Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1)

by Trish Williford

  After the confrontation with Christine, after causing Spencer to be late to the set, after flipping a lid with him here, I decided that it is best for me to find somewhere else to work. He was more than sweet by staying with me and trying to get me to calm down and feel comfortable, but I don't want to be known as the unstable and crazy new girl.

  I dug my iPhone he gave me out of my purse, along with the credit card and keys to the vehicle and sat them both on the table. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote him a note.

  Spencer-

  I cannot put into words how much I appreciate how accommodating you were to me today. I am very thankful for the way you treated me. This is not going to work out for me, or for you. I obviously have issues that I need to take care of, and I can't do that while I'm supposed to be taking care of you. You don't deserve an assistant who you need to assist. Good luck finding someone, and I promise I'll catch an episode of your show. I'm sorry. Good luck.

  Thanks again-

  Kelsey

  Chapter Thirteen

  I took a taxi home after leaving a note for Spencer. Ryleigh wasn’t home when I got there, so I took a long, hot shower and put my pajamas on. I didn't care if it was only four in the afternoon, I needed comfort. I laid on the couch in the living room and turned the TV on, just planning on chilling out. I went through Ryleigh's DVR and found every episode of "Counting Stars" that had been aired at this point. I pushed play on the pilot episode and let myself get acquainted with the show that I worked a week on.

  One week.

  I really am a loser...

  "Counting Stars" is a television show based around a family who believes that the future can be told by the stars and astrology. They work aside the government to help prevent disasters and keep their citizens safe. At first it sounded completely lame, but after watching the first few episodes, it was growing on me more and more. Collin and Spencer's characters are cousins, and Christine from earlier is Spencer's wife on the show. I was almost through half of the first season when the intercom buzzed from the front desk. I paused the DVR and jumped up to answer it. More than likely Ryleigh forgot her keys again. I swear, if her head wasn’t connected to her neck…

  "Hello?" I answered.

  "Good evening Ms. Franklin, this is Austin. You have a visitor downstairs, a Mr. Spencer Mills. Would you like to see him ma'am?"

  Spencer? What the heck is he doing here? I pushed the button to respond. "Uh, yeah, that’s fine Austin, you can send him up."

  "I'm sorry Ms. Franklin, but policy is you have to come and meet your guests in the lobby. He'll be waiting for you."

  "Oh. Ok, I'll be right there." I grabbed my keys off the kitchen table and quickly ran towards the elevators.

  Wait...why am I running to see him?

  Once inside with the doors closed, I noticed my reflection on the mirrored walls. Crap! I was in my pajamas and my hair was sticking up! I quickly smoothed my hair down to look half decent. I looked down at my plaid pants and long sleeved white shirt...this is embarrassing! Maybe if I quickly hit the up button on the elevator panel, it will take me back upstairs so I can change before he sees me. I quickly hit the button repeatedly, praying to myself that I will be able to get back upstairs before the elevator doors open.

  Hold on...why am I worried what I look like?

  Ugh! A bing alerted me that I was now on the first floor. “Please don't open! Please don't open!”

  And what happens? The doors opened, of course, and I was greeted by Spencer leaning against the wall outside. "Why wouldn't you want the doors to open?" his deep voice asked, a small smile tugging on his beautiful lips.

  Darn you stupid paper thin elevator walls! "Um...never mind. Why are you here?" I asked defensively, crossing my arms.

  He held up a small sheet of paper, and I recognized my handwriting. "I think we need to talk. Can I co-"

  The elevator doors began closing! I scattered towards the buttons to reopen the door, but he quickly jumped in the elevator beside me, letting the doors close behind him. I looked up at him and he smiled. "Looks like I'm coming up if you like it or not."

  Once in the apartment, he followed me into the living room. "Take a seat." I said, sitting on the couch where I was earlier.

  He sat on the other end of the couch, looking up at the TV. "You actually did check out an episode of the show."

  I looked at the TV, noticing it was paused on Spencer's face. How flipping embarrassing!? I grabbed the remote, turning the TV off. "Yeah, it's pretty good actually. It took me a little bit to get into it."

  He nodded. "The first few episodes were a little slow, but once it got rolling it was much better."

  Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I looked down at my hands, my fingers knotted together again. I felt him looking at me, but I couldn't look up. "Why are you here, Spencer?" I asked quietly.

  "Because I need to know why you left today. I asked you to stay, but you were gone when I came back."

  Was that disappointment in his voice? "I think the note is pretty clear."

  He exhaled loudly, looking down at the note in his hand. "No, this note isn't clear at all. I don't understand."

  I felt aggravated. I didn’t want to relive the embarrassment of this afternoon. "What is so hard to understand Spencer? I can't be your assistant. Did you forget what happened today?"

  He stood up, walking across the living room. "Kelsey I was the one who did that to you! How can you write that you're sorry and you have issues when I was the one who caused everything to happen?"

  "Because I was sorry that I acted like a total freak in front of you! Don't you realize that I had a meltdown in front of a complete stranger who happens to be a TV star? I'm mortified!"

  He brought his attention to the note and began pacing. "This...this line right here...'I am very thankful for the way you treated me.' Are you fucking kidding me Kelsey? I was a dick, and you're thanking me for treating you like a human being when I broke you?"

  I shrugged, looking down to my hands. "I’ve been broken for a long time. Besides, you knew how to calm me down. Most people would have just walked away. I was thankful that you were there to help me.”

  He ran a hand through his messy brown hair, making him look even more upset. "That kills me, do you know that? That I was an asshole to you and you still thanked me? You should have told me to go fuck off."

  "Maybe I should have, but that's not what I would do. While you were being a jerk last week, I had every intention of staying around just to annoy you." I peeked up at him through my eyelashes. He stopped pacing and looked at me.

  "That's the Kelsey I want to see, the one who has had no problem giving me shit since she’s met me. You have no problem putting me in my place, and I need that."

  There's that half smile...

  "I hate to burst your bubble, but that Kelsey doesn't come around often."

  He sat beside me on the couch, pulling my hands apart from one another, placing my hands on my knees. "Look at me." He said sternly. I obeyed, looking at him nervously. I haven't sat this close to a guy in a while. "I need to explain to you why I was an ass at lunch.”

  “It’s not necessary, you don’t owe me anything.” I said.

  “Yes, I do. I was an ass because my wife, er…soon to be ex-wife, and I are going through a pretty bitter divorce right now. Each time I’ve blown up on you, I had just got word from my lawyer about her other ‘demands’. It wasn’t fair for me to take it out on you.” His face seemed sincere, his voice was soft.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure it’s not easy to go through.”

  We were both quiet for a moment, so I decided to break the awkward silence. “Why did you hire me on the spot? You knew nothing about me.”

  He lightly chuckled. “I don’t know. There was something different…there is something different about you. You genuinely had no idea who I was until last week, and I could tell by the look on your face when you met me in line at lunch. I get people applying
to be my assistant all the time. They all claim they have no idea who I am, but I can see how they look at me differently. I want to be treated normally by someone. My gut feeling was confirmed the next day when you treated me the way you did. It was…I don’t know…refreshing, I guess? I knew you were there actually for a job, and not for the fame side of it. You weren’t there for ‘Spencer Mills, the actor.’ Everyone else that I’ve had work for me in the last two months were more worried about taking pictures with me and putting them all over social media. I just got sick of people not being honest, I’ve had enough fake people in my life up to this point. I don’t need anymore.”

  This made me really sad for him. The Hollywood lifestyle always seems so glamorous, but right now it seems really lonely.

  “So, are you going to come back to work for me?” He asked nicely.

  I sighed, bringing my attention back to my hands. My fingers were close to lacing together when they were ripped apart. Spencer put one of my hands in each of his. I tried pulling my hands away, but he kept them gripped tightly in his. "That drives me insane, stop playing with your hands when I'm trying to talk to you."

  "I can't help it, it’s a nervous habit." I said quietly.

  He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why are you nervous? I'm here to practically beg you to come back to work for me, I should be the nervous one."

  I shrugged. "There's a bunch of reasons I guess."

  "Ok, let’s go through each reason one by one. We need to get to know each other Kelsey, and I'm not leaving this condo until you agree to come back to work." He made himself comfortable on the couch, still holding my hands.

  "Um...ok. One reason I'm nervous is because you have been a jerk. I'm afraid that I'm going to let you in and you'll just disappoint me."

  He nodded. "I can understand that. I promise you that I'm not going to treat you like that anymore, okay? I'm actually a pretty nice guy when you get to know me, or so I'm told. Give me another reason you're nervous."

  I looked down towards my lap, where my hands should be. "Nope, back up here. Look at me." He said, causing me to look up. This was getting really uncomfortable...

  "Another reason I'm nervous is because I haven't had a guy hold my hand in a long time. It’s a little uncomfortable." I felt my face redden at the admission.

  Spencer's lips curled at the sides, his green eyes sparkling a bit. He tightened his grip. "Hmm...that's a good kind of nervous, though. Another reason, keep going."

  I sighed loudly. "Come on Spencer!"

  He shook his head, not giving in.

  Ugh! He’s so infuriating!

  "Fine. I'm nervous because I haven't had a job in a really long time. I'm nervous because I feel like sometimes I don't have control of my life. I'm nervous because I haven't been alone in a room with a guy in a long time. What makes me most nervous is you're making me feel things that I haven't felt in so long and it’s wrong!"

  Oh no...word vomit. I didn’t mean to say that…that’s not how I feel, is it?

  Spencer's eyes widened at my words.

  Crap. Crap. Crap.

  "Now I'm super nervous because I just made you really uncomfortable. I'm so stupid." I tried standing up, but Spencer pulled me back down on the couch. He didn't say anything, he just continued to look at me. I noticed his grip on my hands wasn't as tight before, so I tried to slide them out from under his. He let one of my hands go, but laced his fingers through mine on the other hand. Butterflies invaded my stomach at his intimate gesture. I gave him a confused look.

  "You're not stupid, Kelsey...and you didn't make me uncomfortable. You were honest. Do you know how hard that quality is to come by? Just because it’s what you’re not wanting to feel doesn’t mean it’s wrong." His deep voice was now almost a whisper, as if this was our little secret. I had to watch his lips to catch all of his words...or at least that's what I was telling myself...

  "I understand if you don't want me as your assistant since I just admitted all kinds of junk that I didn't even know I was thinking. Sometimes when I get on a rant, things come out that I don't realize." I smiled out of embarrassment, shaking my head.

  "There it is." He grinned.

  "What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.

  "Your smile. I knew it would be beautiful, I've been waiting to see it all week."

  If I thought my cheeks were red earlier, I know they are now on fire. "Well...you would have seen it sooner if you weren't a jerk to me. You'll have to forgive me, I wasn't sure when it was appropriate to smile or not...you know, your mood swings and all."

  He bumped his shoulder into mine, laughing. "You're right. Part of your job as my assistant is going to be to smile all day, every day. That’s my number one rule.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him. “Oh really? I think you need to convince me to come back. Why should I want to be Spencer Mills’ personal assistant?” I’m not sure where this sassy Bec- Kelsey was coming from all of a sudden.

  He smiled brightly. “How did the tables get turned here?”

  I smiled back. “Just answer the question, Mr. Mills.”

  He laughed.

  Ok…his laugh is another thing going for him.

  “You should want to work for me because I’m a fun guy, you’ll laugh a lot when you’re around me, I don’t take myself too seriously, I take my assistants on vacations, I will pay you well, and I’m pretty adorable.”

  I giggled at that last comment.

  “Ok, rule number two; you must giggle every day. I’d say that’s more adorable than I am.” He winked.

  And suddenly this condo just transformed into Hades. If it wouldn’t be too obvious, I would start fanning myself with my free hand. “There is only one other thing that I’m worried about.” I said seriously.

  His face mirrored my expression. “Ok, whatever it is we can work it out. What’s the problem?”

  “Um…Christine hates me. She thinks I’m a twelve year old girl who you’re messing around with. People on the set are going to think I’m a tramp.” I looked down at my lap. I was bullied long enough; I don’t need to go through it again.

  “Look at me.” He said quietly. I shook my head, closing my eyes when I felt tears coming on. I felt his finger and thumb on my chin, raising it slowly. “Open.” He was still quiet. I took a deep breath, opening my eyes, letting a tear escape on each cheek. He took his thumb and wiped each one away before moving in closer to me. “Christine is crazy, and everyone on the set knows that. But even if they didn’t, who cares? You’re going to be working for me, not them. I want you there for me. They can talk all the shit they want, then I’ll kick their asses. I’ll protect you Kelsey, no one is going to hurt you, ok?” His voice was still a small whisper.

  A small sob escaped my throat, and he quickly brought me into his arms. He hugged me tightly, rubbing my back. He pressed his cheek against mine and began whispering in my ear. “You said you had things you had to work on, and I’ll help you. I think in some ways you’ll be able to help me too. Don’t let what’s happened in your past dictate your future. Come back as my assistant, we’ll get through our tough patches together.”

  I grabbed onto his sweatshirt tighter at his words. I nodded against his cheek, agreeing to work for him again. I felt him sigh, and with that, I let my head fall into his shoulder, into his neck. He leaned his head against mine, comforting me. In the back of my head, I was thinking maybe he needed the comfort too.

  “Thank you.” He said.

  “For what?” I asked against his neck.

  “Letting your wall down to me finally. It must have been hard for you, but I promise I won’t let you regret it.”

  I sighed. “I hope you don’t.”

  All too soon, I heard the front door open, and I quickly pulled away from Spencer. He gave me an alarmed look that I ignored. The shocked expression on Ryleigh’s face when she noticed Spencer sitting beside me and my obvious red eyes from crying made me a little scared for Spencer.

  “Spence, what are you doin
g here? Collin has been looking for you everywhere. He said you were supposed to meet him for dinner. And what in the hell did you do to her to make her cry? I’ll kick your ass pretty boy!”

  “Just had some things to go over with my assistant, calm your ass down. She’s fine. I guess I better be going.” He stood up and walked towards the door. “I have a key to the elevator, I’ll have to walk you down.” I said.

  Ryleigh gave us both a suspicious look. “It’s alright, Kelsey, I can do it. You’re already in your pajamas and it looks like you need time to yourself.” She quickly opened the door, walking out into the hallway. Spencer turned back to me, reaching into his pockets.

  “These are for you.” He gave me back my keys to the car, the credit card and my phone.

  I smiled, looking back to him. “What time am I needed at the set tomorrow, Mr. Mills?”

  He laughed. “I’ll see you at 8 tomorrow morning in my trailer.”

  “Black coffee?” I smirked.

  “Hmm…black coffee, with a smile.” He studied my face for a moment. “You sure you’re okay? Ryleigh doesn’t scare me.”

  I nodded. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

  He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Goodnight Kelsey.”

  The door closed behind him, and I melted into the wall. Holy crap, what am I getting myself into? There is no way I can let myself fall for anyone. I’m not ready to give my heart away, especially to Spencer Mills.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Spencer’s lips against mine are soft, but demanding. He pressed me against the wall of his trailer, his firm, toned body against mine. “I can make you forget the past.” He whispered against my sensitized skin. “Please, take it all away.” I begged breathlessly. His large hands found the hem of my shirt and disappeared underneath.

  “…sey…Kelsey…KELSEY. EARTH TO KELSEY!”