While We’re Far Apart

by Lynn Austin

  “What do you say we go over to Macy’s department store and look at the window decorations?” Roy suggested. Peter hopped up and down with excitement. He’d been so happy all day that Esther thought for sure the words would burst out of his mouth any minute. He really liked Roy and his corny jokes. She hadn’t seen Peter this happy in a long, long time.

  “Okay, let’s go,” Esther said. Penny looked surprised and pleased when Esther linked arms with her again. But Esther only did it so that she wouldn’t get lost in the vast crowd.

  Everything looked glittery and pretty as they walked around the outside of the department store, admiring the decorations in the windows. The joy of Christmas began to bubble up inside Esther like the fizz in a soda bottle. She began to wish the day would never end.

  “Where to next?” Roy asked when they’d completed their circuit. Peter pointed to a five-and-dime store across the street, then pulled off his mittens and wrote on his piece of paper: I want to buy some presents.

  Esther had a quick discussion with him, whispering and writing notes, and they decided to buy Penny a new lipstick and Grandma a box of her favorite talcum powder. “We’ll meet back here in half an hour,” Roy decided. He and Peter went in one direction to get the lipstick, and Esther went the opposite way with Penny to buy the powder and also a present for Peter. She began to believe that this Christmas might be a good one after all. What was it Mr. Mendel had said? “Happiness is something that comes from our own hearts, not from other people.”

  Late that afternoon they took the subway back to Brooklyn, then rode a bus to their own neighborhood. As they walked the last few blocks toward home, Peter halted in front of a shop with Jewish writing on the windows. Inside were things like Mr. Mendel had in his apartment: leather-bound books and silver cups and brass candlesticks. Peter took out his paper and pencil and wrote: I want to buy something for Mr. Mendel.

  “He doesn’t celebrate Christmas, remember?” Esther said.

  More candles. We used his all up.

  “Okay, come on.” They went into the store and picked out a box of candles that looked as though they would fit in his candleholder. Mr. Mendel had told them that it was called a menorah. She and Peter paid for the candles with their own money.

  “It’s starting to feel like Christmas,” Esther said as they came out of the shop again.

  “You know what we really need?” Roy asked, halting in the middle of the sidewalk. “A Christmas tree. What do you say we buy one? There’s a vacant lot about three blocks away where they’re selling them. Remember, Penny? We pass it every day on our bus route.”

  “How in the world would we get it all the way home?” Penny asked. “I don’t think they allow Christmas trees on city buses.”

  “We’ll just have to use some good old-fashioned manpower, I guess.” Roy held up one arm to show his muscles. “I’ll bet Peter will help me out. Right, buddy?” Peter nodded and struck a muscleman pose like Roy’s. Esther couldn’t help laughing.

  “You have any decorations at your house?” Roy asked.

  Esther hesitated. “We do, but . . .” She knew they had two boxes full of decorations in the hall closet upstairs. Daddy hadn’t bought a tree last year because it had been too soon after Mama died and everyone still felt sad, but now Esther felt pulled in two directions again. Peter looked so happy and excited about the idea – and she was, too. Yet it seemed wrong to be happy when Mama was gone and Daddy was so far away. She felt like a traitor celebrating Christmas without them or being happy with Penny taking Mama’s place, doing all of the things that Mama used to do for them.

  Peter tapped Esther’s shoulder, then folded his hands as if in prayer, silently pleading with her. “Oh, okay,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s get a tree.”

  They hopped on another bus and rode the short distance to the Christmas tree lot, looking at about a dozen trees before Roy and Peter finally picked out one. Everyone helped carry it home. Esther’s mittens got sticky with sap, but the tree smelled wonderful, like pine and happy memories. She smiled all the way home, watching Peter trying to show off his muscles and listening to Roy do his imitation of Abbott and Costello.

  Let’s put it in the front window where everybody can see it, Peter wrote when they finished hauling it up the apartment stairs. That was where Daddy had always put their Christmas trees. Esther remembered how Mr. Mendel had placed his menorah in the front window, telling them how it symbolized Hashem’s miracle. And hope. Wasn’t Christmas about a miracle, too? God sending His son?

  While Peter and Roy wrestled the tree into place, Esther pulled the boxes of decorations from the upstairs closet. Penny helped her carry them down to the living room, and as Esther opened the first box, the memories fluttered out like moths. Each ornament she hung reminded her of Mama and Daddy and how much fun they used to have as the four of them decorated the tree. There were fragile ornaments that had to be handled carefully, along with colorful, gaudy ones that Esther and Peter had made in school out of construction paper and glue and plaster of Paris. Mama said she treasured the homemade ones most of all. Esther glanced at Peter and wondered if he remembered, too.

  Penny went out to the kitchen and made popcorn for them to string into a garland, but they ended up eating most of it rather than stringing it together. Esther ate an entire bowl of popcorn herself, while Peter and Roy had a contest, trying to toss the popcorn into each other’s open mouth. Later, Peter sat on the sofa next to Roy, writing notes to him, and it seemed wonderful to see Peter smiling and “talking” instead of slouching in his room, reading his comic books over and over. She was glad that he felt comfortable with Roy. She sat down beside them to see what Peter was saying.

  Is it fun being a soldier?

  “I can’t say that it’s fun,” Roy replied, “but it certainly is an honor. I keep thinking of all the brave men who fought in wars before me, making sure our country remained free. And now it’s my turn.”

  Our daddy is in the army.

  “So I’ve heard. You should be very proud of him. He was very brave to sign up when he didn’t have to. You read in the paper all the time about the cowards who pretend they’re sick or shoot themselves in the foot so they won’t have to fight. But your dad stepped right up to do his part.”

  I didn’t want him to go.

  “I know. But he must have decided that this was something he had to do. Imagine how he would feel if he didn’t go, knowing all the other men were fighting to keep our country free and he didn’t help out. That would be very hard to live with.”

  So our daddy is brave? Like Superman?

  “Yes. Braver than Superman. And now it’s your turn to be brave and keep things going here at home while he’s far away. He wouldn’t want you to be sad, would he? He’s going to want a happy family to come home to.”

  Penny began gathering up the empty cartons and tissue paper, and when Esther got up to help her, she found the little wooden stable and the figurines from the Christmas story in the bottom of one of the boxes. Every year Daddy would read the Bible story out loud while Peter and Esther put the wise men and shepherds and the holy family in their places. But this was one tradition that Esther didn’t want Roy or Penny to do in Daddy’s place. She quickly unpacked the stable and set it on the top of the piano, then put all of the figures in their places herself. As she laid baby Jesus in the manger she recalled what Mama had always told them every year: “Jesus is God’s Christmas present to us. We’re His children and He loves us.”

  Suddenly Esther needed to get away. “I’m going outside for some air,” she said. She grabbed her coat and mittens and hurried down the front stairs. It was so hard to believe that God loved her when so many terrible things had happened to her. Yet Mama wouldn’t lie. If she said that God loved her, then He must.

  She knocked on Mr. Mendel’s door, needing to ask him what he thought. He didn’t celebrate Christmas, but maybe he could tell her if it was really true – that God or Hashem, or whatever He was called, r
eally did love her, even though it didn’t look that way. She knocked again, but there was still no answer. Mr. Mendel had said he would be very busy from now on, attending meetings and raising money to help people like his son and granddaughter, who were trapped in the middle of the war.

  At last Esther gave up and went outside to sit on the front porch, brushing a light dusting of snow off the glider so she could sit down. The metal felt wet and cold beneath her, and the swing gave a harsh metallic squeal as she glided back and forth on it. The evening grew dark and cold. She wouldn’t be able to wait for Mr. Mendel for very long.

  Esther finally got up to go back inside. But before she did, she decided to cross the street to see what their Christmas tree looked like in their upstairs window. As she stood looking up at it, Jacky Hoffman sauntered up the street toward her with his jacket hanging open and no hat or mittens on, as if the weather were balmy, not so cold you could see your breath.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he called to her. He raked his unruly hair from his eyes like a pirate. “What are you doing out here all by yourself?”

  “I wanted to see what our Christmas tree looked like.” She pointed to the window across the street. Jacky glanced up at it, then looked back at her.

  “You gonna be around while we’re off from school for Christmas vacation?” he asked.

  Esther’s heart thumped wildly. “Most of the time. We have to go to our grandmother’s house for dinner on Christmas Day.”

  “You want to go to the movies sometime?”

  “Yeah,” she said with a smile. “I would like that.”

  She would like that very much.

  CHAPTER 25

  DECEMBER 31, 1943

  “OH MY. THIS ISN’T AT ALL what I expected.” Penny stood in the doorway of the USO lounge on New Year’s Eve, staring into a room jam-packed with soldiers and sailors and marines in uniform. She had agreed to volunteer at the dance with Sheila while Esther and Peter stayed overnight with their grandmother. Now she regretted her decision.

  Lively music played somewhere inside, but the rumble of conversation and laughter nearly drowned it out. Through the haze of cigarette smoke that hung in the room like fog, she glimpsed a crowded dance floor filled with swaying couples. Several pretty girls stood behind a counter on one side of the room, serving coffee and punch. But the majority of people who had crammed into the room were servicemen from all branches of the military, outnumbering the women by at least three to one.

  “Come on, follow me,” Sheila said. She grabbed Penny’s arm and towed her into the melee. There wasn’t an empty table or chair in sight and barely enough room to stand, let alone walk. Penny saw men eyeing them up and down as they inched across the room. She heard wolf whistles from some of the soldiers they passed and calls of “Hey, baby” and “Hubba hubba.”

  “I don’t like this,” she told Sheila. “It’s scary being ogled this way.”

  “It’s just a dance, Penny. You make it sound like such an ordeal.”

  “I never went to dances in school like all the other girls.”

  “You’ll be fine. All you have to do is talk to these fellas. They just want a few laughs.” Sheila halted for a moment, leaned closer to Penny, and whispered, “Some of them won’t live to see next New Year’s Eve, you know.”

  Her words made Penny shudder. Not Eddie, she prayed. Please, not Eddie. He was stationed in England now, on a military base near the sea. He wasn’t allowed to say where exactly, and Esther worried constantly that he might be near London, where German bombs might fall on him. Penny worried, too. His letters all came by V-mail, which meant they weren’t his original copies at all but photographs of them, shrunk down and reproduced on special paper. Sometimes the censors blacked out words or sentences that contained restricted information. But she treasured every letter he sent her, no matter how brief or marked up it was.

  Penny stood with Sheila behind the serving counter for a while, passing out coffee and doughnuts and punch. The men she served were so friendly and nice, and many of them reminded her of Roy with their easy way of talking to strangers. Penny started asking them where they were from as she filled their coffee cups and discovered that they enjoyed talking about their homes and families. She was amazed to hear that they came from cities and towns all over the country.

  An hour or so later, new volunteers arrived to take Penny’s and Sheila’s places. “Go dance for a while,” they said. “Have some fun!”

  “I just want to sit down and rest my weary feet,” Sheila replied.

  Penny followed her friend out into the crowded room again, looking for a place to sit. As they squeezed past a tableful of men, someone snagged Penny’s arm. “Hey, ladies. How about joining us?”

  “We saved you a couple of seats.” One of the sailors slid back his chair and gestured to his lap. Penny blushed. Did he really think she would sit on a stranger’s lap?

  “Sure, we’ll join you,” Sheila said, “but you’ll have to give us a couple of real chairs. We’re not sitting on anyone’s lap.”

  “Aw, c’mon.” The men all laughed as they made room for them around the table. Sheila did all the talking as they introduced themselves, making it clear right from the start that she was a married woman. “But my friend Penny is single,” she added.

  “I-I do have a boyfriend, though.”

  “A pretty girl like you? I’d be surprised if you didn’t have one.”

  “We could steal you away from him, don’t you think, fellas?”

  “Anyone ever tell you that you’ve got a pair of legs like Betty Grable’s?”

  Penny didn’t know how to reply. Would saying thank-you sound flirtatious? “Um . . . my legs get me where I need to go,” she finally said. Everyone laughed.

  The men bantered back and forth, teasing each other, showing off for her and Sheila. Penny finally got up enough courage to join the conversation and told them about her job as a bus driver and how she was taking care of Eddie’s two children while he served over in England. Then she asked them about their girlfriends and what part of the world they would be shipped off to in the New Year. She had just started to relax a little when Sheila got up to dance with one of the sailors, leaving her alone with the tableful of men. A soldier named Hank invited Penny to dance.

  “No, thanks,” she replied. “I don’t know how to dance.”

  “I could teach you.” Hank draped his arm around the back of her chair. He sat much too close, with his face right in front of hers. She smelled alcohol on his breath. Sheila said the soldiers weren’t allowed to drink at USO dances, but one of the men at their table took a little flask from inside his jacket, and Penny saw him pouring from it into everyone’s glass of punch. Hank offered her a sip of his drink.

  “Come on, try a little. It’ll help you relax.”

  “You have to celebrate the New Year, you know,” the man with the flask told her.

  “In fact, why don’t we go someplace really fun,” Hank decided. “I know a nice little nightclub nearby where we can ring in the New Year in style.”

  “Yeah, let’s get out of here,” the others agreed.

  Before Penny could protest, the men at her table all pushed back their chairs and stood up. Hank took her arm and helped her to her feet. “No, thank you . . . I don’t want to go someplace else . . . I mean – ”

  “Give me your hatcheck ticket, Penny, and I’ll get your coat.”

  The room was so crowded that as Hank and the other men moved toward the door, they pulled Penny right along with them. She didn’t want to make a scene, but she didn’t know how else to break free. Besides, she didn’t think anyone would hear her above the noise, even if she shouted. Just as she started to panic, she saw Sheila hurrying toward her.

  “Hey! Where do you fellas think you’re going?”

  “We decided to find a livelier place. You should come with us, Sheila.”

  “No thanks. My husband wouldn’t like that very much. Penny and I are staying right here for the even
ing.” Penny felt like she had narrowly escaped a disaster as Sheila pulled her from Hank’s grasp.

  “Suit yourself, ladies.” They left the dance without her.

  Penny nearly collapsed with relief. Sheila could fend off unwanted advances with ease, and the men didn’t try to pressure her the way they had Penny. They must have seen how inexperienced she was and that she didn’t know how to handle their unwanted attention.

  “Come on, Penny. Let’s go powder our noses.” Penny followed Sheila, even though she had no idea what that meant. “It means we’re going to the ladies’ room,” Sheila said when Penny asked her. “I think it’s time to find a different group. Those fellas have been hitting the hooch.”

  The lights seemed very bright in the ladies’ room after leaving the hazy dance floor. Penny squinted at her reflection in the mirror and barely recognized herself. The girl in the mirror wasn’t her, not the real Penny Goodrich. Men might think she was pretty, but she had only wanted to look nice for Eddie, no one else. She hated it here at the USO dance. She wanted to go home, far away from all of these strangers.

  She waited for Sheila to come out of the stall, then gathered up her remaining courage. “Thanks for inviting me, Sheila, but I’m not comfortable here. I’d hate to ruin your fun just because I’m not having any, so I think I’ll go home.”

  “You just got here. Give it another chance. Not all of the men are like that last bunch.” She pulled a makeup case out of her purse and touched up her lipstick.

  “I’m sorry, but I want to go home. There’s too much cigarette smoke, and it’s making me feel sick. You can stay, though.”

  Sheila planted her hands on her hips, scowling as she looked at Penny. “I thought you wanted to help boost morale?”

  “I changed my mind. I’m sorry. I’ll see you at work.” She hurried away as quickly as she could in the overcrowded room and retrieved her coat from the hatcheck girl. Sheila probably wouldn’t invite Penny to go with her ever again, and that was too bad. But coming here had been a mistake. Penny never wanted to come back.