A Trial of Sorcerers: Book One

by Kova, Elise

  “I’m sure yours—”

  “Don’t presume anything about my family.” He stopped her on the spot. “You have no idea what happens behind closed doors.”

  “I guess I don’t.” Eira had learned well today that it was impossible to really have a clear picture of a family, even your own.

  Cullen patted her knee with a heavy hand. “You’re allowed to feel all this. Don’t try not to. Clearly that wasn’t working out well.” He motioned around at the disheveled room. “But don’t let those feelings shake the fact that they love you. It may be hard to believe now, but their love for you hasn’t changed.”

  “I…I’ll try.” She didn’t want to argue. She was far too tired to try. He was right, nothing had changed, not really. And, yet, everything felt irrevocably different. She needed to find a way to apologize to her parents, but she couldn’t bear even the thought of looking them in the eyes.

  “Good.” Cullen stood.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I, unfortunately, have dinner with the empress to discuss the next trial.”

  She laughed softly. “Cullen, you’re the only man alive who would make dinner with the empress sound like a chore.” That earned her a small smirk and a playful glint in his eyes as they darted toward her.

  “It’s certainly not a chore. But, sometimes, there are other things I’d rather do that my current position doesn’t allow… In any case, I’ll find Alyss and send her.” Cullen ran a hand down his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles that her body had left when he’d held her.

  “Cullen—” She stopped him when he was at the door.

  “Yes?” He turned in a way that almost made it look like he was…eager?

  “I… Thank you for staying with me. For earlier.”

  His face softened and the sad eyes returned. “You’re welcome. Oh, and don’t worry about the room. I’ll put in a word with Her Majesty and smooth it all over.”

  Cullen left. Eira bit her lip. Thanks wasn’t entirely what she’d wanted to say… What she’d really wanted was to ask him to stay. Because, for a moment, in his arms, there had been something stable in her world again. He’d felt warm, and safe, and everything she suddenly found herself desperate for.

  When Alyss arrived, all the ice that had covered Eira and the floor around her had completely vanished. She didn’t know where she found the strength to dismiss it. But at some point she must’ve, because water didn’t usually evaporate that quickly in the cool halls of the palace.

  “Eira?” Alyss said softly, poking her nose into the room. “Are you here?”

  “Over here.”

  “Are you all right?” Alyss stepped in. That was when Eira noticed her arm was in a sling.

  “I should be asking you that.” Eira pushed herself to her feet. It was easier to move when she was focusing on someone else. “What happened?”

  “Oh, this?” Alyss motioned to her injury. “I fell in the trial and cracked a few things. They gave me a bone regrowth potion—honestly the potion hurt worse than anything in the trial—and they don’t want me to move it for an hour or two so everything sets up right. I’m sorry I didn’t see your run though.”

  Eira shook her head. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t miss anything special.”

  “Not true, from what I hear. Everyone is talking about how impressed they are.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “Well…no… I mean, they’re saying they’re impressed either by the fact that you could actually hoist yourself over a wall, or how hard you fell, or—oh, this is a good one—the creative ways you used your magic!”

  “I get it.” Eira held up a hand. Comparative to all the other emotional revelations, people making sarcastic comments about her physical ineptitudes was fairly benign. But she didn’t particularly enjoy it, either.

  “They’re still impressed with you though.” Alyss came over and wrapped her good arm around Eira’s shoulders. “Fritz also announced another special dinner tonight for the competitors. So let’s get back to the Tower and get cleaned up.”

  “I doubt I’ll go,” Eira murmured, shuffling forward at Alyss’s tugging.

  “Why not? I can’t wait to see Noelle’s expressions over dinner. I bet she’s sour you’re still in the running. I hear Adam didn’t make it.”

  “He didn’t?” Eira gaped. She should have noticed that it was his name beneath the line as the sole person she was competing against, but there were a dozen other things she’d been focusing on at the start of the trial.

  “I thought that would cheer you up.” Alyss laughed as they emerged into the halls.

  Eira gave a wary glance around her for any of her family. Just the thought of them put a rock in her stomach now. Her brain couldn’t even seem to conjure the image of their faces. They had completely shifted in her mind into something she no longer recognized. Did she know them at all anymore?

  Of course you do, they’re still your family, part of her wanted to say. The other part of her just felt empty.

  “Why the long face, anyway? Cullen, of all people, seemed worried about you. Now I can see why; you don’t look like a woman who just progressed to the next trial.”

  “I…” As Eira stared ahead, the halls before her seemed to elongate into infinity. They were never ending—a maze she would be trapped in forever. She had to get out. She couldn’t go back to the Tower. Not yet. “Can we go to Margery’s?”

  “The bakery?”

  “Do we know of any other Margery?”

  “Fair. Sure, I can go.”

  “Good. I have a dire need of a sweet bun.”

  Alyss turned them in an about-face. With every step Eira took away from the Tower she felt lighter. When they emerged into the city streets, she inhaled as deeply as possible, trying to exhale every last bit of torturous air that was trapped in her. The palace was toxic now. Every moment within would be poison.

  Margery’s Bakery was between the Tower entrance and the western clinic, if one took the long way. It was a quaint shop that was only large enough for three stools inside at the countertop. Outside, the patron, Margery, set up two wooden folding tables to accommodate the occasional rush. Today, it was blessedly empty.

  They made small talk with Margery while they ordered. The rosy-cheeked owner was pleasantly surprised to see candidate pins on both of their breasts. So much so that their sweet buns were on the house. The exchange made Eira realize that she hadn’t been out in the month since the trials began. It also made her realize that the last time she’d even thought about the bakery was when she’d made Marcus promise her two sweet buns before the trials were even a notion.

  The memory filled her with an indescribable sorrow.

  “Is something wrong with it?” Alyss asked from the other side of the table. The street was quiet, and the only other noise was the faint strumming of a lute lofting out of one of the high windows of a nearby home.

  “No, nothing,” Eira murmured, tearing a piece of the pillowy, glazed roll and popping it in her mouth. The creamy, sweet cheese center melted on her tongue. But Eira seemed to have lost all sense of taste.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s up now? Because something obviously is and please don’t insult me by denying it.”

  Eira shook her head. “Yes. Sorry. I couldn’t tell you in the palace. I had to get out of there.”

  “I could tell.”

  “You know me too well.” Eira gave Alyss a weak smile.

  “I’m your best friend, it’s my job to know you well.”

  “I…I found out something after the trial…” Eira proceeded to recount everything that had transpired with her parents. Herron had asked her not to tell another soul and Eira had promptly told two people. Then again, if her family really knew anything about her, they wouldn’t count Alyss anyway, since it should be obvious Eira would share her deepest secrets with her best friend.

  When Eira was finished, Alyss leaned back in her chair, expression blank. She proceeded to poke at he
r own sweet bun for several moments as she mulled it all over. Eira gave her friend space and took her own. They both finished their rolls at the same time.

  “I have thoughts,” Alyss declared. “But first, all this necessitates the need for another sweet bun.”

  After the second round of buns were secured, Eira finally asked, “So, what’re your thoughts?”

  “That they made a terrible error in how they handled all of this. And when I say ‘they’ I mean everyone in your family who knew—your parents, Fritz, Gwen, Marcus if he knew. Did he know?”

  Eira shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

  “You need to talk to him after we finish here,” Alyss decreed. “You need to first apologize to your parents and then find him.”

  Eira groaned and sank her face into her palms. “I can’t.”

  “You can.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “You must.”

  Eira busied her mouth with a hunk of roll. Chewing slowly bought her a minute or two of time. “I don’t know what I’ll do if he knew…”

  “Stewing over it isn’t going to help.” Alyss sighed. “And, if he didn’t know, he’s as blindsided as you. I’m not saying it’s the exact same feeling of betrayal as you. But you two might be able to help each other through this.”

  “Marcus is likely still sour I didn’t throw the trial today.”

  “Forget the trials! This is your family.” Alyss said those words with such conviction that, for a fleeting moment, Eira almost completely believed them. This was the reason why Cullen had known to get Alyss, and why Eira had stolen away for a moment with her friend. Only Alyss could scatter the clouds in her world so well.

  “All right.” Eira swallowed the last of her sweet bun with force. Just like accepting her next plan of attack, it didn’t go down easy. “You’re right. I’ll talk to them in a day or two.”

  “Tonight.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Tonight,” Alyss insisted.

  “Fine.” Eira sighed and slumped in her chair.

  “We’re going to go back and get changed. You’re going to find your parents and then go to the dinner with your head held high, like the future competitor in the Tournament of Five Kingdoms that you are. You’re going to sit and savor good food we rarely get; I don’t care how full those sweet buns made you—you’re going to eat. Then you’ll listen to the details of the next trial with the rest of us. And then you’re going to pull Marcus aside.”

  “I don’t have a choice in all this, do I?”

  “Nope,” Alyss said cheerfully. She was an adorable dictator.

  “I’m in your hands,” Eira said, resigned. She was tired, emotionally spent, and weary in body and soul. The last thing she wanted to do right now was think. So she’d forfeit independent thought and give in to Alyss’s demands.

  * * *

  The rest of the afternoon progressed exactly as Alyss had decreed. Despite not feeling ready in the slightest, they returned to the Tower. The entire walk up to their rooms, Eira could feel phantom eyes on her. The magic whispers were louder and harder to control.

  It felt like everyone and everything knew her secret.

  Alyss followed Eira to her room as they collected her things, and then Eira to Alyss’s. The bone regrowth had finished mending Alyss’s arm and she left the sling and bandages behind. After, they went to the Tower baths. Eira scrubbed herself within an inch of her life. She scrubbed until her skin was red and splotchy—until Alyss had to command her to stop.

  When she emerged from the bath and stared at herself in the mirror, slowly combing her hair, she couldn’t quite place the woman she saw. The same reflection that Eira had always known stared back at her. But it no longer felt like her.

  Her face, her body, they’d been stolen from her. Taken by a truth she was quickly realizing she would’ve preferred to live in ignorance of forever. Whose eyes stared back at her? Whom did they belong to? Were they uniquely hers? Or did they belong to a birth mother who’d abandoned Eira in the night? Did they belong to the Pirate Queen Adela?

  “Ready?” Alyss asked, breaking Eira from her trance.

  Eira leaned away from the mirror. “Almost.”

  The sensation of no longer fitting into her own skin persisted as Eira dressed. Every stitch of fabric buttoned up as it should. But none of it felt right.

  She looked like herself. She moved like herself. But the image of who she was had been smeared across the canvas of her mind. The colors were blurred and distorted. She’d give anything for a distraction from the unnerving sensation of feeling like she was a thief who’d stolen her flesh.

  Eira stood in the Tower hall, staring up at her uncle’s office.

  “Good luck.” Alyss gave her a squeeze. “I’ll wait in your room for you and we can go to dinner together.”

  “Do I have to?” Eira murmured.

  “Get it over with.” Alyss gave her a light shove. “You’ll feel better as soon as you do.”

  “I hate that you’re always right,” she muttered.

  “It’s my burden to bear.” Alyss sauntered away, heading back for Eira’s room.

  Eira stewed in the silence until it became hot and intolerable. The ocean within her was boiling, getting ready to foam over. She had to keep her better sense about her. No matter what she felt, apologizing for how she had handled the news was the right course. That would at least smooth things over for a while so Eira could process everything—according to Alyss.

  She gave a knock on her uncle’s office door.

  “Enter.”

  Eira stepped inside, watching her uncle’s expression become pinched and tense at the mere sight of her. Eira shut the door behind her and stared at her feet. She’d mentally practiced everything she’d wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words now.

  “Well?” Fritz folded his hands on his desk and sighed. His face was pinched—because of her, likely. “What is it?”

  “I…” She met his cold and closed stare. “Do you know where my parents are?”

  He gazed out the window, as if unable to look her in the eye. “They left.”

  All the waters within her stilled and Eira felt herself slipping beneath the surface into the bitter cold depths. “What?” she breathed.

  “I’m sorry, Eira.” Did he sound sorry? She couldn’t tell. “Your father had some work to do tomorrow so they had to make haste back to Oparium.”

  “I thought they’d stay for at least a little…”

  “Eira…” Fritz shook his head, burying his face in his hands for a moment. The disappointment that radiated off of him was like daggers. “The way they saw it…you attacked them with your magic.”

  “I didn’t. I mean, not really.” Did they say she had? Was that how they’d seen her frozen line? She had made spears of ice that jutted toward them. Was that really an attack?

  “I assumed that was the case, but they would not listen to me.”

  “But…” But. That’s all she could muster. A weak protest. How hard had her uncle worked to stand up for her?

  “The last time your emotions got the better of you, you killed someone. And that was over a boy.” Every word hurt worse than the last. It was a parade of her failings. “From what they told me, you didn’t make any improvements in managing your emotions and magic. I didn’t have a leg to stand on.”

  “I didn’t freeze anyone but myself.” Her defense was weak and small. “I didn’t hurt them.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t mean to.”

  “I didn’t.” She insisted. Full stop.

  “Don’t you see? You have to begin thinking about how your actions follow you. I won’t always be here to spell it out. Because of your history, no one knows if you’re one second away from unleashing your magic on them!” Fritz snapped, as though he’d been holding back the words for a long time.

  Eira’s back hit the door. She wanted to run from this uncomfortable truth.

  His face immediately softened w
ith remorse. “Eira, I’m sorry. This has been a burden on all of us.”

  “A burden on all of you?” she whispered.

  “You are not the only one dealing with this. Do you know how hard it has been to have you in my care? To know and not be able to tell you? I have loved you like my own but have had no say in any of this because I’ve been forced to respect your parents’ wishes.”

  “I… I need to finish getting ready for dinner,” Eira lied, and escaped before he could say anything else. She didn’t want his half-hearted excuses.

  Her parents had left without giving her the chance to say goodbye. Fritz clearly thought she was one breath away from killing anyone who had the misfortune of being close to her. How would Marcus react when she finally spoke to him?

  She’d find out soon enough.

  16

  “How’d it go?” Alyss asked as she shoved the tiny wooden sculpture of a bear she’d been working on into her bag, brushing sawdust from her lap.

  “Not well.”

  “Oh.” Her friend’s expression fell. “I’m sure—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Eira said firmly.

  “Then we won’t.” One of the many reasons Eira loved Alyss so much. She always knew when to push, and when to back away. “Let’s go and enjoy dinner and not think about it all for a little bit.”

  “All right.” Eira doubted how much of a distraction dinner could be. But a scuffle just above the entrance to the mess hall proved to be an unexpected relief from her thoughts.

  “Noelle, please.” Adam chased after his Firebearer lover like a puppy with his tail between his legs. “Let me explain.”

  “No.”

  “But—” Adam grabbed her arm.

  “I have no reason to allow you to explain!” Noelle swung her free hand and sent sparks crackling in the air just before Adam’s face. He jumped back. “Stop following me.”

  Alyss and Eira stopped just up the hall from them, watching the situation unfold.

  “Lovers’ quarrel?” Alyss murmured to Eira.

  “Looks like,” she whispered back.