gave so much of themselves to their partners that they didn’t know who they were when the relationship was over.
Listening to Oakley yesterday had made her realize how selfish she’d been. Evie should have taken the time to question him about the difficulties he’d faced in his life. That she hadn’t, didn’t make her feel guilty as much as it changed her perspective, she just didn’t have the emotional maturity or capacity to be a fully committed girlfriend.
She wasn’t ready.
Evie couldn’t ask him to deal with her insecurities, to give all of himself to her when she had nothing to give him. Yes, her heart hurt when she thought about hurting him, but she’d do whatever it took to free him from the trap of his feelings for her and that’s what they were; a sticky quagmire that would drag him down and smother him before he realized he’d been consumed.
“You’re going to be a busy girl.”
The sensation of Oak’s breath on her neck came before the scent of him hit her. Evie shivered; this could be the last time he ever stood so close to her. Turning around, she was ready to lay it out for him. She hadn’t expected him to be here, but talking in public was better than talking in private.
But her inhale didn’t end with a cutting remark when she saw that not only was Oak standing there, but Lana was with him, and their arms were linked. The couple were smiling, and Evie was stunned by how they looked together.
“Wow,” she said. “You make a really attractive couple.” Lana beamed, but Oak’s smile faltered. Yep, Evie, this was it. Ignoring her internal struggle, she had to take a deep breath. She cooled her eyes and curled her lips. “Did you enjoy the lecture?”
“Yes,” Lana said. “It was interesting to learn what pitfalls to avoid.”
Snapping her notebook shut, Evie turned it into her palm and pointed it at Lana. “Yes, exactly. That’s so funny because that’s exactly what I was just thinking about.”
“It…” Lana glanced at Oak, probably worried about Evie’s exuberance, but Evie cared less about her and more about the darkening scowl on Oak’s face, though she kept herself loose. “It was?”
“Yes,” Evie said, resting an arm beneath her breasts, tucking her notebook against her body. “I was thinking about how listening to all those wa-wa whiney stories is probably the best commercial ever for staying single.”
Lana paled, and Oak looked pissed. “I think that…” Lana was nervous but obviously felt the need to say something. “Some people join agencies like MatchMate to find their confidence again after they’ve come out of long-term relationships.”
“Yeah,” Evie said. “So it’s full of the dregs looking for a rebound lay, right? I mean we ladies want a real man, don’t we? Not some sniveling loser who’s crying about how his ex-girlfriend couldn’t orgasm in bed, right? I mean if he can’t get her off, why should we want her cast offs? I am going to that speed-dating thing across town tonight, and seriously, if I see one guy there who was here today, whoosh, I am out of there, like a fucking shot, right?” Evie laughed, but she was the only one. “You guys are lucky you have each other now, so lucky… Just spare a thought for those of us who are still wading through the swamp.” Flashing her grin to each of them, she gave them a nod too. “You guys have a good day out.”
Turning around, she strode off. Was that enough to give him the message? Did he think she was playing? Nope, she wasn’t. Well, she was in one way; she didn’t think any of the guys in the lecture were losers, quite the opposite; her heart went out to them. But when in doubt, and when trying to make a point, switch on the bitch.
Someone caught her arm and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who was pulling her to a halt. “You want to tell me what that was?” Oak asked.
“Where’s your girl?” Evie asked, playing innocent, scanning around for Lana.
“Standing right in front of me,” he said, putting a finger on her cheek to make her look at him. “What’s wrong? I came here to surprise you. Lana sat down beside me, I didn’t even know she was going to be here.”
“Less than a day after Noel tells you not to surprise me, you think it’s a good idea to surprise me?”
“What?” he asked. It seemed that he didn’t know whether to be apologetic or playful. “That’s not what he said, he told me not to keep important things from you. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to surprise my girlfriend.”
Folding her arms, she sighed. “That’s just it, Oakley Orion. I’m not your girlfriend.”
“Lana isn’t—”
“This isn’t about her,” she said, doing her best bored shrug. “I’m just not that into this.”
“Excuse me?” he asked and grabbed her arm. “I don’t believe you. Whatever happened, you can talk to me, we’ll call Noel and—”
“No,” she said, picking his fingers from her arm like she was done humoring him. “I figured this out because of him. All that talk yesterday… it made me see it… I wanted to fuck you… and I have… All the rest of the bullshit—”
“Bullshit,” he said, “like my feelings for you?”
“Aww,” she said, playing it with amused pity. “Sweetie, you’re a special guy, really special. You’ll find yourself a wonderful woman who—”
“You are my wonderful woman.”
Flattening her smile, she raised her brows. “No, Mr. Orion. I’m not.”
Turning her back on him, she strode away. He wouldn’t make a scene here. Oakley had seen how their scenes ended. In the dining room of the Washington hotel, they’d had the cover of people around them, this was an exposed space and Lana was somewhere, probably watching. He had to let her go.
The other time he’d made her mad, she’d lost it and broken down in front of him. Evie knew there was no chance of that happening today. If Oak pushed her she’d turn her bitch up to eleven. She’d embarrass him, make a drama queen of herself, and have the office talking about them for weeks. Neither of them wanted that.
Just as she thought, he didn’t come after her, and didn’t pull her back. But Evie knew he wouldn’t give up that easy. So she had to fight hard if she wanted him to be free of her.
And there she was. His woman.
Oak hadn’t expected Evie to make the declarations in the conference hall that she had earlier that day. But he should have. Things were serious between them now and the session with Noel had gone so well that while he was encouraged, she was probably freaking out.
It didn’t take much effort to get himself pu
t on the roster for the speed-dating event that she’d referenced, and now here he was, on the guys’ side of the bar, waiting for the night to begin.
Evie hadn’t noticed him yet.
She was leaning on the bar, drumming her fingers on it, with one foot propped on her toes behind the other leg as she chewed on a fingernail. But she wasn’t nervous; she was playing the innocent virgin or the clueless bimbo. The only way he’d find out which, was to go over there.
The metal strip on the floor was meant to separate one side of the bar from the other, giving men and women equal space to mingle in their own genders before and after the dates. As luck would have it, Evie was right next to this line on the female side.
Sauntering up to the bar, Oak slid his hands to the center. “Did you think it was going to be that easy?” he murmured.
Angling herself toward him, she grinned. “Oakley Orion,” she said like she hadn’t seen him for years. “You know, we really should stop running into each other at events like this.”
“Do you want to talk to me?” he asked, keeping himself calm to show that he wasn’t going to play her games tonight. “Do you want to tell me what scared you?”
“Scared me?” she said on a scoffing laugh and leaned over to nudge him. “What scares me is how long this bartender is taking to pour martini… you think there are guys on your side of the line who pay him to drug the women? That would be a pretty good move, don’t you think?”
“This is a MatchMate event, you don’t have to worry about anyone taking advantage of you or spiking your drink.”
She waved a loose hand. “I’m not worried,” she said. “I haven’t been high while having sex since college, might be a nice trip down memory lane. Everyone likes a bit of nostalgia, right?”
If she didn’t want Noel prescribing her drugs, then she wasn’t going to be taking the recreational kind. “You don’t have to hide from me, Thirteen. I thought you trusted me enough not to push me away… talk to me, Sweet.”
Leaning to the side, she looked past him. “You think number six would be a good choice?”
It was difficult not to sigh at her, but he was fed up with her façade. They didn’t have much time and he wanted honesty. “Good choice for what?”
“Sex,” she said.
That made him smile. “You want me to think you’re going to sleep with a random guy you meet tonight?”
She prodded his chest once. “That, my friend, is exactly what I’m going to do,” she said.
The bartender came over with not one drink, but two, and she started to gulp the first down.
But he didn’t believe her, not as he watched her consume her Dutch courage. “Evie, I can see that you’re anxious.”
“Not anxious,” she said, finishing the first drink and as she slid the glass away she did seem… positive. “I am actually feeling really good, Oak. And do you know something? I have you to thank.”
“Me to—”
“You broke the seal,” she said, shimmering with excitement. “I’ve done it! I had sex, I’m cured… I think I was feeling weird yesterday ‘cause I realized, I’m not ready to tie myself down, you know? I used to have boyfriends, back in the day, I liked dating, liked men. Now I’ve got my confidence back and I know I can do it… I think it’s about time I had some fun.” The bell rang to signify the women should take their seats. Her shoulders rose, and she winked at him. “Ding, ding, my friend. Ding, ding.”
As she began to move away, he took a step toward her. “Evie—”
“Ah,” she said, nodding at the line on the floor. “There’s a line you can’t cross, Mr. Orion… not anymore.”
Every date seemed to drag. Six minutes had never seemed so long. But it didn’t matter to Oak that he was impolite to the point of being rude. He wasn’t here for a date; there was only one woman he cared about getting to.
How the fuck could she say that to him? Noel had told her to start thinking about their relationship seriously, and she’d… dumped him and declared she was off to sleep around. What the fuck? How was he supposed to keep his cool when she said something like that?
His mood only got more sullen the longer he had to wait. When he found himself in the position next to hers, it took every ounce of his restraint not to grab the guy seated beside him to punch him right in the chops.
Evie was laughing, flirting, using that smooth purring voice that he wished was only reserved for him.
When the bell went, Oak surged up and marched to the next table. Evie’s table. The previous guy was lingering, looking at her, even though she had her face buried in her phone. Instinct made him shove the guy who was so surprised that he almost stumbled. Oak didn’t even care, he just glared at the guy until he moved on.
Seizing her phone from her, Oak wasn’t feeling patient anymore. “Hello, Oakley,” she said, folding her arms. “I forgot you were here.”
Hoping to get some insight about what the hell was going on, he looked at her phone expecting to get a glimpse of her emotions. To his horror, all he read were notes exactly as she’d described before, each guy was rated, she’d made notes about seduction techniques, possible cock size, everything he didn’t want to see.
Sinking into his seat, he was devastated. She meant it. She fucking meant it; his woman was actually going to have sex with another man.
“Evie,” he exhaled, his shock taking all the strength from his voice.
“I don’t suppose we really need to talk,” she said. “You’re not on the shortlist. Do you want to get me another drink with your six minutes?”
She couldn’t really think that he was just going to stroll over to the bar and order her more alcohol.
Slamming the phone onto the table, he kept his fist tight around it. “You’re not going to do this. I don’t know what the hell happened. I don’t know what changed between us having sex after our session with Noel and this morning, but something did, and I want to know what it is.”
His tension level was rising, but she was cool and calm as a millpond. “You know, I think there’s some rule about exes stalking through MatchMate events,” she said, like it was no big deal. “If you give me my phone, I can make a call to the complaints line and—”
“I’m not your ex and this is not stalking. I’m trying to stop you from doing something you’ll regret.”
“Seems like you’re the one who’s going to regret it. I’m looking forward to tonight.”
And damn her, but she really looked like she was excited. “I’m going to buy you a big present, a big box of candy or something. You know, it’s amazing, I’m looking at guys again in a way I haven’t looked for a long time and shit, Oak, there are some real prospects in MatchMate.”
His anger was so potent that it was making him feel sick. “I thought they were all sniveling losers who couldn’t satisfy a woman.”
Her eyes slunk from left to right as her lips slanted. “Not tonight… One or two seem, you know, decent. Great prospects for some against-the-rules fun. I might actually fill out one of those card things tonight, cool, huh? You really fixed me, Oak. Maybe you should list your cock as a special event for reluctant women… Though, hmm, Lana might not like that… I’d definitely ask her for permission, signups would go through the roof.”
“What is wrong with you, Evie? What the hell happened that made you switch off?”
Pushing her shoulders back, she shook her hair. “I feel damn switched on, Mr. Orion… I feel more alive than I have in years. This is amazing progress for me; I’m proud of myself.”
“And how will you feel when you have a stranger on top of you?” he asked. “Are you going back to his place or taking him back to yours?”
“Neither,” she said. “We might just do it right here in the parking lot and if he’s good, there are hotels just a few blocks in every direction.”
If he’d hoped to hear she had no plan or to plant a seed of doubt in her mind, he’d fucked up. She not only had a plan but was determined that this was a good i
dea.
Softening, he wanted to reach her. “Evie,” he said and tried to take her hand, but she pulled them from the table.
“You’re not allowed to touch me.”
No, the rules of the night meant they weren’t supposed to touch and yet she was talking about having sex with a guy who was in this very room, sharing oxygen with him. There were some things too precious to him to share and Evie was one of them.
“I love you.”
She laughed a quiet titter. “That’s a helluva line, did it work with the other women tonight?” Pushing herself upright, she looked one way along the line over the top of the screen, then the other. “Do you want me to provide references for you? I won’t tell Lana. I’ll be like your wingman.”
“I came here for you,” he said. “And I won’t leave without you.”
The bell went. “Yes,” she said. “You will.”
He didn’t move, even after she slid her phone out from under his hand. But instead of taking notes, she put it in her purse and tipped up her chin to flutter her lashes at the guy now behind him, waiting for Oak to vacate.
Balling his fist, he slammed it on the table and leaned as he stood, pinning her under his glare. But she was soft as putty.
He didn’t want to intimidate her, didn’t want to scare her, he just wanted her back.
twenty-one
Oak watched her after the dates were over. She did wait to fill out her card and was laughing and chatting with the other women like she wasn’t ripping out his heart and chowing down on it.
She didn’t look at him. Not once.
He caught her looking at the male side of the bar several times, but he was never the focus of her flirtations. Evie made eyes at a few of the guys, whispering things to the ones she got in earshot of. But every time he tried to intercept her or speak to her, she turned on her heels and sashayed off like he was invisible.
Oak never thought he’d see the day he’d be happy for Evie to leave. But he was happy when she left the bar at the same time as the other women. Rules dictated that the women departed a half hour before the men, so he was stuck here with the guys, all of whom had mentioned his woman. Not that they knew that was what they were doing when they started their leering and commenting.
Thirteen Page 18
