Heidi

by Johanna Spyri

  CHAPTER XI

  HOME-SICKNESS

  Every afternoon when Clara was resting after dinner, the grandmotherwould take Heidi to her own room where she had a lot of pretty dolls,and she showed her how to make dresses and aprons for them, so that thechild learned how to sew and to make all sorts of beautiful clothes forthe little people. And then grandmother liked to hear her read aloud,and the oftener Heidi read her tales the fonder she grew of them. Butstill she never looked really happy, and her eyes were no longer bright.

  It was the last week of the grandmother's visit. She called Heidi intoher room as usual one day after dinner, and the child came with herbook under her arm. The old lady laid the book aside, and said, "Now,my dear, tell me why you are not happy? Have you still the same troubleat heart?"

  Heidi nodded in reply.

  "Have you told God about it?"

  "Yes."

  "And do you pray every day that He will make things right and that youmay be happy again?"

  "No, I have left off praying."

  "Do not tell me that, Heidi! Why have you left off praying?"

  HEIDI LEARNS TO MAKE DOLL CLOTHES]

  "It is of no use, God does not listen," Heidi went on in an agitatedvoice, "and I can understand that when there are so many, many peoplein Frankfurt praying to Him every evening that He cannot attend tothem all, and He certainly has not heard what I said to Him."

  "And why are you so sure of that, Heidi?"

  "Because I have prayed for the same thing every day for weeks, and yetGod has not done what I asked."

  "You are wrong, Heidi; you must not think of Him like that. God is agood father to us all, and knows better than we do what is good for us.He did not think what you have been praying for was good for you justnow; but be sure He heard you, for He can hear and see every one at thesame time, because He is a God and not a human being like you and me.While God is watching over you, and looking to see if you will trustHim and go on praying to Him every day, you run away and leave offsaying your prayers, and forget all about Him. You would not like togrieve God, would you, Heidi, when He only wants to be kind to you? Sowill you not go and ask Him to forgive you, and continue to pray and totrust Him, for you may be sure that He will make everything right andhappy for you, and then you will be glad and lighthearted again."

  Heidi had perfect confidence in the grandmother, and every word shesaid sank into her heart.

  "I will go at once and ask God to forgive me, and I will never forgetHim again," she replied repentantly.

  And she ran away and prayed that she might always remember God, andthat He would go on thinking about her.

  The day came for grandmother's departure--a sad one for Clara andHeidi. But the grandmother was determined to make it as much like aholiday as possible and not to let them mope, and she kept them solively and amused that they had no time to think about their sorrowat her going until she really drove away. Then the house seemed sosilent and empty that Heidi and Clara did not know what to do withthemselves, and sat during the remainder of the day like two lostchildren.

  Many weeks passed away. Heidi did not know if it was winter or summer,for the walls and windows she looked out upon showed no change, and shenever went beyond the house except on rare occasions when Clara waswell enough to drive out, and then they only went a very little way,as Clara could not bear the movement for long. On these occasions theygenerally only saw more fine streets and large houses and crowds ofpeople; they seldom got anywhere beyond them, and grass and flowers,fir trees and mountains, were still far away. Heidi's longing for theold familiar and beautiful things grew daily stronger, so that now onlyto read a word that recalled them to her remembrance brought her to theverge of tears, which she suppressed with difficulty. So the autumn andwinter passed, and again the sun came shining down on the white wallsof the opposite houses, and Heidi would think to herself that now thetime had come for Peter to go out again with the goats, to where thegolden flowers of the cistus were glowing in the sunlight, and all therocks around turned to fire at sunset. She would go and sit in a cornerof her lonely room and put her hands up to her eyes that she might notsee the sun shining on the opposite wall; and then she would remainwithout moving, battling silently with her terrible home-sickness untilClara sent for her again.