He pressed on before I could think of an answer. “You and I are the same, Tara. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can get on with the business of cleaning up the gutters of our world. Eliminate those that would threaten our exposure and survival to the humans.”
“Please. You’re not here to save anyone but yourself,” I said.
“I won’t deny that my motives will solidify my leadership and remove any threat to my position.” He cocked his head. “But then, isn’t that what you’re doing as well?”
I didn’t answer.
“I know you think you were born to bring the worlds together,” he said. “They told you to make a choice. They called it destiny.” He snorted. “In the end, we’re the same. We both want to sit on the throne.” He leaned forward, his face almost touching the bars. “The difference is,” he whispered, “I already do.”
His words were punctuated with a mental jab that forced me to take a step backward before I caught myself. My thoughts twisted and squeezed until some of the things he said began to make sense.
I shook my head to clear it and, when that didn’t work, I slammed my palm against my temple.
“Tara,” Victoria said in alarm. She stared back at me with wide, glassy eyes and a neck that swiveled this way and that in jerky movements. Seeing her still so shaken was enough to bring me back—and to help me make my decision. I couldn’t trust myself with Gordon in my head—not even if he was locked in a cage. He was right...
“Unlock his cage,” I said.
“Tara, no,” Victoria said and tears sprang to her eyes.
I took her hand, and when she tried to pull away I held on. “He’s in my head, Vic. He’s reading every thought I have. If we leave him here, he’ll get free. And I can’t ever hope to stop him if that happens. We have to bring him with us.”
She took a deep breath and, with a tortured expression, nodded. “Does that mean we’re bringing my dad?” she whispered.
I hesitated, wondering which answer she was hoping for, but her expression was unreadable. “Yes,” I said.
She opened her mouth, shut it again, and then said, “Don’t trust the two of them together.”
Mr. Lexington winced at her words, but he recovered quickly. Victoria didn’t look his way and I squeezed her hand. “I know,” I said.
I turned to Astor. “Can you find some medical supplies for Victoria?” I asked him. “Gather whatever we might for a few days.”
He looked up from where he’d been running his hands over the clean sheets of the cots and nodded. “Sure, sure. Where do we go next?” he asked, cocking his head.
Victoria and Mr. Lexington hovered close by. I could feel their eyes on me, asking the same question. I looked at them both, the weariness of my internal war taking its toll. I couldn’t leave them behind. Not even Mr. Lexington. It was too dangerous. Besides, I’d rather have him close, to keep an eye on him. And I was certain Grandma wouldn’t mind a word with him either. They’d served on CHAS for a number of years together.
I looked back at Astor and smiled tiredly at him and then Victoria. “Home,” I said softly. “We’re going home.”
Chapter Eight
Victoria stared into the woods lining the far end of the rest stop with pursed lips. Her blonde hair was matted and hung limply in a ponytail, her bruised arms hidden by the jacket we’d found thanks to Mr. Lexington on the way out. She’d crossed her arms in a selfie hug, her fingers tucked underneath her elbows against the chilly October air. Even from my vantage point, I could see the pain she was in. Not all of it physical.
I glanced up and down the otherwise empty lot and made my way to where she stood. I planted my feet, folded my own arms against the cold, and waited.
After a few minutes, my breath started to puff in front of me and I watched as it gathered into a small cloud and then dissipated. Over and over, I watched the process. Even when the cold seeped through my layers and I shivered in my hoodie and sweats, I watched it. And stood. And waited.
The trees in the distance were a mixture of bare oaks and regal pines. A thin layer of frost covered the ground in the graying evening light. I’d always considered a wintery Virginia landscape to be barren and lonely, but seeing it now, I knew I’d been wrong. It wasn’t lonely. Just waiting. Dormant. Like my time in that cell. I breathed it in, along with the scent of a sharper cold to come once night fell, and hugged my arms to myself in gratitude.
After so many weeks in a cold, concrete room, I planned to never take the outdoors for granted again. That included all of Mother Nature, no matter her temperature.
“Logan knew you’d get out,” Victoria said, jarring me.
“What? When did you speak to him?” I asked.
“I didn’t. I overheard Mr. Sandefur ... he tried calling Logan all the time. Even when he was supposed to be forcing me to find them all, he’d...” Her nose twitched, but she made no sound as a single tear streaked down her cheek.
I waited.
“Edie got him out. In the warehouse. Steppe—my father—knocked you out after my mom fell. And the police started grabbing us all. Edie showed up and there was a split second where I could see it all so clearly.” She licked her dry lips and stared away from me, some memory replaying while she spoke. “I was closer but I couldn’t—I couldn’t let them have him. So, I ran. I shoved Logan at her and I ran.”
“You saved Logan,” I said.
“But not the others. The police took Wes. And George. I don’t know what happened to Emma. I can only assume your grandma got her out. And then Astor showed up and I wondered if anyone had really gotten away. They wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“Not even your dad?”
“I never saw him until today,” she said and the hurt in her voice was impossible not to feel. “I only knew they were all free because Gordon made me track them.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. She’d known more than I did, but at what cost? I looked at the purple bruise blooming along her jaw. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
“He only kept me alive so my dad would obey him,” she added softly. Her voice didn’t so much break the silence as lace itself through it. I glanced over, but she was still staring straight ahead at the tree trunks and naked branches that dotted the landscape before melding into deep shadows.
I’d already assumed the reality of her words and now, I didn’t know what to say. In the silence, the only sound was the engines as they raced past on the highway at our backs.
“I don’t want to go home,” she said when I didn’t answer.
In this, we agreed. Lexington Manor. Home. It was the last place I wanted to go, but we didn’t have a choice. According to Victoria, everywhere else was being watched. Including the studio apartment Wes had rented. We’d nearly passed by there on our way out of the city, according to Victoria. The only thing holding me back from deserting them all in search of it was Victoria’s refusal to tell me the address. And Steppe, waiting in the van.
My chest panged with irrational disagreement at what we were doing even as I saw the logic in it. “Do you believe your dad?” I asked. “About the others being watched, I mean.”
Small lines pulled at the corners of Victoria’s eyes. Her profile looked ten years older than her driver’s license. She reminded me of Cord, months ago, when Olivia had captured and tortured her. She’d almost died. And in the midst of her pain and agony, she’d never complained. Never cried out. Somehow, it’d only made her stronger. Wiser. Victoria’s face looked that way now.
“Yes.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve seen enough of the footage Steppe has put out there about you and well, all of us. Beside, after everything he’s done, my dad’s ... trying to make amends to me, I think. He saved me in there. Did everything Steppe told him so that I would live.”
“But you said everyone scattered after I was taken. Grandma and my mom and Jack and Fee ... they ran. How did he find them all?” I pressed.
Victoria’s gaze cut to mine,
and in it was a vacancy that only came from complete loss. I knew because I’d been there. “He used me,” she said, the vacancy bleeding into apology. “I tracked them for him. I’m sorry.”
I blinked at her. Some Hunters were born with special gifts. Kind of like my Aunt Vera—although hers had killed her in the end. She had been able to draw magical wards that acted like invisible bars shutting a place out or in for safety against enemies. She’d also seen visions of possible futures, a gift that had led to my alternating commitment and rebellion to this leadership role everyone always seemed to throw at me in a crisis.
Victoria’s gift was tracking. All she needed was a personal item belonging to whomever it was you wanted to find and she could sense them to the ends of the earth.
“All of them?” I asked in disbelief. Her lack of answer or change in expression told me all I needed to know. And if that weren’t enough, there were the raised welts along her neck and the cuts still healing across her cheeks.
She went back to staring out over the trees behind the brick buildings that held restrooms. “He sent teams ... to watch them. Or attack. I don’t know,” she said in a strangled voice. And I understood the bruises and cuts she wore. She’d fought back, but in the end, that hadn’t mattered. The damage was done. At her hands.
I couldn’t tell her it was okay. I couldn’t tell her don’t worry. She wouldn’t have accepted it if I had. I knew what guilt looked like. And I thought of Alex. Had he been on those teams? Watching and reporting back to Steppe every move my loved ones made while I’d been away?
Victoria didn’t speak again. Without another word, I turned and made my way back to the van where the others waited. Anger simmered, unfair but undeniable, in the corner of my heart. I couldn’t bring myself to unleash it on her.
I couldn’t yell or scream or accuse her of anything. I’d killed her mother.
Did this make us even?
Never. You will never be even. Or like her. Or like any of them.
Gordon’s voice in my mind was like salt in my wounds. Not the average table-salt variety. The Himalayan sea salt kind, large and course and rubbing. Thanks to our handy new connection, he knew exactly when and where to hit me.
I slammed the van door open and climbed inside—all the way to the back until we were nose to nose. He sat in the corner, wrists and ankles bound. Instead of replying to his dig, I rubbed at the edges of the tape covering his mouth, making sure it was secure.
It was.
In a clean, swift motion, I yanked it free. Gordon cried out and shut his eyes, mumbling. I ignored him while I cut a fresh piece of tape and secured it over his mouth. He glared at me and I smiled.
When I’d finished, I flopped into the other corner and stared at the paneling where a window would’ve been if this weren’t a creeper van. A few minutes later, Victoria returned and we were moving again. Mr. Lexington merged back onto the highway in silence. In the passenger seat, even Astor was quiet. He had been since we left, but I was too wrapped up in my own distress to check on him. The gun I’d taken from him was tucked into my bag under the seat. At least he wouldn’t have to hurt anyone else.
Victoria sat behind her dad on the bench seat, eyes forward, shoulders stiff. She still hadn’t eaten anything even after our fast food run before exiting the city. But I couldn’t quite care just now. She’d led the enemy to everyone’s doorstep. And now that we were free, we were still running.
My chin quivered and I bit down on my tongue in an effort to stop the tears that threatened. Every mile that put me farther from DC was a fresh heart break. I’d suggested calling but no one had a working number for Wes or Derek or Jack. My mother and Grandma were being watched, Victoria had insisted.
“The only reason we got out without a fight was because his teams are all deployed,” Mr. Lexington had insisted. “They’re out watching the rest of your friends. But when he doesn’t check in, his absence will alert them,” he’d warned. “We have to leave now. We’ll stop and contact your family when you’re safe.”
He’d had a point, as much as I’d hated to admit it. Now, I felt Gordon’s eyes on me, his mental voice whispering from the edges of my mind where I’d shoved him. Reveling. He was enjoying my misery.
My heart ached for Wes. Or Chris. Or George. Anyone else whose mind rooting around in my own didn’t feel so awful or so much like losing.
But they were gone. And all I had was—
Me. You have me now. And I am much more capable and powerful than any of your pack ever was.
Despite the quicksand coating my determination, I glared at him. My strength waned and the voice in my head grew louder, closer.
You and I are one mind now. And one intention.
Along with the words came a picture. My eyes cut up to Mr. Lexington in the driver’s seat. Hands draped over the wheel, eyes forward as he navigated us through the sea of red parking lights that made up rush hour traffic on the interstate.
“I’m not going to hurt him,” I said quietly. I refused to speak through the bond right now, to acknowledge our connection in that way.
Again, the mental voice didn’t so much speak as deliver an image. And desire. I couldn’t tell how much of it belonged to Steppe and how much of it was mine.
Fury rose up, blooming hot and heavy in my chest. And I realized why Gordon was suggesting it in the first place. My compliance would solidify the bond—and his role as alpha. My ability to refuse was overshadowed by the fact that part of me wanted to attack Lexington even without being ordered. I could still remember him attacking me in the warehouse, fighting to injure me or worse.
I bit my lip and forced my own willpower to the surface. My wolf, buried deep, stirred. I don’t take orders, I growled. I give them. I am alpha.
There is no alpha. If you’d let your resistance down, you would see that there is no alpha. No master. Only us, together; one force.
I have no intention of letting down my walls, I snapped. Save yourself some time and get out of my head!
Oh, but your mind is such an interesting place.
I tried to ignore what memories of mine he’d already sifted through and searched instead for a worthy comeback. A believable threat that I could actually make good on. A way to defeat him against the invasion I was experiencing. But there was nothing.
Instead, a snapshot of a memory forced itself to the surface. Mr. Lexington standing as a wolf on a lonely desert road. Me in a car with George beside me, fast approaching the wolf blocking our way. George and I barely missing a collision as the wheel jerked sideways. My desire for retribution.
He underestimates you...
Hatred clung to the words, and I realized how badly I want to attack him. Or how badly Steppe wanted me to. I couldn’t quite pinpoint the difference. Anger pulsed through me. I’d already been furious when I got in the car, I realized. And he was using it.
Horror crept in like a silken cloud, misting at the edges of my mind and holding there, a wet curtain of dread. This wasn’t a physical force I could combat. It wasn’t even mind games. It was me against me. Because I really wanted to give in and do what he’d suggested.
I tried to push him out, but I was too long out of practice at shoving away an unwanted lurker. Through the darkness and cruel thoughts, Steppe’s laughter rang in my mind. My muscles tightened and my hands curled into fists. I glared over at him, my skin humming in readiness.
Instead of attacking the target I was being fed, I launched myself at Steppe. He went down underneath my weight with a grunt that escaped mostly through his nose. Victoria yelled something but I didn’t bother listening to the words as I slammed my fist into Steppe’s unguarded gut. He grunted again and curled up on the floor of the van, trying to protect himself without the benefit of arms and hands. The van lurched as Mr. Lexington slammed on the brakes and veered onto the shoulder.
My wolf howled on the inside. On the outside, I heard myself yelling without ever making a conscious decision to produce sound. My fists pummeled�
��his face, his throat, his ribs. And my jaw ached to elongate into something with canines. I wasn’t a human. I was a wolf trapped in a human’s body.
I was the alpha. Dammit.
I crouched over Steppe full of rage as I thought about how he’d stolen my wolf. I still didn’t know how. And I wanted nothing so much as my beast in this moment. Somewhere in the midst of my yearning, the thirst for his blood on my hands waned. My need for violence was overshadowed by a sudden sense of awareness. And pain.
I felt it inside me as a dull ache that pricked sharp with every draw of breath. I’d hurt him. And I was hurting me.
This isn’t right.
I barely had time to register my own internal voice of conscience before reality crashed in around me. Victoria’s hands grabbed my shoulders and then upper arms as she pulled me off of Steppe. I let her, chest heaving with my efforts, and stumbled backward onto my ass. My shoulders bumped Victoria’s legs and I rested there, catching my breath.
Huddled in the corner, Steppe wheezed through his nose. Blood and snot ran from his nostrils, down the tape covering his mouth. His eyes were wide in surprise and pain. His chest rose as it filled with air and then fell heavily as he sank farther back against the corner and away from me.
“What happened?” Victoria asked.
There was no judgment in her voice and I knew, at least when it came to Steppe, she wouldn’t condemn me for a single punch. I picked myself up and sat on the edge of the bench seat, turning my back on Steppe. I needed distance. But my mind wasn’t something I could run from.
Victoria slid onto the seat, and I felt her eyes running the length of me. I didn’t know what she was looking for, but I wasn’t capable of giving anything of value. Not when I was barely hanging onto myself as it was.
Then just give in and let go. It’ll make you stronger. Clearer. And you need that if you’re going to lead.
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