Monster Age: A Fantasy Epic

by GR Griffin

  “Oh my god,” Papyrus said in awe. “It’s…! It’s…! I have no idea what that is.”

  Alphys explained. “This is my prototype atomising defusing propelling instant transporta – a-actually, you might have a little trouble remembering the whole name, so you can just call it the teleporter.”

  “A teleporter?” Undyne remarked. Her hands went to her hips. “Wait, you built a teleporter?”

  “As I said,” Alphys began, “it’s a prototype. Ever since we left the Underground, all the new anime I’ve watched has given me some much needed inspiration. Case in point: this invention was inspired by Trek Wars. The heroes have this cool teleporter which worked by deconstructing all their cells and reconstructing them back on the ship, but in episode nine of season two they’re stuck on a planet with high magnetism so they – and I’m-I’m getting carried away again, aren’t I? The point is: it’s a teleporter.”

  Toriel folded her arms. “And you think we could use this… teleporter… to get us to wherever Fleck has gone?”

  Dr Alphys pushed her glasses back up. “It-it, uh, I think it could.”

  Papyrus inspected his distorted reflection on the glass surface of the cylinder compartment. “Ooooh, shiny.”

  Undyne stepped forward, holding her hands out in front of her and shaking her head. “Hold on a second here,” she inquired, eyeing her scientist girlfriend questionably. “Alphys, why didn’t you build something like this back in the Underground? We could’ve escaped to the surface ages ago.”

  Alphys looked up at Undyne. “Because…” A bead of sweat dripped onto the frame of her spectacles. “I didn’t have Trek Wars to inspire me?” Undyne tucked her hands in her pockets and narrow her stare on Alphys, obviously unconvinced. Alphys confessed, “Because I didn’t have access to plutonium in the Underground?”

  The remaining yellow eye of Undyne shot wide open. “What? Plutonium?” she shrieked, “Where did you get plutonium?”

  “Off the Internet…? Cheap…? At double-u double-u double-u dot totally-not-the-black-market dot com?”

  “Alphys, you can’t just—!”

  Asgore pushed his way in-between them, separating them with his strong paws. “Now, now, girls, let’s not argue. We should focus our attention on getting Fleck back. Dr Alphys, how does this machine work?”

  “How it works is, it instantly transports things from one place to another. Because we monsters are comprised of mostly magic, this’ll be easier for us. The subject’s molecular structure is broken down into trillions of atoms and taken to the co-ordinates chosen. At the destination, the subject is pieced back together again, as good as new.”

  Papyrus used his own logic to piece the information together. “Kind of like a jigsaw puzzle?”

  Alphys pointed at Papyrus. “Yes, exactly!” She had to admit, Papyrus had ways of understanding the world in which she could only dream of harnessing. She wished she did not have to think about everything so much, like the skeleton before her.

  “And it actually works?” Asgore asked. “We can use it to get to where Fleck is?”

  Alphys replied, “In theory, yes.”

  “In theory?”

  “I’ve never tested it. Remember, I’ve stopped testing on living things. However, my design and calculations are perfect, so it should work.”

  Toriel asked, “And if it does not?”

  Alphys paused. “Let’s just say…” She cleared her throat. “The jigsaw puzzle could get a little scrambled… irreparably… but that shouldn’t happen!”

  The scientist stepped over to the control panel; with a flick of a switch, the screen buzzed to life. The black monitor showed digits of green that only Alphys could understand. She typed in several lines on the keyboard. The words ‘destination confirmed’ blinked on the monitor and the glass compartment sparked to life with a surge of electricity.

  “Also,” Alphys explained, “I should mention that I haven’t tested the accuracy of the transportation. I always thought that where I programmed the co-ordinates is where we’d end up no matter what, but that might not be the case. So, there may be some precision issues. It’s kind of like firing a slingshot; sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.”

  “And if we miss?” Toriel queried.

  “Well, if we miss… it’s a… long was down to the ground, I suppose. And if I aim too high, we may end up leaving the Earth’s atmosphere—” She immediately hit the power switch, turning it off. “Okay, this is a bad idea, I’m sorry, I have no idea what I was thinking.”

  Toriel sighed. “It was not a bad idea. You had good intentions, but this is not worth the risk.”

  “I know.” Alphys took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. “I just wanted to help, that’s all.”

  Undyne knelt down and wrapped an arm around Alphys’s shoulders. “It’s okay. We’ll think of something, together.” This brought out a brave smile from the disheartened scientist.

  Toriel drew her eyes to one of the many hidden machines. Now that she thought about it, the one she looked at did not look square at all, but rather, human shaped. The silhouette of the head and shoulders beneath the white cover were unmistakeable.

  “What is that? A person?” Toriel asked, pointing toward it.

  “No!” Alphys abruptly answered, looking embarrassed. “That’s… a little something extra I’ve been working on in my spare time. It’s a private thing.”

  The figure under the blanket stirred, raising the head and pulling the shoulders back with mechanical whirling. Two blue lights, where the eyes were, pierced the sheet. Whatever it was, it spoke. “Konichiwa.”

  The ex-royal scientist’s jaw hit the floor. “Oh no, you’re not supposed to activate now!” Her hands waved hysterically at the figure. “Go back to sleep!”

  The unknown figure lurched forward unnaturally. The cover rolled off. Alphys screamed. A robotic teenage schoolgirl with big, pink anime eyes and long, flowing pink hair and two little cat ears hobbled toward them on unbending legs. The arms were stretched out like Frankenstein’s Monster – one mechanical and the other covered and painted a pale skin colour.

  “My name is Mew Mew, but my friends call me… Mew Mew,” the robot girl introduced herself with a grainy voice. Her mouth movements were not synchronised with her speech. “I have mind control powers and like snail ice cream.”

  Asgore’s mouth tightened into an apprehensive smile. “Yet another of your anime, Doctor?”

  Alphys felt the sweat trickle down her neck. All eyes were on her. “Mew Mew Kissy Cutie looks a lot better than this, I guarantee you.”

  Mew Mew scanned the room with those emotionless, dull eyes that never blinked. Every movement she made was conveyed by shifting gears. Her head twisted a full revolution on her twig neck. Her scanners picked up the movements of six people in the general vicinity.

  She stepped gingerly through them, her scanners locked on her chosen target. Papyrus looked uncomfortable as the anime girl drew near. “Moshi moshi,” Mew Mew grinded out a canned response. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

  Papyrus leaned back, avoiding eye contact. “I… don’t think I want to.” There was the uncanny valley, and then there was Mew Mew.

  There was a three second pause before Mew Mew laughed with a one second recording that looped, made creepy by the way she remained as solid as a statue and her eyes stayed open and still. “You’re funny.” Another three second pause. “My name is Mew Mew. What’s your name?” Papyrus glanced left and right, avoiding Mew Mew’s unyielding stare. He took a step backwards only for the robot to close the gap. He babbled under his breath and managed to get out the first syllable of his name before Mew Mew interrupted. “I like that name. It’s so cute,” she said.

  Papyrus looked out the corner of his eye sockets at the doctor. “Alphys, I have a nagging feeling that something went very not-right here.”

  Alphys shrugged. “Yeah. It’s not that easy to build a robot, apparently.” Except when you have a ghost to work around.


  Mew Mew leaned closer with her constant, unwavering smile and dead eyes. Her cat ears appeared to twitch. “Do you like pocky? What’s your favourite subject in school? Do you like cats? Do you like my cat ears? Do you like me? I like you.”

  With every question, Papyrus took a step back. After a few steps his back was against the wall and Mew Mew was inches away from his face. The sweat broke on Papyrus’s dome.

  “Alphys,” Papyrus called out, “what’s she doing?”

  “She’s, well, she’s dating you, just like in the simulator,” Alphys explained. “Mew Mew is gauging you based on your responses. Your rating is pretty high, she’s beginning to like you.”

  “So how do I get her to not like me?”

  “Actually, you can’t. I programmed her so that she likes you no matter what.”

  “Be careful, bro,” Sans said from the side-lines, leaning against the workbench. “I think she smells your fear.”

  “Funny you should say that, Sans,” Alphys stated, “I did fit her with an olfactory system.”

  Expression unchanging, Mew Mew loudly vacuumed some of Papyrus’s scent up the tubing in her nose. Her entire body vibrated as a processor analysed the particles in the air. She stopped shaking and said, “Mmmmm, you smell like…” There was another pause. Mew Mew said “Bone” in an automated male voice.

  Papyrus screamed. He pushed Mew Mew out the way and sprinted across the basement floor. “Get her away from me! She’s pure evil!”

  Mew Mew’s shameless copy gave chase on stiff legs, giggling all the while. “Oooh, tag! My favourite game!” All of Papyrus’s actions just served to increase his score. Now, she was truly, deeply in love with the skeleton. Papyrus could try to escape, but all his attempts would be in vain. Wherever he goes, she would be there. She would follow him to the ends of the Earth. They would be together forever.

  The terrified Papyrus reached the teleporter and slammed his gloved hand on the switch, bringing it to life.

  “Papyrus,” Undyne shouted. “What’re you doing?”

  “Getting as far away from that as possible,” Papyrus replied. The glass cylinder sparked to life. Papyrus swung the door to it open. “So long, sucker!”

  Alphys lunged forward. “Papyrus, no!”

  Undyne reached for Alphys. “Wait! Stop!”

  Before Alphys could reach the skeleton, Papyrus leapt into the compartment and, in a flash of light, was whisked away instantly. Dr Alphys jumped too late and fell inside, where the teleporter took her away as well.

  “Alphys! Papyrus!” Undyne charged for the teleporter. “Wait for me!”

  Undyne ran into the spark of energy, and just like that, it took her away to whoever knows where. Only four people stood in the basement now: Toriel, Asgore, Sans, and the horrible personification of a video game character.

  Mew Mew was still lurching toward the teleporter, to the last known location of her new boyfriend, moving at a snail’s pace. “Oooh, Hide-and-seek! My favourite game!”

  Asgore and Toriel looked at each other. “So…” the former started with a smile, “shall we?”

  Toriel found it in her heart to return the smile. “No turning back now.” Toriel turned to Sans, who until now, was leaning against the workbench, watching the spectacle play out. “Are you coming, Sans?” she asked.

  “You guys go on ahead,” the short skeleton replied. “I’ll be right behind you.”

  “Okay, Sans.” Toriel faced Asgore once more. “Come on, Asgore, let us find Fleck and bring them home.”

  Suddenly, Toriel took Asgore by the hand and led him into the teleporter. All fear and doubt cast aside. Toriel vanished, followed by her ex-husband. Two individuals remained. Sans watched as Mew Mew approached the cylinder. He reached into his hoodie, procured a pair of sunglasses, opened them up with a flick of the bony wrist, and slipped them over his eye sockets.

  The shabby robot entered the teleportation field, oblivious to the fact that machines and massive surges of electricity just do not mix. “Come out come out wherever you—” As soon as the currant passed through her, running through her circuits and systems, she began to shake violently. “Arrrrrrreeeeeee!” The energy overloaded her systems. Her limbs flailed wildly. In her final moments, she laughed like a maniac. Both she and the teleporter exploded.

  And then there was one. Sans pushed his sunglasses down, gazing over the top of them. There was a black outline on the wall the shape of the teleporter as it previously was. The teleporter, or what was left of it, smouldered with black smoke. It was impossible to tell what was the teleporter and what was Mew Mew. One of the robot’s charred cat ears lay at his feet.

  “Now that’s what I call a cat-astrophe.”

  Ba-dum pish!

  “Looks like Alphys’s teleporter and robot won’t be working ani-more.”

  Ba-dum pish!

  Sans flicked the glasses off and placed them back in his pocket. “Okay, okay, enough jokes. Time to get a move on.” He reached inside the pizza box and grabbed the last slice. While he ate the cold pizza, Sans walked to and up the stairs, switching the lights off as he went.

  Chapter 7: There's a Way

  Tray stacked with food. “You get unlimited refills. Feel free to help yourself.”

  The rattling of keys. “Second floor, room number lucky thirteen. Enjoy your stay.”

  Heavy steps. “Sorry for stepping on your nice, clean floor.”

  Gentle pat on the back. “Good luck out there, kiddo.”

  From the void of nothingness, Fleck heard voices, one after another; all unrelated to each other. Fleck felt their bodyweight return, and it was heavier than they remembered. First, it was cold, then it went hot. Fleck inhaled and felt the hot air fill their lungs, burning like fire. Their hip was uncomfortable against a solid floor. They were lying on their left side, on something flat, soft and damp. Their right hand had been tucked under their left cheek.

  A voice, male, pierced the darkness. “Could this really be a human?” Could that be Asgore?

  “There hasn’t been a human ‘round these parts for centuries,” another voice, female, followed. Toriel?

  Fleck forced their eyes open. They made out a shabby towel in which they laid on, sprawled out across a bare, wooden floor. It was not their bed, far from it. A wooden cupboard stood against a wooden wall. Shadows danced across the timbers. Footsteps – two sets, pacing around – were loud upon the wood.

  “A human could never find their way to this place on their own,” the first voice – not deep like Asgore’s, but seasoned with a farmer’s drawl – spoke. “This one must’ve been brought here.”

  “So that can only mean that brute of a former emperor’s son wanted this one.” Toriel’s voice was not Toriel’s voice at all. It was too country, too rustic. “Poor thing, must’ve been so desperate to get away that they fell into the river… and almost died doing so.”

  “Good thing I decided to go out when I did.”

  Slowly, Fleck slumped onto their back, feeling like a metric tonne. Everywhere on the towel was wet, and they themselves were soaked to the bone. Wooden rafters towered above. Fleck tilted their head up and got a glimpse at the two in the room. They struggled to make out the pair through blurry eyes. Pink sunlight beamed through the window in front of them. The silhouette of the man was dripping, forming shiny puddles around his feet.

  “But, goodness, Sam,” the lady continued, pacing back and forth, “Are you sure you did the right thing? I mean, don’t get me wrong, you saved this human’s life, but…”

  “I couldn’t just leave them driftin’ there, Rita,” The man – known as Sam – retorted. “You know that.”

  “I know,” Rita said. “But what are we going to do now? We’ve stayed outta all this conflict for so long. If they find out that we’re hiding this one, we’ll all be dragged back to the castle. And besides, how do we know this human isn’t dangerous?”

  Fleck tried to heave themself up. The lady monster, Rita, turned their head, noticing that
their unexpected guest had regained consciousness.

  “Sam, look,” Rita said, pointing in their direction. “The human’s awake.”

  Sam spun around and faced Fleck. “They are? Oh, thank goodness. I was beginning to worry for a second.”

  The two individuals before Fleck were human in shape, but wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Two pairs of soft, glowing eyes peeked out from between them. The man monster wore a straw hat, a pair of faded blue dungarees, and sturdy, brown boots – all of them wet. The lady monster had a head of flowing blonde hair that fell upon her shoulders with a red ribbon tied at the side. She wore a white, flora-patterned muumuu and a pair of slip-on shoes.

  Mummies? Smells like bandages.

  Placing two palms against the floor, Fleck pushed themself up. Their legs wobbled as they took their weight, almost like they could snap at any moment. Water ran down their face, leaking from the hair plastered to their head.

  The male mummy rapidly stepped forward with arms outstretched. “Whoa, easy there, little ‘un. You’ve just had a near-death experience. You’ll pull through, but your body might be a little drained.”

  Fleck almost toppled, but managed to remain upright. They felt the gravity pull heavy on their gut, bringing about a nasty bout of nausea; Fleck felt like they had swallowed a rock. They hunched forward and braced themself on their knees. Standing felt like a chore. In fact, everything felt like a chore, from their breathing down to their balance.

  Sam squinted his beaming eyes, unsure as to whether the child’s sickness was down to nearly drowning, his and Rita’s unusual appearance, or a mixture of the two. “Now, I know you must’ve been through a lot, and you most likely find our appearances a little weird, but, I assure you, my wife and I are decent people.” Sam turned and faced his wife, who nodded at what her husband said. Sam turned back. “You’ve got nothing to be…” Sam had an entire speech written out in his head as to why the human should not panic, but that speech got shredded and burned into oblivion when the human child extended a hand to them.