Natasha's Awakening

by J. a Melville

  She had her shower and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt before going back downstairs to wait for her Mother. She operated on auto pilot, determined not to think about what happened, how her world had fallen apart, the fact that she was pregnant to a man who didn’t want her or a child. Well technically he doesn’t know there’s a child, she told herself.

  Natasha poured herself a glass of water and sat on the lounge, turning on the TV and aimlessly flicking through channels. There was a knock at the door and she jumped violently. She was strung about as tight as she could get and when she got up to open the door for her Mother, she took a few deep slow breaths to try and calm herself down. Before she opened the door, Natasha peered through the peep hole just to make sure there wasn’t a completely irate Eric standing on the other side, although he probably wouldn’t have made his way through Sydney yet, if he was going to come to her as Maggie predicted. He might have the power of position and wealth to get things he wanted, but not even he could part heavy Sydney traffic and make his way through it faster than everyone else.

  It was a relief to see her Mother standing on the other side and Natasha opened the door to greet her. She stood there with a bag of take away food in her hands. When she stepped inside and put her arms around Natasha to hug her, Natasha burst into tears. “Oh baby girl, what’s happened?” Her Mother asked, her hand going up to run over Natasha’s hair soothingly. “What’s that man done to you? Talk to me baby girl.”

  Natasha cried even harder. “Mum, it’s all so awful.” She sobbed. “It’s Eric, my boss. We went away for some time alone. It’s was so wonderful but today it all came crashing down. He hates me, he doesn’t want me and I love him so much.” She pulled away from her Mother to drop down on the lounge again, her legs suddenly threatening to give way.

  Her Mother sat down next to her and put her hand out, taking Natasha’s in her own. “Why would you think he hates you Natasha? Talk to me sweetheart. What’s happened?”

  Slowly and struggling to hold herself together, she told her Mother about meeting up with Eric in the hotel, then him asking her to come to Tasmania with him. She talked about the horses, meeting Thomas and Maggie and finally she told her about their fight and how Eric had told her he didn’t want her and how he’d driven off, coming back right when she was leaving for the airport. “He was so angry Mum, he told me to fuck off.” She burst into a fresh round of tears.

  “Oh Natasha, I don’t know what to say baby girl to make it hurt less for you. What about your job? Do you still have a job?” She asked and Natasha shrugged.

  “I don’t know Mum. Maggie rang to say Eric had left Tasmania and she seems convinced he’s going to come here but I don’t know. He was so mad, you have no idea how angry he looked and I can’t imagine he’d come here, I can’t imagine he’d want me as his PA anymore. I think I’m the last person he wants to see.” She dissolved in another flood of tears. She cried for what felt ages before finally her tears stopped and all through her uncontrollable sobbing, her Mother had simply held her.

  “Have you eaten Natasha?” She asked and Natasha shook her head. “I haven’t been home long and there’s not much food in the house. I need to go shopping.”

  “Well come on baby girl, I brought dinner and you’re going to eat whether you feel like it or not.” Her Mother ordered. “I’ll get plates and we can eat on the lounge. Don’t you move sweetheart.” She got up to go and organise the food for them both. While her Mother put out dinner for them, Natasha went into the powder room to splash water on her face and try and get herself back under control. She looked terrible, her eyes were blood shot from so much crying, she was puffy under her eyes and her nose had gone a not so attractive shade of red. As she stared at herself, her mind drifted back to just 24 hours ago and she couldn’t believe how much things had changed and so quickly. She had been so happy with that little ray of hope inside that Eric was beginning to care for her, but that was gone, torn apart, destroyed forever.

  “Natasha, get out here baby girl and come eat.” Her Mother’s voice called to her and Natasha went back out to join her so they could have dinner. Even though she’d brought Natasha’s favourite seafood vol-au-vents, she could only eat some of them, spending most of her time pushing her food around on her plate with her fork. She tried to make herself eat more for her Mother’s sake and also for the sake of her tiny baby nestled in her womb, but she just couldn’t do it and finally she gave up. “I’ll put this away for tomorrow Mum. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this tonight. I’m so tired, I don’t even have the energy to eat anymore.”

  Her Mother sighed. “Ok baby girl. I’ll let you off this time but don’t let that man make you sick. If you don’t eat properly you will become run down. He’s not worth it Natasha. If he can make you this unhappy he sure as hell isn’t worthy of my little girl.” She pulled Natasha into her arms.

  “So what’s going on in your life Mum.” She asked, desperate for something to take her mind off Eric and her Mother’s constant chatter would help. Seeming to realise that Natasha needed something to take her mind off her problems, she spent the next hour chatting away about her craft group and the various ladies in the group. It was when Natasha nearly dozed off that her Mother stood up and turned to her. “Ok baby girl, you need to get yourself to bed. If you’re sure you’ll be alright, I’ll leave you to get some rest.”

  Natasha yawned. “Thanks Mum. Thank you for dinner. I love you.” She hugged her Mother, fighting not to give in to the tears that threatened again.

  “I love you too baby girl.” She gave Natasha another hug and they both walked to the door. Natasha pulled it open for her Mother and both women gasped in shock because standing at the door, one hand raised as if he’d been about to knock and with an intense rage burning in his brilliant blue eyes, was Eric.

  Chapter 20.

  Natasha’s eyes widened in shock when she saw him standing at her door. She gaped at him for a moment before she panicked and tried to swing the door shut. Eric’s foot shot out stopping her and he shoved it open again, stepped inside and closing the door. She backed up, fear replacing her shock. Eric advanced on her until she finally hit the edge of the lounge and tumbled onto it.

  “Eric, I presume?” Her Mother said and his eyes swung to her in surprise. He had been so focused on Natasha it was like he hadn’t even noticed the presence of her Mother in the room.

  “Yes.” he ground out. “And you would be?” He looked at her for a moment before recognition dawned in his gaze. “You must be Natasha’s Mother. She’s the spitting image of you.”

  “Yes I am.” She said. “And as for you, I’ve heard a lot about you and nothing good so far.” Natasha cringed at her Mother’s words. “Way to go Mum,” she thought to herself. Eric was looking like he was close to exploding as it was. She didn’t need her Mother making things worse.

  “What do you want Eric?” Natasha asked her tone weary.

  His gaze returned to her. “I would prefer to have this discussion in private.” He said but Natasha’s Mother jumped in between them.

  “I’m not leaving you alone with my daughter. I think you’ve done enough damage for one day.”

  Natasha watched Eric’s jaw tighten but he kept his anger under control and forced a smile to his face as he replied. “Fine Mrs Barrington, if that’s the way you want it.”

  “Call me Kathryn.” Her Mother said and Natasha groaned silently. “Don’t tell me Mum is being taken in by his good looks.” She thought to herself. She turned her attention back to Eric as he towered over her from her position cowering on the lounge. He was so unbelievably sexy. Even as angry as he was, her mouth went dry at the sight of him. She could see the lines of strain on his face as he struggled to rein in his anger in front of her Mother and as he looked down at her, something flashed briefly in his eyes before the rage was back and she braced herself for him unleashing his fury on her.

  “Eric, I just want to go to bed. I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day. Just
tell me why you’re here then go, please.” She begged and if anything Eric seemed to become even more angry. “

  You’re tired, you’ve had a long day. Well fuck you Natasha. You’re not going anywhere until you give me an explanation and it had better be a fucking good one too.” He snapped.

  Natasha’s Mother stepped between him and her daughter. “Don’t you dare use that language on my girl.” She fumed. “She’s done nothing to you. You have hurt her and now you come here acting like the injured party?”

  Eric’s reaction to her Mother’s words surprised Natasha. He simply started laughing. “I haven’t done anything to your daughter Kathryn. Your daughter has betrayed me, lied to me. I’m the one who should be upset, not her.”

  “What is it that you think I’ve done to you Eric.” Natasha asked, resignation in her voice as she realised he wasn’t going to go anywhere any time soon and she watched as Eric reached into his pocket, pulling something out and threw it at her. It landed in her lap and when she looked down at it, her blood ran cold, the colour draining from her face. Her eyes rose to his briefly, before skating away from that burning rage.

  “What is it baby girl?” Her Mother asked, stepping forward. When she saw what lay in Natasha’s lap, her eyes turned to her daughter in shock. “You’re pregnant?” She cried. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been here for a couple of hours and nothing. Why keep something this big from me?” Natasha felt tears threatening again at the hurt clearly visible in her Mother’s eyes.

  Eric laughed, but there was no humour in it. “Oh don’t worry Kathryn, your daughter didn’t think that either of us should be given that piece of information.” His eyes locked on Natasha’s again. “I just want to know why you lied. You told me you did the test and it was negative. I’d still be thinking it was negative if I hadn’t found this damning piece of evidence lying in the bin when I was packing up to fly home. If you wanted to keep it from me, you shouldn’t have thrown the fucking thing in the bin.” He yelled. Natasha cringed inwardly. How was she to know he’d see it in the bin? Why was he digging around in the bin in the first place?

  Natasha’s Mother was looking very upset, her gaze accusing as she stared down at her daughter. “Why didn’t you tell me Natasha. I’m your Mother. How could you keep that from me?” Natasha’s gaze moved from Eric to her Mother and she sighed. Now she had both of them bristling with indignation at her and somehow she’d become the enemy. Her Mother was looking as deeply offended as Eric and just like that, her Mother had become Eric’s ally and she was the bad guy.

  “I was going to tell you Mum, just not tonight.” She tried to explain, ignoring Eric’s snort. “I’m tired. I couldn’t face all the questions tonight.” She looked up at her Mother. Suddenly against what might become her better judgement, Natasha realised she couldn’t have this conversation with Eric in front of her Mother. “Mum, please, I need to speak to Eric alone. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She said but her Mother looked between her and Eric.

  “I’m not leaving you alone with him and not before you explain to me why you chose to keep such a vital peace of information like you being pregnant from me.” Her Mother argued.

  Eric turned to her Mother. “Please Kathryn, I promise I just want to talk to your daughter. I’m not going to hurt her. I’ve never hurt a woman before and I’m not about to start on Natasha.” He tried to reassure her.

  Natasha’s Mother looked from one of them to the other. “You’ve already hurt my daughter. More than I think you realise.” She turned to Natasha. “I’m not happy about this baby girl. Are you sure you want me to go? If I leave here, you have to promise me you’ll call me as soon as he leaves.”

  Natasha nodded. “I promise Mum. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ok. I just wasn’t up to this kind of discussion tonight, but…” She trailed off as her gaze returned to Eric.

  After a final glance between the two of them and kissing her daughter again, Natasha’s Mother moved in front of Eric and placed her hand on his chest. “Don’t you dare hurt my daughter.” She warned him.

  “I won’t.” He replied quietly.

  Once Kathryn had left, Natasha eyed off Eric warily. Suddenly she wondered what the hell she’d been thinking asking her Mother to leave, but a part of her knew she couldn’t talk to him properly with her Mother present as well. She didn’t need to know every detail of what had taken place between them after all.

  Eric glared at Natasha, not saying anything for a while and she felt her heart start to thump wildly in her chest. Why wasn’t he saying anything? “I thought you were here to talk or yell or whatever the hell you’re here for.” She finally said.

  “Why did you lie to me? If I hadn’t have found that.” He pointed to the test strip. “I wouldn’t know now. Were you ever going to tell me?”

  Natasha laughed bitterly. “You dare to ask me why I didn’t tell you? You made it perfectly clear you don’t want to be a Father. I was so scared you’d force me to have an abortion and I’m sorry if that pisses you off, but I want this baby and I’m not destroying this child just because you don’t want it. I’d never thought about becoming a Mother any time soon, but now I’m pregnant, there is no way in hell I’m giving this child up. I don’t need you in my baby’s life Eric. I will not make any financial demands on you. I have money of my own and I’m quite happy to put Father unknown on the birth certificate.” She said.

  Eric recoiled, an expression of horror on his face. “You think I would force you to have an abortion? Why do you think I’m such a monster Natasha? I just know I won’t make a good Father. Just because I’m not cut out to be a Father doesn’t mean I’d demand you get rid of the baby.” Natasha watched him as he started to pace restlessly in front of her.

  “Why are you so convinced you would be such a terrible Father.” She couldn’t help asking.

  Eric stopped pacing long enough to face her again, his expression tormented. “I just know, ok?”

  Natasha watched him for a moment, “That doesn’t answer my question Eric. You have to have a reason why you’re so convinced that you would take out Terrible Father of the Year award.” His expression closed off to her and she ground her teeth with frustration. He was still shutting her out and he wondered why she felt the way she did about having him around her child. “Just go home Eric. We have nothing more to discuss.”

  “Dammit Natasha, you’re not pushing me out that fucking door.” He dragged his hand through his hair. “Fuck it, fuck it.” He yelled. “Why did everything have to become such a fucking mess?” Frustration was evident in his voice. “This was never meant to happen. It was a huge mistake. Everything was a fucking mistake.” At his words, Natasha’s heart died that little bit more in her chest. He was saying it was all a mess, a mistake which meant he obviously thought their time together was a huge mistake too. For her it had been the most amazing time of her life up until the bubble burst just that morning but Eric wasn’t feeling the same way. He looked like a caged animal, pacing back and forth within the confines of her living room.

  She fought to keep her emotions in check. She didn’t want Eric to see her start crying. Natasha just wanted him to leave. “I’m so sorry Eric that everything in your life has gone to shit. I’m sorry that our time away was a huge fucking mistake to you and I’m really sorry that I’m now carrying your child which you don’t want but I’m tired. I want to get to bed, so go home!” She yelled at him, standing up to move to the door so she could open it and hopefully push him out.

  Eric’s look was tortured when his eyes met hers. “Dammit Natasha, you’re twisting this all around. I never said that.” With two long strides he stood before her. “Our time away was amazing, you were amazing. I couldn’t get enough of you. I still can’t.” He groaned. “I still want you so damned much.” He said huskily, reaching for her, but she pulled away.

  “Don’t you dare touch me Eric. It’s over between us and you know it. Everything has changed. I’m not here for your amusement. I’m pregnant with a
baby you don’t want and since this baby and I are a package deal there is no one without the other. Plus.” She held her hand up when Eric went to interrupt her. “That wasn’t some fucking attempt to trap you or anything. I don’t need you, your baby doesn’t need you, so go home!” She made her way to the door but before she could reach it to open it, Eric grabbed her arm pulling her against him.

  “Don’t just dismiss me like I’m nothing.” He snapped. “Maybe I need to remind you what it can be like between us.”

  Natasha struggled but Eric’s arms closed around her, his mouth crashing down on hers, crushing her lips against her teeth until she tasted blood. His tongue forced its way past her lips and he groaned, easing his assault when he tasted her blood. He began to kiss her gently, nibbling along her full bottom lip and Natasha fought to not feel anything, to not respond.

  Eric kissed her, his passion rising as he seduced her mouth, trying to evoke some sort of response from her. Hungrily his hands roamed over her body, cupping her breasts and squeezing them roughly making her gasp. She could feel his erection pressing against her and suddenly she began to struggle again, fighting to break loose of his vice like grip on her. When she heard the deep groan rumble up from his throat she knew her struggles were only exciting him more so she froze, determined not to give him the satisfaction of responding to him in any way. Natasha’s body screamed out for more, betraying her by waking under his touch despite her brain telling her no.

  Impatiently he backed up until he had her body pressed up against the wall, his hips moving restlessly with his growing arousal. His hands tore at the button on her jeans then hastily pulled the zip down, plunging his hand inside to press his fingers against her sensitive button and Natasha bit down hard on his lip to try and make him release her. She battled with her body, determined to not give him the response he was looking for.