Any Given Lifetime

by Leta Blake

  She turned on her heel and left the room. Joshua shut the door behind her, his expression full of barely suppressed laughter.

  “What?” Neil asked. “She’s too good for him. He’s a workaholic, and not nearly smart enough for her. Besides, he’ll…slobber on her. She’s a fine woman, and—”

  “You love her.”

  “Well, yeah. She deserves the best.”

  Joshua locked the door, sat on the edge of the bed, and said seriously, “Brian’s a pretty great guy. His wife left him because she likes women, not because he mistreated her. They raised the kids together, and then she went on to do her thing.”

  “And you gleaned all this when?”

  “On the airplane, while you were drugged out and sleeping.”

  “I get airsick!” Neil said, defending his vulnerability.

  “Believe me, I remember.” Their first trip together out to California had involved a lot of vomit. “Plus, I’ve known Brian for years.”

  “Well, fine. Okay. She can date him. And so have you.”

  Joshua laughed harder. “I’m sure she’ll be so happy to have your permission.”

  Neil threw a pillow at Joshua, laughing at himself.

  Joshua pounced on him. They wrestled on the bed, elbows and knees connecting in uncomfortable ways, but once it all came down to skin on skin, Neil was happy. Happier than he’d ever been. Happier than he’d known was possible.

  Only one thing could make him even happier.

  Joshua stood with Neil at the top of Sacré-Cœur, looking out over the lights of Paris. They’d climbed the slick granite steps up to the top earlier and watched the sun set with a rosy glow. Now, the wind whipped around them, slightly chilly, but not too miserable between their coats and scarves. They weren’t the only ones at the top of the basilica. There were several other couples and a family or two, still watching as the night fell.

  Joshua fingered the velvet box in his coat pocket. His stomach twisted with nerves, but it was time. He’d been living with Neil for over a year, and he wanted to put a ring on his finger, to call him his husband. He wanted to make sure that everyone knew that Neil was with him.

  It had been an amazing year full of ups and downs, sure, but mostly ups. At first, Joshua had been obsessed with satisfying his curiosity about all the details of Neil: his favorite color, his original parents, his life since he’d been born this time, how he liked his eggs, and so much more.

  In return, Joshua had told Neil everything, too. He’d talked about the people who had benefited from Neil’s organ donations, including Lee. He’d told Neil, in detail, many stories from the life that he and Lee had shared together, and was honored that Neil didn’t mind. Sometimes Neil even referred to Lee with affection and warmth of his own, saying, “He took good care of you. I’ll always owe him for that.”

  It had taken almost a month of them being unable to get their hands off each other long enough to accomplish anything of any worth, but Neil had eventually returned to work full time at the project. They weren’t able to keep their feelings for each other on the down low, though, and within an hour of Neil being back in the lab full time, with Joshua there ‘observing,’ Brian Peters had confronted them about their relationship.

  Joshua leaned against the thick stone wall, looked up at the night sky, and laughed under his breath as he remembered Brian’s expression of extreme confusion when Neil had said, “Listen, if you tell me it’s the project or Joshua, let me just say that I’ve been there and done that. Joshua wins every time.”

  As it had turned out, Brian didn’t have a problem with Joshua and Neil’s relationship, especially when Joshua said that he’d be moving to Atlanta and bringing more of the Neil Russell Foundation resources with him. “We want to have the best, most advanced, and thorough nanite research facility in the world,” Joshua had told Dr. Peters. “And Neil’s the only one I trust to run it.”

  Away from work, they’d bought a house that became their refuge, and they spent almost every evening there. Including a cozy Christmas, with just Alice and a brightly lit tree that Joshua had hauled in from a corner lot near the university.

  It had been Joshua’s first Christmas away from Scottsville, and he’d only gotten a little choked up when he opened the gift his mother had sent him. It was a little angel ornament that had been his favorite on the family tree for his entire life. The note included read: I thought you might need this on your tree in your new home with your new love. Mom

  Joshua’s heart still clenched when he remembered how, seeing Joshua’s sadness, Neil had suggested that they spend every other Christmas in Scottsville. Alice had agreed that it was only fair. And Joshua, of course, insisted that Alice would come with them if they did indeed make the trip to Kentucky for the holidays.

  “Oh, no,” Neil had said. “She should just stay right here. She might not be able to escape the Scottsville vortex. I mean, look, it took you over forty years! And it trapped Chris there too!”

  In the end, though, it had been decided that of course Alice would go with them.

  Joshua touched the velvet box in his pocket again and put his arm around Neil, gazing at the cut of his profile against the backdrop of Paris at night.

  “Are you sure about this, baby?” Chris had asked him over the phone. Joshua had called to tell Chris about his plans after he’d chosen the ring a week before their trip. “I know you say you’re happy…but we miss you at home.”

  Joshua had known this was code for many things, one of which was his skepticism and confusion over Neil Green.

  Cautiously, Chris had added, “Dr. Green’s nothing like Lee, and you two were such a good pair.”

  “Yeah, we were,” Joshua had agreed. “And I loved Lee a lot. But I love Neil a lot, too.”

  “He’s quite a bit like our Neil,” Chris had said gently. “So I get that. But—Joshua, he’s awfully young. What do you even have in common?”

  “You’d be surprised,” he’d answered, certain that Chris would probably join the rest of the world in thinking it was all about sex. Let them think what they wanted. The truth was impossible to explain.

  The official story they’d spun for folks back home was that Dr. Neil Green was Dr. Neil Russell’s long-lost nephew, and hey, isn’t life strange? Love will find a way.

  Chris, though, had stayed skeptical, saying, “Joshua—is there something you’re not telling me? Because he is so much like Neil. Are you sure he’s not Neil’s son? You know, through a sperm donation or something? Because, while it might seem sort of weird if you were in love with Neil’s child, compared to other things that have happened in this world, there’s really nothing to be embarrassed about. You shouldn’t have to make up stories, partner.”

  Joshua had stuck to the official line, though. Neil agreed it was the best course of action. Their predicament was so unbelievable, and both of their reputations would be compromised if they attempted to explain the truth.

  The only person Joshua had been honest with was Lee. When he’d finally been able to bring himself to leave Neil and Atlanta in order to return to Scottsville and break the news of his move to his family, he’d stopped by the cemetery. It was the middle of December by then, and freezing. There were Christmas wreaths with red or green bows on a lot of the graves, and Joshua had brought a big one for Lee’s.

  He’d knelt in the snow, getting his pants wet as he’d put the wreath on the gravestone carefully and brushed the snow away from the letters of Lee’s name and the inscription that followed.

  “Hey,” he’d said, a lump in his throat. “I love you. You gave me such a great life, and I’m so happy I got to have that with you. That will never change.”

  He’d waited for an answer, and he’d gotten one—a sense of warmth, affection, and happiness filled him. Inexplicably, it had tasted like Lee.

  “So, look, you already know what I’m here to tell you. The thing is, I’m going to Atlanta to be with Neil. I love him. He makes me happy—he always did.”


  Joshua had paused and then said, “One day, part of me will come to be with you here forever. Until then, Lee….” He’d trailed off. He hadn’t known what to say, and his throat was clogging with tears. He’d patted the headstone and nodded firmly.

  He’d stood up, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and walked toward the skinny figure standing by the hired car at the graveyard’s edge. Neil’s hair had been a burnished chestnut in the afternoon sun, and Joshua’s heart had thumped wildly in his chest at the still-surprising sight of him.

  Even now, at the top of Sacré-Cœur, with Neil grumbling about the mayo-infused sandwich he’d had to choke down at the café where they’d grabbed a bite, Joshua’s heart beat faster just looking at him.

  “So,” Neil said, waving his hand at Paris below. “It’s impressive. But let’s get back to the hotel. It’s too cold to be out here much longer.”

  Joshua grabbed Neil’s hand and held it. “Wait. There’s just one more thing.”

  Neil’s eyes were so blue, and his mouth so perfect, and Joshua loved him so much. He was unbearably grateful for whatever force had brought Neil back to him. Joshua dropped to one knee, and he felt more than saw all the heads of the other tourists near them turn his way.

  Neil’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. “You’d better not be proposing to me, Joshua Stouder.”

  Joshua’s stomach lurched, and his heart fluttered anxiously in his chest. “Shut up, Neil.” He cleared his throat. “Neil Joseph Green, would you do me the honor—”

  “No!” Neil said.

  “What?” Joshua said, surprised outrage rocking through him. He hadn’t thought Neil would be enthused by a romantic and public proposal, but he’d thought Neil would say yes for sure.

  Neil groaned, rolled his eyes, and then said, “I mean, yes. You’ve ruined it, though. I had a whole… Dammit. Fine. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  Joshua frowned. “I haven’t even asked yet.”

  “Well, do it. I had strawberries and champagne and a plan, but you’ve gone and started it now.” Neil rolled his hand. “So finish.”

  Joshua stood up. Leave it to Neil to ruin a perfectly good proposal. “What are you talking about?”

  “This!” Neil said, gesturing between them, and then down where Joshua had been kneeling. “I was going to ask you. Tonight, at the hotel. I had it all planned. I was going to wow you. You have no idea how hard it was to plan this, and now you—” He blew out a rough breath. “So, go on then. Ask. The answer is yes.”

  Joshua crossed his arms over his chest. “You are such an ass.”

  “And?”

  Joshua turned around, irritation welling up in him. If Neil was going to be a jerk, he had no intention of—

  Neil grabbed his arm, and said, “Hey, hey, wait a minute.” Neil’s voice was rough and soft now. “Just…wait a minute.”

  Joshua did wait, his arms still crossed, as he blinked at Neil in frustration. The other people at the top were starting to get curious about the seeming lover’s quarrel, and several came around the tower to watch.

  Neil rubbed a hand over his face, rotated his shoulders like he was working out some kinks, and then nodded firmly. “Okay. I’m ready. I’m sorry. Let’s try it again.”

  Joshua shook his head and started to turn away, but then Neil grabbed him and fell down on his own knee in front of Joshua.

  “The rings are in the room,” Neil said. “But Joshua Stouder, I’ve loved you for two lifetimes, and—”

  Joshua put his hand over Neil’s mouth, and he got down on his knees, too. A few ‘awwws’ and excited whispers started around them. “Dr. Neil Green, I love you—past and present and future—even when you’re a total ass. Will you be my husband?”

  “Will you marry me?” Neil asked when Joshua moved his hand away so that Neil could answer. “Yes, Joshua, I’ll marry you.”

  Joshua leaned in, pressed a kiss to his lips, and said, “Yes, I’ll marry you, too.”

  There was a spatter of applause as they kissed, and Joshua let Neil help him up, before they kissed again. As they pulled apart, Joshua grabbed the ring box from his pocket and brought it out.

  “Do you want to wear it now? Or when it’s official?” Joshua asked.

  “Now,” Neil said, letting Joshua slide the ring on his finger. “Not bad, Mr. Stouder,” he intoned, looking at the band in the light of the platform. “Not bad at all. They’re almost identical to the ones I bought.”

  Joshua felt a mix of joy and satisfied anticipation. When another American tourist walked by and clapped Joshua on the shoulder, saying, “Congratulations,” before moving off, Joshua glanced around at the happy expressions of their impromptu audience. “I think everyone’s glad you said yes.”

  “Nah, they’re thinking, ‘Those drama queens deserve each other,’” Neil said, looking at everyone with suspicion.

  Joshua laughed. He had to agree.

  As they walked back to the hotel, joy rose in Joshua that couldn’t be denied. He held Neil’s hand tightly and fairly floated.

  “You know what I want?” Neil asked.

  “What?”

  “A puppy.”

  Joshua laughed. “You do?”

  “Yeah, I’ve wanted one since I was a kid, and it’s about time I had another one. Magic was a long time ago.”

  “What kind are you thinking of?” Joshua’s heart sang.

  “Oh, I don’t know. A big black one.”

  “Neil…”

  “What?” he asked coyly.

  “Don’t you think that’s tempting fate?”

  “It’s not like we’d name her Magic.” Neil squeezed his hand and grinned. “We’d name her something totally different. Like Abracadabra.”

  Joshua turned and grabbed Neil, nearly lifting him off the sidewalk, and then kissed him, passionately, desperately, happily. The entire past and present and future wrapped over and through him, piercing him and surrounding him with so much love and happiness that he couldn’t contain it.

  Joshua broke the kiss first, his back against the wall of a random café, and Neil pressed solidly against him. “You’re the only one, Neil,” he whispered. “God only knows how you got here, how it is that you’re here with me. But you’re everything to me.”

  Neil took Joshua’s chin in his gloved fingers, the leather cold against Joshua’s skin. “No, you’ve got that backwards. You’re the one who’s everything. I wouldn’t have come back to this miserable earthly plane for anyone else.”

  Joshua laughed, giddy. “I don’t know why you feel that way, but I’m glad you do.”

  Neil’s eyes were warm as he gazed at Joshua, always greedy, always with a hint of gratitude underlying it all. “There’s nothing in this world—not my work, not nanites, not a single human being—who is what you are to me. You’re the reason for my existence. Joshua, you’re my everything. I’ll find you in any given lifetime. Never forget that.”

  “Neil,” Joshua started, overwhelmed by the truth. Sometimes it still hit him hard all over again. Neil had come back for him. He’d loved him that much. Even now, he wondered how it could be true.

  “Save it for our vows. Because, Joshua, I think just being here with you should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the depth of my commitment to you.”

  Tears rose, and Joshua blinked them away.

  “That was part of my pretty speech,” Neil said. “The one I’d planned for the hotel, but you ruined it by stealing my proposal.”

  Joshua shook his head, laughter pushing past his tears. “Neil!”

  “I know. I’m an ass.” He smiled. “Let’s get back to the hotel room. I want to have hot, passionate, newly engaged sex with my fiancé. Also, I’m starving.”

  Joshua kissed Neil again, feeling the heat of him under his palms. As they walked through the Paris night, hands entwined, Joshua looked up at the sky, wondering at the universe where this was his life.

  How impossible. How beautiful. How mysterious. How ‘God only knows.’

 
And despite all the pain they’d been through to get there, he wouldn’t change a thing.

  THE END

  Letter from Leta

  Dear Reader,

  Thank you so much for reading Any Given Lifetime! Be sure to follow me on Amazon, BookBub, or Goodreads to be notified of new releases. And look for me on Facebook for snippets of the day-to-day writing life, or join my Facebook Group for announcements and special giveaways. To see some sources of my inspiration, you can follow my Pinterest boards or Instagram.

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  Thank you so much for being a reader!

  Leta

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  Other Books by Leta Blake

  The River Leith

  Smoky Mountain Dreams

  Angel Undone

  ’90s Coming of Age Series

  Pictures of You

  You Are Not Me

  The Training Season Series

  Training Season

  Training Complex

  Heat of Love Series

  Slow Heat

  Alpha Heat

  Co-Authored with Indra Vaughn

  Vespertine

  Co-Authored with Alice Griffiths