Dive In Deep

by Parker, Ali

  He nodded before sucking down the wine. “He’s doing all right. I think he might actually turn out to be a good manager with a little time and experience under his belt. He’s got the book smarts, but he doesn’t have any real experience.”

  I smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. “He’s fresh out of school. Like me. We don’t have real-world experience.”

  “I know, and I’m working with him.”

  “How are things at the hotel?” I asked.

  The stilted conversation was making me crazy. It was like a first date. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Things had been great and then suddenly very tense.

  “They’re good, moving along nicely and keeping me very busy,” he answered.

  The waiter came by, giving me a brief reprieve from trying to fill the silence. We ordered our meals and then fell into the same awkward quiet, each of us sipping our wine. At the rate we were going, we were going to be slobbering drunk before dinner was over.

  The longer the quiet stretched on, the more nervous I became. The sex had been amazing, but maybe it was goodbye sex. He was getting in one last tryst before he broke things off with me. I knew the long-distance thing was hard. I had expected him to eventually get tired of it. However, I had expected some signs that would lead up to the point where he dumped me.

  There had been no signs. He seemed happy to see me. I started replaying the week in my head. He had been a little distant. There hadn’t been as many texts. Those were the signs, and I had missed them!

  My stomach twisted in knots as I started to reexamine every text and phone call. He’d claimed to be busy, but was it all an excuse?

  “More wine please,” I croaked out, holding out my nearly empty glass.

  He eagerly poured a full glass. “It’s good, huh?”

  “Yes, very,” I answered. The weirdness was only getting worse. I needed to fill the quiet. If I was talking, he couldn’t. He couldn’t dump me in the middle of the nice restaurant with everyone watching and listening. He couldn’t tell me it had been fun, but he needed someone closer, more mature, more suited to him and his lifestyle.

  “I’m thinking about getting a dog,” I blurted out, saying the first thing that popped into my head.

  His brows shot up. “A dog?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “That’s, uh, new—different,” he replied. “Why a dog?”

  “I get so lonely during the week,” I answered, suddenly feeling foolish. “I want something to cuddle with.”

  I wasn’t helping the situation. I couldn’t seem to stop saying stupid shit. He was looking at me like I had three heads. I sounded like a little girl asking for a new stuffed animal.

  “I think a dog is a great idea,” he said with a smile.

  “You do?”

  “Sure. Dogs can be great company. They are always happy to see you when you get home, and they are never mad at you for more than a minute. They can be loud snorers, though.”

  I laughed, thinking about Leia’s tendency to snore. “I wouldn’t mind. It would remind me someone was near.”

  “What about when you work?”

  “I don’t know. Crate?”

  He smiled but didn’t say anything more. He had a look on his face that I couldn’t quite identify. Was it sadness? Resignation? I didn’t know, but it was once again freaking me out a little. In that moment, I realized that while I thought I knew him, I really didn’t. I didn’t know what all of his looks meant. With Khloe or Julia, I could read their faces and know exactly what they were thinking.

  I couldn’t. Not with him. Not yet.

  The waiter delivered our steaks, which looked absolutely delicious. I realized I was famished. The sex had worn me out. I was thrilled to have something to occupy my mouth and to have a reason not to talk.

  I cut off one chunk of the juicy steak and shoved it into my mouth. We were both eating like we hadn’t eaten in years. If it had been dinner with anyone else, I would have been embarrassed by the way I scarfed down the meal.

  “Are you truly lonely, Sade?” he asked after several minutes of us filling the quiet with our chomping teeth.

  The way he said it, I almost felt guilty for admitting my loneliness. I hadn’t intended to make him feel like he was lacking, but that was what it sounded like when he posed the question to me.

  “I am,” I said, wiping my mouth with the napkin. “I’ve never lived alone. I’ve always had a roommate. I go home, and it’s just me. I eat dinner alone. I sit alone. I miss you. I miss Leia. I fell in love with your dog, and now I want to try and replace her with one of my own.”

  He grinned. His face actually lit up. That was an expression I could read. He almost looked happy. Relieved.

  “We’ll get dessert at home,” he announced.

  That was not what I had expected. I looked down at my plate that still had a little food left. I wanted to finish it, but the look on his face told me I didn’t have time. He was suddenly in a hurry to leave. I supposed that was a good thing. If he wanted to dump me, I didn’t want to have it done in public. I’d probably turn into a blubbery mess.

  Three minutes later, we were walking out of the restaurant, his hand holding mine. I nearly lost my arm when I moved to go toward the valet and he moved in the opposite direction.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “I want to walk.”

  I inwardly grimaced. “Okay.”

  I would kick him in his bad leg if he was walking me away from his car and looking for a taxi to shove me in to haul me back to the airport. I would seriously use every self-defense move my father taught me.

  He didn’t talk as we aimlessly walked along the sidewalk. The temperature had dropped enough to be comfortable. I didn’t mind the walk, but I could feel there was something between us. Something big. I was dying for him to just spit it out.

  We walked toward a park, and he led me to a bench. We sat down, staring out at the water. I let go of his hand. My palms were sweaty. I didn’t want him to know just how nervous I was. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. I wanted to be cool and casual and pretend him dumping me was no big deal. It was for my own self-preservation. I needed to hold on to my dignity.

  “I think I might have a solution to your loneliness problem,” he said after a long pause of quiet.

  “What’s that?” I asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

  “I’m hesitant to say it. I don’t want you to think I’m moving too fast. I definitely don’t want to crowd you or push you out of your comfort zone.”

  I nodded, having no idea where he was going with the conversation. “Okay,” I said, not sure what else to say.

  “I’m considering a move to Fresno.”

  I blinked. My head felt a little fuzzy. I wasn’t sure I heard him right. “Move to Fresno?” I repeated, turning my head to look at him.

  He nodded. “Yes. I’ve been looking at a couple of hotels that are for sale. I’m thinking about buying a hotel, fixing it up, and running it from Fresno. I could be with you all the time. You wouldn’t be lonely.”

  My shoulders slumped forward. “Oh my god.”

  “Is that too fast? I’m sorry. I don’t want to freak you out.”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s just—” I stopped and burst into laughter. “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

  His head whipped around. “Baby, no!”

  “I could tell there was something you wanted to say, and I assumed it was you dumping me. You’ve been acting a little different all night.”

  “No. Fuck no. I want to be with you, but this long-distance thing sucks. I want to be with you all the time. I don’t need to be here. I can be there. I can own a hotel there. I can run my business from there. Hell, I can fucking retire. All I want is to be with you.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what to say. I’m, I—” I was struggling to find my words. “You—you shocked me. I truly thought you were going to dump me.”
/>   He jumped up, grabbed my hand, and dragged me into an area surrounded by trees. It was a quiet little hideaway with a bench. I imagined it was a very good place for a murder to take place. In my situation, it was a great place for lovers to sneak a few kisses away from the prying eyes of the public.

  “Baby, I’d marry you right now if I thought you’d let me,” he said, pulling me against him.

  My heart literally rolled over in my chest. I didn’t know how to answer that. I did what I felt and leaned up on my toes to kiss him. He was truly the craziest, sweetest man I had ever met. He kissed me back before looking down at me with an expectant look on his face.

  “We should go,” I whispered.

  I could see the nervousness on his face. I was still trying to process what he had said. Marriage was crazy. I couldn’t even say he was joking. I knew he wasn’t joking. The way he had said it and just his personality, in general, told me he wasn’t joking.

  I grabbed his hand and led him out of the little nest we’d been in. I could feel him limping a bit and slowed my walk. Neither of us said a word as we made our way back to the restaurant, where Bentley would be waiting with the car.

  “Sade,” he said my name just before I got into the car.

  I turned and put my finger to his lips before kissing him. “We need to talk. I was hoping we could do that at your place.”

  The look on his face made me feel bad. He looked hurt, like a little boy that had been denied the treat he asked for. I didn’t get the chance to assure him it was okay. Bentley was ushering us inside the car and closing it behind us. The conversation we needed to have was best done in private.

  I settled against him, feeling the tension in his body that hadn’t been there before. I was feeling a similar tension. Things were moving fast. The cautious, skeptical side of me that had been instilled in me by my father was telling me to take a minute and examine the situation. Running headlong into anything was dangerous.

  I didn’t do anything dangerous or daring. I was a person who thought before I acted. I weighed the pros and cons. I was a scientist at heart, and everything I did required a little analyzing.

  Chapter 38

  Trent

  I couldn’t remember the last time I felt truly nervous. I wasn’t the type of guy who got worked up over much of anything. I had stared death in the face so many times that even the thought of dying didn’t make me nervous anymore.

  The idea of losing her was probably the only thing on the planet that could truly make me nervous. I didn’t like the feeling, I decided. I felt sick to my stomach. Not sick—nauseated. Like my guts had twisted into knots and nothing was working as it should. It wasn’t a great feeling.

  I wanted to kick myself in my own ass for saying what I did. I had just told her I was willing to uproot my life and move closer to her, which shocked her. I had seen the shock. She was a kid fresh out of college, and I was throwing my plans for our life together at her. She’d barely taken her first steps into adulthood when we met.

  Then I blurted out I wanted to marry her. If there was a book on what not to do in a relationship, I was following it line by line. Hell, I was probably adding to the list of what should never be said or done. I kept saying all the wrong things.

  At first, I thought maybe she hadn’t heard me or was pretending I hadn’t said it at all. Then, she’d practically dragged me back to the car. Obviously, she didn’t want to be alone with me another minute. She was probably terrified I was going to ask her to have four kids with my next breath.

  I closed my eyes and tried to get my shit together. She turned me inside out, and I couldn’t think straight when I was around her. I wanted to make her happy. When she had said she was lonely, it had ripped my heart open. I had an image of her alone in bed, crying herself to sleep. The thought of her being sad broke my heart.

  I didn’t want her to be lonely. I was lacking in the boyfriend department if she felt lonely. A woman with a man should never feel lonely. I didn’t want her snuggling with a fucking dog. I wanted her snuggling with me at night. I would buy her a hundred dogs, but I wanted to be the one that held her and made her feel loved. I wanted to be the one that dispelled the loneliness.

  I couldn’t do that from over a hundred miles away. I needed to be nearby. I needed to be there for her. Trying to build a relationship from afar wasn’t working for me, and it was pretty apparent it wasn’t working for her either. I had to find a way for her to give me a chance to make it right. I know I could make it right.

  The car pulled to a stop in front of the house. I dreaded getting out. I didn’t want to go inside and have her tell me I was moving too fast and she needed a break. I took a deep breath, resigned myself to my fate, and headed inside like a man walking to his doom. My feet dragged. All the earlier elation I had felt at seeing her had faded.

  I felt a heaviness that weighed my heart down.

  “I’m going to pour myself a scotch,” I told her. I wanted to dull the anger I felt at myself for destroying the best thing that had come my way in a long time. “Do you want anything?”

  She shrugged a shoulder. “I wouldn’t mind some wine.”

  I nodded. “Make yourself comfortable. I need to check on Leia, and then I’ll open a bottle.” I walked into the kitchen.

  I took my sweet time. I poured myself a glass of scotch and took a long drink before pulling a bottle of wine from the rack. I opened it, poured her a glass, and left it on the counter to breathe a few minutes while I took care of Leia. I walked down the hall and opened the door to Leia’s room.

  She raised her head and looked at me from her very comfortable spot on her large memory-foam bed with a Sherpa lining. “Do you want to go out?” I asked.

  She yawned and got up to do a slow, thorough stretch. Instead of getting off the bed and heading for the door, she turned around a few times and flopped back down.

  “All right then,” I said, taking it as a no.

  I checked her food and water dish and left the door open. That was the universal sign she could roam about the house freely if she chose. When she was alone, I preferred to keep her in her room with outside access. I had come home to chewed furniture one too many times.

  I went back to the kitchen, added more to my drink, and carried both through the house, pausing to check rooms as I went. I found her in the living room. She had kicked off her shoes and was sitting with her legs tucked up under her.

  “Your wine,” I said, handing her the glass.

  “Thank you.”

  I sat down on the couch, keeping a few feet between us. She looked relaxed, but there was a lot that needed to be said. I just didn’t want to hear it. She sipped the wine. “This is really good.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  Our night had been filled with stiff conversation. It was unnatural for us. We had always been able to talk freely. I had always felt so comfortable around her. And then I blew it by opening my big mouth. I had never been so openly honest with anyone. I was a reserved person, preferring to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.

  I didn’t make friends easily, and I trusted almost no one. And then she walked into my life, and it was like a door had been opened. I trusted her with my heart.

  Nails tapping against the hard floor alerted me to Leia coming down the hall. It was a welcome reprieve from the stilted silence in the room.

  “In here,” I called out.

  The dog lazily strolled in and went directly to Sade. I watched as Sade rubbed behind Leia’s ears before kissing the top of her head. Leia took that as an invitation to make herself comfortable and jumped on the couch in the vacant space between us.

  “She is such a good girl,” Sade commented. “I want a dog just like her, but I think she would be a bit too big for my condo.”

  I smiled and looked down at my dog. “She is a good dog. Most of the time.”

  I watched Sade shower Leia with affection. I was happy Leia had won Sade over, but deep down, I wanted that same love
and affection. I wanted her to want me like she wanted the dog. I could be a little selfish.

  Sade looked up at me, caught me staring, and offered a smile before sipping her drink. Clearly, she was waiting for me to explain what I had said. I took another drink of the scotch, letting it roll down my throat and steady my nerves. It was truly liquid courage. I needed every damn drop.

  “Sade, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” I started. “I’m serious about moving closer to you. There is nothing keeping me here and everything pulling me to you. We can take it slow if you want, but being closer together would make it a lot easier to explore a real relationship between the two of us. I don’t mind slowing things down, but I do mind being away from you.”

  “But your hotel,” she said, concern on her face.

  I shrugged. “My hotel can be managed by Richie. Hell, it could be managed by any number of qualified individuals. Most owners don’t actually do the managing. I’m just more hands-on. I don’t have to be. I don’t need to be here. I would check in on occasion and stay on top of numbers and guest satisfaction reports, but there’s no reason I have to be here. I can buy another hotel close to you and run that one.”

  “Why work at all?” she asked with a soft smile.

  I smiled in return. “Because I’m not very good at not doing anything. I have to keep busy. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have something to do. Staying busy keeps my mind focused. Too much time on my hands leaves me too much time to think about things I’d prefer not to dwell on.”

  “I can understand that. My dad is the same way.”

  It was another reason I was crazy for her. She understood me. “I know I shocked you with what I said, and for that, I am sorry. I just need you to know how I feel about you. I can’t explain it, but you’re it for me. I know you are the woman I want. It happened fast—too fast. It’s absolutely crazy to even be thinking this way, but I do.”

  She slowly nodded. “It is crazy. It’s wild. It’s reckless.”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel reckless to me. It feels right. I know without a doubt there will never be anyone like you in my life. I will never feel like this for another person. You’re it for me. If we’re not together, I won’t be with anyone else. At least, not anyone that I could feel like this for. I’m certain of that.”