by Pepper Pace
She turned to look at Belinda in confusion. “There isn’t any-” But then came the knock again. Robin opened the door to see Peter sitting on his butt and not in a wheelchair. She suddenly understood the dilemma…no ramp to the house. He’d scooted across the floor just as Jason sometimes did.
“Robin, can you get my chair? It’s outside.”
She nodded and glanced behind her at Belinda who had her arms crossed and was standing there in the living room. Then she hurried outside for the chair. When she returned, pushing it through the open door it was to see Belinda and Peter sitting on the couch. He was holding her and she was sobbing uncontrollably. She could hear her repeating over and over.
“I didn’t mean to do it…I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Peter was kissing her and holding her and rocking her.
“I know. I know, honey. It’s okay. Shhh, it’s okay.” They didn’t even seem to see her as she quickly gathered her purse and jacket.
“Do you hate me?” Belinda asked, her face red and tear streaked.
“No, I love you. I told you that…I don’t tell anybody else that. I love you. I’ll never hate you…” Robin closed the door behind her as she left the two lovers to mend and heal. Now she had to go to Jason and mend whatever they had broken.
Jason heard the key in the lock and didn’t even look up from the computer. For once he wasn’t working on music. He was supposed to be doing school work but his mind was in too many other places for that to be successful.
“Hey.” Robin said as she entered the room.
He looked at her, anger clear on his face. “You hung up on me.”
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t talk right then.”
He mulled her words over. “What in god’s name were you doing at an abortion clinic?”
She became irritated at his stank attitude. What right did he have to be pissed when she was emotionally drained at what she’d just been through?! “Well what the hell do you think I was doing there?”
“I really have no idea” he said, voice slurred and stilted. “Because you never mentioned to me that someone was planning on aborting a baby today. So I really have no idea what you were doing there. So who had an abortion?”
“What?! Are you asking me if I had an abortion?” Her eyes were like saucers as she stared at him.
“I’m asking you if you had an abortion.”
“Jesus Christ, no!” She glared at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe that you would think that!” He studied her before releasing his breath. “Oh my god…you think I’m lying to you?!”
“No, I believe you. I just…that was stupid. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “You really don’t know me very well if you think I’d lie about something like that to you.”
“Well, you hung up on me…and you didn’t answer the phone…and…”
“So?! That means I’d run out and get a secret abortion?!”
“Well…why didn’t you tell me that Belinda was pregnant?”
“Because she didn’t want anybody to know!”
“Robin…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to think the worse. I just…”
She contemplated whether she wanted to just go home or whether she was willing to stand here and accept his apology. She honestly didn’t know which one she preferred.
“You gotta trust me, Jason. And I gotta trust you.” Her voice shook. “I would never do that! Do you understand?!”
“I understand.” He whispered. “I just…get…unsure about…me. Not you, just me.”
“Unsure?” She crossed her arms in front of herself and rubbed her elbows.
“I feel like a kid sometimes. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, or why you are with me, or what is right and what is wrong. I just know how I feel. I want you, I love my music, and I want to walk. That’s all I know for sure.”
She walked to him slowly and then sat on his lap and placed her arms around his neck. She looked deeply into his eyes. “You got me. Your music is beautiful. And you will walk.”
Later Jason phoned Mr. Edelson to cancel the session for today. Peter never phoned and Robin and Top made love for most of the evening.
On Sunday, Robin didn’t mind that Jason missed church. He had done school work and he and Peter needed to catch up on their music work. Nearly everyone in the congregation asked about Jason and after services she and her mother went to a soul food restaurant at Robin’s suggestion and she paid. She picked up enough food for the guys including Jay; the technician and dropped it off at the studio.
She felt odd when Peter looked at her. He wheeled away from the controls and stopped in front of her. “Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy, but I appreciate it.”
Robin felt her emotions rise. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop her.”
Peter continued to watch her, his voice became a whisper. “It wasn’t your job to do that, it was mine.”
She nodded. There was so much more that she wanted to say, but in the end there was nothing else needed to be said. She moved towards where Jason was watching them and kissed him goodbye promising to be at his place when he returned tonight. He squeezed her tightly before releasing her.
After leaving there she didn’t head back to Jason’s but to Belinda’s. She wasn’t even home. She was supposed to be resting. Robin phoned her and she was at the library studying since she didn’t have a computer of her own. Belinda stepped outside to smoke and talk on her cell without disturbing anyone.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to smoke after?” Robin was driving back to Jason’s place.
“Well it’s either smoke or shoot everyone within a 25 mile radius due to nicotine withdrawals.” She paused. “Thanks for everything Robin. You were great.”
“I don’t feel so great.”
“I knew you’d beat yourself up over this. None of this is your fault, okay?”
“I know that. I promise I do. I just feel a little down, is all.”
“Hmmm. I know. I do too.”
“But you two are good?”
“Surprisingly yes. He asked me to be his girlfriend.”
Robin grinned broadly. “And you said, yes?”
“Of course.” After a giddy spell in which Belinda was overcome with the giggles she continued. “Now we just need to work on getting Amberly a boyfriend.”
“That would be good.” And then maybe she would stop giving Jason moon-eyed looks. Yeah…she and Amberly were not destined to really hit it off. The girls talked for a while and then Belinda complained about the cold and went back inside to study. Robin cracked open Jason’s laptop when she got back to his place. She contemplated an idea that had latched into her mind over the last few weeks. She thought about going to college. She navigated through the Universities website and checked out the enrollment information.
Chapter 28
It was very strange to have a week with little conflict. A week with totally none would be an mpossibility! Robin got a strange message on Monday from Pinnacle and when she called them back she was asked if she had gone to Mrs. Babbs funeral the week before.
Robin didn’t answer immediately and then Mary Louise had explained that her work log had not indicated that she hadn’t worked for the two hours that she wasn’t with Jason. She told her that she would make an adjustment.
Robin could have kicked herself for the bonehead mistake. Of course they would know that she would attend Mrs. Babb’s funeral. She knew that she was technically cheating Pinnacle out of hours when she wasn’t actually there when she was supposed to be, especially this week when Jason spent so much time at the studio and she wasn’t needed. Maybe she should, but she didn’t feel bad that she was cheating them. They had cheated her in many ways, as well. And besides she did more than she was expected. Now that Jason’s mother didn’t come by to do his shopping and cleaning she did it. Though half of everything that needed doing was half her mess also since she spent more time in his apartment then in her own.
Each night when he came home Robin and Jason made love. She began her birth control pills and making love with no condom felt awesome! At lunch Peter and Belinda were so cute, holding hands and giving each other long loving looks. The guys decided to end the Friday night Omicron parties. Omicron hated to lose the money but they were beginning to get into trouble over the parking and rowdiness so it was probably a good idea.
Jason’s mother phoned him one day and that had not been a pleasant conversation. Robin had tried not to listen but it was hard not to. Mrs. Hamilton was giving Jason hell and then she came over!
Jason had just finished in the bathroom and Robin was finishing up the dinner dishes. They were going to head over to the studio soon. It helped to actually come home first, eat and do bathroom things. And it gave Tom time to sleep in since he was a full ten hours ahead of them Japan time. If they got to the studio at six then Tom didn’t have to be present until 8 am.
Jason’s cell phone rang and he immediately recognized his Mom’s ringtone. He didn’t really feel like talking right now, but knew that he needed to catch up since she hadn’t come over for her weekly cleaning session.
“Hey Mom. I was just heading o-”
“What the hell were you thinking firing Raymond?!” Jason got quiet. “You haven’t even gotten fitted for your braces yet! How in the hell are you going to start walking without them? You want to ruin your legs? You want to have surgery on them again?!”
“Mom, I already have a new appointment Friday with a different doctor that you don’t know. So…yeah, you’ll have to come directly to me when you want to know what’s going on from now on.”
“What?! You think I’m concerned that I’m not in the mix? I’m concerned that you just got rid of a guy that knows your body better then you do! A guy I handpicked for you because he’s about the best damn therapist there is!”
“Raymond? You handpicked him for me?! What you mean is that you hand picked him for yourself!”
Robin stopped doing the dishes to go into the living room where Jason was wheeling angrily back and forth.
“Grow up, Jason! That ended so long ago that I can’t even freaking remember it. Raymond and I are now just friends, and so were you before you up and fired him over some dumb shit that happened before he even had met you!”
“Mom, it’s not your business. I don’t care about what you and Raymond did, anymore. I have a new therapist that won’t go blabbing to you about stuff that’s none of your business!”
“Oh, hold on. I’m pulling up into the drive.”
“No. I got to get to the studio!”
“The studio can wait! This can’t!” The phone went dead and Jason almost threw it before he remembered that he’d just have to order a new one. He wheeled to the door and opened it just as his mother stormed up the walk way. Robin stood in the entrance of the kitchen unsure of how to proceed.
“Hi Mrs. Hamilton.” She said softly.
“Hi, Honey. How is your stomach?” Joyce said as she dropped her purse onto the nearby chair.
“It hasn’t been giving me any problems.”
“Well, you might want to cover your ears then because Jason and I are about to have it out!” Jason just glared at his mother. “Let me tell you something Jason Lane Hamilton, you’re trying to punish Raymond because of something that you can’t even begin to understand.”
“You cheated on my father with my therapist. That’s not all that complicated Mom. And you don’t need to tell me that Dad was a dick. I know it! He was probably cheating on you, too. And Raymond is a great guy that honestly cares about me. I know that, too! Friend’s do what they think is best for you, even if it’s to tell your mother something you didn’t want her to know. But I didn’t fire Raymond to punish him, or even because I don’t understand how this all happened. I fired him because I can’t face him!”
Joyce watched him, her face a mask of confusion.
“I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want the same relationship with him, I don’t trust that he won’t repeat something I say back to you. And I don’t need to have a therapist that I feel awkward with. I will find my own therapist. And you will stay away from him and my doctors. When you want to know something about my medical condition then you will get that information directly from me from now on!”
Joyce stared at him, her expression changing to something that was much less easier to read.
“One day I’m going to call Raymond and we’re going to sit down somewhere and we’re going to talk. And hopefully we’ll be friends after. But he won’t be my therapist again.”
Joyce’s jaw clenched and she looked away. “When are you going to schedule your surgery?”
“After I get fitted for my braces. It takes 4 to 6 weeks for them to come back so I want them soon after I get the pump replaced.”
“Am I allowed to be there during surgery?”
“Of course! But just know that Dad will be there, too.”
Her body seemed to deflate. “Okay. I’ll…turn over your child support money to you asap. You can pay your bills and handle your finances yourself, I guess.”
“That would be nice.”
She looked at him and then glanced at Robin. “I’ll let you two get back to the studio.” Jason followed her to the door.
“Mom.” He cleared his throat. “Come over Sunday after church, for dinner. I’m going to ask Robin’s mother to come over here. I thought that maybe Robin and I could make a nice dinner for you two.”
Robin smiled in surprise having just heard this for the first time. Joyce nodded her face relaxing even more.
“I’ll be here. Just let me know what time.”
Once she was gone Robin hugged Jason. “God that scared me. But you handled it so well!”
Jason gave her a crooked smile. He kissed her. Jason and his mother were both volatile personalities. This was his life…though usually it was him that backed down. It felt good to be the one in control; and it was necessary since it was his life that he was fighting for control of.
“Sweetheart, we need to get a Christmas tree fast. Since you’re going to be in the Bahamas on Christmas, I think you and I should celebrate early.” Christmas was in two more weeks and Robin would be leaving next Wednesday and returning New Years Day. It suddenly loomed so close whereas before it seemed a million years away.
***
There would come times in Robin’s life, even years later, where she would think that this very day is the day that everything could have been saved. Yes, events had been put into play long before that Friday, but it was really Friday that marked the first day that everything would end.
After classes Robin and Jason went Christmas shopping and found a small Christmas tree that already had lights and pretty red buds on it. They loaded it in the back seat along with a small wreath for the front door.
“What do you want for Christmas?” Jason asked.
Robin reached for his hand. “You mean I get you and something else, too?”
“Whatever you want.”
“I want…a Barbie penthouse apartment, a new Barbie outfit, and a Barbie pink Cadillac!”
“Jeez you really wanted that kind of stuff for Christmas?”
“Yep. What about you?”
“Computer, CD’s, games, gaming systems, my own credit card so I could buy shit online without clearing it with my Mom first.”
