“No!” he smiles. “Never!”
I can’t help but snort at how he acts like it was a great excitement. We walk outside together and sit on a bench. I’m unsettled by how quiet it is. And how perfect the air temperature feels on my skin. No breeze. No birds. No wheels on pavement or neighbors chopping wood. It makes me remember when Reesa first came to Earth and all of those sensations overwhelmed her.
“Do you know where Reesa worked when she lived here?”
“Oh, yes. It wasn’t in this area, though. Colonel Ravarsh’s accommodations were in the city center. You should definitely visit while you’re here.”
I’ve never heard of Colonel Ravarsh. Hensley must be confused. “Was she his personal chef?”
Hensley lets out an easy laugh. “Chef.” He shakes his head, amused. “His personal Nevesta.”
My eyes nearly bug out. He’s definitely confused. “No, not Rainell. I mean her daughter, Reesa.”
“Yes,” he says, but his smile falls a little and he tilts his head studying me.
In that moment, it feels like the entire planet shifts beneath my feet. My hand shakes, spilling coffee on the ground and splashing on my foot.
“Shit.” I try to wipe it with my hand but Hensley is there, squatting and patting my foot with a hand towel that was over his shoulder. He peers up at me.
“Are you all right, Lanna? Are you burned?”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Have I upset you?”
“No, no.” I force a small smile and stand on shaking legs. “I’m okay. Thank you. I think I just need to eat.” He nods and opens the door to let me into the building.
I go back inside, sitting at the table until my coffee goes as cold as my insides feel. Is it possible that Reesa was a Nevesta? Does it bother me if she was? No. I shake my head to myself. Reesa is my best friend. It kind of makes sense. I know her heart, but I’ve always felt like she had secrets. If she was a Nevesta before becoming a chef and masseuse, I can understand why she wouldn’t want her Earth family to know.
Russell comes out, ready to leave for work, giving me a nod good-bye. Rainell has returned to her room to shower. Reesa comes out and smiles, sitting across from me at the table with her tea.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. “You look spooked.”
I go to the sink to rinse my cup. Without looking up, I ask, “Were you a Nevesta?”
Silence.
I set the mug to dry and turn. Reesa looks absolutely ill. Seeing her like that fills me with guilt and I rush to sit next to her, taking her hand.
“I’m not judging you, Rees, I swear.”
She looks away, chin quivering. “When you said you wanted to come on this trip with me, I knew. I knew you’d find out. But I’ve hated keeping this from you, so maybe it’s better that you know.” She gives her eyes one more swipe and inhales. Exhales. Continues. “From eighteen to twenty-five, seven years, I was the personal Nevesta to Colonel Ravarsh until he was restationed. When that happened, for some crazy reason, my boss selected me to be the Nevesta for the Hornet ship.”
Wait…
What???
I blink. I blink, like, ten times, my mouth flopping open as my heart pumps blood too fast, making me lightheaded.
“Lanna?” Her voice is soft, worried.
“I thought…you weren’t the chef?”
Reesa swallows hard and I can see her pulse jumping through the skin at her throat. “I was the Nevesta, and then after the chef was found to be a traitor, I began helping with the cooking—”
“Wait.” I’m trying to catch my breath and process what I don’t want to believe. “You serviced the crew. The whole crew?”
Her eyes fill in slow motion and spill over, and this time mine do too.
“Everyone but your brother,” she says through tears. “He wouldn’t have me until I completely quit being the Nevesta. That’s when I became the full-time chef.” She lets go of me to wipe her cheeks with both hands.
Reesa had sex with Hans. I can’t…oh, my God. I cover my mouth against a sob. I don’t want this to be true. I can’t handle the images of them together. Countless times. No wonder they have a bond. And my brother. How could he live with that knowledge? I know he loves her more than life, but damn. That is hardcore love.
“I know you’re ashamed of me,” she says, and I take her hand again, making her look at me.
“I’m not ashamed of you, Rees. I swear. I love you no matter what. I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn’t.”
“That first day…” She shudders. “When we met, you talked about Rawko, and I knew you had a crush—there was no way—I couldn’t tell you. I was scared. And that’s why Sheralyn has been mad at me. She hated that I wasn’t being honest with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” She lets out a sweet laugh.
“Holy shit,” I whisper. “What about Yahni?”
“Um…” She chews her lip and nods. “He was a tough case.”
“Oh, my God. You have to tell me every detail about his penis.” We’re both laughing through tears now.
Rainell’s door opens and we drop our hands, both wiping our faces.
“Ah,” Rainell says, looking us over. “The truth is out. Let it set you free, dears.”
CHAPTER NINE
I sit on Hans’s bed, my ankles crossed, staring at the wall. He’s sitting in the chair, his arms on the rests, feet spread wide. We’re both silent. No music. I should be saying something, getting him to talk, but I can’t find the words. All I can think about is him going to town on top of Reesa and I really, really need to get that poisonous vision out of my head for this to work. I’m being selfish. What happened between them had nothing to do with me.
“You mad at me about last night?” His voice is gruff, and guilt slides sickeningly through me at the thought that he believes he’s caused my foul mood.
“No.” I try to give him a consoling look. On a whim, I decide for honesty. “I found out this morning that Reesa was a Nevesta on that mission.”
He winces, eyes dropping. “She’s a good girl—”
“I know. I love her. I guess I’m just…” What is the right word?
“Hurt that she didn’t tell you?”
“Yeah. And maybe jealous.” My cheeks immediately get hot and I regret saying it. Especially when his face hardens.
“You want to fuck a shipful of soldiers?”
“No.” Although, they are all hot. If possible, I blush harder. “Just one.”
I stare down and I can feel his eyes blazing a trail over me. The urge to dart from the room is overwhelming. I cling to the edge of his bed with my fingers.
“You don’t know what you’re saying, little Lexon.”
Now I look at him, annoyance flaring through me. “I know exactly what I’m saying. I know exactly what and who I want. Just because you don’t like it or approve doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m saying. Don’t discount me.” His blue eyes shine and he doesn’t look away.
I stand, pulling his pill from my pocket and walking to him.
“I’m not going to hit on you, Hans, because I know it makes you uncomfortable, but when you ask me questions like that I’m going to answer honestly.” I press the pill to his lips, a shiver running down my spine at the feel of his mouth against my fingers, his insanely gorgeous eyes still snagged on mine like we couldn’t let go if we tried. And then my breath catches as his mouth opens enough for the pill to press against his pink tongue. My heart is thudding heavily as I reach for the water and hand it to him. Hans rinses down the pill.
I’m about to sit back down when he takes the tips of my fingers to stop me. Still staring up, he asks, “For the sake of curiosity, if your brother wasn’t my boss, how exactly would you try to hit on me?”
This is dangerous. I like it. Even though my lungs are dancing with each breath, my nerve endings shaking, I want to play this game.
“I would probably star
t by sitting on your lap.”
He looks down at where I’m standing between his feet. “You mean you’d sit on this leg?” He points to his right thigh. “Or this one?” His left.
I give my head a small shake. “No, I’d straddle you.”
Hans is still, his face deadly serious. No reaction. “That’s bold.”
I shrug. “There’s not much time before you leave on your mission, so yeah. I feel like I could be bold with you. Pretty sure you could handle it.”
His lips quirk just a touch in the corners. His hips shift back and forth, minutely, and it feels like a flock of birds takes flight in my chest as I peer down at the massive bulge in his black work pants. My God. It’s taking everything in me not to do exactly what we’re talking about. I want to climb all over his hard body and rub that bulge with my softest, neediest parts. I haven’t dry humped since high school but I’m pretty sure I would come in two seconds, fully clothed. The very idea actually makes me laugh, embarrassed, and I cover my face, turning, shaking my head.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“You’ve made it perfectly clear you won’t touch me, so, I’m not going to torture myself.” When I turn again, his hand is cupping his bulge, his blue eyes blazing with intensity, and he looks so fucking sexy that a whimper escapes me.
“Well, this is a problem.” He clears his throat, his hand tightening as if willing his cock to settle down. “Never had this issue with the other therapist.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “You’re so bad.”
“Me? You’ve got a little bit of a dirty mouth. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I hardly said anything!” I’m still giggling. A moment of quiet passes. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
Shit, shit, shit. I don’t want to ruin the moment, but here I go. “What was your favorite thing about Devlar?”
His eyes go to the wall and completely glaze over. He’s quiet so long that I wonder if he’s mad, and I worry he’s not going to respond.
“I have two sisters,” Hans finally says. “I love them, and they’re tough when they want to be. But I always wanted a brother. When I met Dev in basic training, we instantly clicked, and it was like finally having a brother. Someone who could play as hard as me. Someone who got my personality and sense of humor from day one. That person you know you’d fight for, no matter what. Die for.”
He clears his throat. My eyes are burning. I don’t look away.
“People talk about soul mates,” I say. “Lovers. But I think there are different kinds of soul mates. I think you can connect with a friend on a soul level, and it’s like they’re family.”
He doesn’t respond this time. He’s staring at the wall, lost to his thoughts and memories. I don’t want to leave him like this, but our hour is coming to an end and I don’t want to push him too much. I walk over and kiss him on the cheek, rubbing a hand over his dark blond hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, soldier.”
He makes no move. Says nothing.
I take my leave.
CHAPTER TEN
For the next week I worked very hard not to talk sexy to Hans during our times together. It wasn’t easy when he watched me with those eyes, his entire face so damn serious that it made me wonder what he was thinking about, and I was pretty certain it wasn’t “clean.” But regardless of whatever dirty thoughts he might’ve been having, he let me feed him his pill every day, and each session I asked one question about Devlar. Most of his responses were short and lacked detail, but he always answered.
And here’s the weird part. He stopped going to the Sky Club. He was probably still going to the Nevesta buildings—I wouldn’t know, I never asked him—but it’s like he stopped the drugs and alcohol cold turkey. And though his eyes were clear each day, his mind was not. In his sober state, he was…heavy. Severely burdened. It was a painful thing to see. The atmosphere of his room was depressing.
On the last day of the week I don’t sit when he lets me in. “Can we walk?”
He gives a small shrug. “Anything you want.”
We end up out on the sidewalk with hovercars gliding by. Everyone we pass seems overly-cheerful in comparison to Hans and his glazed eyes, hands deep in his jeans pockets. Fear slithers over me as we walk. It feels like he’s planning something. Or mentally preparing. I can’t help but think about what he told me that one day; this would be his last mission. The idea of him getting himself killed on purpose makes me press a palm to my chest.
“You okay?” Hans asks me.
I drop my hand, but I’m not going to lie. I shake my head.
“What’s wrong?” He stops and peers down at me. “Are you feeling sick?”
“I’m scared.” It comes out a whisper as I stare up into those eyes, too bright for his mood.
“Scared of what?” He glances around.
“Scared for you.”
His lips purse. Hans lets out a huff and shakes his head, walking forward again. I jog to catch up, and he says, “Don’t do that.”
“I can’t help it. You can’t tell me not to care.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll just snap my fingers and—”
A huge bang sounds from down the street, and before I can process what it might be, I’m on my back with an oomph, thrown tight in the groove between the building and the ground, with Hans’s hard body covering mine.
“Oh, my God,” I breathe. Is there an attack?
The sounds of laughter ring through the air, followed by metal scratching on the ground. It looks like a group of teens somehow knocked a street cleaning robot and they’re trying to right it.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, taking Hans’s face in my palm. “Looks like teens can be little assholes on Mars too.”
He’s crazed, his eyes wide and feral. He shakes his head, and it takes several long moments for him to push off of me, swiveling his head side to side to side down the street to assess danger. Several passersby glance our way in confusion. I stand, shaking, and reach for his hand, but the second I touch him, he yanks away, his eyes clearing.
He starts walking fast, shaking his head. “I really wish you wouldn’t have come here.”
I know he’s embarrassed. Holy shit. He just had a major episode in front of me.
“Hans.” I rush to keep up. My heart is still thundering.
He stops and turns abruptly, leaning down into my face, looking fierce. I suck in a breath.
“Stop it. I mean it, Lanna. You’re not my fucking shrink. Whatever’s in your head, it’s not gonna happen. You’re not my friend. You’re not my anything. And I’m not going back to Earth.”
I swallow, and all of my complicated feelings turn to anger. “Like Hell you’re not.”
He bares his teeth and growls. “This charade is fucking over.” He’s walking back to his apartment building, shoulders tense. I stare at his tapered waist and amazing thighs for two long seconds before jogging forward again. He hasn’t taken his pill yet.
“Wait, Hans!”
He ignores me as we weave through people. I force smiles and “hellos” as they greet me, keeping an eye on his back as it disappears farther ahead. Shit, shit, shit! My heart sinks low and fear squeezes my torso. I’m out of my league here. Hans is ill and needs serious help. How could I possibly think I could do this? I’m failing him. My eyes and sinuses are burning with emotion when I get to his building and rush through the doors, watching the elevator close across the lobby. I rush to the stairs and run up the four flights, breathing embarrassingly heavy when I get to his floor. His door is already closed.
I knock, leaning my forehead on it. “Hans, come on.”
Silence.
“I won’t try to make you talk, I promise.”
Music comes on. Metal. The door thumps with the beat. I bang, wanting to scream, and then I remember. He coded my palm so I could get in his room. I press my hand to his scanner and the door slides open. Hans is sitting on the edge of his bed,
legs spread wide, elbows leaning on his knees, hooded eyes glaring up as if he’d been waiting for me to walk in. I slap the door closed and march into his bubble, pulling the pill from my pocket.
Without looking away from me, even for a second, his head very slowly shakes. No.
I’m all but snarling in response. “Open your fucking mouth.” He might not be able to hear me over the music, but he gets the gist because his glare turns lethal. A sane person would be scared of an expression like that. He’s like a starving gator and I’m way too close to his mouth.
As I lean closer, he sits up, eyes narrowing. I place my hands on his thighs and stop an inch from his nose. When I feel we have an understanding, I lift a hand to his lips. The back of his hand smacks my wrist—not hard—but it startles me enough to make the pill fly. I make an animalistic noise and shove his chest. The bastard doesn’t move an inch.
When I search the floor for the pill he gets to his feet.
“I’m not taking it,” he booms over the wailing music.
I snatch the blue oval between my fingers and stand rigid, chin raised to him.
“Take it,” I shout. “And I’ll leave you alone!”
He points to the door. “Get the fuck out!”
Nope. I move closer, and as I do, he grabs both of my wrists securely in his hands. I’m staring up at him, my face in a rage, my fingers holding onto the pill for dear life. I will get this thing into the bastard, so help me.
In a quick move, he turns me so my back is against his chest, and he walks us forward toward the door, despite how I dig my heels into the ground. He forces my hand up to press the panel and the door slides open. I wriggle against him, yelling, “No! I’m not leaving till you take the pill!”
A startled male and female coming down the hall stop to gape. I give them a fake smile and thumbs-up. Hans shoves the small of my back toward the opening but I spin, wriggling my way past him and stay in his room. Hans curses and closes the door again.
“Stop being a fucking psycho!” he yells at me, his cheeks pink now.
Out of the Stars (Into the Stars Book 2) Page 7
