Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  She’d spent the ride home staring out the window and evaluating her feelings for Allen. Her body quivered as she recalled how his arms had felt wrapped around her and how his fingers had caressed her back. She was falling in love, but she couldn’t allow her heart to feel anything more than friendship for him.

  There was only one way to put a stop to this mess, and her sister was the key. She prayed Cindy would agree to help her as she climbed the back-porch steps and entered the mudroom.

  After hanging up her sweater, she walked into the kitchen, where Dat, Mark, and Cindy sat at the table. The aroma of meat loaf filled her nostrils and caused her stomach to growl, protesting her lack of sustenance all day. Her stomach had been tied up in an emotional knot, and she’d skipped breakfast and only eaten half of her grilled cheese sandwich at lunch.

  “Hi, Laura!” Dat’s face brightened with a smile. “You made it just in time.”

  “Wie geht’s, sis?” Mark asked, and Cindy echoed the greeting.

  “Hi, everyone.” Laura set her tote bag on the floor and slipped into her usual seat, beside Cindy and across from Mark. “Is Jamie on duty?”

  “No,” Cindy said. “He went to see Kayla tonight. He’s on duty Sunday.”

  “Oh.” She bowed her head in silent prayer along with her family. When the prayer was over, she began filling her plate with meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and string beans. “Danki for cooking, Cindy. I was hoping to be home in time to help you.”

  “I don’t mind,” Cindy said. “How was your day?”

  The question was simple, but it hit Laura square in the chest. She swallowed and held her breath as the back of her eyes burned. She’d already cried too much during the past twenty-four hours.

  “Sis?” Mark leaned toward her. “Are you all right?”

  “Ya.” She sniffed before angling her body toward Cindy. “I need to ask you a favor.”

  “Okay.” Cindy nodded.

  “Would you take over caring for Mollie? It will only be a week or two since Irma Mae is doing really well.”

  “Of course I will.” Cindy’s eyes widened. “But why do you want me to? I thought you loved taking care of Mollie.”

  That’s the problem. “I do, but it’s time for me to move on.”

  “What happened?” Mark’s question was measured and his expression stony.

  “You were right.” Laura’s shoulders wilted. “And I don’t want to hear I told you so.”

  Mark set his fork on his plate. “What are you talking about?”

  “I got too close, and I have to step away before I get hurt.” Laura stared down at her plate, and her appetite evaporated.

  “Laura, I’m lost,” Dat said. “Would you please tell me what you’re talking about?”

  She took a deep breath and looked at her father. “I’ve gotten too attached to Allen and Mollie, and I need to make a change before it tears me apart.” She heard the tremble of desperation in her voice. “It would be best if Cindy took over for me until Irma Mae comes back.”

  Cindy touched her shoulder. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

  “Danki.” Laura smiled at her sister.

  “I’ll just need you to write out instructions for me. Like, what’s Mollie’s schedule?”

  “I’ll do that before the weekend is over.”

  “Are you all right, Laura?” Dat asked.

  “Ya, I’ll be fine.” Laura picked up her fork, hoping it would appease her father.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Mark’s expression was cautious.

  “No, I’d rather not.” Laura turned to her father. “I enjoyed meeting Florence, Roy, and Sarah Jane last night. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you before I went to bed. Do you have plans to see Florence again soon?”

  Dat’s expression brightened. “I’m so glad you liked them. They enjoyed meeting all of you as well. We’re talking about getting together to have lunch, possibly tomorrow. We’ll have to arrange a family supper again soon.”

  “Ya, we will.” Laura forced a smile. She was certain her twin could see right through her since she was aware his eyes remained focused on her. “So what does Florence like to do besides quilting?”

  “Let’s see. Well, she likes to read.” He grinned. “After all, we did meet at the library.”

  Laura relaxed as her father talked about Florence during the rest of the meal. When Dat and Mark went out to the barn, she and Cindy began their chores.

  “How are you doing with your quilt projects?” Laura asked as she washed the first plate.

  “I started on a new one yesterday,” Cindy said. “It’s going to be a birthday gift.”

  Laura breathed a sigh of relief as Cindy talked about the quilt. She was determined to avoid a heartfelt conversation about Allen and Mollie.

  “What do you want me to tell Allen on Monday?” Cindy suddenly asked as she scrubbed a pot.

  “What?” Laura stopped sweeping the floor and faced her.

  “He’s going to want to know why I’m there, and I’ll need to tell him something.”

  “Would you please tell him I’m concerned about the bishop and feel it would be best if you finished out my time with Mollie? That way he’ll understand that I feel like I need to take a step back and prevent more rumors.”

  Cindy shook her head. “But that’s not the truth, and it’s a sin to lie.”

  “You’re right.” Laura gripped the broom as she considered her response. “Then would you tell him I feel like we need some distance?”

  Cindy nodded. “Ya, I’ll tell him that.”

  As Laura returned to sweeping, she hoped Allen would understand her choice to stay away, and she prayed her absence wouldn’t break Mollie’s heart.

  And then she stilled as she realized another ramification of her decision. Next week would be the one-year anniversary of Savilla’s death. She’d envisioned standing at Allen’s side, making sure he knew he wasn’t alone, trying to ease his pain by sharing the burden of grief.

  But she should have known better. Mourning together would only bring them closer, and she couldn’t allow that to happen.

  Allen stepped out onto the porch as the van steered into his driveway on Monday morning. He had spent most of the weekend worrying about Laura and about their friendship. He yearned to talk to her and make sure she was okay.

  When Cindy climbed out of the van, his heart sank with disappointment. Then panic rushed through him.

  He met her at the bottom of the stairs. “Is Laura krank?”

  “She’s fine, physically.” Cindy fingered the strap on her tote bag. “She thinks it would be best if she stayed away.”

  “Why?” He already knew the answer to that question, but he needed to hear Cindy say it.

  “She’s concerned she’s been getting too attached to you and Mollie.”

  “She was getting too attached?” He repeated the explanation as he pondered it. Did that mean she’d also felt affection growing between them?

  “Ya.” Cindy nodded toward her tote bag. “Laura wrote down instructions, so I’m sure I can handle the job just fine. I have experience babysitting for my neighbors.”

  “Danki for coming.” He nodded toward the house as his disappointment pummeled him once again. “I made breakfast, if you’d like some.”

  “I already ate, but danki.”

  He followed Cindy into the house. She set her bag and sweater on a kitchen chair and walked over to his daughter.

  “Gude mariye, Mollie.” She touched Mollie’s head. “Wie geht’s?”

  “Lala?” Mollie looked up at her.

  “Lala is at home, but she sends her love.” Cindy pointed to the Cheerios on the high chair. “Did you enjoy your breakfast?”

  Mollie held up a Cheerio, and Cindy laughed.

  Allen leaned forward on a kitchen chair as Cindy interacted with Mollie. His chest ached as he recalled the pain in Laura’s eyes when she’d sobbed, and then the shock on her face as she rushed away from him
after their hug. Had he driven her away? Had he lost her friendship forever? The thought of not having her in his life nearly broke him in two.

  Next week, one year since Savilla left them, would be so much worse than he’d hoped. He’d been counting on Laura’s strength, on leaning on the person who most understood what he’d been through.

  Cindy spun toward him. “Laura said a couple of pairs of your trousers need to be mended. She left them on the sewing table upstairs. Would it be okay if I mended them today?”

  “Ya, of course.” He stood up straight. “She cleaned the whole house last week, and she finished the laundry too.”

  “I’m sure I’ll find something to do while Mollie naps. Do you want anything special for lunch?”

  “No, danki.” He pointed to the refrigerator. “There’s some lunch meat, and we have rolls too.”

  “Wunderbaar.” She gathered up the platters of eggs and bacon. “I’ll clean all this up.”

  Allen bit back a frown. While he appreciated Cindy’s help, he would spend the day missing Laura’s beautiful smile, sweet laugh, and caring heart. But maybe, just maybe, she was right to stay away from him.

  Their relationship would never work. He was still mourning his wife, and he had no business even considering pulling Laura into his turmoil. Grieving the anniversary of Savilla’s death together would be the exact wrong thing for them both. He had Irma Mae and Milton to mourn with him, and that would be enough. It had to be.

  But how would he ever recover from his attraction to the beautiful Laura Riehl?

  Laura set a basket of rolls on the table beside a bowl of tuna fish salad before grabbing a bag of pretzels from the counter. She’d spent all morning doing the laundry and then moved to dusting the downstairs to try to keep her mind off Allen and Mollie.

  The more she tried to push thoughts of them out of her mind, though, the more they hijacked her brain. She couldn’t help but wonder if Mollie missed her or if Cindy had forgotten to put Mollie down for her morning nap. When her thoughts moved to Allen, her stomach tightened and her chest ached.

  Oh, she missed him.

  Laura touched her cheek as it warmed. She had to get ahold of her emotions before her father and brothers came in for lunch. She filled four glasses with water and then set them by the place settings. She was adding napkins when the men walked in. She smoothed her hands down her apron and plastered a smile on her face.

  When Mark frowned, she looked away. She’d somehow avoided being alone with him all weekend, especially by going to bed early, but she was certain he would find a way to get her alone today. She knew he wanted to know what happened at Allen’s.

  “Laura.” Jamie crossed to the sink and washed his hands. “I didn’t expect to see you here today.”

  “I guess I didn’t mention my plans when I saw you over the weekend. Cindy went to Allen’s for me.” She fetched a head of washed lettuce from the refrigerator and began peeling off leaves.

  “Oh. Why?” Jamie leaned back against the counter while drying his hands.

  “I wanted to stay home today.” She set the lettuce on a plate and then put it in the middle of the table.

  Mark looked over at Laura from the sink. His eyes seemed to glitter with questions and concern.

  She nodded toward the table. “I think I remembered everything.”

  “It looks perfect.” Dat washed and dried his hands and then touched her shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

  She forced her lips to curve into the sweetest smile she could muster. “I’m fine. Danki.” Then she clapped her hands. “Let’s eat.”

  She sat down in her usual spot at the table, across from her brothers. After a silent prayer, she looked over at Jamie. “How was your shift at the fire station last night?”

  “Busy.” He piled lunch meat and cheese on his roll. “We had two medical calls and one car accident. I hardly slept at all.”

  Mark pointed to Jamie. “But notice he’s too stubborn to take a nap. He got home and went right to work in the barn.”

  “You know I don’t need a nap.” Jamie added mustard and mayonnaise to the sandwich.

  Mark cupped his hand to one side of his mouth and pretended to shield his words from Jamie. “He does need a nap.”

  Laura couldn’t stop a laugh as she piled lunch meat and cheese on her own roll.

  Jamie rolled his eyes. “You enjoy harassing me, don’t you?”

  Mark tilted his head mockingly. “Isn’t that what younger bruders are for?”

  “Tell us about the medical calls,” Laura said, encouraging Jamie to change the subject.

  “The first call was for a little bu who had a seizure.”

  Laura tried to listen to his story, but her thoughts kept drifting to another place.

  Laura gathered their plates and carried them to the sink, and her brothers headed outside. Dat walked into his first-floor bedroom for a moment. She was washing the dishes when he returned.

  She dried her hands on a dish towel. “Are you heading outside now?”

  “I am, but I want to talk to you for a moment.” His expression grew serious. “I owe you an apology.”

  “Why would you owe me an apology?”

  “Mark pointed out that you were the last one to know about Florence, and I’m sorry. You were over at Allen’s the night I told Cindy and Mark, and I should have made a point to tell you the next time I saw you.” He rubbed her arm. “I never meant to make you feel left out. You’re very important to me.”

  “Danki.” His words warmed her soul, causing her lip to tremble.

  He paused for a moment. “Are you okay with my dating Florence?”

  “Ya. I just want you to be froh. You really like her, don’t you?”

  “I do like her, and I’m enjoying getting to know her. She understands what it’s like to suddenly lose your partner. We’ve been talking about how we’re wading through the sea of grief in our souls. We’re helping each other, and I appreciate that. We all need to find someone who understands us and offers comfort when we need it. Florence may be that person for me, but I’m still getting to know her.” He touched her arm again. “But I don’t want to do anything to hurt mei kinner. Is Cindy handling this okay?”

  “She needs some time to adjust, but I think she’ll eventually be okay.”

  “I’m going to talk to her alone and see how she is.”

  “I think she’ll appreciate that.”

  He jammed this thumb toward the door. “I’m heading outside.”

  “I’ll see you later.” As Dat left the house, Laura wondered again if someday soon she would call Florence her stepmother.

  “How did it go today?” Laura worried her lower lip as Cindy set her tote bag on a kitchen chair.

  “It went well.” Cindy sat down in a chair and rested her chin on one palm. “Mollie asked for you all day long. I kept telling her you send your love.”

  Laura’s heart dropped as she sank into the chair across from her sister. “Did she cry?”

  Cindy shook her head. “She started to, but I talked her out of it.”

  Laura frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. She was fine.”

  “How was Allen?” Laura held her breath.

  “He was disappointed when he saw me.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I told him the truth. I said you felt it was best to stay away because you were concerned you were getting too attached to him and Mollie.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He seemed surprised, but he didn’t say anything else. He didn’t say much at lunch, and he was quiet all day. He kept thanking me for coming, but I could tell he missed you.”

  Laura swallowed as her throat thickened. I miss him too.

  But she knew Allen’s quiet demeanor was about more than his missing her. The anniversary of Savilla’s death would be hard for him this next week. If only she could be there to help him through it, but she couldn’t. Being there would only make things w
orse—for both of them.

  Cindy pushed her chair back and stood. “How can I help with supper?”

  As Laura joined her at the counter, she tried to push away thoughts of Allen and Mollie, but she couldn’t stop imagining Mollie crying for her.

  She prayed Mollie would adjust to having Irma Mae back, but a tiny, selfish part of her longed to continue as Mollie’s caregiver. She would always cherish the months they spent together.

  THIRTY

  “We’re here.” Allen yawned as he lifted Mollie out of her seat on Sunday morning two weeks later.

  Mollie moaned and rubbed her eyes as she settled against his shoulder. He sighed. She’d kept him up for nearly two hours last night crying and asking for Laura, but at least that was an hour less than the night before. She did well with Cindy on weekdays, but on weekends it was Laura she missed.

  When his alarm clock went off this morning, he’d considered rolling over and going back to sleep, but today was a day he needed church. He had to pray for guidance on how to move on without Laura in his and Mollie’s life.

  Mollie squirmed, and he put her down. Taking her hand, he steered her up the path toward the Glick family’s barn, where the service would be held today. A group of men was gathered by the entrance, and he immediately spotted the Riehl men.

  When his thoughts turned to Laura, he tried to push them away. She’d made it clear by sending her sister over that she didn’t want to see him.

  The weeks since then had flown by at lightning speed, but his heart grew heavier with each passing day since speaking with her. He’d hoped to speak to her at church two weeks ago, but she had stayed home. When he asked Vernon where she was, he’d frowned and said she’d stayed home with a headache. Allen suspected her headache was caused by the strange emotions that had been brewing between them for months.

  And then she’d sent her sister in her place.

  His feelings for Laura continued to haunt him. And now he was determined to apologize to her for whatever he did to drive her away. He couldn’t bear the distance between them. He prayed she would attend church today and let him talk to her.