Hatsukoi

by Hildred Billings

  “Ah. That one.” Reina pointed to the black cat nearest the receptacle. “Hold this, ne?”

  Aiko took the white cat and nuzzled next to Reina as she put in the money. Lights and cheerful sounds erupted from the machine. Eyes darted between Reina’s skillful hand maneuvering the lever and the two-prong claw advancing on a stack of stuffed cats. The determined crease on her face was the cherry on this alluring sundae.

  The claw bumped into a black cat and then snapped shut, missing the cat’s ear by one of its whiskers. Aiko let out a defeated sigh, but perked up again when Reina hopped up and down shouting, “Aha! Mite!”

  One of the prongs nudged the cat, and it tilted from side to side before teetering over and tumbling down a stack of dolls into the receptacle.

  Aiko’s cheeks were as bright as the machine’s celebratory lights when Reina put the black cat into her waiting hands. “Arigatou!” She almost forgot to give the white cat back to Reina.

  “You can keep them both. I don’t do cute things.”

  “No, I insist!” Aiko shoved the white cat into Reina’s unsuspecting grasp. “You see? They match!” Indeed, both cats were identical – coloring aside – from their comical frowns to the yellow crescent moons on their foreheads. “You should take one because we’re…” Aiko stumbled over adequate words.

  Reina saved her. “You mean we match?”

  “Sure!”

  Chuckling, Reina accepted and stuffed the white cat into her messenger bag. “I don’t have room for any more, though.”

  Aiko stared into her cat’s haphazard eyes while maintaining the smile on her face. Reina won this for me. A few ex-boyfriends had tried a time or two, but none had the magical wrists of Reina Yamada. With my money, but still! She was overcome with a new thought. “Matte, how many women have you won toys for?”

  “Eh?” Reina looked up from her messenger bag. “Saa, not many? I don’t play these things often anymore. Not after high school.”

  “What happened in high school?”

  The blush disappeared, but the frown didn’t. “I was winning some little toys for Michiko one day, and our classmates saw how good I was. Next thing I knew, I was winning all sorts of things for half the damn student body. Got burned out really fast, you know?”

  “Oh, I suppose so. Well, thank you. For winning for me, I mean.”

  “It’s nothing.” Reina readjusted her strap. “I’m used to girls using me for my skills and then running off.”

  Aiko hesitated. After their conversation from their first date, she kept in mind Reina’s abhorrence for that type of girl who used her in such ways. I don’t want her to think I’m the same. She wasn’t sure what she wanted from a dating life with Reina, but she did know she had no intentions of “using” her. First I imply she’s a man, and now this.

  “Jya, iku ka?” Reina looped an arm around Aiko’s and led her out of the arcade. “Let’s go have some fun. I have a good idea.”

  Their arms remained locked as they traipsed down the street. Aiko put her other hand on Reina’s shoulder to steady herself…and to feel her black sweater, made of lush felt. It took a minute for her to remember they were not in Shinjuku, and for a brief, panicky second she worried somebody around them would get the wrong idea.

  But the crowds, of which there weren’t many, consisted mostly of students or workers lost in their own worlds. Occasionally Aiko saw other couples, heterosexual of course, holding hands and walking close together like she did with Reina. And when she saw two girls walking similarly, Aiko wondered if they were “girlfriends,” or even just dating. The thought that she and Reina were not the only same-sex couple walking around Tokyo made her beam.

  To her pleasant surprise, Reina chose a popular karaoke place for the remainder of their date. Oh, what if this is like that “date” with Michiko? Maybe Reina thought it was time to make a move. As Reina dislodged from her and approached the counter to reserve a room, Aiko psyched herself up for what was surely a covert operation.

  They helped themselves to a tiny booth, Aiko crawling into the far rear while Reina looked for an adequate place to store her messenger bag. Once the door closed, Aiko asked, “So what did you have in mind?”

  “Hm? You mean, who should we sing? Well, I kinda like Madonna, but my English pronunciation is shit…” Reina stopped when she saw the look on Aiko. “What else would we do here? I’m here to sing!”

  Aiko watched her futz with the microphones and rummage through the giant song-book beneath the table. “Sing? I didn’t know you sang.”

  “Did you forget what I do for a living?” Reina located the letter she wanted and ran her finger beneath artist names. “I do like to sing a little. Why? Don’t you?”

  “Oh, yes! It’s just that…well, when Michiko-san and I came here…we didn’t sing.” Aiko’s voice dipped into a whisper.

  “Uso, did she just flirt with you? I’ll kick her ass.” Reina flung the heavy song-book on the table and punched in the call numbers to a song. “Then again, she seems to think these claustrophobic karaoke coffins are cheap alternatives to love hotels. Stupid American.” Reina turned on her mic and tossed the other one to Aiko. “I keep telling her they’re gonna start putting security cameras in these things but she never listens.”

  The loud, jarring baseline of the music began before Aiko could politely reply. She recognized the song from the radio and older music shows on TV, but didn’t know the words. But that’s the whole point of karaoke. The words to the song appeared on the screen in front of them, complete with the original kanji characters and the reading style above them. Aiko figured that if she could make out the composition of the song, she could wing the vocals, and then...

  Reina sang. Aiko nearly dropped her microphone as she gaped at her date, who sang not only on pitch but with a higher voice. Now she knew why Reina made a meager living as a professional singer! Although she sang the song at a lover octave than the original commanded, Aiko decided she preferred it in that style.

  There was a background vocal with separate lyrics, sung at the same time as the main chorus, so Aiko jumped in and added her high-pitched (and off-pitched) vocals. The moment she let out a peep, Reina sputtered and recovered her laughter before it overtook the song. Her brief hoot echoed throughout the interior sound system.

  When the song ended, she collapsed into a pile of laughter. “Are you okay?” Aiko asked, putting down her mic and leaning over.

  “I’m fine!” Reina jumped up and grabbed the song-book. “Here. Pick a song. Who do you like?”

  Aiko slumped in relief. “Anything is okay. Do you know Cyndi Lauper?”

  “Oh, sure. But I can’t sing in English.”

  “You should try!”

  Reina helped her find the call number for a song and made a valiant attempt to sing along with Aiko, but even with the lyrics written in Japanese she still stumbled. Aiko hadn’t heard such horrible attempts at English since middle school. In particular, she winced at Reina’s over exaggeration of the “R” sound, so every time she tried to sing “girls” it came out sounding like “guys.” Aiko knew her own English pronunciation wasn’t as good as a native speaker, but she had confidence it was at least understandable.

  More silly songs followed, including scream-heavy rock hits and bubblegum ridiculousness, depending on who chose the song. Aiko did her best to avoid English songs, and even took a jab at herself when she tried to get a Spanish song to play. Halfway through their reserved hour they had almost exhausted all the songs they wanted to sing, but Aiko decided on one last song, a ballad popular when she was in middle school.

  Reina begrudgingly picked up her mic and cleared her throat. “Michiko used to love this song a couple years ago and never stopped playing it. She sings it every time we do karaoke.”

  “Oh, good. So you know how it goes.”

  Reina stuck her tongue out. “I guess.”

  “Sing with me.”

  Before the sappy ballad eased into its first chorus, Aiko listen
ed to Reina trip through all the English. The pinnacle of amusement was a gutsy “I raaabu yuuu!” that almost sounded like it was done for comedic purpose. Somehow, Aiko managed to sing through her shaking smile, but lost it all at the end of the second chorus when Reina butchered “shooshin’gu sutaaruu!” She buried her face into Reina’s shoulder, muffling laughter. By the time the final chorus kicked in, she attempted singing one last time, and to her surprise the two of them achieved a respectable harmony – “I love you”s included.

  Aiko still clung to Reina when the last notes died away. Without another song lined up, the karaoke box fell into silence aside from the feedback punching the mics. Reina drank some water and announced she had “improved her English” in the span of one half hour. “More so than I ever did with certain foreign friends of mine.”

  “From the sounds of it, you two don’t really come here to sing, though. Or talk, for that matter.”

  Reina raised a brow at Aiko’s bluntness. “Sou?” She snorted. “I suppose so.”

  Aiko tapped the top of her mic against Reina’s collar – the stereo spat a puft back at them. Drawing her legs up so they rested on Reina’s nearest knee, Aiko realized no one had picked another song. Good. I don’t want her to move.

  The karaoke box was too dark to see anything clearly aside from the TV screen and the light shining on the song-book, but somehow Aiko found Reina’s eyes, staring at her through a thick layer of bangs. She ran her fingers through long hair. Inside her body, Aiko’s held breath strangled her organs, and a voice whispered the one command she had ignored since first meeting Reina.

  With a mic still shoved between them, Reina pushed Aiko’s hand away and kissed her.

  At first she swore she didn’t feel anything. And then there they were, Reina’s wet lips pressed against hers, gentle at first until she whimpered at the shock coursing through her like an abstract current.

  Reina ripped the mic away and threw it on the table, her lips still on Aiko’s. Before she could respond to this unfamiliar display of dominance, Reina pried Aiko’s mouth open with one touch to the chin and shoved a tongue into her mouth.

  So much happened at once! Aiko’s concentration ran between the taste of Reina’s smoky mouth, the scent of her skin so close, the sound of her breaths as they passed through her throat…and the sensation of Reina’s arms wrapped around her body.

  They were falling – or maybe Aiko was the one falling. Vertigo snatched her consciousness and dragged her down further and further into herself. She faced the infection inside her and stomped on it, her misgivings dashing away to go bother some other hapless young woman.

  Aiko didn’t doubt her desires any longer.

  She tried to speak but was stifled by Reina’s mouth. Breaths grew heavier and hands began to roam. Soon Aiko fell for real, her back bumping against the rear of the booth, Reina still on top of her and still kissing her. Aiko pushed her hand into falling hair and tangled everything together into a lover’s knot. However, her hand was not the only thing looking for something to grab: somewhere between rubbing her tongue against Reina’s and holding fast to her sweater, she lowered a hand between Aiko’s flailing legs and rubbed the inside of her thigh.

  “Iya!” Aiko’s mouth was vacant for one second before Reina occupied it again. A surge of heat sprinted through her pelvis in time to the hand marching straight to the top of her leg. She lived in a world bouncing between giving herself away and saying “no, not yet.”

  In the end she didn’t have to make a decision, for Reina shoved her prostrate onto the bench and enveloped her. She gasped for air the moment Reina turned her mouth toward her throat, kissing, licking, and sucking. No boyfriend has ever dared kiss me there.

  Reina gyrated between Aiko’s legs as well, although their hips did not match up at that angle. Still, she understood the motive, and the overabundance of stimulation and thoughts alone made her cry out: the mic nearby picked up her voice and echoed it through the speakers.

  “Ii kimochi ne?” Reina whispered into Aiko’s ear, before sticking her tongue into it as well. “Doesn’t this feel good?”

  Aiko couldn’t verbalize any response; instead, she attempted to kiss Reina’s cheek, but missed and kissed the air instead.

  “Ecchi shitai.”

  “Ah!” Aiko diverted her face and put a hand on Reina’s chest. “I don’t know…”

  “Huh?” Reina stopped and hovered above Aiko, her hair cascading around them like a veil. “I was commenting, not asking.”

  Aiko didn’t know what to say. She thought as much, when Reina announced something about wanting to have sex. She’s so sexual and I don’t know anything. That wasn’t true. Aiko did know the basics, and even had a few ideas how the lesbians did it, thanks to certain movies. But that meant nothing when her hormones surged and body parts conspired against her.

  “Maa.” Reina sat up and straightened her clothing. She ran her fingers through her hair and undid the snarl. “I think that’s enough of that for today.”

  Aiko bolted upright beside her. “Nande? Why? Was I…” She looked away. “Was I so bad?”

  “No. You’re fine. But if you’re not ready for sex yet, then we shouldn’t be doing too much of that.”

  “Oh. Why?”

  “Because I’ll always want to take it further.”

  Aiko’s chest reveled in its freedom to move without another body pushing on it. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t stress out about it. At least I finally got to kiss you.”

  “I’ve never kissed a girl before.”

  “How was it?”

  Aiko melted into a puddle of embarrassment. “Nice.”

  In reality it was more than nice: it was wonderful.

  By the next evening Aiko had come down from her high of kissing Reina for the first time – but that didn’t mean she had forgotten, or decided it didn’t matter. Bad enough she tossed and turned all night with fanciful dreams of Reina undressing and kissing her all over her body, she didn’t need to feel guilty about it.

  “Ara, Ai-chan,” Junko said just as Aiko stuffed a mouthful of rice down her throat. “You’re so quiet lately. Are you sick?”

  Aiko looked down at her dinner plate full of meats and vegetables, and then at her bowl still full of rice to the side. Yes, sick. That’s why I’m eating half the food in this house. “No, I’m fine. Just thinking a lot.”

  “Goodness, about what? Is school okay?”

  “School is fine.” Aiko ate more rice before Junko drilled her any more.

  They continued to eat together in silence while the TV blared evening news reports. Since it was Christmas Eve, the anchors joked around with Santa hats and talked about gift giving in the West. In Japan, Christmas gifts were only exchanged with children and between romantic couples, so Junko mumbled about the ludicrous notion of exchanging gifts with siblings and friends.

  “Oh, that reminds me.” She speared a cooked radish with her chopsticks and munched while she talked. “There’s a Christmas sale at the department store tomorrow if you want to go with me.”

  “Tomorrow?” I’m going to have another amazing date with Reina tomorrow. “I’m a little busy tomorrow, sorry.”

  “Sou? What are you doing? I would think your friends would all be out on dates tomorrow.”

  “They are, and so am I.”

  Junko slowed her chewing and glared into her daughter’s wandering eyes. “Is that so? You still dating that one boy you never talk about?”

  “Ah…sort of…”

  After swallowing her morsel, Junko smiled, her crooked teeth grazing her dry, cracked lips. “Nee, when am I going to meet this young man? You can’t go on more than one date with a boy and not tell me about it.” She dropped her chopsticks. “Is it Daisuke?”

  A snap of frustration darted down Aiko’s spine. “No. He’s creepy!” She had told her mother the same day it happened about Daisuke’s strange visit. “He has no boundaries.”

  “He’s not creepy, just in l
ove.” Junko wagged her hand around as if it were a tail.

  “It’s not Daisuke.”

  “At least tell me his name.”

  Time to lie, again. “Ren.”

  “Ren what?”

  “Ya…” Aiko decided to pick a different last name, just in case Junko ever met her daughter’s impending girlfriend. “Ren Itou.”

  “Such a young sounding name! Well, have fun tomorrow.” Junko stood up and cleared away her own dishes.

  Aiko didn’t wait around for her father to come home late from work. After helping her mother do the dishes, she waited for her turn to use the shower.

  The hot water blasted down her skin and soaked her hair. Aiko readjusted the spray to a gentler pressure and searched for her shampoo and razors. She rinsed her hair, shaved her arms, and lathered the other place prone to grow more than a centimeter of hair. When she dated boys she used to shave her entire body, minus her pubic hair, but since dumping Daisuke tended only to hair visible with conservative clothing.

  She wondered what Reina thought of body hair.

  Aiko paused in the midst of wringing conditioner from her hair and examined the chipped tiles on the floor. They were blue, Reina’s favorite color. Her thoughts traveled from questioning whether or not Reina would grab a leg one day and complain about the hair there, to imagining her naked body, and whether she shaved anything as well.

  Imagination wasn’t enough to conjure a respectable image of a nude Reina. She always wore long-sleeves and jeans, except from the dress she wore at work, and aside from that her sweaters were baggier than the hand-me-downs Aiko used to get from her sisters. She realized she had never stared at any part of Reina’s body aside from her face and hair. If I liked women, I would stare at all of her, right?

  Aiko unhooked the showerhead from the wall to rinse off the last of the soap and arm hair from her body. Maybe I’m not like that after all. Ridiculous. She had to be at least somewhat “like that” in order to enjoy the day before.

  In her dreams she had been back in that karaoke booth with Reina, kissing her for the first time, second time, every time. And each time she kissed her, she felt a hand somewhere else on her body. At one point Reina had lifted Aiko’s skirt up to no contest, but her brain was so bothered and confused it could not fill in what would happen next, now that her skirt was up and her legs were spread.