Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1)

by Trish Williford

  She didn’t respond. Silence filled the air for what seemed like an eternity. I stood up and straightened my dress. “I need to go find Spencer. Do you need anything before I go?”

  The lock clicked and the door open. Ryleigh shuffled out and wrapped her arms around me. “Thank you Kels. I love you.”

  “I love you too Ry…but you need to brush your teeth.”

  She laughed and smacked my arm before going back in the bathroom.

  I knocked on Spencer’s door, nervously waiting for him to answer it. I started bouncing on my toes, trying to expel some of the nervous tension. The door opened, revealing a sleepy Spencer who must have just woken up.

  “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I asked.

  He inhaled deeply, stretching his arms over his head. “Yeah, it’s alright. I was out on the beach, the sun takes it out of me. You want to lay down with me?”

  I bit my lip. “That’s probably not a good idea. Will you take a walk with me?”

  “Sure.”

  Neither of us said anything until we reached a cabana closer to the ocean’s edge. We sat on opposite sides, leaving space between us.

  “I’m sorry for prying earlier.” His voice quiet.

  “Don’t apologize. I need to tell you a few things, and I promise with time I’ll tell you more.”

  “You don’t have to.” He whispered.

  I nodded. “I do. I need to tell you in case it’s too much for you. If it is, I understand, but I need to be up front with you. And what I’m about to tell you stays between us. I’m trusting you, which is something really hard for me to do.”

  Concern plagued his perfect features. “Okay.”

  I took a deep breath. Here it goes. “I was relocated to Vancouver because I was running from something. I was in an extremely abusive marriage for six years. He almost killed me, so I ran. I got help. Now I’m here. I’m damaged Spencer. I’m terrified that I’ll never be the same again. The flashbacks and nightmares are still there. I was in a rehab center for battered women for a month, which helped, but I’m still not okay. Like I told you before, I’m a lot of work. I’m broken, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be fully put back together again. It’s a lot to handle, I’m a lot to handle. You just need the truth before you decide to invest your time in me.”

  His eyes were wide with terror, his face pale. “Kel…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” He closed the distance between us and wrapped me tightly in his arms. “Oh fuck…” he mumbled, his body turning rigid. “That’s why you broke down in the trailer. You thought I was going to hurt you.” He whispered.

  I pulled back slightly to see his face. “It was just a reaction, it wasn’t your fault.”

  His eyes were closed. “Son of a bitch. I’m so sorry.”

  “I didn’t tell you for pity, I just want you to understand why I’m the way I am. I’m getting better, but I know another bad relationship would send me over the edge. I really like you Spencer, you make me so happy when I’m with you, and I haven’t felt that way in such a long time. I’m just terrified.”

  He grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “You have every right to be scared. I’m so proud of you, though. You left.”

  I shook my head. “I ran away Spencer.”

  “You saved your life Kelsey. You survived.” He kissed my forehead.

  I looked down at our now intertwined fingers. “I needed you to know that I come with baggage. It’s not fair to keep you in the dark. I thought you would understand me better once you knew.”

  “There isn’t any type of baggage that would keep me from you. Anything you ever need to get off your chest, no matter how big or small, I want you to talk to me. We haven’t known each other long, but you mean a lot to me. You see me, not Spencer the actor, but actual me. Before you, I was depressed and miserable. I hated the world and everything in it. You’ve changed that. You’ve made me smile. You’ve made me feel again.”

  I leaned my head on his shoulder. “It looks like we both have helped each other out more than we realized.”

  He nodded, looking down to my lips.

  I took the biggest leap of faith since escaping. God, please don’t fail me. “I want to try with you, Spencer.” I said so quietly I wasn’t sure if he heard.

  His eyes grew wide. “Did you just say you want to try with me?”

  He was hopeful. It crushed me that I couldn’t give him all of me, but maybe I can gradually work up to it. “Yes, but go slow please. I need to go slow.”

  He took a deep breath and nodded. “We’ll go nice and slow. Can I take you out when we get home?”

  I nodded. “I’d like that.”

  The ocean’s breeze was blowing my hair in front of my face. Spencer took his hands and ran them through my hair, holding it back. He leaned down and kissed both of my cheeks. “I’m going to be a gentleman and wait to kiss you. Although I want nothing more than to kiss you right here on this beach, but it’ll mean more once we’re actually dating.”

  I smirked. “Seriously? You’ve been kissing me for days, and now you’re going to be a gentleman?”

  He shrugged. “Better late than never. I’m really looking forward to this. I’ll take things slow, and if at any point you decide it’s not what you want, then we’ll go back to friends, okay?”

  “Okay.” I agreed.

  I can’t hide in fear forever. If I do, then Wyatt wins, and there’s no way that’s going to happen. I want to get better…I will get better. I will be me again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  We left for Vancouver the next morning to finish up filming for the episode before Thanksgiving break. Ryleigh finally got over her post-drunk embarrassment and is back to acting normal around Collin. Spencer and I are getting closer by the day, and it thrills me and scares me to death. Although I have a new identity and I’m over twenty-five hundred miles from Monroe, I’m still terrified that he may find me somehow. Not only do I have myself to worry about, but now I have Spencer, too.

  Everyone on the set was watching Bruce, the director, anxiously. "And that's a wrap! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! We will be back a week from tomorrow!"

  Everyone on the set cheered at his announcement, letting their Thanksgiving holiday begin. Tomorrow morning Ryleigh was leaving with Collin to go to Half Moon Cay in the Bahamas for a week with his family. She has been stressing out over this trip for the last few days. She isn't looking forward to spending a week with Collin's girlfriend, but the O'Neil family is now like her own.

  It looks like I'll be spending the holiday alone, but I’m actually okay with that. Spencer is going home to Texas to see his family, but he hasn’t mentioned when he’ll be leaving.

  I was putting my things back in my bag when Spencer got back to the trailer. He picked me up and twirled me in a circle, causing me to giggle.

  “Hey, there is a benefit ball tonight that I was invited to. Would you go with me? It would be a kick ass first date.”

  “Seriously?”

  He shrugged. “Why not?”

  “Because I have nothing to wear. It’s fine, you don’t have to take me to those things. Just go alone.”

  He shook his head. “I want to go, and only with you. We’ll get you a dress and Sky from hair and makeup said she’ll come over to your place in a bit.”

  I felt overwhelmed. “Spencer this is really last minute.”

  He gave me that half grin that always gets me. “I’m a last minute kind of guy. I’ll have Ryleigh take you to one of the shops in downtown to pick up a dress.”

  I don’t fit into that part of your world. It’s alright that you don’t take me, I won’t be offended at all.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t fit into that part of my world? You’re in every part of my world.”

  Swoon.

  “Now, we need to leave your place by eight so you need to get moving.”

  I looked down at my watch. 4:45. Three hours to get a dress and my hair and makeup done?

 
; Impossible.

  Ryleigh’s mouth was hanging open. “WHAT? He’s taking you to the Children’s hospital benefit ball? Lucky!”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “You go with him then. I hate being in crowds. I have no desire to be around other celebrities or stuck up rich people.”

  “I think Spencer really likes you. Actually, I know Spencer really likes you.” Ryleigh squealed.

  “I’m not so sure.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Cut the crap Kels. He’s taking you to the benefit. He never goes to the benefit, ever. I’m not telling you what to do, but just be careful. You’re doing so well and I don’t want you to get hurt and take steps backwards.”

  I hugged her tightly. “Thank you. I’ll try my best.”

  I walked around the fancy dress shop feeling so nervous I could vomit. She trailed behind me, still moaning and groaning. “You’re going and you’ll have an awesome time. Then you’ll come home and tell me about how awesome it was. Collin is taking Bitch.”

  I turned around at that. “Seriously? I have to hang out with her all night?”

  Ryleigh attempting to act serious. “Don’t get drunk and call her a dirty whore.”

  We both were laughing hysterically in the middle of this uppity dress shop. A store associate walked up to us with a fake sales person smile. “Ladies, is there anything I can help you with?”

  “Yes, I am going to a benefit ball tonight and I need a dress. I’m not sure what I want but I need it quickly.”

  She nodded. “Are you going with Mr. Mills?”

  I raised my brows. How did she know?

  She laughed loudly, shaking her head. “It’s alright, I’m not a stalker. He called a few minutes ago and gave me his account information to charge the dress to. Let me show you these dresses over here that you probably won’t need hemmed.”

  I felt sick. I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t want to do this. I gave the woman my dress size and followed Ryleigh to the dressing rooms.

  “Stay in here, I’ll bring the dresses in to you. Get undressed.” Ryleigh ordered.

  I stripped down to my bra and panties and looked in the mirror. I was so pale and awkward. My legs are short and stumpy. My torso is too long for my body. I’m not proportioned well at all. My butt is a little too small and my boobs are a little too big for my body. How anyone has ever found me attractive is beyond me.

  The door opened and I covered my chest and stomach. Ryleigh rolled her eyes and hung a few dresses on the hook. “Really? I saw you in a bathing suit in Cancun, and you have the same lady parts as I do. Come on, try this one first. I’ll zip the back.”

  I stepped into the dress and let Ryleigh zip up the back. “Ok, I love you, you know that right?” she said.

  “Yes…” I said hesitantly.

  “We really need to take you shopping.”

  “I know, I hardly have any clothes. I plan on going shopping tomorrow afternoon.”

  She bit her lip. “It’s not just that. We need to get you sexier underwear. You can't go on dates with panties that have hearts on them." she giggled. We both shook our heads in unison at the current dress, so she unzipped it and brought it down over my hips. I looked down at my current pair and frowned. "Hey, these are Victoria's Secret. And it's not like he's going to see them." I protested.

  "You need sexier underwear if you're going to be going on dates...eventually he will see them." she gave me a wide grin and a wink.

  “Whatever. Hand me that dress next, it’s beautiful.”

  I was headed back to the condo by 6:20. Seriously, that salesman was good. I only tried on two dresses before finding the one I picked for tonight. I was able to get everything I needed at one place. Ryleigh made me sit in the vehicle as the lady rang up the purchases, knowing I would have a fit if I knew how much everything cost.

  As he promised, Sky was at the condo waiting in the lobby for us. She was bouncy as ever once I sat down in the chair in my bedroom.

  “You have really nice hair Kelsey! So what do you want to do with it?”

  I was about to speak when Ryleigh came running in. “I have the perfect idea.”

  Sky listened to Ryleigh intently as I sat there and relaxed. Thank God for Ryleigh. Sky was a miracle worker, and by 7:45 I was completely ready. I slid my shoes on and walked out into the living room, letting Ry give me her opinion.

  Her mouth dropped when she saw me. “OH.MY.GOD!” She squealed. I brought my hands up to my face, trying to hide my embarrassment. She made a twirling motion with her fingers, and I turned so she could see the back of the dress. “I’m jealous. So freaking jealous. You’re so stinking beautiful and you’re getting treated like a princess being taken to a ball. Stupid dirty whore.”

  I laughed as I brought her into a hug. “Your time will come with him, I promise.”

  The intercom buzzing made me jump. Crap, he’s here. This is it.

  “EEP! I’m going to go get him!” Ryleigh exclaimed.

  “I can go down, then we can leave.” I protested.

  She pointed at me. “No. He is going to come up here and get you like a normal date. You just stand there and look pretty.”

  She was out the door and into the elevators before I could argue.

  It didn’t take her long to get back, and when she opened the door, I heard her arguing with Spencer.

  “I told you to stay out here for a minute. I’ll let you know when we’re finished!” She growled. The door shut, and Ryleigh came in followed by Collin. He walked in with a bag and stopped mid stride.

  “Wow. I’m sorry if I offend you right now, but damn it Kelsey, you look hot.” He said with his mouth hanging ajar.

  I smiled nervously at him before Ryleigh smacked my arm. “Oh, um…thank you Collin. You look very handsome.”

  Collin was also dressed for the ball in a grey fitted suit and his hair slicked back. He sat the bag down on the table and started pulling out velvet boxes. “Spencer is outside the door, he wanted me to give these to you. They’re on loan from a jeweler downtown. If anyone asks you tonight where you got your jewelry from you just say ‘Whittman’s in downtown Vancouver.’ They lend us jewelry and we promote their store. It’s an even trade.”

  Ryleigh clapped her hands and ran over to the table to check out the jewelry. I’m not flashy when it comes to accessories, so this feels weird to me. “Oh. My…Kels, get over here. This will be perfect for your dress.” Ryleigh gasped.

  I walked over to the table to see several necklaces, rings, earrings and bracelets out on display. How am I supposed to pick? These are all beautiful and obviously super expensive.

  “I’m not sure Ryleigh. I’ve never seen this many diamonds in one place. I’m afraid I’ll lose something.”

  She ignored me, of course. She picked up the necklace she thought would go with my dress and fastened it around my neck. “See, this complements your dress perfectly. It’s beautiful but not flashy. What do you think?”

  I walked to the mirror to look at the necklace. Ryleigh was right. It wasn’t flashy, but the tear drop diamond hanging from a delicate white gold chain was gorgeous. It didn’t take away from the dress at all. Ryleigh brought over a pair of tear drop diamond earrings and demanded me to put them in. Once they were secured, I felt like my outfit was definitely completed. I didn’t want to see anything else, this felt right.

  “Wow, you’re so beautiful!” Ryleigh said with a sob. I watched as Collin put his arm around her, laughing along with me.

  “I wish you were coming Ry, I would have so much fun with you there. I wouldn’t be nearly as nervous as I am now.” I said sadly.

  Collin frowned, looking over to Ryleigh. “Hey, would you want to accompany me to something like this sometime?”

  She put a hand on her hip. “I have, silly.”

  He grinned. “No, not as my assistant. As a…date?”

  Ryleigh smiled brightly, like she only does at Collin. “Yeah, I guess. It seems like it could be fun.” She tried to hide her enthusi
asm, but I think he knew…

  A knock on the door made me freeze. Holy crap. I’m actually going. Collin noticed my nervousness and yelled for Spence to come in.

  Spencer opened the door and my heart stopped. Of course I’ve seen him every day for weeks, but…oh my. He looks stunning. Beautiful. Wait, can you say that about a guy? Whatever, I’m going to anyways. His tux was black and pressed and fitted and perfect in every way. He wore a crisp white shirt underneath and a black tie. His hair. Oh my…his hair. I’ve seen those brown locks messy and unruly every morning before he goes to hair, but oh my…this is ridiculous. He has the front slightly spiked and the rest just a little messy, but still manages to pull it off. He began yelling at Ryleigh before looking up.

  “Damn it Ryleigh, I told you we were going to be late! I-“

  His green eyes found me and went wide.

  I feel like I’m in a movie. You know, those cheesy teen movies were the guy comes to pick up the girl who is usually tomboyish and she’s all “made over” and all of a sudden she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on?

  Yes.

  That’s how I feel right now. The way Spencer is looking at me is kinda making me paranoid though. Do I not dress girly enough usually? Am I overdressed?

  “Kel..I…holy shit.”

  He was stuttering.

  Over me?

  He shortened the distance between us, causing my heart rate to spike. I hope he can’t tell how nervous I am. He walked around me slowly, taking in what Ryleigh is now claiming as her “masterpiece”. My hair caught his attention immediately. It was curled and strategically pinned up, making it appear that I have more hair than I actually do. Once he made a full circle, he gently kissed my cheek. He studied my cap sleeved fitted black lace dress. He couldn’t see my black peep toe pumps under my dress, but those were my favorite. “You look absolutely breathtaking.” He whispered.

  My cheeks warmed at the compliment. “Thank you. You’re extremely handsome Spencer.” I replied.