The Binding

by L. Filloon

  My first instincts are to throw my arms around him because I’m so happy to see him and to see that he’s n o t hurt. Yet something keeps me from following through , and I end up standing awkwardly in front of him, a little out of breath and not sure what to say.

  “Are you okay?” I finally ask looking at his throat and face for signs of bruising or cuts.

  He gives me that half smile of his and I think my legs are going to give out, “Yes, Lily, I’m a l l right. Were you worried about me?” he ask s quietly taking a step toward me.

  I take in a breath, rooted to where I stand and look over at Mellis and Phoris , who I notice pretending not to listen .

  “I’m worried about all of you, I…I noticed Mellis’ throat and wanted to make sure that you’re okay,” I stammer aware that he’s still taking slow steps toward me. For an instant I feel like bolting, but I stand my ground watching him nervously.

  “Ah,” he says stopping just inches from me, “but I notice you didn’t run to him.”

  “Well…well, Phoris was already there, and , ” I look over at Alorn who along with Tolan quickly turn their heads trying to look everywhere but at me, also pretending not to listen. “…and, well, I didn’t see Alorn until just now.” I hear Mellis stifle a laugh, while Phoris nudges him.

  This is ridiculous, I finally tell myself. I straighten my shoulders and steady myself as I look up at Tharin meeting his gaze , say ing , “That’s right, Tharin, I was worried about you. Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve been risking getting hurt or wors e , killed, trying to protect me, right? And in such a short time, I feel that…that we’ve become…you know, friends,” I say, losing some of my bravado as he keeps staring at me.

  When he doesn’t answer right away, I ask unsure, “Don’t you think so, too?”

  “Friends,” he says quietly, taking a step back. When he does , I’m surprise d to find I’m disappointed in not having him close to me.

  I look over at Julia, who like the others seem s to find something interesting in the distance while t rying hard not to look like she’s listening.

  I take a step closer to Tharin “Yeah, Tharin,” I say shrugging my shoulders at him, “we’re friends.”

  He stares at me for a moment, his face unreadable. Then to my shock he lowers his head, his eyes on my lips and I feel a shiver run through my entire body. I can feel his warm breath on my lips as he continues moving oh-so-slowly toward them. I feel as if I can’t breat he until suddenly his eyes look up at me from their lowered position. He gives me a big smile and quickly move s to plant kiss on my forehead. I would fall to my knees if I could feel them.

  “Okay, friend ,” he say s emphasizing on the word . He good-naturedly smacks my arm almost sending me flying to the ground. I would have trip ped and fallen, too, if he hadn’t reach ed for me. He steadies me and looks me in the eye asking, “You okay, friend?”

  “Ah…yeah, thanks,” I stammer.

  “Good,” he says as he turns toward his twin, “Tolan, I want to go over our meeting with Mareck.”

  All at once everyone starts talking at the same time. I watch him as he walks away and I turn slowly from him, feeling strangely rejected. I walk back towa rd Julia who is now watching me carefully. When I reach her, I ask shakily , “What just happened?”

  She throws an arm around my shoulder and lead s me back to the car saying , “That, my friend , is called a missed opportunity.”

  *

  Chapter Thirty-Five Tharin

  I don’t know what I expected when I saw Lily again. Just the sight of her safe made me dizzy with relief. Everything that happened earlier at Mareck’s hotel suite is momentarily forgotten . I w atch ed as she ran up to me as if she were just as happy to see me. I was surprise d to find all I want ed to do was to pick her up, hold her close and just feel her in my arms. It felt strange for me to feel the need to hold someone so desperately to make my world right again. For just a brief second I really thought she was going to throw herself at me, but to my frustration, she stopped at the last minute .

  Whatever her reasons for stopping , I don’t care. I’ve never wanted to k iss someone as badly as I want ed to kiss her right t here, at that moment , in front of everyone. That is until , like a splash of cold water , she called me “friend .” Friend. I put myself thr ough the Binding with this girl and she wants to be just friend s ? Then I remember what the Earth Spirit told me . Lily won’t remember the Binding.

  It was about the hardest thing for me to do, but I pull ed back. She looked so innocent and frighten ed. Whether or not she marries me, she will always be tied to me. If it takes a life time, I will see Lily love me as she should. Love. When did this happen? Do I love Lily? Well, there is this connection we have. I suppose I do care for her, but love? I don’t know.

  I half listen as Mellis relay s the evening’s event s to Phoris and Tolan, embellishing his part as usual. My mind is on Lily . To keep from looking over my shoulder , I walk casually to the nearest vehicle and lean against it. From here, I have an open view of Julia and Lily standing next to the SUV farthest from us.

  I watch as Lily speaks quietly with Julia and once again I notice how beautifu l she is. I look her over in her plain t-shirt, worn jeans and boot s, her hair in a messy ponytail, and no makeup . I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as s he is at this very moment. The best part is that she’s completely unaware of her own beauty . Is this love? If it is, then what is Kalis? Do I feel this way about Kalis? I reach into my inner pocket and fing er her message sphere that I’ve yet to call on.

  I shake my head no. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this way with Kalis ― even if at some point I may have thought I did. Yet, how can you compare something that’s true if you have nothing to compare it to ? Kalis is beautiful and there i s no doubt about that. Every time I was with her I was happy and I won’t lie about that either, but did I have this same need, this urgency to be with her as I do with Lily? True, Kalis is Sidhe and a warrior, but I don’t see Lily backing down if it meant protecting those she loves. When I’m not with Kalis the things I miss about her are all physical. I know that now. I miss her smile, her eyes, her hair, her touch. She’s tall and lithe and has a body that turns all the men’s head s in Velesi. Even with Lily’s small stature she towers over the rest of us because of her heart and her love for Lucas and Julia.

  With Lily it’s more than physical I know that now, too. It’s the way she’s protective of Julia who is so much more capable of taking care of herself and would no doubt put Tolan in his place if needed. It’s how she gets all fired up about something but doesn’t care about the size of the other guy. I’ve watched her step forward to protect me when Mellis, Alorn and Phoris first appeared before her . A ny one of them could have knocked her down with the gentlest push. I’ve watched how others, including Tolan, have looked at her admiringly ev en before getting to know her . The me n and women at the re staurant where we had breakfast and those at the gas station all had more than a glancing interest in her, but she went on with her business, not noti cing what kind of affect she had on others . I smile to myself as I remember how she stood up to me back at her place and didn’t hesitate to attack me when she thought I killed Lucas. She was fierce ly emotional and vulnerable at the same time. I don’t think she knows how to be coy, or even how to pretend to be if her life depended on it.

  Then, there are my own feelings that I’ve been in complete turmoil with since the minute I laid eyes on her. Like tonight , I would have killed Lado if it hadn’t been for Alorn and Mellis. The idea of having her put a hand on Lily made me crazy and I went ballistic.

  I continue to watch her and I don’t know if it has anything to do with the Binding, but she seems different. I can’t put my finger on it, but there i s a sense of new confidence about her, a sureness that wasn’t there before , and I don’t think she realizes it yet. I was stunned when she ran up to me just now, something I don’t believe she would have done before the Binding. She seems more at ease now the way
she’s speaking quietly with Julia . Something happened while I was away, I’m sure of it. But she’s still not overly confident, I tell myself as I remember how she stopped just before reaching me. I’m also sure that she wanted to hold me, too. I shake my head at the thought. She’s going to make me crazy. I know that for sure, too.

  I know what I have to do. I push aw ay from the car and walk toward the front of the abandon ed house, leaving my brother and cousins to continue their conversation . At the front entrance, I try the door knob only to find it locked with a deadbolt. I move to the opposite side of the ho use and continue walking to the back until I find a small alcove. It’s dark and the alcove covers any light from the street. I take a deep breath and pull out the message sphere.

  *

  Chapter Thirty-Six ~ Lily ~

  We’re driving further north on Hwy 15, the City of Lights disappearing behind us, lost in the dark of the night. As we drive into Utah , we pass a city cal led St. George and continue past another call Beaver. I roll the window down and feel the cool air hi t my face , and although it’s too dark to see the mountains , I can feel them around me. I close my eyes to listen to their whispered song as they sing of ancient days. The air dance s about my face and I feel the night surround me lifting me in to flight. The seat of the SUV, the door I’m leaning on and Tharin s itting next to me all disappear as the cool darkness takes my mind to the dark skies above . I imagine flying beneath the stars and they wink at me as if in greeting. It’s magical and light; it’s wonder and freedom. I wish to never touch the ground again.

  “Hey, you still with me?” Tharin calls from the driver’s side.

  I open my eyes slowly as the sense of flight lingers before disappearing into the darkness. I sit back , roll the window back up and turn to look at him. He’s staring at the dark road ahead of us, the SUV’s headlights the only line connecting us with Mellis and Phoris in fron t of us, while the last SUV’s head lights with Tolan, Alorn and Julia connects us to them .

  “Sorry,” I apologize , focusing back on the road.

  “For what?” he asks, glancing at me.

  I catch his eye before he l ooks ahead again, “I don’t know.” I shrug with a little laugh .

  The sound of his own laughter touches me and I smile at him as he says, “You seem a million miles away.”

  “Sorry, I sometimes get lost in my own thoughts.”

  “Any you want to share?”

  “Actually,” I answer sighing, “this time I was just spacing.” I look out the window saying , “It feels different now.” I sense his eyes on me , not saying a word, waiting for me to go on. “I mean, I know something happened back at the oak tree. I just don’t remember everything that happened before I woke up in the tree.”

  I peek over at him trying to read his features but looking at him only distracts me, so I look away again. “I met Asi, the young oak’s dryad and she showed me how to protect myself from taking in too much of what is happening around me…you know, with the trees and, I guess with all of nature.”

  He nods slowly asking, “She taught you how to set your defenses against an emotional attack ?”

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that. But …”

  “But…?” he prompts.

  “But she said that what she showed me was only a basic defense shield and that I needed to learn more. She said you’d be the one to teach me.”

  He smiles broadly, a little cocky if you ask me, and says, “Of course I am. I am Prince Tharin…”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I interrupt laughing, “you’re ‘Prince Tharin, the Future King of Velesi and Slayer of all evil’! Oh, and let’s not forget bossy and mean.”

  “What!” he says pretending shock, “I’m not mean!”

  “Okay, just bossy then,” again I laugh. This is a wh ole new side of Tharin . He can actually be silly and funny, and I find that I like his laugh …I like it a lot .

  “Well, at least I don’t go around hitting people I don’t know. They have a name for people like you, you know. They’re call ed bullies,” he says giving me a sideway s glance.

  “What!” I’m actually insulted! “I’m not a bully! What are you talking about? I’ve never bullied anyone in my entire life. Are you serious? I can’t stand bullies.”

  He shrugs, not affected by my outburst . “Sure, say what you want, but my jaw still hurts from when you hit me with your elbow and when you punched me, oh, and let’s not forget when you head-butted me at the gas station. Yup, b ully.”

  Without thinking I punch him in the arm, then I’m ins tantly appalled that I did that. I have n ever intentionally hit anyone before . Okay, I did train with Mr. Li, but that was only because Julia insisted , and I never used anything that I learned on anyone, ever . I sit with both my fists covering my mouth ― shock ed that I just hit him.

  He winces grabbing his arm and moan s pathetically. He leans his head up against his window in mock pain. He gives me another sideway s glance and painfully gasps, “Bully.”

  I sit up laughing again, “Shut up, that didn’t even hurt !” A fter a moment’s pause, “I’m sorry. Really, did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to, I swear I’ve never hit anyone intentionally.”

  He raises a brow at me, and I rush on, “It’s just that, well, you just have a way of bringing out the hostility in me.”

  “Bully.”

  “Will you stop calling me that!”

  He straightens in his seat laughing while still looking ahead and asks, “Okay then, what should I call you?”

  “I don’t want you to call me anything but Lily, j ust Lily.”

  “No can do,” he answers , still looking ahead.

  “Well, why the hell not?”

  “Because, Lily ,” he answers emphasizing my name, “you’re my betrothed. And should I not have a special name for my betrothed?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” I ask giving him a raised brow of my own .

  “Nope, I’m as serious as an old oak.”

  “Wow, that’s pretty serious,” I reply mockingly, not sure how serious an old oak can be.

  Ignoring my remark he goes on thinking out loud, “Let’s see, how about h oney—b unny?”

  “Oh, hell no…I don’t think so.” I s i t back in my seat with my arms folded.

  “Okay, s ugar b aby?”

  “Disgusting! No.”

  “What about my Teeny-Weenie Little Sweet Princess Sugar Bunny ?”

  I turn to him giving him a threatening look. He laughs out loud and I just want to hit him again. He stops laughing and thinks for a minute, then says soberly, “How about ‘m y l ove’?”

  I’m quiet for a moment. I’m a little stun ned that he would even consider calling me that. When he said it I felt butterflies in my stomach and sadness at the same time . I look out the window and say quietly, “No, Tharin.”

  “I think that’s up to me, don’t you? I should be able to call my betrothed what I want to call her,” he replies just as quiet ly .

  How did we go from being silly and having fun to being serious again? I tol d myself earlier that I wouldn’t be afraid to speak my mind with Tharin. I don’t know if it has anything to do with whatever the Binding w as , or from knowing Asi…I don’t know. What I do know is that I can’t keep what I feel inside me any longer.

  I take a deep breath and say, “Because you love, Kalis.” I glance at him and find him looking at me questioningly. “Mellis told Julia about her.” He turns back to the road, a hard look on his face. I reach out to him touching the same arm I hit . “Please don’t be angry with him. Honestly, I don’t think he meant to say anything. I know you’re a private person, but shouldn’t your betrothed know there’s someon e else in the picture?” He remains quiet. “Besides Tharin, it’s not as if we have real feelings for each other .” He tightens his grip on the wheel. “I mean, we haven’t known each other that long , and we really don’t know anything about one another. But, I’ll admit,” I sit back, letting my hand drop to my lap, “I do care
about you .” His grip loosens on the wheel . “A nd I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt because of me.”

  I feel him relax as I look back out the window . I rush through the rest of what I have to say before I lose my nerve. “If you love Kalis, then I’m sure she loves you, too. I mean, what’s not to love, right? You’re brave, honest, and when you want to be, you can be kind and gentle. You say what’s on your mind, you care about the people around you, and it’s so obvious that you love your brother . You would even die for him, or your cousins for that matter . You have your sense of honor and justice that’s unrelenting and you’re stubborn about keeping promises. And…and I wish you didn’t feel that you need to keep your promise to your father, or honor the treaty, by marrying me. I know it’s for the sake of Velesi and whatever, but how can I feel right about marrying a guy who’s in love with someone else? It’s not right, Tharin. The name ‘m y l ove’ should be for the one you truly love,” I sigh heavily . The wind going out of me and I finish in almost a whisper, “and it shouldn’t be thrown around like it’s just another phrase , because it isn’t.”

  I sit quietly and blurt out , “I want the kind of love that my parents had. When I was a little girl , my uncle told me once that when my dad met my mom, he was lost to her from that moment on. My dad would tell him of what a fierce warrior she was, but she was also kind and humble and she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. It took a while for her to come around, but when she did, nothing anyone could do could keep them apart. My uncle said my mom was ‘special’ to my dad and he would move mountains for her. He said that if my dad could have , he would have roped the moon and hand ed it to her . Kalis is your someone special, Tharin . A nd she deserves that name, not me.”

  I feel like crying because at this very moment I realize I want so much to have what Kalis has. I want Tharin. But who am I but a h alfling who doesn’t deserve someone like him? They ha ve known each other forever. I’m just someone who i s a duty to him . Someone he just met last night. And I know above all else that Tharin will stand by his oath to his father . He will marry me while the love of his life stands by and is denied. I silently promise myself that that would never happe n. As soon as we reach the c lans I’ll find a way to leave and find Lucas, leaving Tharin to Kalis. I’ve never been in love before . Never even had a first kiss , but what I feel inside hurts so much it takes everything I have not to cry. Is this what heartbreak feels like? If it is, it really, really sucks .