While We’re Far Apart

by Lynn Austin

  “What did you do to your hair?” Esther asked. Her question didn’t come out the way she had meant it to. Penny seemed to shrink away like melting butter. And there she was again, the old Penny Goodrich, not the new one.

  “I-I just wanted a change. I thought it was time to try something new. My friend Sheila said that since I might be getting a new job soon, why not get a new haircut, too? Try something new for a change, you know?” She paused, her smile wavering as she patted her hair. “Do . . . do you like it?”

  “It’s okay.” Esther shrugged and went back to reading her book. She didn’t know why, but the change in Penny made her furious. Maybe because it was yet another change in Esther’s life and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all. How would she ever get her old life back again if everything kept on changing?

  CHAPTER 18

  PENNY MADE UP HER MIND not to let Esther’s reaction to her new hairstyle discourage her. Shopping with her friend Sheila had been fun. Getting her hair cut had been fun, too. When the hairdresser had spun the chair around at the beauty parlor and Penny had looked in the mirror for the first time, she hadn’t recognized herself. She had wobbled home in her new shoes feeling giddy, like a brand-new person. Then she had made the mistake of asking Esther’s opinion. Penny felt as though she had blown the biggest chewing gum bubble ever, only to have it burst, leaving a sticky mess all over her face.

  She carried her purchases into Eddie’s bedroom – her bedroom – to unpack them. She had worn her new dress home. Maybe she would wear it to church tomorrow, too. She had used up all her ration coupons to buy the new shoes, but they had been worth it. The heels weren’t as high as the ones Sheila wore, but they were still very stylish. Penny had also purchased a new gray suit and a pale blue blouse to wear to the train station when Eddie came home on Monday.

  And Sheila had talked Penny into having her eyebrows plucked at the beauty salon. The pain had made her eyes water, but what a difference! Her brows didn’t resemble her father’s bold, glaring ones anymore. After the beauty salon, Penny had gone with Sheila to Woolworth’s five-and-dime store to buy just a teeny bit of makeup – Tangee rouge to brighten her cheeks, Maybelline mascara for her eyelashes, and a tube of Max Factor coral lipstick for her lips. For the first time that Penny could ever remember, she had felt like a woman.

  “You should come with me to volunteer at the USO sometime,” Sheila told her. They had stopped at a diner on the way home to buy Cokes and slices of cherry pie. “It’s fun. They have dances on the weekends, and you get to meet a lot of nice people. The servicemen come from all over America.”

  “But you’re married. Doesn’t your husband mind if you go to a dance without him?”

  “He can’t expect me to become a hermit while he’s away. Besides, all I do is serve coffee and talk to people, maybe dance with one or two of them, that’s all. These poor guys are so far away from home, and they’re lonely and scared. They’re about to be shipped who knows where. Dancing with a pretty girl helps boost their morale. Wouldn’t you be happy to know that somebody’s keeping your boyfriend’s mind off the war while he’s far from home?”

  “No,” Penny said, taking a sip of soda. “I think I would be a little jealous.”

  “Oh, it’s not like that at all.” Sheila’s diamond sparkled as she waved her hand. “Come with me sometime, and you’ll see. Most of the men have wives or girlfriends back home. There’s nothing to it.”

  Penny watched her friend scoop up a bite of pie and pop it daintily into her mouth. She wished she were as feminine as Sheila. Penny felt awkward in comparison, like a plodding mule beside a graceful deer. “I don’t know how to dance,” she said with a sigh.

  “You don’t have to. The USO always needs volunteers to pass out coffee and doughnuts. Or just talk to the fellas for a while.”

  “I’m real good at talking.”

  “You sure are,” Sheila laughed. “It’s a lot of fun, Penny. You’d be doing something for the good of our country. And if you decide you want to try dancing, I could teach you how. I mean, look at you! You’re already a brand-new person with your new dress and hairstyle and shoes – why not take up dancing, too?”

  Penny smiled to herself, happy with the thought of doing something for the war effort. But talking to a group of strangers? Mother would have a conniption fit. “I guess I could think about it,” she told Sheila.

  “Good. We could go together. And if I teach you to dance, you’ll be able to dance with your boyfriend when he comes home. He’d like that, I’ll bet.”

  Penny had no idea if Eddie liked to dance or not.

  She’d had so much fun on their shopping trip, only to return to the apartment and Esther’s indifferent reaction. Penny changed out of her new dress and shoes and put them away in her closet. She hung up her new suit and blouse and put on her old dress and her sensible shoes again. She sat down at the dressing table that had once belonged to Eddie’s wife and arranged her new makeup on top of it. She had remembered what Roy had advised and had bought a small bottle of perfume, too.

  Penny looked at herself in the mirror and it seemed scary to see a different person gazing back. But Penny couldn’t help smiling at her reflection. She liked what she saw.

  On Sunday morning Penny woke up early, too excited to sleep. Only one more day and Eddie would be home. She got the children up and dressed for Sunday school, and when they boarded the bus for the ride to church, Penny was overjoyed to see her friend Roy Fuller riding up front. At first he didn’t seem to recognize her, then his eyes grew wide, as if they might pop right out of his head. He broke into a grin as he looked her up and down.

  “Wow, you did it! Your hair is different and . . . and everything’s different. You look great, Penny. Just like a movie star.” She could see the admiration in his eyes and hoped Eddie would react the same way.

  “Thanks. I took your advice, Roy.” She sat down beside him as the kids found seats in the rear of the bus where they liked to ride. “I splurged and bought this dress and a new suit, too. From now on I’ll be wearing a uniform to work – a man’s uniform, no less – so I wanted to treat myself to something new and girly.”

  “Does that mean you got the job you were hoping for?”

  “Not yet, but I’m partway there. I’m learning how to drive, and if I pass all the tests, I’ll be driving a bus just like this one.”

  “No kidding? A pretty little gal like you, driving a bus?”

  She nodded. His compliment brought tears to her eyes, and she bit her lip to fight them back.

  “Good for you, Penny! I’ve driven a truck before, but never a bus.”

  “I already passed the first written test and got my learner’s permit. Now we’re practicing outside in the back parking lot on an older bus, going through the gears and getting used to shifting and the clutch. You have to do it just right or the bus starts hopping around like a bucking bronco.”

  Roy laughed. “I’ve been on a few bus rides that were like that.”

  “Me too. The instructor says you have to be patient and let the clutch out slowly. He says most young people are in too big a hurry and driving a bus requires patience. But I’ve got plenty of patience, believe me. I’ve spent a lifetime with parents who are the same age as most people’s grandparents, and they’re never in a hurry. It takes them forever to do anything. Besides, I’m too scared to press the gas pedal all the way to the floor and see how fast the bus will take off.”

  “I wish I could see you driving,” he said, laughing. “I’ll bet you look cute behind that great big steering wheel.” Penny blushed, but she couldn’t help laughing, too. Roy was so easy to talk to, just like her friend Sheila.

  “Speaking of steering,” she continued, “our teacher set up a row of barrels for us to steer around, like an obstacle course. My friend Sheila knocked over three of them so far, but I haven’t hit a single one. They told us we have to think ahead of the bus and steer into the turn before we get there, because it takes a
while to get something that big and slow to turn. But like I said, it’s a lot like helping my parents. It takes a lot of planning ahead of time to get them to go in a different direction.”

  “You’re a comedienne, Penny. And it sounds like you’re really learning a lot.”

  “The instructor told me I was doing great. He said with a little more practice I would be ready to take the road test soon.”

  “Your boyfriend must be real proud of you.”

  Her smile faded. “I haven’t told Eddie about the training.”

  “Why not?”

  “I was afraid I might fail the test and I’d have to go back to selling tickets again. I didn’t want him to know that I failed.”

  “Well, when you do get your license, make sure you go someplace special to celebrate.”

  “It will have to be Nathan’s hot-dog stand,” she laughed. “I spent all my money on my hair and clothes and shoes.”

  “It was worth every cent. You look terrific.”

  She felt her cheeks getting warmer and warmer. If Roy kept on complimenting her, she wouldn’t need her new rouge. She decided to change the subject. “Hey, here I’ve been babbling on and on, and I haven’t asked you about your visit home to see Sally. How did it go?”

  Roy looked away. “Well . . . not exactly as I planned. Sally’s father nixed the idea of us dancing all night, not to mention going to Lake Scranton to watch the sun come up. She lives at home and still has a curfew.”

  “My father would be the same way. He’s very strict, too. But that doesn’t mean Sally doesn’t love you.”

  “I know. We had a great time when we were together, but the furlough went by much too fast. Now I miss her more than ever . . . Say, isn’t your boyfriend coming home soon?”

  “Tomorrow.” The thought made Penny shiver with excitement. “I already know the time will go by much too fast for Eddie and me.”

  “Can I ask your advice about something, Penny?”

  “Sure.”

  “Sally told me that she writes letters to three other servicemen she knows besides me. She said not to worry; they’re only friends and not boyfriends. She says she feels sorry for them and that she’s just doing it so they’ll get some mail from home to keep up their morale. I hate to sound like a jealous boyfriend, but . . . but I guess I am one.”

  “Listen, my friend Sheila from work is married to a sailor, but she goes to the USO dances every weekend to cheer up the servicemen and boost morale. She says there’s nothing to it at all.”

  “Really? And she’s married?”

  Penny nodded. “Listen, you and I are friends, right? We talk all the time and it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe that’s all Sally is doing in her letters – just talking with her friends who happen to be men, like you and I do.”

  “I guess you’re right.” He was quiet for a moment as he played with a button on his uniform. “What really bothers me is the fact that these friends she writes to are all stationed overseas. I’m worried that Sally might decide they’re braver than I am because they’re seeing action and I’m stuck here in Brooklyn.”

  “Your job is an important one, too. Imagine what would happen if saboteurs got into the shipyard. I feel a lot safer knowing not all of the soldiers are overseas. We need somebody to stay here and protect us on the home front, right?”

  “I guess so. . . . Thanks.” Once again she saw the admiration in his eyes as he looked at her. “You look real nice, Penny. I didn’t recognize you at first. Is Eddie taking you someplace special when he gets home?”

  “I don’t think so.” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure the kids were out of earshot. “We’ll have the kids to think about. He won’t want to leave them after being away for so long. And they’re not going to let him out of their sight for a single minute, especially to go out on a date with me.”

  “Are they still giving you a hard time?”

  “Yeah. I wish I knew how to get them to like me. I let them go to the movies with their friends last Saturday, but it didn’t seem to help. I guess it’s only natural that they don’t want anyone taking their mother’s place.”

  “Hey, I know! Why not cook Eddie a real nice supper at home? After weeks and weeks of army chow, I’ll bet he’d love a home-cooked meal. What’s his favorite dish?”

  “Um . . . I’m not sure. But I’m going over to his mother’s house after church today, so maybe I can ask her.” She leaned close to whisper. “I don’t dare ask the kids what he likes because they’ll sabotage me, telling me how much he loves calves’ liver when it really makes him gag.”

  “They’d do that?” Roy asked with a laugh.

  “I wouldn’t put it past them. Hey, I have to go. This is our stop. But listen, Roy. Don’t worry about Sally writing to those other guys. She would be crazy to two-time a nice guy like you.”

  “Thanks. I hope you and Eddie have a great time together.”

  “I hope so, too.”

  Penny took Esther and Peter to their grandmother’s house after church. While the kids ran around the yard with the dog, she asked Mrs. Shaffer if she wanted to come with them to the train station tomorrow to welcome Eddie home. “I could come here and get you right after work and you could ride with the kids and me to meet him. I already found out which buses and subways to take to get to Grand Central Station.”

  “All the way to Manhattan?” Mrs. Shaffer shook her head, just like Peter always did. “No, that’s too much for me. Too much walking, too many buses. A trip like that would be the end of me.”

  This would be Penny’s first trip to Manhattan by herself, too. She hoped Mrs. Shaffer wouldn’t tell her parents about it. Mother would have a conniption fit.

  Penny suddenly remembered Roy’s suggestion. “Listen, I want to cook a special dinner for Eddie tomorrow to welcome him home. What are some of his favorite meals?”

  “He likes chicken and dumplings. And pork chops with sauerkraut. Roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy. But good luck getting a nice roast unless you can steal some extra ration coupons.”

  “I know. Well, thanks for your advice. I’ll see you later.” Penny waved good-bye and crossed the tiny yard to her parents’ half of the duplex. In all the excitement surrounding Eddie’s homecoming she had forgotten how different she looked until she saw her reflection in the window of the back door. Mrs. Shaffer hadn’t seemed to notice a difference, but Penny’s parents certainly would. She paused to rub off any remaining lipstick and rouge before going inside, nervous about their reaction.

  “Hi, I’m home.”

  Mother sat at the kitchen table, pasting War Bond stamps in a booklet. She looked up, and from the expression on her face, Penny might have been wearing a hideous Halloween mask.

  “What did you do to your hair? And those clothes! Are you turning into a hussy?”

  “This is the way all the girls look nowadays.”

  “Well, you have to be more careful. You’re not like other girls.”

  Penny had heard those words all her life, but now she wondered what they really meant. Was she different because she was adopted? Did Mother know a terrible secret about her real parents? “How am I different from other girls?” she asked.

  “And those shoes! What did you do with your real shoes?”

  “Nothing. I’ll still wear them to work. But it’s Sunday. I wanted to dress up for church. How am I different from other girls, Mother?”

  “You wore that dress to church? You look like a floozy.”

  “I’m not a floozy.” Whatever that was. Penny had only a vague idea. If Mother wasn’t going to answer her question, then Penny decided to change the subject. “Eddie is coming home on leave tomorrow.”

  “Good. Tell him you’re done. It’s time for his mother to take over with those children. We need your help here at home. Sure, you’re willing to help the whole world – strangers even. Why not help your own parents?”

  Penny wished she had the courage to get angry and say, Why should I want to come h
ome? So you can yell at me and tell me I’m as dumb as a green bean and call me a floozy? But she already knew how Mother would reply. She would accuse Penny of being ungrateful and remind her of all the sacrifices they had made for her over the years.

  She watched her mother get up from the table and hobble over to the stove to stir the pot of soup, and she seemed like a stranger to Penny. She had managed to forget about her adoption certificate during the week as she kept busy with her drivers’ training and the kids. But the questions came racing back as she sat here in their house. It couldn’t be true, could it? Could the reason she had felt unloved all her life be because she wasn’t their daughter? Maybe Mother had never gazed at her the way other mothers did because she wasn’t really her mother.

  “The soup is ready,” Mother said after tasting it. “Go get your father. We’ll eat here in the kitchen today. ”

  Penny did as she was told. She found her father dozing in his chair in the living room while the Andrews Sisters harmonized on the radio. He looked older than she remembered. She watched his chest rise and fall as he snored. How could her parents have lied to her all these years? Part of her wanted to confront them and demand to know the truth, but another part of her was afraid to know. Who was she if not their daughter?

  In the end, Penny’s fear won the argument. She couldn’t confront them. First she would return to the records’ office and find out if her birth record was sealed. That’s when someone in the office would finally discover that it had all been a huge mistake. Her real papers had been filed in the wrong place or accidentally exchanged with someone else’s. There was no sense in angering her parents for nothing.