Tear Me Apart

by J. T. Ellison

  Lauren sinks into the chair opposite the doctor’s desk. “What do you mean, her numbers fell off a cliff?”

  “I mean we may have to do a transplant sooner than we’d hoped, with cells that aren’t the perfect match we’re looking for, but as close as we can find.”

  “But—”

  He suddenly looks so tired. Lauren often forgets she isn’t the only scared mother he’s dealing with. She hasn’t befriended any of the other parents on the ward, has kept everyone at arm’s length. She can’t handle their pain on top of her own. They don’t like her, but she couldn’t care less. But the doctor—she isn’t being fair to him.

  Make that another person you’ve sucked dry with your worry and anger and fear.

  “Lauren, listen to me. We’re doing everything we can. And I know you don’t want to talk about the circumstances you find yourself in, but Mindy is going to die if we don’t get her a solid transplant. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but her time is going to run out. I hate to have to be so frank with you, but her numbers yesterday were very worrisome. There are a few things we can do, like the vitamin shot, that are temporary fixes, but without a sustainable plan...we’re not finding any great matches in the database. We need someone close to her. If we don’t—”

  Lauren holds up a hand. “I hear you. I understand.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation, but I fear we’re out of time for tact. We need the information about Mindy’s biological mother.”

  Lauren’s breath catches, and she forces herself to stay in the chair. She feels so betrayed, so wronged. This man she trusts, who’s said come to him at her own pace, has just thrown the gauntlet at her. But she thinks of Mindy’s face, the flush on her cheeks, the happiness, the energy, and she swallows her goddamn pride.

  “I don’t know who she is. It was a closed adoption. She was a teenager, and the doctor who hooked me up with her is dead now. I don’t know how we get her records, or if they even exist.”

  “What was the doctor’s name?”

  “Dr. Soledad Castillo. She died soon after Mindy was born, barely a year later. I saw her obituary in the paper.”

  “Can you tell me the circumstances of the adoption?”

  She takes a steadying breath and tells him the story.

  He sits in silence, absorbing. “You don’t have the name of the mother?”

  “No. She was a young, scared Hispanic teenager. She probably lied to Dr. Castillo about her identity anyway.”

  “Thank you for being honest with me, Lauren. At least armed with this information, we can single out the donors and try for an ancestral genetic match.”

  “You’re going to look for Hispanic donors, you mean?”

  “Correct. It might help. Now—” he steeples his fingers, and she braces herself. “Would you be willing to do a public plea?”

  “A public plea?”

  “Yes. Since we won’t have the adopting doctor’s help... A friend of mine works for Channel 9. Mindy is a local hero. It’s a no-brainer local interest story. We ask for anyone who might know the birth mother to come forward—they can do it anonymously if they want—and also ask for people to submit to testing to see if they’d be a match.”

  She is already half out of her chair. How could he? My God, it’s bad enough she is in this situation, to go on the news and talk about it?

  “No. Hell no. Absolutely not.”

  “Lauren, it wouldn’t only be Mindy we’d be helping. There are more people, more children, who need stem cell transplants. To get people to sign up for the donor registry would have lasting implications. So many lives could be changed. The Hispanic database isn’t as populous—”

  “We will not be an infomercial. And we have no intention of telling Mindy we are not her biological parents.”

  His smile is sad now, and she feels dirty somehow, that she’s disappointed him.

  “Lauren, it may be outside of my purview here, but is hiding the truth from her truly in her best interest?”

  “It is none of your business.”

  “It most certainly is my business.” Dr. Oliver is on his feet now, too. She’s never seen him lose his cool; he is dangerously close to yelling. “My job is to provide the finest care I can to my patient. And Mindy is my patient, Lauren, not you. This situation is bigger than you or your feelings, even your privacy. Your daughter will die if we don’t find her a match. Do you understand me? She will die. We have no recourse. We must go public and try to find her biological family.”

  This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.

  She feels light-headed, nauseated. Her whole world is slipping away from her, out from under her. She starts to go down, but strong, familiar arms catch her.

  “Jasper. I’m so glad you’re here,” she hears Dr. Oliver say. “I was just explaining to Lauren an option—”

  “I heard,” Jasper says. “Honey, are you okay?”

  Lauren shakes her head; it is buzzing, she is going to faint.

  “Maybe Dr. Oliver can get you some water.”

  “Of course. I’ll be right back.”

  Dr. Oliver pulls the door closed behind him, and Lauren collapses into Jasper’s arms. A sob wrenches from her chest. “We can’t. We can’t tell her. Not now. Not yet.”

  He kneels on the floor in front of her. “Lauren, we have to. We have to save her life, and if that means sharing the truth, we will do it. She’s not going to feel differently about you, I swear it. She adores you. She might be mad for a little while, but we’ll make her see reason. I think a public plea is a good idea. We’re out of options otherwise. Please, Lauren. She’s my daughter, too, and I don’t want to lose her.”

  “Jasper, I can’t believe all of this is happening. I feel like our whole world is collapsing.”

  “It’s not, but if Mindy dies, it most certainly will. Please, Lauren. See reason.”

  She has never felt such bone-wrenching fear before as she does when the words come out of her mouth. “You’re right. I know you’re right, and the doctor is right, but my God, we’re going to blow up her world.”

  And mine.

  “Her world blew up a month ago when she crashed and was diagnosed.”

  She sits with it for a minute, then nods, feeling Jasper relax, hearing his sigh of relief. What would he do if she said no? Tell Mindy anyway, and be damned with her? He is doing the right thing for his daughter, and to hell with his wife.

  Oddly, she feels a spark of respect for him. He is always so kind and gentle and sweet; she’s never seen him defiant before. She supposes that’s what makes him such a good trial attorney, and he normally leaves that personality trait at work. Or maybe she just doesn’t know her husband as well as she thinks she does. Perhaps he’s been hiding things from her as well. She’s spent their entire marriage focused on Mindy first and foremost; it’s certainly possible.

  “All right. If we’re going to do this, we should tell her now. I can’t get behind a public plea, though. I can’t do it.”

  “But—”

  “Wait, hear me out. We can ask Juliet to look for the mother. I’ll give her every detail I can remember, and help her any way I can, but I can’t get on television and broadcast our lives for the whole world to see. It could damage Mindy’s chances of making the Olympic team when she recovers. I won’t do anything that might impact her public future. Deal?”

  “Deal.” He pulls her into his arms. “Oh, baby, you’re making the right choice here. I’ll call Juliet right now, and then we’ll talk to Mindy together.”

  He kisses her forehead and hugs her close. Cowering in his arms, she tells herself it is going to be okay. Seventeen years is a long time. She is lucky she’s made it this far. She can only hope that if the whole truth comes out, Mindy won’t hate her. She couldn’t bear that.

  And all the while, the rat
ional, calm voice in the back of her mind, the one she avoids connecting to at all costs, laughs and laughs.

  “I know we’ll be able to find her, Lauren. I know it in my heart.”

  She nods into his hair and whispers, “The mother’s name was Graciela.”

  28

  DENVER, COLORADO

  Juliet is getting out of the shower when her phone rings. She is surprised to see Jasper’s number on her display. She punches the Talk button, suddenly frightened.

  “Hey, is everything okay?”

  “Hi, Juliet. Yes, it is. We just need your help, that’s all.”

  “Anything.”

  “She told me. She told me everything. I know you know the truth.”

  Juliet heaves out a breath. “Oh, thank God. Now what?”

  “We’re telling Mindy shortly. But we need you to do something. The doctors are getting worried about finding a match. Lauren and I would like you to look for Mindy’s biological family.”

  Juliet can’t deny the charge she feels. What a relief. She will be able to cover her tracks now. But she is careful; she doesn’t want Jasper knowing she’s gone rogue on them already. “Without a crime involved, I can’t do it through CBI, you know that.”

  “Right, but you’re an investigator. We thought you might be able to interview some of the hospital staff, see if they’ll release the doctor’s files to you, that sort of thing. With a name, perhaps we can reach out to them directly and ask for them to consider donating for a possible match. Kind of like our own private eye. We’ll pay you, of course.”

  “Oh, no you won’t. I’m happy to do it. I have to admit, I’ve already started looking into the doctor, and unfortunately, she’s been dead for a long time. But I can make some calls and see if I can shake anything loose on that front.”

  “Lauren told me the girl’s name was Graciela. If that helps.”

  “Oh, wow. She told me she didn’t remember.”

  “Honestly, I think she’s been holding this information in a vault she never thought she was going to have to open. I don’t think she knows more than the girl’s name, or else she would have told me. Maybe it will be enough to go on. The doctors here want to go public and ask for donors of Hispanic origin, specifically from families who may know or be related to a young girl who had a baby in the right time frame, but Lauren has put her foot down. She won’t allow it.”

  “I don’t blame her. It’s hard to open yourself up to public scrutiny like that, plus, we could waste a lot of time with false leads. I can work with the name. Give Mindy my love, would you? Tell her I’ll be up as soon as I can, and I’m going to find a match for her if it’s the last thing I do.”

  “She will be thrilled, I know. Thank you, Juliet.”

  “Of course. Good luck. And, Jasper?”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t worry. Mindy adores you both beyond reason, and she’s a smart girl. Things might be rough for a few days, but we’ll make sure she understands how very wanted she is, was, and always will be.”

  There is a catch in Jasper’s voice. “Thank you, Juliet. That means a lot to me. To us.”

  “I’ll call as soon as I have something. See ya.”

  “Oh, hey, wait a sec. Listen, this may be nothing, but one last shot in the dark. Lauren was searching for a man named Zack Armstrong last night. I saw it on her computer, and the way she reacted when I asked her about it—she got jumpy, wouldn’t talk to me. I thought it might be an old boyfriend. Does that name ring a bell?”

  “Zack Armstrong? No, it doesn’t. But remember, she’s older than me by a decade. She had all kinds of guys around, and I don’t remember any of their names. I’ll take a look, though chances are you’re right, it’s probably someone she went to school with. People react oddly to stress, Jasper. She adores you, and your life together. I don’t think she’d ever willingly jeopardize that.”

  “No, I don’t, either. But in light of all the other...issues...”

  He doesn’t have to finish. She knows exactly what he is saying. In light of the lies she’s been telling all of us...

  “I asked who he was and she refused to tell me.”

  “Sounds like it might be an old boyfriend, then. I’ll look into him.”

  “Thanks, Juliet. And don’t—”

  “Don’t worry, Jasper. We never talked. Got it.”

  He laughs quietly, says thanks again, then hangs up.

  Zack Armstrong. Who the hell is he?

  Juliet has a momentary longing for her mother. Kathleen would know exactly who Zack Armstrong was because Lauren would have told her everything about him, in intimate detail. She realizes Lauren even lied to their mom about Mindy. Wow.

  Well, when in doubt...she doesn’t have her mom’s institutional knowledge anymore, but she does have the internet.

  She hangs up and calls Cameron.

  “Hello, beautiful.”

  “Any news?”

  “Nothing yet.”

  “Damn. Listen, Jasper has asked me to look into the doctor who helped Lauren adopt Mindy. Would you help? If you want to keep playing Watson to my Sherlock, that is.”

  “You never mentioned you were into role-playing. I like it. Absolutely. Your place or mine? And do I get to wear the hat and carry the magnifying glass?”

  She laughed. “You’re a sicko. Who do you know who used to work at Swedish Medical in the early 2000s?”

  “Spoilsport. I thought we were going to be—”

  “Cameron. My dear. I’m dead serious. Who do we know?”

  “I’ll call you back.”

  Now it is time to talk to her boss, too. She needs to take a few days, and there are a lot of cases piling up. He answers on the first ring.

  “Hi, Woody. It’s Juliet.”

  “My brilliant one. What’s happening? Are you ill? I stopped by the lab this morning, and Bai said you were out.”

  “I have a personal issue. You know my niece has cancer?”

  “Yes, the poor thing. She’s not improving, I take it?”

  “No, and we’ve had a bit of a personal family revelation about something, and my sister has asked for my help. I have vacation days accrued—”

  “Juliet, seriously, take the week. I don’t know that we can spare you for more than that without advance warning, but you do what you need to, and if you need more time, just shout. We are all rooting for Mindy. She’s our champion.”

  “You’re the best, Woody. Thank you.”

  “No, you’re the best. That sample you ran last week, from the quadruple murder in Golden? We just nailed the sucker. Can you believe it, they’d been looking at the wrong man all this time?”

  “Because they were looking for a man. It’s so rare for a woman to do something so heinous.”

  “Rare, but you never know. Women can be just as ruthless as men when they need to.”

  “No kidding. Thanks so much for the time off, Woody. I’ll keep in touch in case something breaks and you need me immediately. Otherwise, Bai has control of the lab, and all will be well.”

  “Copy that. Good luck. Call if you need me for anything, I’m happy to help.”

  Wondering how things are going at the hospital, she thinks through her plan of action. Interview hospital staff, find out if by chance there are videotapes from the time frame, which is a long shot, but neonatal is a whole different story than the rest of the hospital. It’s worth a try.

  And she needs to look up everything she can find on the name Graciela. With any luck, she’ll find a last name through the hospital records and the woman will be living somewhere in the Denver metropolitan area, and life will be grand.

  Yeah, right. The odds of things going smoothly from here on out are astronomical, without a doubt, but it is worth being optimistic, at least until she has reason to feel otherwise.

 
And of course, there is the database, churning through millions of profiles, searching for the truth.

  One way or the other, their mystery is about to be unraveled.

  29

  VAIL HEALTH HOSPITAL

  Mindy is watching the downhill from Val d’Isère, fighting feeling sorry for herself that she isn’t there, when her parents appear in the doorway, clutching a bag of her favorite cookies. She knows something major is up. Her mom was supposed to be finding a room to do yoga, and instead, here they are together, almost creeping into the room, eyes sliding to the side, not meeting hers at all.

  She is dead. She knows it. They have some sort of test result that confirms it. She felt so awful yesterday morning, but once Dr. Oliver gave her the shot, she was better. But it wasn’t enough.

  Tears begin to leak immediately. She doesn’t want to die. She feels the cancer moving through her, like a shadow in her blood. It has grown in the past few days, is becoming harder and harder to fight. She isn’t a quitter, though, and is doing everything she can to keep it at bay. Its snapping jaws are just there, out of reach, but for how long?

  So now they are going to tell her it is all over, and she has to give in gracefully, and they are prepared to let her go. It is inevitable, but it pisses her off. She wants to ski again, wants to feel the wind whip past her face. She bets they won’t let her out of their sight for a minute now. They’re going to condemn her to rot away in this hospital bed until she can’t even move and the pain becomes so great they drug her into oblivion to make it all stop.

  This is not the path she’d choose.

  “You can tell me,” she says, steeling herself. “I already know what you’re going to say.”

  Her parents stare at her, and for a moment, she wavers. No, she is going to be strong, she is going to decide how things end. She read the story about the girl who moved to Washington so she could have euthanasia. Mindy doesn’t think she’ll have to go that far; she’ll be able to convince them to get her out on the slopes once more. She’ll take one run for pleasure, and the second, right off the side of the mountain. She can almost feel the thin air buffeting her as she falls...