by Pepper Pace
“Robin? What’s wrong?” He suddenly sounded a lot more alert.
“It’s about Belinda.”
“Yeah?”
She paused. “She didn’t want me to tell you this, and maybe she’s right…I don’t know anymore. But something tells me that you should know. Belinda is…going to have an abortion.”
There was no sound for a long time. Robin heard rustling of sheets and then she heard Peter speaking and the sound of a muffled woman’s sleepy response.
Robin covered her face in disappointment. Jesus. Peter was such a dog. She clicked end on the phone and then angrily tossed it on her bed as she went to the bathroom to shower. When she returned from the bathroom the phone was shrilling. Angrily she picked it up.
“Yeah.”
“Robin! Jesus why did you hang up?!”
Robin pressed on the speaker phone and tossed it onto her bed not caring if he could hear her or not. “I hung up because I made a mistake. Belinda knows you better then I apparently gave her credit for.” She said as she angrily dried off. “I thought you really loved her. I thought you were just too stubborn to admit it. But you slept with her one night and you have some stranger in your bed the next!”
“But, I do love Belinda. I do!”
“You have a strange way of showing it.”
“Okay…I know! Just because I don’t want a relationship with one person doesn’t mean that I don’t really care about her. Dude…why didn’t she tell me that she was pregnant?”
Robin pulled on a hoodie. “Why should she?” She picked up the phone. “I gotta go.”
“Where are you going?!”
“I told you. She’s having an abortion and I’m taking her. I did what I said I’d do and that was to tell you. That’s all you deserve, Peter.” She hung up and turned her phone off so that if it rang again it would just go to voice mail.
After pulling on shoes she stepped out into the cold morning air. The clouds blocked the sun. It was an ugly day. When she got to Belinda’s house Belinda was sitting quietly on the rickety porch as she had before. This time when Robin pulled up to the curb she didn’t bound down the stairs in excitement. She climbed into the passenger seat and then buckled up.
“Peter called me.” She mumbled.
“Yeah. I figured he would.”
“Thanks for the heads up.”
Robin resisted the urge to tell her that she wouldn’t have needed the heads up if she had told him herself. Instead she ignored the accusatory tone in her friend’s voice. “Didn’t go well, huh?”
“No. He started yelling and I hung up.”
Robin stopped at the light just in time to see Peter’s van rounding the corner. Belinda cursed. Robin froze.
“This is not going to go well…” Belinda said.
“Maybe you should postpone it…”
“No. Fuck that. Keep driving!” Robin quickly gunned the gas and they shot through the green light. Peter came up behind them, cutting off another car and blowing his horn like a maniac. Robin kept driving nervously as Belinda gave her directions to the nearby clinic. Belinda’s phone began ringing but she ignored it. Robin’s nerves were a wreck. This was going very badly. Finally she turned to her friend at the next light.
“Belinda, just talk to him.”
“No. I made up my mind.”
Belinda directed her around one last bend and then they were entering something that resembled a mini compound. There was a gate manned by a guard who observed them cautiously before opening the gate. He asked their names and then checked a list before allowing them admittance. Meanwhile Peter was behind them and he had at least stopped blowing the horn hoping to follow them inside. But no such luck. The guard shut him out.
Robin parked and as they headed towards the entrance they could hear Peter yelling for Belinda to talk to him.
“We can keep the baby! We don’t have to do this, Belinda!” Robin paused to look at him on the other side of the gate. He was wheeling back and forth as the guard was talking on some type of walkie talkie. Belinda continued to walk as if she couldn’t hear him. “Robin! Tell her not to do it!”
Robin raised her hand to him and nodded her head. He seemed to calm a bit and then Robin hurried after Belinda. At the door they had to go through a metal detector and were patted down. The nurse apologized for the added precautions but indicated that they could not be too careful. She apologized again for the disturbance out front not realizing that they had brought ‘the disturbance’.
Once Belinda registered at the front desk, they were instructed to sit in a crowded yet comfortably decorated waiting room. There were seven other women there. Belinda’s phone rang again and this time she cut it completely off.
Robin watched her, seeing that her face was calm but her body trembled. “Give me your hand.” Belinda gave her a surprised look.
“I’m not very touch feely…”
But Robin’s had stayed open and finally Belinda slowly placed her hand on top. Her palm was sweaty and Robin firmly closed her hand over it. “It’s okay. I’m here.” She spoke to Belinda in the same soothing voice that she used for Jason’s seizures.
“I’m not going to fall apart.” Belinda whispered, though her voice cracked. “I’m doing the right thing for me.”
“You heard what Peter said, right?”
Belinda nodded.
“You can change your mind and he will be there.”
“Hey lady!” Robin’s head jerked around. A young woman was glaring at her from across the room. “Leave her alone! This is her fucking body and she has a right to make her own decisions-”
“MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!” Belinda snapped loudly. The woman gave her a surprised look. “This is my friend and she’s doing exactly what a friend is supposed to do!” The woman looked away from Belinda’s angry glare and then finally stood up and walked into another waiting area. Belinda squeezed her hand.
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
An abortion happens in a surprisingly short amount of time. After sitting in the waiting room for fifteen minutes the receptionist called Belinda’s number. Names weren’t used at the facility, only numbers. She got up, not appearing the least afraid. But Robin knew that looks were deceiving. After she disappeared Robin looked around at the other women in the room. Some looked hard and tough like Belinda and some looked scared and unsure. No men were in the room. There was one girl that didn’t even look fifteen.
Robin picked up a magazine and leafed through the pages, never stopping long enough to read any of the articles. After that magazine she went through three others, her mind taking stock of the events of her life. Could this have been her? Not sitting in an abortion clinic but pregnant and unsure. Yes, and what if Top wasn’t the supportive boyfriend that he turned out to be, but was really a jerk like Peter? Should she have kept Belinda’s secret? What would Peter do now that he knew?
When she looked at the clock it was over an hour since they had called Belinda back. Should she have tried harder to stop her…what if Peter had been told earlier and he’d had a chance to talk to her, would he have talked her out of it? Robin covered her face with her hands, rubbing anxiously. She had to stop! This is why her stomach was tumbling right now! Because she made everything her problem! This was not her fault! She wasn’t pregnant, she and Jason knew how to communicate, and all she could do was to be a friend to Belinda. That is all she could do.
When a nurse approached her a few minutes later, Robin felt calm again. They led her back to a private recovery room. Belinda was sleeping on a gurney with the rails up. The nurse was explaining her after care and handing her papers to read.
“She will be asleep for another 10 minutes. The procedure went well and she is fine. She needs to rest for the rest of the day. No heavy lifting for one week. She needs to take these pills for three days. Things to look out for are high fever or any signs of skin reddening.” Robin felt overwhelmed but the nurse gave her a gentle smile. “She will be okay. The
most important thing is rest.”
Robin sat on a small stool by the bed and waited. Ten minutes later Belinda’s eyes opened and she looked around groggy.
“What-?” Her voice sounded raspy.
“You’re in recovery.”
“It’s over?”
“Yeah.”
“Well…they just put the mask over me. It’s already done?”
“Yes. You want to lay here for a minute? We can leave as soon as you’re awake.”
“No, let’s get out of here.” It took a lot of effort for Belinda to get up, not because she seemed in pain but because she seemed so groggy.
“Maybe we should rest for a few minutes.”
“No, I want to get out of here!” She whined. Robin helped her dress, tossing the gown into a bin.
“Are you…in pain?” She asked when Belinda pulled on her shoes.
“No.” She gave Robin a strange look. “It doesn’t hurt at all. Not even cramps.”
When they left recovery, Robin heard crying and glanced into the open door of another recovery room. The woman that had yelled at her was in there bawling her eyes out while an older woman consoled her. ‘I didn’t want to do it!’ She repeated tearfully.
The two girls just quickened their steps. When they were at the receptionist desk they were signed out and Robin was getting some last minute instructions when Belinda bent and puked all over the floor. The nurses didn’t seem surprised but they quickly ushered the two girls out of the facility.
Robin looked up at the gate but Peter and his van were gone. She got Belinda loaded in and buckled up. “I can’t believe I puked.” She said miserably.
“Are you nauseous?”
“A little.”
“Do you got crackers at home?”
Belinda shook her head. “I’m going to stop at the corner store real quick and get you 7-UP and crackers.”
“And soup. I’m kind of hungry.”
“Okay.” As they drove out of the gate, Belinda looked around, evidently searching for signs of Peter. But he wasn’t there.
Robin was surprised and a bit disappointed that Peter wasn’t at Belinda’s apartment waiting for them. Inside of the duplex Robin found that Belinda’s space was strangely nice. She didn’t have walls draped in rock star posters and a house full of odd knick knacks, but she had a very traditionally decorated home. There were tons of plants and a matching couch and chair. The old hardwood floors were covered in throw rugs. It was small but pretty damn nice. The Brady Bunch could have lived there.
Belinda sat down on the couch and pulled a neatly folded afghan over herself. She reached for the remote control and turned on the TV and then lay down huddled there blankly watching the screen. Robin was in the kitchen heating up the soup in the microwave and when it was heated she sat it on the table in front of the couch along with crackers and a can of soda.
“I’m too nauseous to eat.” Belinda said while staring at the TV.
“Okay.” Robin settled in the chair and began reading the material that she’d gotten from the clinic. “It says here that you got to take this pill three times a day for three days; to stop infection.” Robin helped her take the pill and it took a lot for Belinda to keep it down without puking. She lay down again, looking tired and her eyes slowly closed.
“Remember,” she said softly, “when you asked me what I really want in my heart of heart?” Robin leaned forward in her chair. She did remember asking her.
“Yeah.”
“I want…my baby.” And then tears began to slip down Belinda’s cheeks as her eyes closed. Robin waited for her to fall asleep and then she stepped outside onto the porch and sat in the rickety metal chair that was actually very comfortable. She closed her eyes and cried.
***
Belinda was still asleep a few hours later while Robin watched whatever images appeared on the TV screen. Then she remembered that it was late afternoon and she hadn’t bothered to turn her phone back on. She had 15 messages, most were from Peter so she deleted them without even listening, but the last three were from Jason. She quickly redialed his number, worried that something had happened to him.
“Jason?” She said as soon as the phone picked up.
“Robin what in the hell is going on?!”
“What?”
“Peter is in freaking jail!”
“What?!” Robin leaped up and headed into a different room so that she wouldn’t disturb Belinda. “I got a message that he got arrested outside of an abortion clinic for terroristic threatening or something and that he was trying to follow you two inside!”
Jason had been dead asleep when his phone had rung and hadn’t bothered to get up or answer it until hours later when he finally checked his messages. He was alarmed to hear Peter’s voice exclaiming that he had gotten arrested and that his parent’s were coming to bail him out. He explained that he was trying to stop Robin and Belinda from going into the abortion clinic but the police thought that he was trying to bomb the place or something. His van got towed and he was in jail. Then he said that he’d call later and that he wasn’t sure about whether or not he’d be able to get to the studio that evening.
Jason had replayed the message two times feeling sick. Belinda and Robin had gone to an abortion clinic. Neither had mentioned anything about being pregnant. Robin wasn’t pregnant because she had gotten her period…or had she? What if Robin was lying about her period so that she could sneak off to have an abortion…? What if Robin had lied and said that she wouldn’t ever get rid of their baby, just to save his feelings?
Jason shook his head. That was stupid. Belinda was pregnant and Robin was just driving her…but why hadn’t she ever mentioned to him that Belinda was pregnant? Why would she keep a secret like that from him when they shared everything? And if she kept a secret like that from him then maybe she could sneak off and have a secret abortion.
He was very freaked out when he called her but she didn’t answer, though he knew she was awake because Peter had just seen her. So why wouldn’t she answer her phone??? So he called again and then again, each time his messages becoming more frantic, each time he was more convinced that she was aborting their baby.
“What are you doing, Robin? Why did you let all of my messages go to voice?! I’ve been freaking out here-”
“Jason there is a good explanation for everything but I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you when I get home.” She explained in a hushed voice.
“Where are you?!”
“Everything is okay, I’ll call you back in a while.” Sheesh! She hung up on her boyfriend for the first time. Control freak.
When she returned to the living room, Belinda was sitting up and spooning cold chicken noodle soup into her mouth.
“Did I wake you?” Robin sat down in the chair again.
“Hmm, was that Jason?” Belinda asked. “What’s he pissed about?”
“Cuz I didn’t answer my phone in a timely enough manner I guess.” She took a deep breath. “And he told me that Peter…got arrested.”
Belinda’s eyes locked onto hers in surprise. “Fuck.” She put down the soup. “Well…is he still in jail?”
“I don’t know.”
Belinda ran a frantic hand through her hair. And then almost on cue there was a knock at the door. Both girls jumped a foot into the air. Robin hurried to answer, checking the peep hole but didn’t see anyone.
