by Dani René
“Lizzie, please,” Molly sobbed, “I’m not crazy.”
Lizzie pursed her lips and looked away. “Perhaps you should speak to Dr. Manning about this, maybe he’ll get through to you. Lord knows you don’t listen to me anymore,” Lizzie said, disappointed and dejected.
Her words stung Molly and it was as though Lizzie had plunged an icy cold knife into Molly’s soul. Lizzie had never been disappointed in Molly before, but then Molly had always done exactly as Lizzie had instructed, ever the diligent little sister. Molly sniffed and nodded, not wanting to risk hurting Lizzie any further. Lizzie got up and went to her medicine cart to prepare Molly’s medications. “Why don’t you go for a walk in the gardens and get some fresh air? I’ll ask Dr. Manning to make time to see you today.”
“Yes, Lizzie,” Molly said softly, staring at the floor until Lizzie came back with her medicine and some water. Molly drank the pills without question and waited until Lizzie left before she burst into fresh sobs, crying into her pillow, her chest heaving with effort until she had no more tears to give. She knew she had been raped; she knew it and she couldn’t understand how it could have happened if Lizzie had been there all night. She knew Lizzie would never let anyone hurt her. Perhaps Lizzie had been called away, or had gone to the bathroom, or had gone to get something to eat and the orderlies had taken advantage of her being away. She would clarify everything with James, he would believe her; he loved her.
There was a knock at the door and she quickly wiped her face and stood up, going to open it. Standing there was a new orderly, one she didn’t recognize; he was young and somewhat homely. She gave a small smile and quickly read his name tag. “Hi…Christian.”
“Hi, Miss Molly, Nurse Lizzie said I should come and take you for a walk in the gardens.”
“Thank you,” Molly said and walked out of her room, shutting the door behind her. They didn’t talk as they walked through the halls passing other patients, doctors, and orderlies as they did so. Christian seemed to mind his own business and Molly was grateful that he wasn’t the chatty kind of orderly that liked to know his patient’s business; she was also grateful he wasn’t the other kind of orderly, the bossy kind. She concluded he must still be fairly new to the field.
They walked out the doors and into the garden and Molly slowed her stride. She walked slowly through the garden and Christian stopped at a bench. “You go on now and stay where I can see you.”
Molly smiled at him and wandered around the bushes, simply breathing and thinking about a time when she would be able to leave Serenity and marry James. She let her mind wander as far away from everything that it could. From the events of last night, from the events with Daddy, from Lizzie being disappointed in her…from everything. As she walked, she saw Riley was also in the garden, her back to Molly, and she smiled, walking over to her.
“Hey, Riley,” she said, “You okay?”
Riley turned to give Molly an angry look and Molly could see why. Riley’s face was scratched up and she had a mean looking black eye. Molly recalled that she had attacked three patients and quickly surmised Riley had been one of them.
“Oh God, Riley, I’m so sorry!”
“I’m sure you are,” Riley spat. “Stay the fuck away from me.” She turned to walk away.
“Riley, please, it wasn’t my fault,” Molly said, going after her.
“I don’t give a fuck whose fault it was. If it was yours, your sisters, the shadows…whatever. You fucking attacked me because you lost the fucking fairies and the shadow was coming; I thought I was your friend.”
“You are, you’re the first friend I’ve had in a long time.”
“Then why’d you rat me out to your sister?” Riley said, turning around again. “Why’d you tell her about me and Jana and the shower we had together? Now we can’t meet up anymore.”
“I…I didn’t…” Molly stammered.
“I…I…You did…” Riley mocked her. “And thanks to you we’re not allowed to see each other anymore. Thanks for ruining the one good thing about this fucking shit hole.”
“Riley, I swear I didn’t,” Molly said, reaching out to touch Riley’s arm.
“You were jealous, weren’t you?” Riley pulled away from her. “Jealous of Jana and me? You wanted me all to yourself. Well, you can fuck off, Molly, no one wants to know you now. Why don’t you go fuck Dr. Manning for all it’s worth and leave the rest of us alone.” She turned and stormed off without another word, and Molly could feel the tears prickling in her eyes again.
Had she said something when she had a fever? She hadn’t meant to. Now she had ruined a perfectly good friendship. Molly turned on her heel and headed back for the building, ignoring Christian as he got up to follow her. She headed straight for the recreation room where she found Jana.
She sat next to the young woman and said, “Jana, I need to talk to you.”
“No, you don’t,” Jana said sullenly, “Leave me alone!”
“Jana, I didn’t tell anyone anything,” Molly pleaded. “Please, you have to know that. I wouldn’t do that; you guys are the first friends I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t jeopardize that!”
Jana eyed her out and shook her head. “Then who told your sister about us?”
“It wasn’t me, I swear it!” Molly said, fighting back the tears that were threatening. “And I will get it sorted that you and Riley can see each other again, I promise. I’ll speak to James and he will sort it out for me, okay?”
Jana pursed her lips and shrugged. “That’s all fair and well, but Riley’s still pretty pissed that you scratched her and gave her a shiner,” Jana pointed out. “The other two patients you attacked are still recovering.”
Molly sighed and looked away; she had never felt so isolated and alone in her life. She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t know, since uncovering all this bullshit about my family and stuff, it’s like…I’m not me anymore.”
Jana looked at her sympathetically and said, “Maybe you should ask for a new doctor…”
“No,” Molly said. “No, Dr. Manning is finally getting something done about something that has plagued me my whole life. It’s just… It’s a process and one that I have to follow, and I’ll just have to explain to Riley that if she really is my friend, she’ll stick by me through it all, you know? I’m going to go tell her now.”
Jana shook her head. “I’d let her calm down first.”
“No, no, I want to sort this out right now,” Molly said, standing up and going back to Christian who was standing at the door. “Sorry, I want to go back to the gardens now.”
“Sure,” Christian said, letting her walk ahead of him.
Molly walked through the halls quickly, heading straight back towards the gardens. A nurse called out her name, but Molly ignored her. She thought she heard something about James and an appointment, but Molly knew James would understand that she needed to speak to Riley first, to clear the air about what had happened. Christian called for Molly to wait but instead of slowing down, Molly started to sprint. Christian shouted at her, but she rounded a corner and took off. She was out the doors and in the gardens before Christian could stop her, and she quickly ran back the way she had seen Riley heading. She couldn’t find Riley there, so she carried on running in the same direction Riley had been walking. The gardens were expansive, and she could have branched off in any direction.
“Riley?” Molly shouted, “Riley, please, I need to talk to you.” Molly was already out of breath, but she pressed on, coming up to a huge tree that marked the center of the grounds. She looked around at the other patients and orderlies milling about. She put a hand against the tree to prop herself up, taking a moment to catch her breath. A strange sound distracted her, and she glanced up, tumbling back suddenly at the sight of Riley’s body dangling in the air, suspended by a rope around her neck. Molly shrieked. She scrambled to try to climb up the branches to get Riley down, but slipped off the branches and fell back to the ground. Christian’s arms wrapped arou
nd her as she continued to shriek, thrashing against him and begging him to save Riley as he hurled her away from her friend’s corpse.
He dragged her back into the building with the help of two orderlies as a nurse rushed to meet them at the doors holding a syringe which she quickly injected into Molly, causing her to instantly slump in the men’s arms, her eyes fluttering closed; the last thing she thought about was the sight of Riley’s eyes bulging out of their sockets.
“Riley,” Molly gasped as she sat up in her bed. James was sitting in a chair next to her bed and shifted to the edge of his seat.
“Molly?” he asked gently.
“James, oh James…Riley…I saw Riley…” Molly started to cry. “She’s dead, James, she’s dead. She hung herself.”
James moved to sit on her bed and wrapped his arms around her, letting her rest her head against his shoulder and cry. He stroked her back gently and let her get it all out before whispering, “There, there, Molly, you need to calm down or they’ll want me to sedate you again.”
“No, I’m so tired of being sedated.” Molly pleaded, “Please, don’t.”
“Then calm down,” James said firmly, looking down into her eyes.
Molly nodded and wiped the tears away, sniffling softly.
“Now, Molly, we need to talk, and I need you to remain calm because I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say.”
Molly frowned and nodded. “Okay.”
“You’ve been talking about Riley and Jana for a long time and I thought you’d come to realize on your own, but you haven’t. I’ve put off telling you because I’d hoped you’d figure it out, but Molly…” he hesitated, “Molly, Jana and Riley aren’t real. They’re hallucinations. There are no patients here called Jana or Riley.”
“What?” Molly asked, her hands balling into fists.
James put his hands on her shoulders. “Remain calm, or I will sedate you.”
Molly took a deep breath and shook her head. “It isn’t possible. Riley…Riley and I, and Jana…”
“You pleasured yourself, Molly, and you felt so guilty about it that you created other patients to cover up your own guilt. You had nothing to feel guilty about, but in your mind, you had committed some heinous crime.”
“But she was hanging from the tree…” Molly started to shake, it couldn’t be possible; she hadn’t imagined the entire thing. She knew they were real. She knew that they had been there.
“I think it was your mind trying to end the hallucination,” James said. “But I do know that you’re ready for the truth. You’ve made such amazing strides towards recovery, Molly, but if we don’t face reality, if we don’t make the right decisions now during this vulnerable time, then you might go the other way and get stuck in your hallucinations forever, and then we can never be together.”
“This isn’t about that, there’s a bigger picture. I know they weren’t just hallucinations; I mean, I know I have hallucinations like I saw word fairies the other day… Lizzie! Lizzie said I attacked three patients! Riley was one of them.”
“No, she wasn’t,” James said. “Two of those patients are also patients of mine and the other one, I checked in on the patient and it’s a male. According to you, Riley is a woman, right?”
Molly shook her head. “No, this isn’t right. James, I know it wasn’t a hallucination. Lizzie…”
“Lizzie said you also claimed two orderlies raped you,” James said quietly. “But I checked the sign-in sheets for your ward and Lizzie was with you all night, Molly. There was no one else in your ward that night.”
“Then they didn’t sign in,” Molly said angrily. “But there were two orderlies and they did rape me. I mean I was kind of out of it, but they did rape me, I know they did.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” James said, standing up. “You were out of it, but they definitely raped you? Molly, you had a terrible fever that night and were constantly hallucinating, which is why Lizzie stayed the night; she was so worried about you.”
Molly pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest, rocking slightly. “No, James, this can’t be. I… Orderlies knew them, orderlies spoke to them…”
“The orderlies are instructed to play along with whatever the patients say so as not to inadvertently affect treatments adversely,” James explained and reached out to rub Molly’s back gently. “I’m sorry, I know you were fond of them but the reality is that they were not real.”
Molly looked up as the door opened and James quickly pulled his hand away as Lizzie wheeled her trolley in.
“Hi, Dr. Manning, Molly.”
“Good day, Nurse Lebowski, I was just checking in with how Molly was feeling.”
“And how is she doing today?” Lizzie asked, getting Molly’s evening medication ready.
“She’s doing much better now, thank you. You can leave her medication with me; I’ll make sure she takes it.”
“I prefer to make sure myself, Doctor,” Lizzie said, and Molly was surprised; it wasn’t like Lizzie to be defiant with an authority figure.
“That’s okay, Nurse,” James said. “I’m still going to be a while.”
Tension hung in the air for but a moment before Lizzie set the medicine and water down on the small bedside table next to Molly and said, “I hope you feel much better, Molly,” and left without another backwards glance.
James pulled his chair closer to the bed and sat back down. “Now, I wanted to discuss why you’re having hallucinations of being raped,” he said.
“Okay,” Molly said quietly, turning to reach for her medication.
James caught her hand in the air and said, “That can wait for now, let’s talk first. Tell me, what do you remember about the hallucination?”
Molly took a deep breath and shakily talked about drifting in and out of consciousness and the two orderlies and what they did to her.
“Interesting,” James finally said, “very interesting.”
“What is?” Molly asked.
James looked up at her from where he had sat back, his hands clasped in front of him. “Well, I think that this hallucination is feeding off of your realization that you were molested and raped by your father. Because we have plugged into that, so to speak, your hallucinations have gone from presenting themselves as imaginary illnesses to something that requires interaction between parties.”
“What does that mean?” Molly asked.
“Previously, when you didn’t remember what your father had done to you, your subconscious presented symptoms of physical illness which is what all the doctors were treating you for. Now that you have brought forth the suppressed memories of the abuse you suffered, you are hallucinating about people interacting with you in a sexual manner. Riley, Jana, orderlies. All these people are part of a sexual fantasy that is playing out in your hallucinations, but you are no longer presenting with the physical illness symptoms.”
Molly stared at her bed sheet and then glanced up at him. “You’re right, I haven’t felt sick like I normally do in a while.”
“Exactly, which means that your subconscious is enabling you to deal with your issues through the hallucinations. I feel like this is a really big step; if we can move from dealing with your issues through hallucinations to dealing with your issues consciously then you should be fine to lead a perfectly normal life.”
“What about my sexual deviancy?” Molly asked. “How does that fit into all of this?’
“Well, being a sexual deviant is directly related to the fact that you were introduced to sex at such a young age. We can control that with therapy and the right combination of medications, and of course, I will satisfy you as and when you need to be satisfied.” James smiled broadly at her and Molly had the good grace to blush and look away from him. “Are you satisfied, Molly?” James asked, shifting in his seat slightly.
Before Molly could answer the door swung open again and they both looked up. It was Lizzie again and she smiled. “Dr. Manning, a patient requires your urgent assi
stance in your office. Apologies for interrupting.”
“Not at all,” James said, standing up, “Molly, we’ll pick this up tomorrow. For now, you can take your medication and get a good night’s rest, okay?”
“Yes, J… Dr. Manning,” Molly said, reaching for her medication. She tossed the pills into her mouth and used the water to wash them down. Lizzie crossed the room, passing James as she fetched the now empty plastic cups.
“Goodnight, Molly,” she said softly.
“Night, Lizzie,” she said, curling up on the bed.
James and Lizzie left together, and Molly could have sworn, as she closed her eyes, that their hands briefly touched as they walked out the door.
Molly groans softly as she wakes up. It feels like her head is going to explode as her door slams open. She sits up and sees two large orderlies walking in, followed by Lizzie.
“What? What’s going on?” Molly asks, backing up into the corner of her bed.
“You shouldn’t have slept with him,” Lizzie said angrily, her eyes narrowed.
“Slept with who?” Molly asked. “Lizzie?”
The two orderlies grabbed her by her arms and she tried to fight them off, pulling away from them, but they held her firmly. They pulled her off her bed and lifted her off the floor with ease, carrying her out of the room.
“Lizzie, what’s going on?” Molly shrieked. “Lizzie!”
She tried to look back at her sister, but she couldn’t see her as the orderlies dragged her down the corridor.
“I didn’t do anything wrong! I didn’t do anything,” she continuously screamed. Nurses, orderlies, and doctors that they passed didn’t pay her any attention as she fought to get away. They went downstairs and into the basement and Molly knew where they were headed so she fought harder.
“I want Dr. Manning, there’s been a mistake! Call James! He’ll tell you there’s been a mistake!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs until her voice cracked, but the orderlies didn’t stop or let her go.
