Wicked Innocence

by Missy Johnson

  I wiped my eyes and nodded. I’d needed to talk to someone, and at the risk of losing her friendship, too, Dee was the only person I had left.

  “So, you’re younger than me? Shit, Micah. All this time you’ve been giving me hell about not being able to drink and you’re seventeen,” she laughed.

  “Yeah…sorry about that,” I mumbled, my face going red. “It’s weird, Dee—so often I forget how old I really am. I left the old me behind when I moved out here, and I wish I could make people understand that. I did what I did to survive.”

  “By people you mean Sax?” she asked gently.

  I nodded, the tears starting all over again. “He’s never going to forgive me. You should’ve seen how angry he was.”

  “He just needs time to calm down. When he hears your side of it—”

  “It won’t change how old I am,” I argued. “I just have to face that it’s over and move on.”

  “And what about the band?”

  I shrugged, another wave of tears flowing. I had no idea if I was even still in the band. That was a whole other level of heartache. I loved singing with the guys. The fact that I might have just lost that was gut wrenching, but worse than that, I might’ve screwed up everything for them by lying about my age.

  After Dee left, I lay on my bed, depressed and feeling sorry for myself. It was just after six. Rehearsal would have just started. I hadn’t heard from Sax since last night. Had he told the guys what had happened?

  Probably not. How could he without admitting he’d slept with me?

  My phone rang, scaring the hell out of me. I picked it up, ready to turn it off when I saw his name. My heart thudded as I stared at the letters on the screen. Do I answer? Swallowing hard, I clicked answer.

  “Why aren’t you here?” he asked, his tone cold. No hello or anything.

  “Are you kidding? You made it pretty clear you didn’t want to see me again.”

  “What’s happening between us doesn’t matter right now. This music festival is a huge chance for the band. I won’t let you screw that up too.”

  Tears stung my eyes. “Fine, I’m on my way,” I muttered. Hanging up, I threw the phone across the room. How could I go over to his house and face him? He hated me. But he was right—this was a big chance for the guys, and I couldn’t ruin that for them.

  ***

  One look in his cold eyes when he opened the door, and I almost regretted agreeing to come. This was going to get ugly. I could feel it. He was still so angry. He stood back, letting me in, mumbling something about the guys being out back.

  “Sax, can we talk—”

  “I can’t right now,” he cut in, rubbing his eyes. “I gotta go sort some things out. Let the guys know I’ll be back later, okay?”

  He walked out, leaving me standing there, bewildered. He couldn’t even stand being in the same room as me. I walked out the back and down the stairs toward the studio. Broosky pounced around me happily, demanding my attention. I smiled and stopped to pet him. He barked, his tail wagging madly.

  “Hey.” I looked up. Harry leaned out of the studio door, a crooked smile on his face. “I wondered what he was barking at. Where’s Sax?”

  “He had some things to do. He said he’ll be back later,” I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

  “Okay,” he shrugged. “We’re just working on a couple of new songs.”

  I brushed past him and went inside. The other guys were crowded around Kam as he sat on the drums, each with their own instrument, working on the music. I sank down in one of the armchairs and sighed. I should’ve said I was sick. My head wasn’t able to concentrate on anything right now.

  “Are you okay? You sick or something?” Harry asked, handing me a bottle of water.

  I took it and cradled it in my hands. “I’m fine. Just having a bad day.”

  “You and Sax. He’s been a fucking pain in my ass all day,” he grumbled. “Seriously, the dude needs to chill.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t need to hear about how pissed off Sax was. What I needed was something to take my mind off him. “So, what’s this song?” I asked.

  “Just a number I wrote,” he shrugged. “It’s a little more angsty than my usual style. I figured we could use some new material for our gig at the festival.”

  “Makes sense,” I mumbled, not really listening.

  He laughed. “I can tell you find this thrilling,” he said dryly.

  “Sorry,” I blushed. “I’ve got some things on my mind that I wish I could forget about for a few hours.”

  “We were going for a drink at Bar Nine after rehearsal. You should come.”

  “Uh, thanks, but I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said. I could just imagine Sax’s reaction if he found out I went out drinking with guys.

  “Come on. Let your hair down for once. Have some fun,” he urged. “Guys? Let’s call it a day. M is going to come out with us.”

  “No,” I groaned.

  “Yes, you are. What else are you going to do? Sit at home worrying about whatever it is that has you in this shitty mood?” He stood up and threw his keys at Liam. “Your turn to drive, man.”

  Liam muttered under his breath. I stood up and followed them. Harry was right—it was either go with them or sit at home thinking about Sax. Pulling out my phone, I texted Dee.

  Are you free for a catch up tonight?

  She responded right away.

  Always. Tell me when and where xx

  I texted the address and shoved it back in my pocket.

  “I invited my friend, Dee,” I said to Harry as we climbed in his car, realizing I probably should have told him before I asked her.

  “Dee, huh? Is she cute?”

  I laughed. I hadn’t thought about it before, but those two would probably hit it off.

  “You’ll like her,” I assured him.

  By the time we arrived at the bar, I was already feeling better. My heart raced as the doorman checked my ID and nodded, but as soon as we stepped inside, my anxiety dissipated. Maybe getting out was just what I’d needed.

  We picked a spot at the back near the open fire. The two leather sofas faced each other, separated by a two metal and glass coffee tables. It was early on a Tuesday night, so the place was pretty empty.

  I saw Dee arrive a few minutes later. I waved her over.

  “Hey,” she grinned, dropping down next to me. As usual, she looked hot in a short black dress and silver heels.

  The guys stared at her and I giggled. Obviously I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

  “What’s up? I feel like we haven’t spoken in ages,” she said, squeezing me. “And are you going to introduce me?” She nudged my leg and grinned.

  “Dee, this is Harry, Liam, and Kam. This is my friend, Dee.”

  “Nice to meet you, Dee,” Harry said smoothly. He took her hand and kissed it.

  I snorted, earning me a stern look.

  “Can I get you a drink?”

  “I’m underage.” She blushed, flashing the stamp that took up most of the top of her right hand.

  “I’m drinking soda water,” I said, offering her my glass.

  She smiled and took a sip, then grabbed my hand. “Let’s dance.”

  I followed her down to the small dance floor near the front of the stage. I sniggered, finding it funny that the guys’ eyes hadn’t left her since she walked in. They weren’t the only ones, either: Dee had the attention of nearly every male in the place.

  “I think I’m going to have some questions to answer tomorrow,” I giggled.

  “Huh? Oh, right,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Could they be any more obvious? Though Harry is pretty damn cute,” she added with a grin.

  I laughed and slapped her backside. “Behave. I have to see them nearly every day.”

  “Like you behaved with Sax?” she asked, cocking her head.

  “That’s different.”

  “Oh? How so?” she smirked.

  “Because I’m older than you,” I shot
back.

  She stuck her tongue out at me and continued to dance. In spite of myself, I had to admit I was having fun. Getting out and doing something other than work had been what I needed.

  Now all I had to do was work on forgetting about him. But I knew that was going to be near impossible.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Sax

  I lay on the sofa, staring at my phone. It had been three days. Three fucking days, and I was going crazy not hearing her voice. I was desperate for an excuse to see her, but I couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t make me seem like some kind of creeper, a creeper of an under-aged girl.

  Fuck, I had it bad. What was it about this girl that made me unable to focus on anything but her when she was around?

  I’m eight years older than her, for fuck’s sake. Eight!

  I threw the phone down in disgust. I needed to stop this shit. I had to do something to stop from making myself crazy. Sitting around thinking about her wasn’t going to help me. I got up and grabbed my keys, heading out to my bike.

  ***

  The ride to Mom and Dad’s proved to be just what I needed. I could feel my body relax as the cold air from the wind hit my senses. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. No matter what the hell I did, she was on my mind, in my thoughts. She was everywhere.

  I’d avoided practicing with the band the last couple of days because I couldn’t handle being in the same room as her. It was just too hard. I was lucky that I had so much shit to organize for the festival. It gave me a legitimate reason for not being around. In reality, all I did was drive somewhere isolated where I could lie down in my car and think.

  About Her.

  I parked my bike in the garage and walked inside via the internal door.

  Mom was in the kitchen cooking. She looked up and smiled at me. “Good, you’re here.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. “Can you set the table, sweetie?”

  I nodded numbly, collecting four plates from the cabinet.

  “Oh, four more places, Sax. Dan, Sheree, and the kids are coming too.”

  I let out a small groan of agonized frustration. Fucking great. Because all today was missing was a meal with my aunt and uncle, the cousin I’d paralyzed and her brother and his constant snide comments. Please, could I have any more reminders today of all the ways I’ve fucked up repeatedly?

  “Don’t start, Saxon. Just for once can we have a nice family dinner without all the drama?” Mom asked, seeing my sour expression.

  “Tell Harry that, not me,” I muttered. I knew I sounded like an obstinate child, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the mood for any of this today. If I’d known it was going to be more than just Stace and me, I never would’ve come.

  Stace wandered out of her bedroom, her eyes lighting up when she saw me.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, hugging me. I grunted in response. “What’s with you?” she retorted with a scowl.

  “Nothing, I’m just in a shitty mood,” I muttered, slamming the last plate down on the table.

  “For God’s sake, Saxon, just leave it and go sit down,” Mom ordered, irritated.

  I shrugged and left the half-set table, slumping down on the armchair in front of the TV.

  Stace sat down next to me. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

  “Not really.”

  She rolled her eyes and gave me a smile that said ‘I’m going to keep bothering you until you tell me’

  “It’s nothing, Stace. Just let it go.”

  “Is it to do with your girlfriend?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend,” I growled.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. What happened? Did you say something and fuck it up? You better not have, because I really liked her.”

  You would, you were practically the same age. And for what it’s worth, so did I

  “Why does it have to be something I did?” I grumbled.

  “Because it usually is,” she giggled. “Whatever happened, can you work it out? I know I only met her twice, but I saw the difference she made to you.”

  I rubbed my head and sighed. “It’s not that easy. She lied to me,” I said.

  “What about?”

  I knew she was going to keep pushing me until I told her. That’s what she did.

  “She’s seventeen,” I muttered. Oh God, saying it aloud sounded worse than it had in my head. “She’s eight years younger than me. I could barely get past the four-year age gap. But eight? When I was eighteen, she was fucking ten,” I muttered.

  “Holy crap,” she gasped, her eyes wide. “Wow. I’m older than her?”

  “Not helping,” I said, gritting my teeth.

  “Sorry,” she said hastily. “I don’t know what to say. Wow.”

  I snorted. Yeah, I knew the feeling.

  Dinner went well, considering my foul mood and the stupid, pointless questions Dad insisted on asking. Harry smirked at me from across the table. I narrowed my eyes and stabbed a piece of potato with my fork. What the fuck was up with him?

  The forced conversation continued throughout the whole meal. It seemed a normal family dinner was out of the question whenever Harry and I were in the same room, and that seeped into everyone else as we sat around the table.

  I pushed my food around on my plate; lost in my own messed up head, only half listening to the conversation going on around me. Harry was talking about the band. I looked up and glared at him when I heard Micah’s name.

  “What did you say?”

  “I said, I have a hot date tonight. With Micah,” he smirked. “I finally got her to agree to go out with me. She’s pretty hot, huh?”

  I threw my napkin down and pushed my plate away. Turning to Mom, I forced an apologetic smile. “I’m not feeling that great. Do you mind if I go?” I said. My hands shook as I clenched my fists in my lap. If I didn’t get out of there right then, I was going to lose it.

  “Are you okay? Do you want me to drive you home?” Harry asked, lifting his eyebrow. His eyes danced with amusement as my jaw clenched. I was going to beat the fucking shit out of him if he kept this up.

  “I’m good, thanks.” I pushed my seat back and stormed outside. I hadn’t even reached the front door when I heard Harry call out to me. Turning around, I saw him holding my keys.

  “You won’t get very far without these,” he said.

  I snatched them from his hand and stalked outside.

  “That’s how you say thanks?” he taunted, following me.

  I laughed and turned around. “Walk away, Harry. I’m not in the mood for your childish bullshit right now, okay?”

  “Fuck you, Sax. If anyone is acting like a spoiled child, it’s you. Believe it or not, the world doesn’t revolve around Saxon Waite.”

  “I never said it did,” I roared, my face inches from his. “You’re a fuckhead, Harry. You have no idea about anything, and one day that big mouth of yours is going to land you in some serious shit.” I laughed and shook my head. “Why am I even listening to your shit?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Go. I’ll say hi to Micah for you.”

  That was it. The mention of her name was the only encouragement I needed. I took a swing, my fist connecting with his face. He lunged at me, and we fell to the ground. Pain shot through me as he punched me, but for every one he laid into me, I got two into him.

  “Harry, get off him!”

  Dad and Dan pulled him off me.

  I wiped my lip as I struggled to catch my breath. “You’re a worthless piece of shit,” I muttered, jumping to my feet. I stalked over to my bike and jumped on, turning over the engine. With a glance back to the house, I pushed on my helmet and sped off.

  One thing I could say about our family dinners: they were never boring.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Micah

  Dee looked at me as I shimmied into a tight black dress. “Perfect. Very sexy. If Sax saw you in that dress…what?” she said when I glared at her. “I’m just saying.”


  A car horn beeped outside. We both rushed out of my room. Nelson looked up from his computer, his gaze settling on Dee.

  “Hi, Nelson,” she said sweetly.

  I shook my head and laughed as he stammered back a reply. She was always teasing him like that. We walked outside and crossed the road where Harry was waiting for us in his car.

  “I wonder if he thinks about me when he’s whacking off.”

  “Harry?” I asked, giggling.

  “What? No! Nelson, you idiot,” she grumbled. “You saw how he looked at me.” She thought for a moment. “Though I wouldn’t half mind if Harry did. Does he have a girlfriend?” she whispered.

  “No,” I smirked. “Why? Are you interested?”

  She blushed. “I was just asking.”

  I walked around the back of the car and slid in behind the passenger seat.

  “You can sit up front,” I said to Dee.

  She glared at me.

  “What?” I said innocently.

  “Thanks for picking us up,” I said to Harry.

  He turned around and flashed me a smile.

  My eyes widened when I saw his face. “What happened?” I gasped. His left eye was swollen and bruised, as was his cheek.

  “Let’s just say a little family disagreement,” he chuckled. “But you should see the other guy.”

  “Sax?” I whispered, my stomach twisting into a knot. Harry’s eyes met mine in the rear vision mirror. I looked away. He knew. The question was, how much did he know?

  “Sax did that to you?” demanded Dee.

  “Yeah, but I might’ve asked for it. We have a complicated relationship,” he muttered, slipping the car into gear. We took off, exiting the street, heading into the city.

  “How is he?” I asked quietly. He raised his eyebrows and I blushed.

  “Pissed off at the world,” he finally answered. “Don’t know why. Don’t really care, to be honest. I have a feeling it has to do with you, though.”

  I cringed and looked out the window, focusing on the passing traffic.

  “Don’t worry, tonight I don’t even want to think about my cousin. And I get the feeling you don’t want to, either,” he added pointedly.