Scam Chowder

by Maya Corrigan

  Ned wiped his hands on his napkin. “Thomasina never had any problem with rich foods at the Village. Doughnuts. Cheese. Ice cream. She ate ’em all.”

  “And she asked her neighbor to buy her cream and hamburger meat.” Val washed down her last bite of pie with iced tea. “I realized the significance of the food while I was checking out at the supermarket tonight. Her food didn’t match her words. Her trivia answers didn’t either. She missed a question that anyone diagnosed with gallstones would have known.”

  “You talked about salt substitute in the cottage. I never saw her use that either.”

  “Lillian saw Thomasina sprinkle it on the second bowl of chowder,” Granddad said. “She must have had a packet with arsenic and one without. In case anyone saw her put the salt substitute in the bowl she gave Junie May, Thomasina had to sprinkle what looked like the same thing on the chowder she ate.”

  “Did she carry the packets in that purse you saw at the cottage, Val?” Ned asked.

  “Probably. Women rarely keep their purses at the table except in restaurants. Junie May had to leave the table to fish her cell phone from her purse on the sofa. But Thomasina had her purse on her shoulder when she left the table. It was with her during dinner so she’d have the packets when she needed them.”

  “Too bad she didn’t mix them up,” Ned said. “Did she get the arsenic from a chemical supply place?”

  Val shrugged. “Maybe, or it might have come from one of those colorful bottles on display in her living room. I found vintage arsenic in a pretty bottle at a secondhand shop.”

  Granddad grunted. “And I found some in the attic. I don’t understand why Thomasina wanted to kill Junie May.”

  “I have a hunch,” Ned said. “She was jealous. When a woman at the Village praised Scott for visiting his mother so often, Thomasina complained that he didn’t spend as much time with her as he used to, because he had a girlfriend in the area.”

  “Hmph. You can swindle all you like, but you better not neglect your mother.”

  “Not if she’s Thomasina.” Val leaned toward Ned. “I haven’t thanked you yet for putting yourself between her knife and me.”

  Ned patted his middle. “I got more flesh on my bones than you, and you’ve got more years to live.”

  “Thank you for being a hero, and may you never have to do anything like that again.”

  “I’ll second that.” Granddad signaled the waiter for the check.

  After closing the café on Saturday afternoon, Val weeded the vegetable garden, a task she usually disliked. Today she welcomed it as another sign that life was returning to normal. At the club this morning, she’d seen other positive signs. A brisk business for breakfast and lunch, with the summer slump winding down. Her tennis teammates back from vacation and planning the week’s matches. Bethany wearing clashing colors instead of animal prints, her caveman diet now history.

  Val might even find time to work on her cookbook, now that she didn’t have a murder to occupy her. The chief had called with an update on the case against Thomasina to ease Granddad’s fear of arrest. Using her Samantha Lowie ID, she’d rented a white sedan the day Junie May was murdered. She also had a fraud charge pending under one of the aliases Val had guessed. While giving no details, the chief had hinted at other evidence tying her to the murders.

  Val stood up and brushed off her jeans. Futile. After last night’s rain, she had more mud than dust on her. A white sedan with a yellow antenna bauble pulled up to the curb. Lillian. Val resisted the urge to waylay her. Granddad could handle a meeting with his girlfriend without his granddaughter’s help.

  Two minutes passed before curiosity got the better of Val. She went into the house by the back door, washed her hands, and joined her grandfather and Lillian in the sitting room.

  Lillian looked small, enveloped by the old tweed sofa. “I’m glad you joined us, Val. I hear Thomasina’s in custody. I owe you both an explanation for what I did, and I hope you’ll forgive me. I met with Arthur Tunbridge’s family several times after his death. When Omar told me why Arthur committed suicide, I hired a private investigator. He trailed Scott from his workplace to the Village here.”

  “So it wasn’t a coincidence you ended up here. Why did you follow him?”

  “I hoped to stop him from swindling other people.”

  Val understood the impulse to fix a problem and prevent an injustice.

  “Did you tell the police about the private investigator?” Granddad asked.

  Lillian shifted in her seat, looking uncomfortable. “After Scott was poisoned, I didn’t want the police to know about the private investigator. They would have assumed I stalked and killed him. I blamed myself partly for his death, Don. I arranged the dinner and talked you and Omar into confronting him. I figured one of you had poisoned him.”

  Granddad’s jaw dropped. “You thought I murdered Scott? And Junie May too?”

  Lillian shook her head. “I knew you wouldn’t kill her, and neither would Omar. I should have told the police about the private investigator then, but I didn’t have an alibi for Junie May’s murder. Even worse, I matched the description of the person driving away from her house in a car like mine. I was afraid they’d arrest me. I’m sorry that put you in a bad position.”

  The doorbell rang. Val went to answer it with no worries about her grandfather’s infatuation with Lillian. He could decide for himself whether to continue their relationship.

  She opened the door to find Roy on the porch, trim and handsome in his uniform.

  He broke into a boyish smile. “Hi. You have time to talk?”

  “Sure. My grandfather has company, or I’d ask you in. Let’s sit on the porch.” She perched on the glider and frowned at her filthy jeans. “Sorry I’m not dressed for company. I’ve been gardening.”

  “You look great to me.” He sat in the wicker chair across from her.

  “Are you involved in questioning Thomasina?”

  “Yup. She has an answer for a lot of things. She bought the gray wig to see how she’d look if she stopped dying her hair. She got the stun gun we found at her place for her protection after someone pushed her down the stairs. The medical examiner might be able to tell if it made the burn found on Junie May’s body.”

  That burn explained why the police gave up on the suicide theory. Val didn’t like the sound of might. “Please don’t tell me she’s going to get off for Junie May’s murder.”

  “She won’t. Your list of the possible aliases she used is helping us nail her. When the police first talked to her after Scott’s murder, she gave her real name and a story about why she didn’t use it. She had a clean record under that name, but we found complaints against her for fraud under three of her aliases. With enough time and resources, we’ll probably find the evidence that she helped Scott scam people.”

  “Given her record, she probably ran those scams. He was a pawn. What about the beer she poured for Granddad?”

  “No test results yet. She probably wouldn’t have used arsenic again. More likely, she’d have tried giving him something that would result in a heart attack. She had some heart medicine in the kitchen. Your salt substitute tip paid off. We found a half-used packet containing powder that looked different from what was in the sealed packets she had. Assuming it’s arsenic, we’ve got her.”

  If that turned into the key piece of evidence against Thomasina, Val would have Lillian to thank for it. “Thomasina should have disposed of the arsenic instead of saving it for a rainy day. She was arrogant, assuming she wouldn’t get caught.”

  Roy’s stomach rumbled. “Sorry, I haven’t had a chance to eat much today.” He pulled a protein bar from his shirt pocket and offered it to Val.

  “No, thanks. I can get you something more substantial to eat.” And tastier.

  “I’m good with this.” He ripped into the bar. “It would help with the interrogation if we knew why Thomasina resorted to murder.”

  “I can guess. Scott fell in love with Junie May.
Thomasina was losing her grip on her son. The chowder dinner gave her a chance to get rid of her rival. She found out a week before the dinner that Junie May would be there.” Val rocked in the glider. “I think that’s when Thomasina planned the poisoning. She made up a packet of arsenic-laced salt substitute in case she got the chance to get rid of Junie May. Scott gave his mother an extra incentive to kill her rival that night. He bought an engagement ring at the vintage jewelry shop in town, the last thing he did before picking up his mother for the chowder dinner.”

  Roy nipped a small piece off the protein bar and chewed it. “We found a fancy diamond ring at Thomasina’s place. We’ll check with the jewelry store to see if that’s the one he bought.”

  “He left the store happy, convinced Junie May would accept him. By the time he arrived at the dinner, his mood had changed. Everyone said he wasn’t his usual charming and talkative self. I think he told his mother his marriage plans on the way to the chowder dinner, and she did not react well. She sprinkled arsenic on the chowder she passed to Junie May, who gave it to Scott.”

  “Thomasina didn’t stop him from eating the poisoned chowder.”

  “She tried. She asked him to drive her home because she felt sick. He refused, choosing the wrong moment to assert his independence. From then on, she had no use for him. She’d probably say it was his own fault he was dead. He should have listened to his mother.”

  Roy chewed rapidly. “Once he was dead, why did she kill Junie May? Thomasina wasn’t getting him back again.”

  “Junie May might have figured out the poisoned chowder was meant for her. Besides, Thomasina must have wanted to punish the woman who deprived her of her loyal son and accomplice.”

  “That gives us some buttons to push when we’re talking to her. It sounds like we need a psychiatrist to see her.” The deputy stood up. “Thanks for your help. Maybe we can get together when—”

  He broke off as Granddad and Lillian came out of the house. The phone rang. Granddad went back inside to answer it, and Lillian approached Val.

  Roy excused himself and left.

  Lillian extended her hand to Val. “I just want to say good-bye. Take care . . . of yourself and your grandfather. You’re good for him.”

  A final farewell if Val had ever heard one. “He’s good for me too. So long, Lillian.”

  Val sat in the glider. She felt sorry for her grandfather, disappointed in the first woman to capture his heart since Grandma had died.

  He came outside, joined Val on the glider, and rocked it. “Did Lillian tell you? She’s moving back home.”

  “It’s not that far to Annapolis. You can still see her.”

  “We agreed that wouldn’t work.”

  Val couldn’t tell which of them had agreed first. “Are you going to give up the recipe column now? Its only purpose was to attract her.”

  “I’ll keep it up for a while. Any man who can cook is a chick magnet.”

  Val laughed, delighted that his experience with Lillian wouldn’t make him leery of other women. “Was that a chick calling you on the phone?”

  “Yes, a reporter for the Treadwell Gazette. She wants to interview me about my role in catching the murderer. I sure hope she uses the headline I suggested. CODGER COOK CRACKS CASE. It has a nice ring to it.”

  Val pulled her earlobe. “A false ring. I know you like publicity for the recipe column—”

  “This has nothing to do with that.” Granddad flicked his wrist, dismissing his recipe column as a trifle. “I need the publicity to launch my next career—private eye to senior citizens.”

  Recipes from the Codger Cook

  WATERMAN’S CLAM CHOWDER

  This simple recipe lets the taste of the clams shine through. If you don’t like the briny flavor, you can add milk, cream, or tomatoes at the end and turn it into another kind of chowder. Some folks like to steam the clams first because they’re easier to shuck that way than when raw. But if you do that, you’re more likely to end up with clams that are overcooked and tough.

  50 littleneck clams

  2 medium onions, peeled and chopped fine

  3 medium potatoes, peeled and cut into ½-inch cubes

  ¼ pound diced bacon, salt pork, or pancetta 1 bottle clam juice

  [Salt and pepper to taste]

  Wash, shuck, and chop the clams, catching all the liquid. Strain it through cheesecloth.

  Fry out the pork. Add the onions and cook them over medium heat until soft, but not brown.

  Put the potatoes in a pot with the pork and onions. Add the clam liquor you saved, the bottled clam juice, and enough water to cover the potatoes and give them a space to swim. Bring it all to a boil, reduce the heat, and cook covered until the potatoes are tender, about 20 minutes.

  Add the chopped clams and cook for 2-3 minutes. Don’t overcook the chowder unless you want to spend a lot of time chewing on tough clams.

  Season with salt and pepper to taste, and serve immediately.

  Serves 4 as a main dish or 6 as an appetizer.

  Adapted from Tangier Island Fifty-Clam Chowder in Chesapeake Bay Cooking by John Shields.

  ONE UGLY SPREAD

  Why would you serve this ugly glop? Because it’s easy to make, and it tastes good. Your guests won’t care how it looks if you can convince them to try it.

  ½ cup pitted Kalamata olives drained

  ¼ cup chopped walnuts

  ½ cup raisins

  1 tablespoon olive oil

  2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar

  Combine all the ingredients in a food processor. Chop until the mix holds together enough that you can spread it.

  Put it in a pretty bowl and make it more appetizing by sprinkling chopped parsley on top.

  Serves 8 as an appetizer.

  CRUNCHY LIME CHICKEN

  Key lime juice tastes best with this chicken dish, but any lime juice works. Though the chicken doesn’t take long to cook, you need to think ahead. It marinates in the yogurt mix for two hours before it goes in the oven.

  12 chicken tenders or 4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves, cut lengthwise into quarters

  ½ cup plain low-fat Greek yogurt

  2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

  2 tablespoons of Key lime (or other lime) juice, bottled or freshly squeezed

  1½ cups of packaged herb-seasoned stuffing, crushed

  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (after the chicken has marinated).

  Combine the yogurt, the lime juice, and the mustard. Marinate the chicken in the mix, covered in the refrigerator, for two hours.

  Lift the chicken from the yogurt mix and let any excess marinade drip off. Roll the chicken pieces in the crushed stuffing, pressing in the crumbs to make them stick.

  Place the chicken on a baking sheet and bake it for 10 to 12 minutes.

  Serves 4-6.

  NO-CRUST NO-FUSS SPINACH PIE

  Why would you bake a pie without a crust? Because it takes less time, makes less mess, and uses fewer ingredients. You need a tart pan with a removable bottom to make this spinach pie.

  1 pound baby spinach

  1 medium onion chopped

  2 large beaten eggs

  8 ounces ricotta cheese

  8 ounces freshly grated Parmesan (or similar hard) cheese

  [Optional sprinkles of pepper and nutmeg, no more than ¼ teaspoon of each]

  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

  Steam the spinach until it wilts. Drain it, chop it, and press out extra moisture with paper towels.

  Mix the onion, eggs, and cheeses. Add pepper or nutmeg to taste. Fold in the spinach.

  Grease the tart pan with cooking oil spray and put in the spinach mixture.

  Bake for 30 minutes or until barely brown on the edges. Stick a knife in the center of the pie to make sure it’s set. If the knife comes out soupy, bake for another five minutes and test it again.

  Remove the pan from the oven and wait five minutes before removing the side of the tart pan. Serve the pie warm.
/>
  Serves 4.

  Adapted from Irish Country Cooking: More Than 100 Recipes for Today’s Table by the Irish Countrywomen’s Association.

  DUMMY RUM CAKE

  Any dummy can make this cake. You just throw five ingredients into a bowl and mix. You can make it into a fancier, sweeter, and more fattening dessert by frosting it or drizzling a glaze made of rum, butter, and sugar over it. Or you can eat the slimmer version and take a second helping.

  1 yellow cake mix (15 to 16 ounces)

  3 eggs

  ½ cup cold water

  cup vegetable oil (not olive oil)

  ½ cup dark rum

  [Optional cup of chopped pecans]

  Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

  Cover the inside of a 10- to 12-inch tube or Bundt pan with cooking spray. If you’re using the chopped nuts, sprinkle them in the bottom of the pan.

  Mix the other ingredients in a big bowl running the mixer for two minutes. Pour the batter into the pan.

  Bake 50-55 minutes until the cake is golden brown and a wooden toothpick comes out clean.