He raised an eyebrow. “How is it your fault?”
“Um.” That wasn’t something she had a quick answer for.
He cupped the side of her face. “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to protect her from me. I’d never hurt her.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I know it’s going to take a while for you to feel safe. There’s no time limit. So Millie told you about Mr. X’s threat?”
“Yes, and how the women are all guarded now in case he comes after them.”
“Therefore, me being with you puts you in danger.”
“Razor, that’s nothing new to me. I’ve always been in danger. Being in my family doesn’t generally come with a long life-span.”
He scowled. “It will for you.”
She gave him a soft smile. “All I’m saying is, being in danger isn’t something that is unusual to me. It doesn’t scare me. Being with you is worth the risk.”
“I won’t have you in danger. I can’t.” He paced back and forth. “I need to make sure you’re safe.”
“My apartment is secure. And when I’m not there, I’m usually at work. The only other places I go are for jogs, which I can’t do yet with my foot, or to the supermarket, and I can get my groceries delivered.”
“No jogging alone.”
“Okay.” Maybe she’d have to buy a treadmill.
“You still have to go back and forth to work. It’s risky.”
“I always park in the garage and remember; my car has bulletproof glass. I’m as safe as I can be.”
“I want to have Ink look at your security system.”
She bit her lip. “Can he do it without Jared noticing? I don’t think it would be a good idea to tell him about you just yet.”
“I’ll talk to Ink. In the meantime, I want you to stay with me again.” He was now standing, facing her. He looked like he was ready for a battle.
“All right.”
He blinked. “Yeah? Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
His shoulders dropped and relaxed. “Thank fuck.”
“If it makes you feel better having me close and having Ink check my system, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“I thought you’d argue.”
“Over you keeping me safe? No.”
“Thank you, baby.” He moved forward and placed his hands on the desk on either side of her. Gently, he gave her quick kisses. “Thank you for letting me protect you.”
Her insides melted. Surviving Mr. X didn’t seem hard. Surviving staying with Razor again without her vibrator? Yeah, much harder.
But then, maybe she didn’t need her vibrator anymore. As nervous as she was about sleeping with him, she was also excited.
“I’ve never had someone put me first. Luther was forced to marry me, and we know how that went. My mother loved me, but when we lived with my father, she was always taking care of him. And after we went to live with my uncle, she kind of zoned out. She’d sleep most of the time and she took a lot of drugs. That’s how she died. She overdosed.”
“Fuck.”
“You should have always been put before anyone else. You have worth, Tabby-baby.”
“I’m coming to realize that.”
“It kills me that you didn’t already know that. Just like it’s nearly torn me apart every time you’ve put yourself into a dangerous situation. I want that to stop, understand? You get hurt and I’m going to be pissed. I’ve worked long and hard to get my temper under control.”
“You don’t have a temper.”
“Used to, when I was younger. And it cost me everything. But you get hurt and I just might lose it. So you need to be more careful with your own safety, understand?”
“I understand,” she whispered. “I’ll try. I guess I have something to live for now, huh?”
“You always did. Now you just have more incentive. Because put yourself in danger, and then you’ll be in trouble.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“How do you feel about me spanking you?”
15
Um, did he really expect her to answer that?
By the look on his face, he did.
“Like you just did to me before?”
He looked confused. “That was just a slap on the butt to get you to pay attention. It didn’t hurt, did it?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“I’d never harm you. I’d never hit you in anger. Not ever. Not for any reason. And if I ever did, you leave and you go find Reyes or Spike, you tell them what I did and you let them take care of it. Then you stay far, far away from me. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“You can’t stand the idea of me spanking you, or it scares you, then it’s off the table. We don’t need to do that. I can find other ways.”
“Other ways?”
“To reinforce boundaries. To make you think twice before you break the rules. Did Millie talk to you much about that?”
“Not really.”
“Spike cherishes her. He would do anything for her. But he wants her to be safe and to feel secure. So they have rules and consequences. That’s not all that this sort of relationship is about, though. And it’s not a one-size fits all. I’ve been a Daddy Dom for a long time. Spent a lot of time in clubs, helping with Littles. But I’ve only ever been in a relationship with one Little. My wife.”
“Your wife?” she whispered. He was married? But he couldn’t be.
“I was married a long time ago. Sandy died in a fire when she was far too young.”
“Oh, Razor, I’m so sorry.” Her heart broke for him.
“Thank you, baby. I wish I had been a better husband and Daddy to her.”
“What do you mean? I’m sure you were wonderful.”
“No, Tabby-baby, I wasn’t. I was arrogant. Thought I knew it all. I didn’t do the proper research. I didn’t speak to other Doms in the lifestyle even though I had offers from people I knew. I didn’t listen to what Sandy wanted. I really don’t deserve you.”
“Says who?”
“Me. You deserve someone better. Younger, with fewer stains on their damn soul.”
“You’re an idiot.”
He gave her a shocked look.
“You’re an idiot,” she repeated. “Fewer stains on your soul. Razor, you’re the best person I know.”
“Yeah, well, Tabby-girl. No offense but that doesn’t mean a lot.”
Damn. He had a point.
“Just tell me. Please.”
He sighed and started to pull off his T-shirt. She stared at him in shock, wondering what the heck was going on. Then her mouth went dry as she took him in. The man was solid. His biceps had to be as big as her thighs. His shoulders were broad and his skin looked so smooth.
I want to lick it.
Whoa. Where did that come from?
“I didn’t realize we were at the stripper part of the evening,” she commented.
He stilled then grinned. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I never did learn how to use a pole.”
She pouted. “Too bad. I’d have paid at least a dollar to see that.”
A huge bark of laughter filled the room and she tingled inside. She’d done that. She’d made him laugh.
“Damn, baby. A whole dollar, huh?”
“Well, I’m not sure how good you’d be. You don’t seem very aerodynamic.”
He just shook his head. Then he sighed and turned to his side, lifting his arm. He pointed to a spider web tattoo. “Any idea what sort of tattoo this is?”
She had a suspicion. “Gang tattoo?”
“Yeah. Gang tattoo. I told you my past wasn’t pretty.”
He then showed her the inside of his arm. There were two dates written along the inside of his forearm. “And this?”
“I . . . the dates you were in the gang?”
“Close. The dates I was in prison.”
“You were in prison?” she whispered.
&
nbsp; He nodded.
“I’m so sorry. Was it scary? Did anyone hurt you? Actually, I’m not sure I want to know that.”
He stared at her. She wanted to check out his other tattoos, but the look on his face kept her where she was. He looked confused. Shocked.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“When I tell people I was in a gang and that I spent time in jail, their usual response is to ask what I did wrong or what gang I was in or if I’m still in it. Not to ask me if I was scared or was hurt.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“You got nothing to be sorry about, Tabby.” He studied her for a long moment. “It doesn’t turn you off? Make you scared of me?”
“I’m supposed to be scared of you?”
“I thought you might be.”
She grimaced. “I guess that’s a normal reaction, huh? There doesn’t seem to be much that’s normal about me.”
“And I’m damn grateful for that.”
“You are?”
“The last thing I want is for you to be afraid of me.”
“I’ve lived with monsters, Razor. With true evil. You help people. You give them a chance when many wouldn’t. You’re more than just a boss, you’re their friend and mentor. Whatever you did in the past, it’s turned you into the person you are now. And I happen to think the person you are now is amazing.”
Heat filled her cheeks as he said nothing. Then he strode over to her and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as his lips met hers.
Holy. Hell.
Sitting on the sofa, he continued to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she straddled his lap. This was the most intimate position she’d ever been in with a man. Luther would never have held her like this.
When he drew back, his face was filled with hunger, with amazement.
“Fuck, baby girl. What did I ever do that was good enough to deserve you?”
She gave him an exasperated look. “Is your memory going? I think I just told you everything you did.”
“Was that a dig at my age?”
“What? No!” she said with fake shock. “I would never.”
He grinned. “I like this sassy side of you.”
“Oh, yeah? That’s good since you might be seeing more of it.”
“I hope so.” He ran a finger along her lower lip. “And you’re more than a prize. You’re the fucking pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Only the rainbow has been more like a rollercoaster in and out of hell. But it was all fucking worth it to find you.”
She reached up to touch him, then hesitated.
“You can touch me as often as you want to. Don’t hesitate. I won’t ever push you away.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
She ran a finger down his forehead and cheek, then over to the shell of his ear, exploring him. “Sometimes it seemed like you were going to touch me, then you’d pull away.”
“That had more to do with wanting to respect your boundaries, with worrying that I might scare you than not wanting to touch you. Fuck, all I’ve thought about for the past few weeks is how I want to touch you. I want to strip you naked and kiss every inch of you. I want to wrap my hand around yours and never let go. Sometimes, I’ve wanted to lay you over my knee and spank your ass.”
She sucked in a breath.
“That worry you?”
“I’m a bit nervous. But I know you wouldn’t harm me.”
“The thing with a relationship like this is that you always have the ultimate control.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, you choose a safeword. And any time you say it, I stop what I’m doing. Immediately. I know it requires trust. But I will always honor your safeword.”
“Even if it’s a punishment?”
“Even then.”
“What would it be?” she asked.
“How about just red,” he suggested. “Yellow to slow down, red to stop. And you can use it for anything. All right? Promise you’ll use it. Because I couldn’t stand knowing that you were hurting or frightened and didn’t say anything.”
“I promise.”
“I won’t betray your trust. Ever.”
“I’m not sure how I was lucky enough to find you. You’re like no man I’ve ever met.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.” He winked at her. “After your first spanking, you might not think so. There are other methods of discipline I can use as well, like corner time or writing lines.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Those don’t sound fun either.”
“Kind of the point. Ever heard of edging?”
“No.”
“It’s where you’re brought to the point of orgasm, but you’re not allowed to go over. And it can happen over and over until your Dom is sure you’re properly repentant. Of course, it’s not always used for punishment. It can also be a way to make the pleasure intense when you’re allowed to come.”
“I don’t think I like the sound of that either. I’ve just learned how to come again after Luther. I don’t want to be denied an orgasm.”
“What do you mean, you’ve just learned to come again?”
* * *
Her face went bright red.
“I, um, well . . . I never orgasmed when I was with Luther,” she blurted out. Then she placed her hands over her cheeks. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”
“I’m not surprised you didn’t orgasm while with that asswipe. Probably couldn’t find a clit even if it had a giant arrow over it and a sign saying, touch me.”
She giggled at that. But then her gaze ducked down. Nope. He wasn’t having that. Reaching out, he tilted up her chin. “Don’t hide from me. Tell me.”
“It wasn’t just with Luther. Actually, we didn’t, um, after the first few times he went elsewhere. He claimed I was like a wet fish in bed. I don’t know what he expected, considering I had no choice in any of it. I didn’t enjoy anything he did.”
“He was your abuser, your jailer. There’s a big difference between what he did and being with a partner who wants you to feel pleasure. Who wants to show you that you’re a fucking queen. Who will fucking worship you.”
Her breathing grew rapid and he wanted to take her home and show her exactly what he meant.
Easy. Take it slow.
“After he died, I still didn’t feel any urges. At least, not until . . .”
“Not until when?” he asked.
“You,” she blurted out.
Fuck. He could feel himself puffing up like a rooster. She now resembled a tomato, so he decided not to tease her.
“No edging then. At least for a start. What other punishments could we use? Hm, ever heard of figging?”
“Um, no.”
“It’s where I’d insert a piece of peeled, raw ginger into your bottom. Then I’d probably put you in the corner or have you bend over something while the ginger burned.”
“That’s terrible! I’d rather take the spanking.”
He grinned. “I’ll remember that punishment for when you’ve been really naughty.”
“Sheesh,” she muttered.
Reaching up, he ran his thumb under her eyes. “You sleep okay last night?”
“Not really,” she admitted. “It felt weird being home on my own.”
“I didn’t sleep much either. You fed the fish today?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Good, we’ll go back to your place tomorrow and get some stuff so you can stay until Ink checks your security.”
“All right.” She looked slightly stunned.
He raised an eyebrow. “You okay, Tabby-baby?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”
He drew her close and kissed her again. “Fuck, baby, you keep saying sweet things like that and I’m going to end up spending all my time kissing you.”
“That’s okay with me.”
It ended up taking them another thirty minutes to get out of Reaper’s.
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“I knew we should have snuck out the back,” he grumbled, his hand wrapped around hers as he led her through the bar to the front door.
He winced as the guy singing karaoke reached a high note. Somehow, Jewel had managed to sneak in a karaoke machine. He was pretty sure that Jason helped her.
When they’d first returned, Millie had been up there belting out a song. Girl could sing. Afterward, she’d blushed when everyone had clapped. Spike had drawn her onto his lap, whispering something in her ear that had made her grin. Millie had tried to talk them into staying and singing a song.
That wasn’t happening.
They stepped outside, and he nodded to Butch, who gave Tabby a curious look.
“You don’t like karaoke?” she asked.
“Not particularly,” he replied as he led her to his bike.
“You can’t sing?”
“I can hold a note. But I don’t sing in front of others.”
“Would you sing for me?” she asked.
“Maybe, if you were a good girl.”
“Oh.” She licked her lips, and he groaned.
“Stop trying to tempt me into kissing you, brat.”
Her eyes widened. “I wasn’t. Although I do like when you kiss me.”
The look she gave him was a shy one, and he had to keep reminding himself of her innocence. Sure, she might not be a virgin, but she’d only experienced violence and coercion.
Razor hoped he was doing the right thing. Because walking away from her now was impossible.
She might be in danger from Mr. X. But like Reyes said, he could protect her.
And while his past wasn’t pretty, if anyone could handle it, it was Tabby.
He was going to make certain that he never did anything to undermine her trust in him. But he also knew he couldn’t let her go now. Something inside him had snapped tonight. She was his.
End of story.
He’d do whatever he had to in order to keep her. He’d kill that fucker, Mr. X, if he had to.
Nothing and nobody threatened his girl.
“You ever ridden a bike before?” he asked her.
She shook her head, bouncing up and down on her feet. “No, I’ve always wanted to, though. But I brought my car. I should drive that back to your place.”
Fuck. He hadn’t thought of that. He didn’t want her leaving her car here.
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